THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Monday, December 07, 2009
TRANSLATION: By nixing steep discounts retailers may have outsmarted themselves.
I know the retailers are in "damned-if-we-do" mode, but why are they so eager to be damned-if-we-don't?
I know the retailers are in "damned-if-we-do" mode, but why are they so eager to be damned-if-we-don't?
We shouldn't make much of this but Emily's raging flattery of the Shakespeares of today's television whom few watch has drawn two comments despite being up for three days, which aside from being potent symbolism reminds us that the Web boasts a surfeit of raging flattery and stuff no one reads -- and raging flattery that no one reads.
Hard to believe the combined market cap of BUGMEISTERDOM and Cisco Systems was once OVER $1 TRILLION. We're still living with that fact today.
According to BoxOffice.com, 2009's domestic cume has already topped 2008's record haul of $9.626 million from January 1 to December 31, 2008. More on Monday when actuals come in.
So Why Is Most Of Hollywood Out Of Work? [Graf and hed reversed]
Plainly SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, SHARON!!!!!, PAUL DRECK!!!!! and DAVID "NON" GERMAIN!!!!! will double-see to it we don't find out.
So Why Is Most Of Hollywood Out Of Work? [Graf and hed reversed]
Plainly SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, SHARON!!!!!, PAUL DRECK!!!!! and DAVID "NON" GERMAIN!!!!! will double-see to it we don't find out.
Wonderful:
Chicago Suspect Is Linked to Mumbai Attacks
No wonder even His Omnipotence's crew is talking.
(Further here and here)
Chicago Suspect Is Linked to Mumbai Attacks
No wonder even His Omnipotence's crew is talking.
(Further here and here)
'Climategate' shakes trust in scientists: Saudi
Wait a second -- wouldn't higher oil prices be a good thing?
Wait a second -- wouldn't higher oil prices be a good thing?
'Stop Asking for Money!'
Good advice for educrats, hack pols, and anyone else with a yen to burn ours.
Good advice for educrats, hack pols, and anyone else with a yen to burn ours.
"He was trying to signal to them that Comcast is not a company but a family with real values," said a Comcast source in attendance. "Everyone at Comcast, from the executives to the pole climbers, knows Ralph and Brian."
And so do millions of turnips every month. Pffffffffffffffffffffft!
And so do millions of turnips every month. Pffffffffffffffffffffft!
Who's in charge -- generals or President Obama?
Hmmm. Of course His Omnipotence should be in charge -- but with him foreign policy is a lose-lose, and he definitely doesn't like getting involved in anything that means pointing guns. So....
Hmmm. Of course His Omnipotence should be in charge -- but with him foreign policy is a lose-lose, and he definitely doesn't like getting involved in anything that means pointing guns. So....
If SLIME could "ruin" MySpace, think what he could do when he puts his rags behind a pay wall!
(Via IWantMedia)
(Via IWantMedia)
Sunday, December 06, 2009
We smile: Idiots like "ELVIS!" Sillerman, Ty Warner, Michael Dell, BUGMEISTER BILL and other Richie Riches got singed -- make that third-degree burned -- by THE CRISIS, investing in thousands of luxury hotel rooms no one needed, and are now begging like the vagrant to get rid of them. As TGM makes us doubt the press releases he generated, definitely so these Masters of the Universe, who were never supposed to lose money. Were they?
(Link via Bloomberg)
(Link via Bloomberg)
ARCHDaily!
Architecture for POSTAL WORKERS.
Although it does seem to be missing "1st Floor", "2nd Floor"....
Architecture for POSTAL WORKERS.
Although it does seem to be missing "1st Floor", "2nd Floor"....
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. Count on the Crainiacs to come up with excuses for recidivist endorsers -- two excuses: First, the companies can always cut the endorsers' fees. This still means the CEOs are entitled to their luxury boxes and bawling out the help. And it doesn't address the fact that, as even these Crainiacs half admit, endorsers may not be that good at moving the goods, especially when they work for P&G Overpriced Razor Blade Division. Second, the endorsers can be THEMSELVES. Well, they're no longer Goody Two-Shoes, are they? And what Crainiac article would be complete without some nincompoop in corporate PR:
"The Gillette Champions are still acknowledged amongst best sportsmen in the world," a spokesman said in a statement. "They are also human beings and make mistakes. By acknowledging and learning from their mistakes, we hope they will become even better, both in the game and beyond."
TRANSLATION: Why ask me such stupid questions? The bosses still want their final-round tickets. We're not sure that even Moon 'n' Stars would want a serial adulterer to be HIMSELF -- unless Cincinnati's having a population problem.
P&G: The Worst a Man Can Get.
2. Speaking of excuses, the Crainiacs will never stop making them for the Super Bowl -- and the CEOs sponsor it for the same reasons they're buddy-buddies with TGM and that soc -- FOOTBALL passer. But being an eight-digit parasite means you have to come up with excuses, like "buzz" and "ROI" and "virality". To which we answer -- you're spending millions on tickets for yourselves. BUZZ OFF, CEOS, AND GET VIRAL WITH SWINE FLU.
3. And of course all those CMOs and other ad money-wasters must justify their fiscal incineration, and one new way of doing it is with social networks. Judging from the examples that kind of advertising is a higher-end form of spam.
4. What could be better than to have hundreds of millions to burn on junk television? To be the CMO of GUVMENT MOTORS -- and it's 61 percent THE TAXPAYERS' MONEY!
1. Count on the Crainiacs to come up with excuses for recidivist endorsers -- two excuses: First, the companies can always cut the endorsers' fees. This still means the CEOs are entitled to their luxury boxes and bawling out the help. And it doesn't address the fact that, as even these Crainiacs half admit, endorsers may not be that good at moving the goods, especially when they work for P&G Overpriced Razor Blade Division. Second, the endorsers can be THEMSELVES. Well, they're no longer Goody Two-Shoes, are they? And what Crainiac article would be complete without some nincompoop in corporate PR:
"The Gillette Champions are still acknowledged amongst best sportsmen in the world," a spokesman said in a statement. "They are also human beings and make mistakes. By acknowledging and learning from their mistakes, we hope they will become even better, both in the game and beyond."
TRANSLATION: Why ask me such stupid questions? The bosses still want their final-round tickets. We're not sure that even Moon 'n' Stars would want a serial adulterer to be HIMSELF -- unless Cincinnati's having a population problem.
P&G: The Worst a Man Can Get.
2. Speaking of excuses, the Crainiacs will never stop making them for the Super Bowl -- and the CEOs sponsor it for the same reasons they're buddy-buddies with TGM and that soc -- FOOTBALL passer. But being an eight-digit parasite means you have to come up with excuses, like "buzz" and "ROI" and "virality". To which we answer -- you're spending millions on tickets for yourselves. BUZZ OFF, CEOS, AND GET VIRAL WITH SWINE FLU.
3. And of course all those CMOs and other ad money-wasters must justify their fiscal incineration, and one new way of doing it is with social networks. Judging from the examples that kind of advertising is a higher-end form of spam.
4. What could be better than to have hundreds of millions to burn on junk television? To be the CMO of GUVMENT MOTORS -- and it's 61 percent THE TAXPAYERS' MONEY!
And after that last post we must follow up with the truly honorable reporter's guidelines of Jim Lehrer, as he has now alas entered into retirement:
-- Do nothing I cannot defend.
-- Cover, write and present every story with the care I would want if the story were about me.
-- Assume there is at least one other side or version to every story.
-- Assume the viewer is as smart and as caring and as good a person as I am. Assume the same about all people on whom I report.
-- Assume personal lives are a private matter until a legitimate turn in the story absolutely mandates otherwise.
-- Carefully separate opinion and analysis from straight news stories, and clearly label everything.
-- Do not use anonymous sources or blind quotes except on rare and monumental occasions. No one should ever be allowed to attack another anonymously.
-- I am not in the entertainment business.
These are words to live by -- and most news hacks haven't lived by them in years, especially numbers 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 and 8.
Have a good retirement, Jim.
P. S. on 1/3/2010 at 6:42 p. m.: Count ourselves stooPID. We thought Mr. Lehrer was retiring; PBS only retired his name from its news show's title. Well, in so many ways the honor he exemplifies pretty well resigned from the TV news business long ago, if it every really had it.
-- Do nothing I cannot defend.
-- Cover, write and present every story with the care I would want if the story were about me.
-- Assume there is at least one other side or version to every story.
-- Assume the viewer is as smart and as caring and as good a person as I am. Assume the same about all people on whom I report.
-- Assume personal lives are a private matter until a legitimate turn in the story absolutely mandates otherwise.
-- Carefully separate opinion and analysis from straight news stories, and clearly label everything.
-- Do not use anonymous sources or blind quotes except on rare and monumental occasions. No one should ever be allowed to attack another anonymously.
-- I am not in the entertainment business.
These are words to live by -- and most news hacks haven't lived by them in years, especially numbers 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 and 8.
P. S. on 1/3/2010 at 6:42 p. m.: Count ourselves stooPID. We thought Mr. Lehrer was retiring; PBS only retired his name from its news show's title. Well, in so many ways the honor he exemplifies pretty well resigned from the TV news business long ago, if it every really had it.
Now that PAUL DRECK'S DREAM is about to become a reality, we can expect NO ONE will tell us the truth about B. O. We still say most of the financial increase is from 3D surcharges, and that the actual attendance figure is marginally higher. And that is how we should measure box office -- by attendance, a number not subject to inflation. We make a big thing of this because PAUL DRECK will be gloating on front-pages soon, vastly helped by imbecilic press agents like David "NON" Germain, giving music to the kind of news-hack self-congratulation that saw its height after Watergate; and because news hacks now deem uncritical hyperbolistic showbiz coverage as central to the industry's profits and undefeated egomania.
We would note too it is now likely that the AHTHOUSE Os-CAR® favorites will mostly be box-office duds. Eight-Octave's massive hit of four weeks ago has TANKED; so have three other supposed best-pic-TYURE nominees. There is NO MARKET for AHTHOUSE movees outside a few big cities. The A-ca-de-MY®'s experiment with ten nominations is about to expose itself as a total idiocy.
We would note too it is now likely that the AHTHOUSE Os-CAR® favorites will mostly be box-office duds. Eight-Octave's massive hit of four weeks ago has TANKED; so have three other supposed best-pic-TYURE nominees. There is NO MARKET for AHTHOUSE movees outside a few big cities. The A-ca-de-MY®'s experiment with ten nominations is about to expose itself as a total idiocy.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
ANOTHER OVERREPORTED STORY: We have the utmost respect for Indian traditions, and for that reason and others are pleased to hear Ira Hayes, a hero at Iwo Jima, is now finally and completely at rest.
“We have learned by now to invest admiration in public figures with a grain of salt. With Woods, we just ate the whole salt lick,” Elling wrote. “Say it with me: Never, ever again.”
So for at least until tomorrow....
And don't forget -- it's only a day away!
So for at least until tomorrow....
And don't forget -- it's only a day away!
ARCHDaily!
Didn't Eero Saarinen think up something like this before?
Okay Beijing Patent Office, what's the significance of the letters W and M? We were about to say this would make a great HQ for the William Morris Agency except its old trademark resembled an implement for cutting off hands, and besides it's changed its name.
And when do STARCHITECTS attempt translucent buildings?
Didn't Eero Saarinen think up something like this before?
Okay Beijing Patent Office, what's the significance of the letters W and M? We were about to say this would make a great HQ for the William Morris Agency except its old trademark resembled an implement for cutting off hands, and besides it's changed its name.
And when do STARCHITECTS attempt translucent buildings?
Are CHIP BROWN and his "EDITORS" eligible for buyouts? We sure do hope so!
There’s a kind of spiritual covenant in all sports that binds spectators and players but which in golf takes on truly mystical proportions, if only because the terms of the game — an absurd struggle against nature and oneself — offer so many uncanny parallels with the terms of conscious life. The covenant holds that when an athlete prevails, we prevail; when he or she falls short, we’re diminished too. Not just any athlete is fit for this peculiar service. Professional golf coughs up a winner every week, players of consummate skill who possess every talent but the one that matters, which is the great champion’s capacity to carry us beyond ourselves. In golf, maybe in all of sports, such a figure comes along but once or twice in a lifetime. You follow a track of moonlight on the water, and maybe there, where it ends, is someone who has what it takes. . [SIC]
This will happen when the UNIVERSE'S GREATEST PAPER proves it isn't full of effete snobs. This makes EFFETE SNOBBERY look good.
P. S. Actually the accompanying squib says CHIP is (was) a "contributing writer" to the POR's rag. Take the buyout anyway!
P. P. S. Well, the John "Bad Sex Award" Updike of the Links did come up with an accidental insight -- and it was very accidental:
When Woods finally seemed ready to run, coming off a birdie at the par-5 eighth, a photographer tripped the shutter during his swing on the par-3 ninth and Woods yanked the shot into the rough left of the hole.
“Not on my swing! Don’t take a picture during my swing!” he said, glaring at the knot of cameramen. He turned away with a stream of curses. It was electrifying, like seeing one of those Tiger Woods replicas in the wax museums suddenly come to life.
He bogeyed the hole. On the next tee, in even more vivid language, he promised the photographers they were risking bodily harm if they ever disrupted him mid-swing again. The outburst raised the question of how much more effective Earl Woods’s focus training would have been if instead of trying to distract Tiger with pocket change and dropped golf balls he had been able to squeeze the trigger of, say, a Canon Mark III with a burst rate of 10 frames per second. Tiger might very well be alone in third place, ahead of Ben Hogan, on the PGA Tour career-victories list. And in fact someone asked Woods at the Masters why, given his focus training, camera shutters bother him so much. (Camera shutters bother all pros, but none have photographic entourages as large as Woods does.) He let the question pass without much of an answer.
Take the buyout regardless!
P. P. P. S. at 10:23 p. m. TGM and the verb "trash" are now linked inextricably.
And how many news hacks waste our time with stories that combine what we don't need to know with what we don't want to know? Grate.com comes to mind.
And here's something I'd like to ask the PINCHES, MARCUS BROCCOLIS, JONBOYS, et al: How often do readers avoid an article after seeing its BYLINE?
I'd rather not mention this but earlier today the flagship of some media tyranny ran an irritating home-page ad for some celebrity who's having a baby by her fiancée (I will not link), and this will no doubt occasion cooing among the same crowd that snickers at TGM, and I thought to myself, we don't want to go back to the day of internal exile, of Hester Prynne and the scarlet letter A, but we've gone too far the other way, and a nation that can gee-whiz-aw-shucks such minor inconveniences as flouting the marriage covenant can excuse fraudulent bond ratings and liar loans, and a nation that excuses those can excuse a zillion abortions and target practice in the ghetto. The only solution is long memories, but that alone won't help.
As to that serial adulterer he should step a year or two from the limelight, but that won't happen because the corner office needs its flattery.
As to that serial adulterer he should step a year or two from the limelight, but that won't happen because the corner office needs its flattery.
In this age of false public heroes we'd do well to remember what Lincoln told the Congress on Independence Day, 1861:
It is worthy of note, that while in this, the government's hour of trial, large numbers of those in the Army and Navy, who have been favored with the offices, have resigned, and proved false to the hand which had pampered them, not one common soldier, or common sailor is known to have deserted his flag.
Great honor is due to those officers whom remain true, despite the example of their treacherous associates; but the greatest honor, and most important fact of all, is the unanimous firmness of the common soldiers, and common sailors. To the last man, so far as known, they have successfully resisted the traitorous efforts of those, whose commands, but an hour before, they obeyed as absolute law. This is the patriotic instinct of the plain people. They understand, without an argument, destroying our government, which was made by Washington, means no good to them.
Today we cannot rely on our self-appointed superiors; yet despite the destruction they wage on the American psyche there is still valor in the people. If only we knew it.
It is worthy of note, that while in this, the government's hour of trial, large numbers of those in the Army and Navy, who have been favored with the offices, have resigned, and proved false to the hand which had pampered them, not one common soldier, or common sailor is known to have deserted his flag.
Great honor is due to those officers whom remain true, despite the example of their treacherous associates; but the greatest honor, and most important fact of all, is the unanimous firmness of the common soldiers, and common sailors. To the last man, so far as known, they have successfully resisted the traitorous efforts of those, whose commands, but an hour before, they obeyed as absolute law. This is the patriotic instinct of the plain people. They understand, without an argument, destroying our government, which was made by Washington, means no good to them.
Today we cannot rely on our self-appointed superiors; yet despite the destruction they wage on the American psyche there is still valor in the people. If only we knew it.
Tom, who waxed CONCASTIC not too long ago, alerts us to the future of teevee the BRIAN ROBBER way. Perhaps the mute meek cable turnips will continue their silence even as BRIAN wastes more of their money on Siffy and His other playthings, but even Tom, a one-man Chamber of Commerce for television, admits this show is junk. We wager most of the relatively few first-runs coursing through His empire are junk. And He'll also soon own the Big C and the MESS, which ARE junk. How long before the Internet wreaks its revenge on BRIAN ROBBER?
To his credit this George McGovern namesake is at least challenging His Omnipotence, but as befits a Paper of Re-CORD cousin we learn more about his career than what he'd do for the Afghans. A "massive humanitarian effort" it says here, in the nineteenth graf. That sounds like a version of Congresspoop Kookcinich's Department of Peace. The last I saw some Afghans were growing poppies. How does plopping big bags of rice on the terrain help that? It doesn't, which may explain why the namesake is so proud of our ending the Vietnam War.
TRANSLATION: Our largess is financing new idiot records in the auction biz -- and I don't care if it's Washington or Edgar Allan Poe.
Here's a long term chart of Sotheby's. If this stock doesn't presage busts....And look at the far right. But for our recent largess it wouldn't have gone up at all in twenty-one years. If that doesn't say something....
Here's a long term chart of Sotheby's. If this stock doesn't presage busts....And look at the far right. But for our recent largess it wouldn't have gone up at all in twenty-one years. If that doesn't say something....
Here's another reason we do not feel sorry for the hacks: As the world knows The Paper of Re-CORD may be about to foist layoffs on its P-Ulitzer-winning crusaders, and among those who have taken buyouts to prevent that eventuality are a "mid- to high-six-figure advance"-earning author of "espionage novels" and a "longtime business reporter", which means their usefulness ended some time ago. Let us not forget all those who've gained wealth in their tenure, like Thomas Friedman and Paul "Temper" Krugman. How much of the staff has stopped actively reporting and instead engages in public preening is evident when you open the Paper, or click on its Web site. The day of news hacks as rich and pampered pampering the rich and pampered is over.
Speaking of Henry, Max Baucus won't resign because he has a mistress he nominated to an office, but God knows there isn't a hack in the Insane Asylum on the Hill who doesn't have a friend he won't do favors for, and if he can get in bed with her literally and figuratively so much the better.
Hacks who merely read The Econowiz as a surface thing can skim this, feel contented, and go back to the work. Perhaps JonBoy, whose rag the oaf Henry Honest just alerted us would be one of ten brands to go bust in 2010, can hasten its demise by trumpeting the noble cause. But if the e-mail farce highlights one thing it's that the climate-change worry has become all politics. The people on the right have the industry; the people on the left have their utopias.
We've noticed lately The Econowiz has had trouble with its Web site. Preparing to go all pay? Pffffffffffffffft!
We've noticed lately The Econowiz has had trouble with its Web site. Preparing to go all pay? Pffffffffffffffft!
Friday, December 04, 2009
It's not just Feinsteins. Here's a topic that has defied artists for decades, yet USAOKAY!!!!! must ask, "Why do men cheat?"
And of course OKAY!!!!! relies on social "science", which is old wives' tales in a mainframe. (No pun intended.)
And of course OKAY!!!!! relies on social "science", which is old wives' tales in a mainframe. (No pun intended.)
John Feinstein, a contributor to The Post, is the author of 25 books, including "A Good Walk Spoiled: Days and Nights on the PGA Tour" and, most recently, "Change-Up: Mystery at the World Series."
I think we can agree judging from this blatting eulogy that John's written maybe 22 or 23 books and hundreds of columns too many. I say that because ever since The Four Horsemen sports hacks have had this need to be profound. They forget that the best writing doesn't ape a presidential bellow, or a Congressional eruction. But still, we're a sports hack, and we must be profound. And of the zillions of words spilled over TGM I doubt if a few thousands have been worth reading -- and that includes BEFORE the Cadillac.
I think we can agree judging from this blatting eulogy that John's written maybe 22 or 23 books and hundreds of columns too many. I say that because ever since The Four Horsemen sports hacks have had this need to be profound. They forget that the best writing doesn't ape a presidential bellow, or a Congressional eruction. But still, we're a sports hack, and we must be profound. And of the zillions of words spilled over TGM I doubt if a few thousands have been worth reading -- and that includes BEFORE the Cadillac.
His Omnipotence is rushrushrushing around to solve global warming!
Ten trips as Omnipotence! He's better than the pope -- because he can change the world!
Ten trips as Omnipotence! He's better than the pope -- because he can change the world!
How many hundreds of embarrassments like this lurk in the stimulus?
We have a suggestion for P & G Overpriced Razor Blade Division: Take that $8 million you're paying that master of the soc -- fuuuutballlll pass...and use it to sponsor the bridge.
We have a suggestion for P & G Overpriced Razor Blade Division: Take that $8 million you're paying that master of the soc -- fuuuutballlll pass...and use it to sponsor the bridge.
ORIGINAL REPORTING! Mark "Boom Boom" Morford copies from a column by Jake Weisberg in Grate.com. Howie Hairshirt copies from a story in Mediablight, Meteorite, whatever it's called. These two get big salaries. They should do more than copy from Web sites. Here is yet another argument for getting rid of full-time colyumnists.
Jason has hit on something. One big reason our elected superiors can't decide is that they're too busy summiting.
A teenage rapper who pushed a pregnant 15-year-old girl into a canal and grinned as he held her under the water was jailed for 18 years today.
We were about to say another [C]RAPPER makes a brilliant career move but this one might take a while.
Can you imagine British [C]RAPPERS? EW! YUCK! GROSS! No wonder about the minarets.
We were about to say another [C]RAPPER makes a brilliant career move but this one might take a while.
Can you imagine British [C]RAPPERS? EW! YUCK! GROSS! No wonder about the minarets.
USAOKAY!!!!! runs a 566-word editorial on TGM.
Aren't there other more important things to pontificate about?
Aren't there other more important things to pontificate about?
Aw shucks, Luke Spielberg, the Nobel laureate of moveedom, won't remake Jimmy Stewart's Harvey.
Now He'll have to remake Dean Martin movies instead, as He threatened.
Now He'll have to remake Dean Martin movies instead, as He threatened.
Take back Al Gore's Oscar, 2 Academy members demand in light of Climategate
Roger L. Simon and Lionel Chetwynd....
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Roger L. Simon and Lionel Chetwynd....
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Back in real life, 26 high-school students of Chinese descent were attacked by a marauding gang, which would be front-page news if it happened in LALA but isn't because it happened here, while confirming that our centers of LOWER EHDYUKAYSHUN remain no-safe zones.
TRANSLATION: If the sheikhs hadn't burnt their last money Dubai could be even worse.
(Via he usual AHTSJournal)
(Via he usual AHTSJournal)
Thursday, December 03, 2009
"His achievement in life was really sustaining himself through the ordeal in prison camp, and he considered himself a very fierce resister," Jim Pitchford said, recalling a story another prisoner told him about his brother.
"One day (in the prison), when it was his time to offer the blessing at a group meal, he said, 'Lord, we thank you for this dog s--- we're about to consume and we ask that you come down and smite these heathen bastards."
To be sure some of those heathens now run Vietnam, but with any justice the Lord will do better than merely smiting them.
RIP, Jack Pitchford.
(Originally posted at 5:19 p. m.; moved twice to save pride of place)
"One day (in the prison), when it was his time to offer the blessing at a group meal, he said, 'Lord, we thank you for this dog s--- we're about to consume and we ask that you come down and smite these heathen bastards."
To be sure some of those heathens now run Vietnam, but with any justice the Lord will do better than merely smiting them.
RIP, Jack Pitchford.
(Originally posted at 5:19 p. m.; moved twice to save pride of place)
How can Brian Roberts lose?
A couple of ways.
First, he can blow the execution, like AOL Time Warner did. But this is a business that Brian already knows, and it won't involve smashing two completely different cultures that hate each other together. So the execution risk is less.
Second, cable can become a dumb pipe AND the TV programming business can blow up like the newspaper business--causing Brian Roberts to lose on both sides.
If that happens, Brian Roberts would have been better off selling the whole thing and buying a fertilizer company.
But Brian Roberts is a media mogul. And there isn't a media mogul on earth who would give up being a media mogul to run a fertilizer company.
BUT BRIAN...forget it.
A couple of ways.
First, he can blow the execution, like AOL Time Warner did. But this is a business that Brian already knows, and it won't involve smashing two completely different cultures that hate each other together. So the execution risk is less.
Second, cable can become a dumb pipe AND the TV programming business can blow up like the newspaper business--causing Brian Roberts to lose on both sides.
If that happens, Brian Roberts would have been better off selling the whole thing and buying a fertilizer company.
But Brian Roberts is a media mogul. And there isn't a media mogul on earth who would give up being a media mogul to run a fertilizer company.
BUT BRIAN...forget it.
ARCHDaily!
What IS with these starchitects? One of these days they'll build an inverted pyramid. "Oh it's perfectly safe," they'll say. Who'll want to occupy it even with anti-gravity forces? If the pharaohs who built the pyramids wanted them that way -- but they had a lot more sense than STARCHITECTS.
What IS with these starchitects? One of these days they'll build an inverted pyramid. "Oh it's perfectly safe," they'll say. Who'll want to occupy it even with anti-gravity forces? If the pharaohs who built the pyramids wanted them that way -- but they had a lot more sense than STARCHITECTS.
And in other why-didn't-they-just-spin-it-off-to-the-shareholders news:
"[T]oday Comcast demonstrated it's only fit to perhaps be allowed to operate Comedy Central."
There's just one problem -- SUMNER runs it...and he shouldn't be allowed to run anything.
"[T]oday Comcast demonstrated it's only fit to perhaps be allowed to operate Comedy Central."
There's just one problem -- SUMNER runs it...and he shouldn't be allowed to run anything.
Two of the supposed biggest screaming meemies in BLOGDOM have made profound announcements, and we've hardly noticed, perhaps because both have become such infinitessimal caricatures of themselves. Certainly you can tell a knee-jerk liberal when he uses words like ENORMOUSLY POWERFUL!!!!!!!!!! to describe people who are to most of us total zeroes, but this is just a variation of what certain pretentious hacks always say about WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!, and we haven't noticed much from him lately either. Perhaps we've blinkered ourselves off from a vast, thriving part of the Web, but a part of the Web that boasts so many boastful liars hardly needs our patronage.
Nonetheless thanks to this provocation we turned for the first time in ages to SAM LITTLE. He's evidently pulled a reverse LOU DOBBS, meaning he's as credible now as he was when he was a "screaming nutcase" himself. Now to not turn to him for ages.
Nonetheless thanks to this provocation we turned for the first time in ages to SAM LITTLE. He's evidently pulled a reverse LOU DOBBS, meaning he's as credible now as he was when he was a "screaming nutcase" himself. Now to not turn to him for ages.
Retailers report surprise drop in November
THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!
Among 11 retailers that have reported, 80% of them missed Wall Street expectations, according to Thomson Reuters.
"Earnings estimates for the holiday season and first half of 2010 for most retailers remain too elevated," said Wall Street Strategies analyst Brian Sozzi.
I REPEAT...oh, never mind.
(First link via FinViz)
THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!
Among 11 retailers that have reported, 80% of them missed Wall Street expectations, according to Thomson Reuters.
"Earnings estimates for the holiday season and first half of 2010 for most retailers remain too elevated," said Wall Street Strategies analyst Brian Sozzi.
I REPEAT...oh, never mind.
(First link via FinViz)
TIGER'S PRIVATE LIFE IS A LEFTIST PLOT!!!!! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH!
TGM'S PRIVATE LIFE IS NOT POLITICAL! I HATE KNEE-JERK PARTISANS!
TGM'S PRIVATE LIFE IS NOT POLITICAL! I HATE KNEE-JERK PARTISANS!
This irritating story not only proves Branson East is a price-gouging tourist trap, it proves there isn't a big audience for any property outside the theme parks. We would suggest if the park operators want to expand their profits they open future theme parks outside the immediate Branson East neighborhood, where they can install 5,000, 6,000, 10,000-seat tourist traps and overcharge to their shriveled hearts' delight.
There is also the little business of this chart. Hacks love to boast of RECORD ATTENDANCE!!!!! with Branson East, but not much has changed since 2004, with its "healthy" economy. This says the world knows what Branson East is, and the world says no thank you.
There is also the little business of this chart. Hacks love to boast of RECORD ATTENDANCE!!!!! with Branson East, but not much has changed since 2004, with its "healthy" economy. This says the world knows what Branson East is, and the world says no thank you.
What annoys us about the continuing uninteresting TGM saga is that so many people are astonished because he was "such a nice guy". Sorry, we don't view athuhletes as nice guys, and TGM is the MJ of golf -- not a compliment: all intensity, nothing off the course. Our only surprise is that he has such a need of women, but then MJ got a divorce too.
If people want to continue to bemuse themselves as to how this could happen to such a WONDERFUL guy, they're entitled. WE are bored stiff.
If people want to continue to bemuse themselves as to how this could happen to such a WONDERFUL guy, they're entitled. WE are bored stiff.
TRANSLATION: ED MURROW is THE barometer of conventional news hack wisdom (sorry guys), and for ED to sign on to the sudden news hack CW that something is up in climate change signals that the story has become the proverbial elephant in the room, and no amount of news hack denial can change that.
ED MURROW makes us angry -- as do his millions of apologists.
ED MURROW makes us angry -- as do his millions of apologists.
It's official: BRIAN ROBBER rubs his hands, smacks his lips and goes BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
(Via Seeking Alpha)
(Via Seeking Alpha)
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
I could care as much about some third-tier show-biz type's sexual orientation as I'm starting to care about TGM. The bad news is we could become so European-blasé we could tolerate even more horrors of every type, from abortions to corruption to mass murders. The good news is since people like our actress and TGM are show-biz creatures it could also mean no place for that infernal industry to go but DOWN.
Wouldn't this be exciting: finding one of Shakespeare's manuscripts. I doubt this will happen; whatever he left behind either turned to mold in the ground or burned in one of London's many fires, and even if the scholars found something in one piece the whole history of Shakespeare is riddled with who wrote what and when and whether, and we can never have a definite account of any of his plays. But it would be exciting.
Shakespeare dead is worth more than 100,000 living playwrights.
(Via AHTSJournal, which is exciting for the wrong reasons)
Shakespeare dead is worth more than 100,000 living playwrights.
(Via AHTSJournal, which is exciting for the wrong reasons)
We could agree now might be a time to reduce business taxes. The problem is con-SER-va-tives love for redistributing the wealth as ardently as any liberal, and arguably we got into the BOOM YEARS by giving too much away to people who had no intention of giving it back. How much see-sawing of taxes can we do to the economy without breaking it in the middle?
Whitacre Said to Expect CEO Search Taking Up to Year
Where will GUVMENT MOTORS be in a year?
Or could it be -- and here would be a comeuppance -- GUV will do fine without a CEO? Wouldn't that be a rebuke to LEGENDARYS. Although we'd tend to doubt that.
Where will GUVMENT MOTORS be in a year?
Or could it be -- and here would be a comeuppance -- GUV will do fine without a CEO? Wouldn't that be a rebuke to LEGENDARYS. Although we'd tend to doubt that.
“It will start with Howard feeling that he is working too hard and doing too many shows and not making enough money,” Karmazin said. “Our side would say, ‘We want you to do more, and get less money.’”
Hey ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! You should have thought of that in the first place!
Can you believe SIRI has gone up from FIVE CENTS since March? We may not be talking sentient beings here.
(Via MediaBistro)
Hey ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! You should have thought of that in the first place!
Can you believe SIRI has gone up from FIVE CENTS since March? We may not be talking sentient beings here.
(Via MediaBistro)
Okay RENDELLISTS, with your obsession over EDUCATIONANDHEALTHCARE how do you provide jobs for people without college educations?
Oh, but the RENDELLISTS will say, that's why we're building conventioncentershotelsstadiumsrestaurantstheaters, to provide jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops and --
What if THEY fire people?
Oh, but the RENDELLISTS will say, that's why we're building conventioncentershotelsstadiumsrestaurantstheaters, to provide jobs for waiters and janitors and bellhops and --
What if THEY fire people?
Here's the next man to confirm the Peter Principle in broadcasting!
Caveat: He IS the son of the Rev. Daniel Burke, a saint at CapCities.
Caveat: He IS the son of the Rev. Daniel Burke, a saint at CapCities.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Call me an old fogey but I don't like what used to be termed "living in sin." Prolonging bad marriages has its disadvantages, but so do -- how can we put it agreeably to academics and news hacks -- shared domestic living arrangements; they slough off responsibilities and leave the children in limbo. Yes divorce is bad; yes bad marriages have their own woes, but domestic nonjudgmentalism can be just as bad, in benign smiley-faced ways.
According to Gallup, Thanksgiving week spending plunged 25% from a year ago, and couldn't even muster a rise from the week before. "There's no indication in Gallup's spending data during recent weeks, or so far this year, that this year's spending will do anything but trail last year's depressed spending levels during the holidays," firm says.
DOW 50,000!!!!!
DOW 50,000!!!!!
Manufacturing in the U.S. expanded in November for a fourth month and factories in China churned out goods at the fastest pace in five years as government efforts to revive growth spurred world trade. [Emphasis added]
TRANSLATION: Don't even think of the alternative. FURTHER TRANSLATION: Don't even think of later when the bills come due.
What gets us so mad about this rip-roaring BOOM!!!!!!!!!! is the only people benefiting are GODs and their fellow hyperrich, and it's also a massive hidden experiment in TRICKLE-DOWN. Why, Your Omnipotence, why Secretary Deer-in-the-Headlights, Why Chairman Ben, why is this good?
TRANSLATION: Don't even think of the alternative. FURTHER TRANSLATION: Don't even think of later when the bills come due.
What gets us so mad about this rip-roaring BOOM!!!!!!!!!! is the only people benefiting are GODs and their fellow hyperrich, and it's also a massive hidden experiment in TRICKLE-DOWN. Why, Your Omnipotence, why Secretary Deer-in-the-Headlights, Why Chairman Ben, why is this good?
AT THESE PRICES, AMAZON MAY STILL BE A BARGAIN!!!!! THIS IS A GROWTH STOCK IF EVER THERE WAS ONE!!!!!!!!!!
I still recall how biznews hacks refused to say an unkind word about high-tech stocks during THE BOOM. 10,000 P/E? Higher! Tiny float? Higher still! We recall what happened afterward. Amazon.com may be worth it now (although a potential $1 TRILLION market cap of THE BIG THREE makes one question the Wall Street Casino's sanity), but the Big C teaches us what happens to the news when its reporters are salesmen first.
I still recall how biznews hacks refused to say an unkind word about high-tech stocks during THE BOOM. 10,000 P/E? Higher! Tiny float? Higher still! We recall what happened afterward. Amazon.com may be worth it now (although a potential $1 TRILLION market cap of THE BIG THREE makes one question the Wall Street Casino's sanity), but the Big C teaches us what happens to the news when its reporters are salesmen first.
General Motors CEO Fritz Henderson resigns
Okay, who's the next no-account?
"This decision was made by the board of directors alone. The administration was not involved in the decision," the White House said.
With 61 percent ownership. Sure, Omnipotence, sure.
Okay, who's the next no-account?
"This decision was made by the board of directors alone. The administration was not involved in the decision," the White House said.
With 61 percent ownership. Sure, Omnipotence, sure.
His Omnipotence says ENDGAME!!!!! The war is over!!!!! The base is HAPPY!!!!!
Maybe.
P. S.
If he uses the phrase "exit strategy," or dwells on the subject, then you'll know you're probably looking at a one-term president. In other words, file under "Jimmy Carter," not "Abe Lincoln."
Well, he may be using a synonym. (Link via JENNIFER!!!!!)
Maybe.
P. S.
If he uses the phrase "exit strategy," or dwells on the subject, then you'll know you're probably looking at a one-term president. In other words, file under "Jimmy Carter," not "Abe Lincoln."
Well, he may be using a synonym. (Link via JENNIFER!!!!!)
Tom blahs as only Tom can blah about the horror! of reality TV, but look at this way: we can avoid the problem by admitting most reality TV stars are not worth seeing.
Timberlake should count herself lucky some cri-TICS reviewed her play drunk. Nothing against her but given the genius of our time it's the best way -- for cri-TICS and au-THORS.
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
(Via the usual AHTSJournal)
Three years and nearly four months after we'd mentioned Eva Tanguay for being THE MAN before his time, Grate.com's rock mu-SICK cri-TICK writes four predictable pages of self-admiring slather on her for being a proto-feminist and singing crappy songs and showing off and the whole nine yards -- in short, for being a rock star long ago enough to make a rock mu-SICK cri-TICK seem insightful; and while Grate.com does now seem to have advertising we still ask when KAPLAN, INC. will do the manly (pardon, personly) thing and eliminate a Web site. Choosing between this and JonBoy's we don't know which is more deserving.
Dubai still strong, says angry ruler
The Wall Street Casino says aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaMEN!
P. S. We know some people regard John Bogle as a square, but he said this ten years ago, and it's truer today.
The Wall Street Casino says aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaMEN!
P. S. We know some people regard John Bogle as a square, but he said this ten years ago, and it's truer today.