| Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
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Monday, February 07, 2011
Not only did Groupon's CEO get to boast, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!!", he did it in a way that is the envy of the CEO world -- he ticked off millions of his customers!
"We would never have run these ads if we thought they trivialized the causes — even if we didn't take them as seriously as we do, what type of company would go out of their way to be so antagonistic?" Mason wrote. TRANSLATION: I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!! By the way, how many watched outside of the U. S. and Canada?
Gillmor: It’s time for HuffPo to start paying bloggers
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! P. S. at 11:57 p. m. But here lies the bright spot in the HuffPo acquisition, and the probable reason for it. If the problem is that we have too many organizations chasing after the same ad dollars, why not roll everyone up and give advertisers fewer choices? Then we can bump the ad rates up. It worked in broadcast TV, when we had three big networks and they operated an oligopoly. “The age of the Internet content roll-up has begun, all in a desperate effort to pump up CPMs [i.e., advertising rates] and let Internet content reach at least a shadow of the profitability of traditional content,” says Michael Wolff, editorial director of Adweek Media. Didn't work -- TINA!!!!!
ARCHDaily!
![]() The awkwardly shaped large site at West Side Highway and 57th Street is about to get... ...a building to match!
The news hacks have broken the Spider-Man embargo, starting with Ben, an act that may alas totally prove the irrelevance of theatah cri-TICS and Branson East. Turn Out the Lights has already demonstrated its touristic value -- surely the world knew from the opening announcement it would have no artistic value -- and that may be the only value it needs. We know how the Addams Family theme park succeeded despite pans. Does anyone here remember the write-ups for the Wizard of Oz theme park? No, Branson East is about money, and an uncritical audience, looking for excuses, can easily be suckered into believing it's getting its money's worth. Whether the producers can sucker enough people into a profit remains to be seen. If it can talk of art becomes completely specious, as if it isn't already.
Meantime SLIME's version of HuffPo is one big glitch. Someone should tell Him before anyone else: Pioneering don't pay!
Especially when you're trying to get people to pay for it! (Via MediaBistro)
AOL Bets $315 Million on Arianna, Buys Huffington Post to Build 'New American Media Company'
In a stunning development, America Online Inc. announced plans to acquire Time Warner Inc. for roughly $182 billion in stock and debt Monday, creating a digital media powerhouse with the potential to reach every American in one form or another. PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P. S. Steve Case doesn't like it! 1. He should know! 2. Steve who? Sunday, February 06, 2011
Let's see: the infallible JERRAH JOOONES screwed up the seating; the infallible CHRISTINA!!!!! screwed up the national anthem; and the infallible NFL screwed up the halftime. Oh, and the game was no contest despite the "close" score.
NOW LET'S HAVE THAT LOCKOUT! Caveat: The ASSPress's rock mu-SICK cri-TICK! P. S. Hey ASSPress! When your entertainment press agents dance on their desks about the RATINGS!!!!! can we have a repeat of last year?!?!? AS IN:
It does not escape us that the UK's prime minister is challenging Islamists, and whatever the screaming about his timing it turned out to be the perfect time, for no Arab country, and no part of the Muslim diaspora, is exempt from terrorists getting the upper hand. The world can never relax its vigilance on Islamism.
I should know better than to expect anyone at GRATE.COM would ever write for me. It seems one of their intellectuals in training (i.e., NOT ANOTHER INTERN!) spotted a nasty piece about THE SECOND GREATEST POP-CULTURE ACHIEVEMENT OF THE LAST QUARTER CENTURY, but natch it is less nasty than lachrymose, because as everyone knows, "WE ARE CURRENTLY LIVING IN A NEW GOLDEN AGE OF TELEVISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", as evidenced by Jo-NAH's favorite A Kind of Futuristic Retelling of the Aeneid, and the examples this brave soul gives are off the air or have had audiences of less than three percent of the population, so they must be good; and our intrepid iconoclast nowhere mentions that this disappointment, which, with just a little bit of TLC, could be one of the GREAT ONES, gets less than one percent of America viewing. And needless to say after reading this bold, incisive criticism our GRATEr thinks even more highly of the masterwork because it's -- imperfect. "Circle jerk" is egregious but dammit I'm tired of news hacks treating their outlets like a high-school honor society, open to no one else and to no other views.
SLIME is promoting The iPad Daily on His air time, and had one of His wage slaves "leak" the PR through a "blog" on one of His news Web sites -- really, if we're going to have state media let's abandon all the pretenses and just DO IT.
P. S. Excess promotion invites failure.
Yesterday we said "[a]nniversary stories...are like clockwork and tend to be polite or obfuscatory (see TOMORROW)." Well, tomorrow is here. Con-SER-va-tive Web sites are today unreadable, and the same liberals who might silently have rooted for John Hinckley thirty years ago are holding their peace. That means both are being typically dishonest. Let us get first things first: Ronald Reagan did NOT walk on water. There are several things he failed to do: He did not balance the budget or control government spending; he did not end the welfare state; despite the hallelujah chorus he did nothing for the pro-life movement but give it lip service; our national culture became ever more sordid whatever the newfound power of evangelists; despite an effusive "responsibility" taking over Lebanon he did nothing to stop terrorism. Then there are the things he did: He appointed the wizard of Oz, godfather of the high-tech and housing bubbles; he "hit the jackpot" creating the S & L disaster, precursor of the much bigger disaster to come; he sat stone-cold silent during the rogue foreign policy machinations of Iran-Contra. An old poli-sci phrase, "passive-positive", comes to mind; he liked the office but didn't do as much with it as his cheerleaders claim. Some religious leaders may be fallible. In this respect he resembles Ike; a really good guy can obscure a really mediocre presidency.
But then there is the one thing for which the history books should effusively praise him, that more than balances out the bad: He brought down European Communism. Of course it helped that Gorby came along. And here is where that old "not me" partisan way of thinking scalds us; liberals think Gorby, not Reagan, deserves the credit. By that measure the incompetent engineers who designed Chernobyl deserved it. But Ronald Reagan never wavered from his fierce anti-Communism, and the Soviets knew it, and in time they backed down. That Russia is today a kleptocracy owes nothing to Reagan; the Russian people had little experience in democracy and a great deal in Mafia. But the eastern Europeans are free, which they could not say a scant two decades ago. Let us ignore the impulse to be false on anniversaries like this and honor Ronald Reagan for a signal achievement of history. Saturday, February 05, 2011
Another news hack thing we can do without is misleading subheds. Grate.com (which is very good at the misleading never mind the subheds) gives us this:
The Other Woman requires the Oscar-contender to portray a complex character. Ha! And DANA, who could comfortably lounge with The Gang of 27, only meekly says what sub-hed says; one guesses if she'd known about the subhed she might have spent her whole revue apologizing for it. This will happen, however, when Web sites are edited by raging partisans who don't give a damn about the back of the "book", or somehow seem to edit themselves.
ARCHDaily!
![]() I don't care how many billions you spend on a parking garage -- it's still a parking garage! ![]() Dear Dear design (SIC), what is with you starchitects and $50 million shoe stores? ![]() 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...uh Bangalore, we have a problem.
We would like to create a list of Stories News Hacks Should Not Run. These are stories that most news hacks are expected to run, that they know cause heartburn and exasperation among their readers, that they run anyway because it gives them that feeling of power over mere people. We must believe, however, that a few intelligent and conscientious people in the news biz (there are such people -- aren't there?) know what this constant empty-calorie diet is doing to their readership, and their reputations, and their finances, and that they could find enough serious news to easily fill in the hole left by this reportorial turkey stuffing. Some of these topics we've discussed way too often before, but at least now we know where to put them. To wit:
1. Any story on fluke private tragedies, except insofar as exposure might help those victimized by said tragedies. 2. Any story on the ENORMOUS INFLUENCE of ED MURROW, or ERIC SEVAREID, or PILLHEAD. 3. Any story that acts as a proxy for an ad campaign. 4. Any think piece on FACEBOOK or TWITTER. Such pieces tend to be long-winded buncombe. 5. Any show-biz piece involving "SNARK." Such pieces are either hidden compliments or sales pitches. 6. Anything that tries to turn an act of meaningless business incompetence into rocket science (i.e., the fight over RED SKELTON or the GAP logo fiasco). 7. Puff pieces for CEOs. 8. Any article that attempts to find a higher meaning in SLIME. 9. Any article that justifies our favorite movees by discerning their public service, or by creating bogus trends, or by stoking controversies that would otherwise not exist. 10. Any story on HUFF 'n' PUFF or NICK DORKEN as such stories will never be honest or accurate about their finances, or else will parrot their party lines. 11. MIRACLE stories about the latest "miracles" in education or science, which tend to be debunked a year or two later. 12. Any story that relies on statistics that news hacks can easily misinterpret (mostly involving the economy). 13. Any stories on the Os-CARS® or the SUPER BOWL® before the fact, except for those extremely rare instances of legitimate news. 14. Any article that unwittingly gives the Wall Street Casino's captains superhuman powers (i.e., any story involving LLOYD BLANKFEIN). 15. Anniversary stories, as such stories are like clockwork and tend to be polite or obfuscatory (see TOMORROW). We will continue updating as annoyances warrant. Friday, February 04, 2011
The arrival of big names can also detract from the story itself. Not only do they become potential targets by protesters, their mere presence can shift the tone of coverage from what the events in Egypt mean to Egyptians and the rest of the world to how is the media responding to the violence or how is the unrest impacting the coverage.
Every reporter knows the feeling that when a story is breaking they should be there. Sometimes, though, that urge to rush in needs to be balanced with what is best for the story. In my own half-baked way this is what I said yesterday.
Here payrolls are up much less than expected and the unemployment rate drops half a percentage point?
Feds, keep the jokes to yourselves. News hacks today: "THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE DROPPED TO NINE PERCENT IN JANUARY AS...." YOU TOO. P. S. We've created a MILLION NEW JOBS IN A YEAR! WOW!!!!! Thursday, February 03, 2011
Perhaps if news hacks spent more time reporting news they'd give us more on this embarrassment of AMERICA'S GREATEST STATE importing electricity from Mexico during a cold snap on the eve of THE CURE FOR CANCER.
And of course the more news hacks are part of the story the less they report on the story.
Well, the Grammies repeatedly honored Henry Mancini, so why not invite Mick Jagger?
P. S. Two days after the merger:
May we ask why these BIG TEEVEE STARS must get so much face time from Egypt? What are they reporting about? A group with rocks fighting a group with Molotov cocktails. We really need reporters to accompany the visuals. For what? Needless injuries and deaths? Why is thirty people getting maimed reporting the same thing a badge of honor? With the big teevee stars the true purpose of such preening is to get bigger salaries. Real reporting is not pointing your finger at your bandages, nor Tweeting how brave you are. Of course Cable Nuisance Network doesn't know its fat fanny from a hole in the ground -- and thanks to the turnips it doesn't have to.
JPMorgan Was Complicit In Madoff Scam, Suit Alleges
Reverse the names and you have a good case of mutual backscratching.
ARCHDaily!
![]() Don't go in there! You'll shrink to THREE INCHES HIGH! ![]() "The Gown"? What would these starchitects have done to a BIKINI? ![]() In the dark days of 1942, as the allied Merchant Marine came under heavy pressure from German U-boats, a new secret warship, the S. S. Firminy, set sail from.... Oh, it's a "classic"? So's Plan 9 from Outer Space. At least you can laugh at that. This is the visual equivalent of SERIALISM.
The document was issued by Senate Homeland Security Committee Chairman Joe Lieberman, an independent, and the panel's senior Republican Senator Susan Collins.
Yep, Fort Hood, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
We will give CONCAST the benefit of the doubt and say this stunt is well-meaning, but you can't strangle your customers' checkbooks by being well-meaning.
Rarely, very rarely, SUPERADAM!!!!!'s empire seems to whirr and buzz and spark out of its bog of CW and show-biz PR and into life, like Dr. Frankenstein's monster after the first zap of electricity. His site contains two necessary and utterly dispiriting stories, the first on the hellhole for young criminals at Rikers Island, the second on the pornographic culture of teenagers. A nation that pays "investment bankers" zillions almost deserves such depravity, and even our kingdom of gods cannot be spared the judgment of God.
Now if only SUPERADAM!!!!! would keep his creation out of the bog we would cease with the sarcastic nickname.
Can you name a living classical composer? Or a living painter, or sculptor? Or a living playwright? Or a living writer who writes serious books? We used to have these things. We think of this after the death of the serial composer (!) Milton Babbitt, best known to the public (if he is known at all) as a teacher of HERR DOKTOR SONDHEIM. While some composers are unjustly neglected one test of whether they will live is if they live with the people, and Babbitt will not live because he wrote experiments. (We've seen pictures of him posing before computers -- how apt.) There are too many reasons we don't have living composers, but the ultimate reason is from within: the creative types who should lead us can't because they have no inspiration, and without inspiration there is no art, cri-TICS to the frequent contrary. And serialism was a perfect excuse to submerge inspiration with mere technique, a barren, sterile technique, and it helped turn our concert halls into elderhostels.
Like Elliott Carter (still going strong at 102), Babbitt composed music that was as notable for its intellectual BRILLIANCE as for its lack of acceptance by mainstream audiences. (BRILLIANT overemphasis added) And here is another reason art doesn't work -- the cri-TICS are too busy flattering themselves. Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Visitors to People.com generated more than 1 billion page views in January, according to Omniture, setting a record for the magazine and probably for all magazine sites. What's the secret, beyond obsessive coverage of Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry and Katie Holmes?
"Hitch your website to an enormously successful magazine," said Mark Golin, editor of People Digital. Beat. "I'm joking." Given that PEOPLE WARNER STOCK went KA-BOOOOOINNNNG!!!!! today, YOU'RE NOT. ONLY 270 POINTS TO GO to an ALL-TIME HIGH!
The NEW! IMPROVED!! "MAVERICK" JOHN McCAIN!!! sure was one busy senator today. Is he running for something?
And is it really that dignified of a senator to spell "4" for "for" and "2" for "two", whatever his medium?
Well whadya know -- a protest rally here! Sometimes I think the world passes Philthydelphia by. About a hundred, Egyptian nationals I'm guessing, mostly college kids I'm also guessing, waving Egyptian flags and being very cheerful. History is on their side, even if the forces of lawlessness on both sides are not.
A con-SER-va-tive dances on his desk because the economy is BOOMING again -- without the dead weight of MILLIONS OF WORKERS!
Is it any wonder the forces of the right seem to have a compassion deficit? (Via Jo-NAH!!!!!)
So! EDDIE was right -- EDS 'N' MEDS (not to mention brainiacs playing games with stocks and bonds) WILL fuel the 21st-century economy!
Didn't he forget SHOW-BIZ -- and CONVENTION CENTERS? (Via HENRY HONEST!)
Said one insider at Newsweek, "Morale is nonexistent. Everyone I know is just waiting for a buyout offer so they can scoot. Beast management is total amateur hour. There are all sorts of editors rushing around now between the Beast and Newsweek."
The destruction of two media organizations begins -- and no millions or egos can stop it. Tuesday, February 01, 2011
![]() WFMU's blog has just run a piece on the "comedian" Joe E. Ross. He was a lovable schlub on the air and a hateable SOB off. Despite a few hasty errors ("errant ego"?) it is a fascinating eulogy for a show-biz fringe figure who had considerable success despite himself: a vulgarian on stage, a total slob who couldn't eat without getting an entire meal on his clothes, husband of eight alleged hookers. In short, a modern hero. There is too much here to underline that statement but consider this choice bit from the set of Car 54, Where Are You?: Hank Garrett remembers an especially embarrassing moment when the sponsor came by. "The clients. Top people from Proctor & Gamble came to see us. We were shooting at the old Biograph-Gold Medallion Studios in the Bronx ... and in came the big wigs. Our clients. They stopped at each one of our dressing rooms to talk to us, to meet us. They said this is Hank Garrett, he plays Nicholson and how do you do. There were old ladies and they were all decked out and their husbands all in black suits and ties. They went to Fred Gwynne and then Al Lewis ... then they went into Joe E. Ross's room and I heard ... screaming and people running down the halls. I said, 'Geez, what happened?' Joe E. was masturbating at the time." Today the Moon 'n' Stars gang would give him a big raise. You must read this if you want a warming twinge of nostalgia mixed with contemporary nausea.
CITIGROUP's in the music biz!
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT! Remember: That company gave us PEPE LE PEW BEWKES! (Via Seeking Alpha) ![]() ED! Interview HOSNI!! Show Your miracle powers and GET HIM OUT OF THERE!!!!! If ED did it and Hosni left, we might not criticize Him so much -- until the Muslim Brotherhood showed up.
We should have posted this yesterday: Intel announced what amounts to a huge recall of support chips for its new super-duper mid-range CPUs because they failed a stress test, and now my fellow amateur computer builders are in a tizz because so many are first adopters, and must have the latest and greatest. Why should anyone consent to be a guinea pig? Pioneering don't pay.
Wait a second, Tim -- I thought TV IS BETTER THAN EVER!!!!!
There's an easy solution, Tim -- write about the BEST two-hour blocks of television. That should take 360,000 words. ![]() Seeing as how The Wax had to accompany her story on ED MURROW with this photo we're glad that we don't watch Him, even though it means missing the SWIFTIAN OBSERVATIONS, THE SHAVIAN WIT, THE SHERIDANIAN HUMOR, OF THE GREATEST SATIRIST OF ALL TIME. And we would note His total audience is about the same as it ever was, meaning roughly ONE-HALF OF ONE PERCENT OF THE U. S. is watching Him -- and half of them NEWS HACKS.
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