THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Wednesday, October 07, 2009
His Omnipotence at work -- domestically:
U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and Education Secretary Arne Duncan pledged federal support on Wednesday to fight a surge in youth violence in Chicago and other cities, calling the brutal beating death of Derrion Albert, a teenager on the city's South Side, a wake-up call for the country.
But neither offered specifics or outlined any new strategies on how the government would help quell the increase in the number of violent deaths among teens.
U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and Education Secretary Arne Duncan pledged federal support on Wednesday to fight a surge in youth violence in Chicago and other cities, calling the brutal beating death of Derrion Albert, a teenager on the city's South Side, a wake-up call for the country.
But neither offered specifics or outlined any new strategies on how the government would help quell the increase in the number of violent deaths among teens.
The Newseum opens a shrine to St. Timothy.
Did ever anyone do the same for ST. EDWARD OF MURROW? Or ST. JOSEPH OF P-ULITZER? OR ST. ADOLPH OF OCHS? What makes this guy so eternally wonderful?
Did ever anyone do the same for ST. EDWARD OF MURROW? Or ST. JOSEPH OF P-ULITZER? OR ST. ADOLPH OF OCHS? What makes this guy so eternally wonderful?
Dell is closing a PC plant the North Carolina GUVMENT built in 2005; to its credit the company promises to repay all that aid. We shall see. How many companies would WELCH on the deal?
Some idiots in the PR biz STILL call him LEGENDARY.
(First link via Seeking Alpha)
Some idiots in the PR biz STILL call him LEGENDARY.
(First link via Seeking Alpha)
And further on the subject of content, someone in Sharondom named Dylan (not his royal highness BILL SHAKESPEARE, to be sure) comes up with five neato ideas to "save" magazines, only one of which is relevant -- cover ads -- and one that will likely repulse more people than it attracts. The rest are the kind of idle typing that earns Romy links.
Just off the ASSPress's digital wire!
Oct 7, 11:17 AM EDT
Alicia Keys gets her Oprah Winfrey on
By MESFIN FEKADU
Associated Press Writer
NEW YORK (AP) -- Alicia Keys has influenced many lives with her soulful, heart aching piano-driven songs for almost a decade.
Now that the Grammy-winner has established herself as one of music's brightest stars, Keys is ready to inspire others - without singing a tune.
Keys is launching AK Worldwide, a company that will handle the 28-year-old's projects outside of music.
The first is The Barber's Daughters, a handcrafted jewelry line engraved with messages of hope. Keys will also launch a Web site, iamasuperwoman.com, devoted to spotlighting inspirational women and causes.
Keys says her creative work as a businesswoman has spilled over to her music - and that's reflected on her upcoming CD, "The Element of Freedom," to be released Dec. 1.
On the Net: http://www.aliciakeys.com
What's the difference between this and one of those pretend news articles in papers that's slugged "Advertisement"?
You keep running such PR, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and no amount of charging for "exclusive content" will help.
Oct 7, 11:17 AM EDT
Alicia Keys gets her Oprah Winfrey on
By MESFIN FEKADU
Associated Press Writer
NEW YORK (AP) -- Alicia Keys has influenced many lives with her soulful, heart aching piano-driven songs for almost a decade.
Now that the Grammy-winner has established herself as one of music's brightest stars, Keys is ready to inspire others - without singing a tune.
Keys is launching AK Worldwide, a company that will handle the 28-year-old's projects outside of music.
The first is The Barber's Daughters, a handcrafted jewelry line engraved with messages of hope. Keys will also launch a Web site, iamasuperwoman.com, devoted to spotlighting inspirational women and causes.
Keys says her creative work as a businesswoman has spilled over to her music - and that's reflected on her upcoming CD, "The Element of Freedom," to be released Dec. 1.
On the Net: http://www.aliciakeys.com
What's the difference between this and one of those pretend news articles in papers that's slugged "Advertisement"?
You keep running such PR, CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), and no amount of charging for "exclusive content" will help.
Another inscrutable Prize:
The ribosome research, the academy said, is being used to develop new antibiotics.
I said it before, I'll say it again: Increasingly, what is the connection between the Dynamite Memorial science prizes and us?
The ribosome research, the academy said, is being used to develop new antibiotics.
I said it before, I'll say it again: Increasingly, what is the connection between the Dynamite Memorial science prizes and us?
Meantime con-SER-va-tives like Jo-NAH and MB2 who call the MICK their favorite joint even though they haven't stepped foot in one in decades will gloat because the Rand Corporation says a year-old fast-food ban in South Central LA may not work. We wouldn't expect it to, being the product of people who've defined the word ninny; it takes more than a few dozen MICKs to make people fat. We wonder, however, what the likes of Jo-NAH and MB2 would do about all those balloons on legs waddling down the street. Nothing, most probably.
13,338 WORDS.
That's the number of words in MICKEY D's OFFICIAL MONOPOLY® RULES.
The last three words are probably the most significant:
NBC Universal, Inc.
This means the entire top management at the Mick will be schmoozing from now until THE UPCOMING GAMES end.
You sure you should be wasting that money on JUT-JAW, Jim?
That's the number of words in MICKEY D's OFFICIAL MONOPOLY® RULES.
The last three words are probably the most significant:
NBC Universal, Inc.
This means the entire top management at the Mick will be schmoozing from now until THE UPCOMING GAMES end.
You sure you should be wasting that money on JUT-JAW, Jim?
Six of one: Republicans sleeping on the job when they ran the Congress.
Half-a-dozen of the other: Democrats sleeping on the job running the Congress.
We shouldn't make too much of this -- better our Congress stay sound asleep than flailing wide-awake -- but these guys did boast they were going to work work work, and they play play play with the peasantry as usual.
Half-a-dozen of the other: Democrats sleeping on the job running the Congress.
We shouldn't make too much of this -- better our Congress stay sound asleep than flailing wide-awake -- but these guys did boast they were going to work work work, and they play play play with the peasantry as usual.
‘Strategic Repositioning’ of Playboy Coming This Year
It's going hard-core?
Or is it turning into a women's title?
When does someone finally extinguish the light on that fossil's fossil?
(Via MediaBistro)
It's going hard-core?
Or is it turning into a women's title?
When does someone finally extinguish the light on that fossil's fossil?
(Via MediaBistro)
We know California is a basket case in multiple ways but when so many hotels go into foreclosure there it means the RENDELLIST notion of tourism as a godsend may be just another scripture from the devil.
I'm sure the SUPERDUPERHYPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS have been all over this enough times as to make their content even more tiring, but it is now plain His Omnipotence did not run to be a foreign-policy president; he ran to change the world through domestic hyperaction. But then foreign policy was always a downer in the polls, except as he could rally his true believers with the promise of total withdrawal from Iraq which even he didn't believe in. Only now do we see an uninterest in the world that crosses into deadly torpor. In that we have the exact opposite of Dubya, who hoped his overattention to the world would make up for his inattention at home -- and who in time made up for it by piling on more government in his own way. In short, we have a president just as bad as Dubya, but differently.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
On the day PVT. ZELL officially unloads Dem Cubbies, one of his zillionaire mouthpieces acts up again, and upsets us into believing that alas his Frankenstein's monster has a chance to live. Mogul's Friend writes a screed in which he insists most of Hollywood does not support the Effete Rapist. Well Mog, if most of Hollywood doesn't support him why hasn't it spoken up? Oh, (chimes a convenient OS-CAR®-nominated correspondent), it's because of "ALL THE LAZY REPORTERS, INTERNET BLOGGERS, CONSERVATIVE!!!!! MOUTHPIECES, AND TALK-RADIO MOUTH-BREATHERS!!!!! WHO ARE SO UP IN ARMS!!!!!!!!!!" In short, the vast neo-Nazi conspiracy. Mog surely doesn't care one way or another, except insofar as it allows him to crowd the word "classic" into an encomium 73 times. We suspect moreover that Mog is covering for HARVEY WHINER, no doubt the bequeather of many advertisements in LALA, and the recipient of countless more advertisements from Mog. And so we are reminded again, in a business that rings up negative numbers in opinion polls, that the entertainment ad sections continue to teem with morons like Mog who'd run it off the scale.
TMZ.com (which is NOT owned by PEOPLE WARNER) has just declared a winner in its Little Lingerie Contest, and all we can say of the 75 contestants is most people should wear as little as possible as little as possible, aspiring PARISes and PR0N stars included.
And in unintended health-care reform:
Pharma Drops Search Advertising After FDA Warning
Sponsored Links Fall 84% Following Dressing Down for Violating Marketing Guidelines
Pharma Drops Search Advertising After FDA Warning
Sponsored Links Fall 84% Following Dressing Down for Violating Marketing Guidelines
TNR concedes Gen. McChrystal is not Gen. MacArthur.
When do we concede His Omnipotence is not -- oh, never mind.
When do we concede His Omnipotence is not -- oh, never mind.
Hooray! Mort Zuck is out of the running for BusinessAnnual - er, Week.
This is Bloomy's to lose.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
This is Bloomy's to lose.
(Via Seeking Alpha)
[T]he industry faces the fundamental challenges of a contracting economy, the infidelity of audiences, the shortening of attention spans and elusive revenue streams of the Internet....
But NOT the most fundamental challenge of all: a product one step above raw sewage.
“Everything is being revamped and changed, but what is really changed?” asked one leading talent agent, who declined to be identified.
“This notion of ‘change’ is just for change’s sake,” he said. “It’s not really changing anything. It goes back to -- if you put talented people in who appreciate artists, you’ll do well.” [LAST TWO GRAFS]
TRANSLATION: If you change the execs and they "appreciate" the "artists", it alchemizes all that stuff just above raw sewage into GOLD!
Still looking for a job, Sharon?
[Caveat to second link: THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION.]
But NOT the most fundamental challenge of all: a product one step above raw sewage.
“Everything is being revamped and changed, but what is really changed?” asked one leading talent agent, who declined to be identified.
“This notion of ‘change’ is just for change’s sake,” he said. “It’s not really changing anything. It goes back to -- if you put talented people in who appreciate artists, you’ll do well.” [LAST TWO GRAFS]
TRANSLATION: If you change the execs and they "appreciate" the "artists", it alchemizes all that stuff just above raw sewage into GOLD!
Still looking for a job, Sharon?
[Caveat to second link: THE WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION.]
I'd like to hear Gekko Kudlow or one of that gang tell me how a booming stock market, and only a booming stock market, will help the economy. And if anyone can help this economy, it's you -- Goldilocks!
431 NEW HIGHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
431 NEW HIGHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TRANSLATION: News hacks want a bailout to save them from their own abject failures as businessmen.
(Via the usual Romy)
(Via the usual Romy)
Well! At least these three worthy laureates are easily explained. But will scientific discovery prove as fruitful as it becomes increasingly difficult to link inventions with names?
And we wonder if the CCD is an entirely benign invention as it has helped set up a surveillance society. Ultimately these inventors are as blameless as Vladimir Zworykin when he came up with fully-electronic television -- but it is amazing how seldom scientists think through the consequences of their discoveries.
And we wonder if the CCD is an entirely benign invention as it has helped set up a surveillance society. Ultimately these inventors are as blameless as Vladimir Zworykin when he came up with fully-electronic television -- but it is amazing how seldom scientists think through the consequences of their discoveries.
Monday, October 05, 2009
ARCHDaily! announces Hasbro Films is having a competition to design buildings for a new Monopoly® interactive game -- and presumably for the film version.
The moveemakers in Pawtucket could start with this one -- it looks like a HIP Monopoly® house!
The moveemakers in Pawtucket could start with this one -- it looks like a HIP Monopoly® house!
Romy, again:
"Doonesbury" creator: There's nothing I can do to prepare for a post-newspaper future
Greensboro News & Record
"Other than hope that the large media companies will come to their senses and form a gated Web collective along the lines of cable TV," says Garry Trudeau. "They need to form a news utility, financed by subscription or micropayments because going it alone has been disastrous for all of them."
Posted at 10:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2009
Pay for YOUR chicken scratch?
AND:
Pay for YOUR ridiculous salaries?
(Romy permalinks added)
"Doonesbury" creator: There's nothing I can do to prepare for a post-newspaper future
Greensboro News & Record
"Other than hope that the large media companies will come to their senses and form a gated Web collective along the lines of cable TV," says Garry Trudeau. "They need to form a news utility, financed by subscription or micropayments because going it alone has been disastrous for all of them."
Posted at 10:38 AM on Oct. 5, 2009
Pay for YOUR chicken scratch?
AND:
Wall Street Journal
"I'm not saying I'm not worth it," says Peter King, who offered to give back some of his salary to save jobs at Sports Illustrated. "But I make a stupid amount of money. Sometimes it seems a little absurd considering what's happening in our business."
Posted at 11:49 AM on Oct. 5, 2009 "I'm not saying I'm not worth it," says Peter King, who offered to give back some of his salary to save jobs at Sports Illustrated. "But I make a stupid amount of money. Sometimes it seems a little absurd considering what's happening in our business."
Pay for YOUR ridiculous salaries?
(Romy permalinks added)
I am not a VOLOKHHEAD and can't write 100,000-word treatises on legal matters, but the TWXSTERS have just run a preview of five (or rather seven) Nine-Finger cases and this emboldens me enough to offer five predictions on nothing but a gut feeling and without having the slightest idea of what I am doing:
Salazar v. Buono
At issue: Whether the government can permit the display of a crucifix on public land as per the Establishment Clause.
Yes; the Fingers don't want to be viewed as the sort of atheists most people see them as.
Maryland v. Shatzer
At issue: The scope of the rights of police suspects, as given in the court's landmark 1966 decision, Miranda v. Arizona.
From my microscopic knowledge the Fingers have been tweaking Miranda for years in favor of law enforcement, and I doubt that will change.
Graham v. Florida / Sullivan v. Florida
At issue: Whether life imprisonment for juveniles on nonhomicide charges constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
No; the Fingers have a way of occasionally doing things that seem almost inhumane, especially when confronting the maniacs in states like Texas where you can get life for littering.
National Rifle Association v. Chicago / McDonald v. Chicago
At issue: Second Amendment rights to gun ownership.
Sorry, but I think the Second Amendment exists. Chicago loses.
American Needle v. National Football League
At issue: Whether sporting leagues should be exempt from antitrust regulations.
The Fingers will NEVER bring down America's Profit Center!
Salazar v. Buono
At issue: Whether the government can permit the display of a crucifix on public land as per the Establishment Clause.
Yes; the Fingers don't want to be viewed as the sort of atheists most people see them as.
Maryland v. Shatzer
At issue: The scope of the rights of police suspects, as given in the court's landmark 1966 decision, Miranda v. Arizona.
From my microscopic knowledge the Fingers have been tweaking Miranda for years in favor of law enforcement, and I doubt that will change.
Graham v. Florida / Sullivan v. Florida
At issue: Whether life imprisonment for juveniles on nonhomicide charges constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.
No; the Fingers have a way of occasionally doing things that seem almost inhumane, especially when confronting the maniacs in states like Texas where you can get life for littering.
National Rifle Association v. Chicago / McDonald v. Chicago
At issue: Second Amendment rights to gun ownership.
Sorry, but I think the Second Amendment exists. Chicago loses.
American Needle v. National Football League
At issue: Whether sporting leagues should be exempt from antitrust regulations.
The Fingers will NEVER bring down America's Profit Center!
Here we go again:
Study: Press pays little attention to economic woes of ordinary people [You-know-who link]
Oh please, not only are you hacks our superiors, you're our economic superiors. Your salaries allowed you to stop hanging around "ordinary people" ages ago so you could write advertorials for movee stars and high-mucky-muck execs. Stop going humble on us. You're as humble as His Omnipotence, the god you elected to office.
Study: Press pays little attention to economic woes of ordinary people [You-know-who link]
Oh please, not only are you hacks our superiors, you're our economic superiors. Your salaries allowed you to stop hanging around "ordinary people" ages ago so you could write advertorials for movee stars and high-mucky-muck execs. Stop going humble on us. You're as humble as His Omnipotence, the god you elected to office.
It's that time of year again -- the Dynamite Memorial Awards, where lots of people no one has heard of outside their specialties win prizes for things no one outside their specialties can explain. The first award, for medicine, goes to a team of scientists who (it says here) have figured something out that could be possibly maybe can help us figure out cancer. No one asks this so I will: in the long haul how many of the Dynamite Memorial winners' discoveries pan out? And we say this without mocking the winners because the science laureates are truly among the most distinguished of personages. But someone should ask.
Onward and downward toward the "Literature" and "Peace" prizes.
Onward and downward toward the "Literature" and "Peace" prizes.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. U.S. Media Revenue Set for Historic 2009 Decline
That's the kind of historic we like!
The BAD news:
[T]he media industry is poised to emerge with less debt and stronger balance sheets.
Meaning it can still hector the peasants!
2. Banks Turn Message Back to What Consumers Want
TRANSLATION: They think they can ADVERTISE the public past their fees, their credit-line reductions, their HELP FROM UNCLE SUCKER. That and they've turned their branches into Starbucks. I suspect our nationalized banks have another think coming.
1. U.S. Media Revenue Set for Historic 2009 Decline
That's the kind of historic we like!
The BAD news:
[T]he media industry is poised to emerge with less debt and stronger balance sheets.
Meaning it can still hector the peasants!
2. Banks Turn Message Back to What Consumers Want
TRANSLATION: They think they can ADVERTISE the public past their fees, their credit-line reductions, their HELP FROM UNCLE SUCKER. That and they've turned their branches into Starbucks. I suspect our nationalized banks have another think coming.
And in other financial jokes, an S&L that went for "$69.23 a share in early 2007", and "42 cents a share" last Friday, is having an estimated $250 million stock offering.
Good luck!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Good luck!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
In posting yesterday of the epochal waste that is THE GAMES we failed to mention this:
Q: But not every impact can be broken down into dollars and cents, right?
A: Sure. One of the biggest benefits of an Olympics - or a similar event - is civic pride.
Chinese residents overwhelmingly said hosting the 2008 games would improve their image around the globe, despite its eye-popping $40 billion price tag.
After Germany poured millions into hosting the World Cup in 2006, data showed there wasn't much economic impact. But research also showed Germans were much happier afterward.
What it comes down to: Winning an Olympic games will make Rio de Janeiro an even more exciting city. But it might not make Brazilians rich.
One of the central tenets of RENDELLISM is that civic pride is a good. Philadelphia has so much history we could take it to the bank. But other than low-paying tourist jobs how much does history help? Meantime we must live in the here-and-now -- a city sixty percent ghetto, with little industry and lots of taxpayer-leeching institutions, that loses residents no matter how many high-end apartments we must build. Civic pride is to the RENDELLIST what faith healing is to a corrupt evangelist -- and even Jim Bakker admitted he was wrong, more than we can ever expect of a louse like EDDIE.
I mention this too because the BLUTOS are about to embark on another three-week-long mission to make lots of noise on weekdays around 1 a. m. I will not say what I said the last time. And last time the epochal triumph came as our economy threatened an immortal collapse. Things are not much better now -- and no amount of horn tooting and drunken reverie will help Philadelphia, or anyone else.
Q: But not every impact can be broken down into dollars and cents, right?
A: Sure. One of the biggest benefits of an Olympics - or a similar event - is civic pride.
Chinese residents overwhelmingly said hosting the 2008 games would improve their image around the globe, despite its eye-popping $40 billion price tag.
After Germany poured millions into hosting the World Cup in 2006, data showed there wasn't much economic impact. But research also showed Germans were much happier afterward.
What it comes down to: Winning an Olympic games will make Rio de Janeiro an even more exciting city. But it might not make Brazilians rich.
One of the central tenets of RENDELLISM is that civic pride is a good. Philadelphia has so much history we could take it to the bank. But other than low-paying tourist jobs how much does history help? Meantime we must live in the here-and-now -- a city sixty percent ghetto, with little industry and lots of taxpayer-leeching institutions, that loses residents no matter how many high-end apartments we must build. Civic pride is to the RENDELLIST what faith healing is to a corrupt evangelist -- and even Jim Bakker admitted he was wrong, more than we can ever expect of a louse like EDDIE.
I mention this too because the BLUTOS are about to embark on another three-week-long mission to make lots of noise on weekdays around 1 a. m. I will not say what I said the last time. And last time the epochal triumph came as our economy threatened an immortal collapse. Things are not much better now -- and no amount of horn tooting and drunken reverie will help Philadelphia, or anyone else.
A bold prediction:
Greenspan says unemployment will top 10 percent
Well Wizard, you helped get us there.
"This is an extraordinary period and temporary actions must be taken, especially to assuage the angst of a very substantial part of our population."
Can't some Wizards ever shut up?
Greenspan says unemployment will top 10 percent
Well Wizard, you helped get us there.
"This is an extraordinary period and temporary actions must be taken, especially to assuage the angst of a very substantial part of our population."
Can't some Wizards ever shut up?
And in more of one of the most tiresome topics known to man:
IOC: American TV rights worth less after Rio win
This presumes the depr -- recess -- ECONOMY isn't over by 2016. (Something it might be difficult to presume.) No, MICKEY D's and COKE and whoever else leads a charmed corporate life will come to the rescue, and RUPERT or SUMNER or their successors (something else it might be difficult to presume) or BRIAN ROBBER (that might be difficult to presume) will burn more money so that they can rule the world, even though it be an electronic illusion.
IOC: American TV rights worth less after Rio win
This presumes the depr -- recess -- ECONOMY isn't over by 2016. (Something it might be difficult to presume.) No, MICKEY D's and COKE and whoever else leads a charmed corporate life will come to the rescue, and RUPERT or SUMNER or their successors (something else it might be difficult to presume) or BRIAN ROBBER (that might be difficult to presume) will burn more money so that they can rule the world, even though it be an electronic illusion.
"I am surprised, mystified and stunned to hear these allegations against Halderman," former CBS anchor Dan Rather, who worked with the Emmy-winning Halderman on 48 Hours, tells PEOPLE. "They are almost impossible to believe. He was always a solid character, steady, reliable, and a good, swift writer."
We can't help it but ET TU, Kenneth?
We can't help it but ET TU, Kenneth?
I found the Obamas' pitch - the President doing his usual I-I-I-I-I Carmen Miranda routine and the missus citing her father's multiple sclerosis - oddly reminiscent of the Atlanta Olympics: If you watched the TV coverage in Canada, the Netherlands, Sudan (assuming for the sake of argument that Sudan has network television and that the live sports action pre-empted the local version of "Survivor"), you would have seen people of many lands swimming up pools and running round tracks. If you randomly switched on ABC's US coverage, you saw sappy soft-focus features accompanied by elevator muzak about this or that heartwarming Ohio shotputter who'd overcome childhood polio or whatnot. The Olympics as covered by ABC wasn't a contest of sporting excellence but merely another opportunity for the usual wallow in Oprahfied mawkishness. [Alphabetic overemphasis and links added]
We hate to make a big deal of little things, but really, Mark should stick to being Joan Rivers to PILLHEAD's Johnny Carson.
P. S. at 4:40 p. m. Somebody anonymously corrected PILLHEAD's Accent. Maybe he was thinking Australian Broadcasting Corporation?
We hate to make a big deal of little things, but really, Mark should stick to being Joan Rivers to PILLHEAD's Johnny Carson.
P. S. at 4:40 p. m. Somebody anonymously corrected PILLHEAD's Accent. Maybe he was thinking Australian Broadcasting Corporation?
Saturday, October 03, 2009
More from the new, improved, lower-circ Zeitgeist -- an essay on New Englanders raking leaves. Please JonBoy, if you're going to be banal can't you use words like "conservative"?
We suspect PVT. ZELL's charges (when's that @#$%&* SOLDIER going to be DISHONORABLY DISCHARGED?) spent more time and more loving attention with this picture (and especially the grotesque "joke" in the upper right) than they did with the rest of their reporting all this week.
Well I have a picture of my own:
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO GEOFF!
We've taken this ASSPress story and substituted our answers for theirs:
Q: How much does it cost to put on an Olympics?
A lot more than public officials are willing to anger the peons with.
Q: Is there an economic benefit that comes with all those costs?
If you're an expense-padding contractor or a parasitic consultant.
Q: How are those [economic-benefit] figures compiled?
With an abacus, two sixty-year-old adding machines and a bug-infested ten-year-old computer.
Q: How accurate are those economic models?
A: Not very.
We'll stop there; the ASSPress provided its own good answer.
Q: How much does it cost to put on an Olympics?
A lot more than public officials are willing to anger the peons with.
Q: Is there an economic benefit that comes with all those costs?
If you're an expense-padding contractor or a parasitic consultant.
Q: How are those [economic-benefit] figures compiled?
With an abacus, two sixty-year-old adding machines and a bug-infested ten-year-old computer.
Q: How accurate are those economic models?
A: Not very.
We'll stop there; the ASSPress provided its own good answer.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Advertisers spent $145.2 million to advertise on the show from January through June this year, according to TNS Media Intelligence. That's 15 percent less than in the same period last year. Many advertisers have been pulling back on their spending amid the recession.
At what point does advertising cease being a vehicle for selling products and start becoming a means of preserving no-talents who should have faded into oblivion a long time ago?
With the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, we know the answer. And these buffoons will come back to make the Top-10 Sex Machine an even bigger profit center, and further wall themselves off from the people who pay their exorbitant salaries.
And though this PR boost will fade in time we cannot abandon the idea that anyone who MUST watch Top-10, or Conan Who?, or Nightlight, or Jut-Jaw at 10, would deserve to have his head examined if he had one.
Several analysts of CBS Corp. did not want to comment on the record about the incident or how it would impact [SIC] the company.
Whassa matta? Your INNER CRAMER disappeared?
At what point does advertising cease being a vehicle for selling products and start becoming a means of preserving no-talents who should have faded into oblivion a long time ago?
With the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers, we know the answer. And these buffoons will come back to make the Top-10 Sex Machine an even bigger profit center, and further wall themselves off from the people who pay their exorbitant salaries.
And though this PR boost will fade in time we cannot abandon the idea that anyone who MUST watch Top-10, or Conan Who?, or Nightlight, or Jut-Jaw at 10, would deserve to have his head examined if he had one.
Several analysts of CBS Corp. did not want to comment on the record about the incident or how it would impact [SIC] the company.
Whassa matta? Your INNER CRAMER disappeared?
It couldn't be -- but yes! It IS! THIS is His Omnipotence's version of Samuel Bodman! You know, Alexander P. Throttlebottom before Wacky Uncle Joe came along!
Rio's governors have promised to inject a massive $11bn (£7bn) into this increasingly dilapidated seaside city in the lead-up to the 2016 Games. [Emphasis added]
TRANSLATION: The Atlantic City of Brasil, with lots more people, and lots more gangs.
TRANSLATION: The Atlantic City of Brasil, with lots more people, and lots more gangs.
In other arrant media idiocy:
Top New York Advertising Creatives Charge $750 per Hour
It costs THAT much to write stupid ads, run them indiscriminately on television, and schmooze with your clients about how wonderful you are?
Top New York Advertising Creatives Charge $750 per Hour
It costs THAT much to write stupid ads, run them indiscriminately on television, and schmooze with your clients about how wonderful you are?
HA! HA! HA! His Omnipotence's pleas DIDN'T WORK!!!!!
Next time, Om, talk to a GENERAL.
And IN THE EARLY ROUNDS! HA! HA! HA!
The 2016 Summer Games were to be Mayor Richard Daley's legacy. Now the mayor comes home to face recession-driven budget woes and concerns about violence that plague Chicago, without the ability to change the public dialogue to Olympics talk.
How will anyone get the Permanent Mayor's body out of the cryonics chamber?
HA! HA! HA! to him too!
P. S. at 12:35 p. m.
It is possible that the defeat of Chicago at the International Olympic Committee, a stunning, first-round defeat, will be good for the president over the long haul. His loyalties to his hometown are unquestioned, but prospect of Olympic building scandals, of friends and fundraisers benefiting form the Olympic spending, and the virtually inevitable over-budget controversies would not have served Obama well. He has enough problems on his plate as it is.
But it is a defeat nonetheless.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee like IIIIIIIIIIIIII,
Hoooooooold yourrrr head up hiiiiiiiiiiiigh,
Tillllll you'll fiiiiiind the bllluuuuuuuuebird of happinesssssssss!
P. P. S. at 1:23 p. m. His Omnipotence may have helped lose his city the bid with his BLOVIATING.
Next time, Om, talk to a GENERAL.
And IN THE EARLY ROUNDS! HA! HA! HA!
The 2016 Summer Games were to be Mayor Richard Daley's legacy. Now the mayor comes home to face recession-driven budget woes and concerns about violence that plague Chicago, without the ability to change the public dialogue to Olympics talk.
How will anyone get the Permanent Mayor's body out of the cryonics chamber?
HA! HA! HA! to him too!
P. S. at 12:35 p. m.
It is possible that the defeat of Chicago at the International Olympic Committee, a stunning, first-round defeat, will be good for the president over the long haul. His loyalties to his hometown are unquestioned, but prospect of Olympic building scandals, of friends and fundraisers benefiting form the Olympic spending, and the virtually inevitable over-budget controversies would not have served Obama well. He has enough problems on his plate as it is.
But it is a defeat nonetheless.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee like IIIIIIIIIIIIII,
Hoooooooold yourrrr head up hiiiiiiiiiiiigh,
Tillllll you'll fiiiiiind the bllluuuuuuuuebird of happinesssssssss!
P. P. S. at 1:23 p. m. His Omnipotence may have helped lose his city the bid with his BLOVIATING.
Professional press ethicists are in a FIT because ProPublica is paying some huge salaries -- which pretty well gives the show away on all the screaming for bailouts. News hacks don't want the industry saved -- they want their exorbitant PAYCHECKS saved.
Iran’s agreement in principle to export most of its enriched uranium for processing — if it happens — would represent a major accomplishment for the West, reducing Iran’s ability to make a nuclear weapon quickly and buying more time for negotiations to bear fruit.
If Iran has secret stockpiles of enriched uranium, however, the accomplishment would be hollow, a senior American official conceded.
Well, so long as it's another accomplishment.
If Iran has secret stockpiles of enriched uranium, however, the accomplishment would be hollow, a senior American official conceded.
Well, so long as it's another accomplishment.
And in more great originality from the Branson East feeder circuit -- a SAMMY musical!
Well, he looks a little like him, but I might have said James Brown -- or Adam Clayton Powell.
Well, he looks a little like him, but I might have said James Brown -- or Adam Clayton Powell.
We had not thought much of this Goldstone report believing it just more League of Nations word processing, but while this piece might be a little melodramatic we would not be surprised to see the WORRRULLLLLLLLD COMMUNITY bring Israel to a kangaroo court, even as it lets scum off scot-free. What will His Omnipotence do then? What he has done since he became our savior -- BLOVIATE.
Dave looks as old and weary as talk shows.
P. S. at 11:42 a. m.
"Let's be honest. You don't think of David Letterman as a sexual object...."
NUF SAID.
Oh by the way, I can meet with you, general, even though I have more important things on my plate.
Okay, maybe His Omnipotence is playing up to his strengths, but why must he have such weaknesses?
Okay, maybe His Omnipotence is playing up to his strengths, but why must he have such weaknesses?
Thursday, October 01, 2009
ARCHDaily!
Overgrown lampshades in China!
1. Some League of Nations conference center; 2. A skateboarding rink -- look out for those cliffs; or 3. Twelve Fingers from the Dead (or possibly all three).
That Lego house may be gone but its...spirit lives on.
Overgrown lampshades in China!
1. Some League of Nations conference center; 2. A skateboarding rink -- look out for those cliffs; or 3. Twelve Fingers from the Dead (or possibly all three).
That Lego house may be gone but its...spirit lives on.
And in other news from a soon-to-be-CONCAST division, why do a series when you can turn it into a mini-series?
Will BRIAN ROBBER abandon such strategies when the turnips' money finally rolls in?
Will BRIAN ROBBER abandon such strategies when the turnips' money finally rolls in?
Marc makes us look eagerly forward to the tentpoles of 2011:
A fourth "Spider-Man" kicks off in May, followed by "Thor" and "The Hangover 2" that month. June has the launch of "The Green Lantern" and a "Kung Fu Panda" sequel, while July features the second part of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," "The First Avenger: Captain America," "Battleship" and "The Smurfs." Disney also plans to bow "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" some time that summer.
Which makes us ask -- will anyone still go to the movies in 2011?
A fourth "Spider-Man" kicks off in May, followed by "Thor" and "The Hangover 2" that month. June has the launch of "The Green Lantern" and a "Kung Fu Panda" sequel, while July features the second part of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," "The First Avenger: Captain America," "Battleship" and "The Smurfs." Disney also plans to bow "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides" some time that summer.
Which makes us ask -- will anyone still go to the movies in 2011?
Let's see how much CONCAST can gouge its turnips for THIS one!
The one advantage is it's gouging its shareholders too!
PHILADELPHIA -- THE MEDIA CAPITOL OF THE WORLD! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Under the scenario being contemplated, Comcast would not issue equity or endanger its investment-grade credit rating.
BRIAN ROBBER says Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
P. S.
In contrast, Comcast's cable TV distribution systems have a solid future -- the Internet-access side is only going to increase in value. Comcast would be better off buying more cable companies than buying content.
1. What's to prevent us from getting our Internet from someone else? 2. Our local StinkyInky once likened CONCAST to the Pennsylvania Railroad and the Baldwin Locomotive Works -- and its TAXPAYER-PAID HQ stand across the street from the site of the old CHINESE WALL. NUF SAID.
(Via Henry Honest)
The one advantage is it's gouging its shareholders too!
PHILADELPHIA -- THE MEDIA CAPITOL OF THE WORLD! PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Under the scenario being contemplated, Comcast would not issue equity or endanger its investment-grade credit rating.
BRIAN ROBBER says Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!
P. S.
In contrast, Comcast's cable TV distribution systems have a solid future -- the Internet-access side is only going to increase in value. Comcast would be better off buying more cable companies than buying content.
1. What's to prevent us from getting our Internet from someone else? 2. Our local StinkyInky once likened CONCAST to the Pennsylvania Railroad and the Baldwin Locomotive Works -- and its TAXPAYER-PAID HQ stand across the street from the site of the old CHINESE WALL. NUF SAID.
(Via Henry Honest)
We’re in the midst of what Brookings Institution’s Darrell West calls an “arms race of incendiary rhetoric,” and it’s quickly reaching the point of mutually assured destruction.
“The problem with this strategy,” says Princeton professor Julian Zelizer, “is if it is used repeatedly, one person just bumps the other, and people won’t pay attention after a while. Dramatic theatrics work only if they are relatively rare. If everyone was screaming at the president, we [wouldn’t] think of it much.”
This is the one thin hope we have of driving all the screaming maniacs out of business.
“The problem with this strategy,” says Princeton professor Julian Zelizer, “is if it is used repeatedly, one person just bumps the other, and people won’t pay attention after a while. Dramatic theatrics work only if they are relatively rare. If everyone was screaming at the president, we [wouldn’t] think of it much.”
This is the one thin hope we have of driving all the screaming maniacs out of business.
The world economy will rely more on governments for longer than anyone would like. Premature fiscal repairs could jeopardise the recovery, as America learned in 1937 and Japan rediscovered 60 years later. Governments must eventually fix their balance-sheets, but only when the private sector is strong enough—and it must be done in a way that boosts economies’ growth potential. The bulk of the adjustment should come from spending cuts.
Et tu, Your Omnipotence?
Et tu, Your Omnipotence?
If the cretins of Swooshland and the cretins of Hollywoodland have something in common it's an impulse to forgive too readily when money is on the table.
These are precisely the kinds of people who go bananas with BlackBerry outages, and these are precisely the kinds of people who almost deserve to get themselves killed in an accident while pushing buttons and gabgabgabbing and thinking they're doing something, and if they don't kill themselves that way they'll find another way. A few may kill others if they're lucky.
The NFL has long deserved a comeuppance. It probably won't get one. The depr -- reces -- ECONOMY is merely a speed bump. We're convinced people will resume paying $6,000 a ticket, God knows how. We wonder why the impoverished owners haven't gone back to impoverishing the taxpayers. They drove that one in for a game-winning touchdown, didn't they?
GREAT: Mort Zuck is bidding for BizWeek.
Can he turn it into an occasional listicle?
(Via MediaBistro)
Can he turn it into an occasional listicle?
(Via MediaBistro)