Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Tuesday, February 11, 2003

    Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

    Please: The Professor, who knew the shuttle was destroyed by a "tile zippering effect," knows the alleged Osama tape was "supplied" by the CIA.

    If the last three decades' history teaches us anything, it's that when conspiracy theories start, they don't stop. We're at war with holy cockroaches because of their conspiracy theories. The French hate us because of their conspiracy theories. The whole of Western Europe is aflame with conspiracy theories.

    Isn't all that moolah from Rupert and Bill and Little Jeffrey enough? Take your pills, Professor.

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