Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, June 12, 2004

    Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

    Today I was at my local Annoy-'Em-With-Lousy-Customer-Service-and-Foreground-Muzak emporium (the local A & P -- er, SuperFresh) when I noticed it was selling remaindered books. Two of them struck my eye: the first an anthology of "letters" by the bootlegger, fornicator and fascist Joseph P. Kennedy Sr., each one drably written and full of its own self-importance, as if to say, "Testing, testing! 'S the mike on? Can you hear me? Boomboomboom HELLOOOOOOOOO OUT THERE! THIS LETTER IS HISTORIC!" It bore suitable cover-jacket endorsement lies from Arthur "Reagan Will Go Down as Our Worst President" Schlesinger and Michael "The News Hack's Historian" Beschloss. The second was an authorized "biography" of Payne Stewart, printed like a grade-school reader: 250 pages of a hundred words each. These pulp wastes constitute so much of what our booksellers misrepresent as literature the republic would scarcely notice if whole bookstore chains were remaindered. Trees should stand up and demand their rights.

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