Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

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Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Posted 6:18 AM by Gene

When some people desperately want to believe something, they'll say anything. "YEP, THE MOVIE WITH ALL THOSE HOT YOUNG STRAIGHT DUDES SHOVING TOY CARS UP THEIR POSTERIORS ACTUALLY BEAT OUT MICHAEL MOORE AT THE BOX OFFICE!!!!!" screams Andy S., citing someone called IMAO as his expert. Problem is, box-office numbers are FIXABLE (double entendre intended), and P. R. MIKE'S distributor (the badly acronymed FAG group) "adjusted" its numbers to add an extra $2 MILLION. The WALL STREET JOURNALS CONSERVATIVE EDITION (which also cited the earlier numbers) may THINK Jackass is a documentary; that's like saying Andy S. is heterosexual. We've had it up to our gizzards with all partisan types thanks to screaming and cajoling like this, and at any rate THE GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM HISTORY will clean its competitors' clocks right down to the second hand. Is it that important?

And a special tip of the benny to ANDY S. for making it impossible to cut-and-paste from his site. And YOU encouraged your @#$%&* FISKERS to do some copyright infringement?

P. S. BUT IF WE ADJUST FOR INFLATION...oh shut up.

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