Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Thursday, October 14, 2004


People aren't supposed to think THIS:

Last night George W. Bush and John Kerry stood in front of America and professed their faith in God Almighty. And, I have to say, now that I know I don't have to sit through another one of these trite, not-so-vaguely insulting spectacles, I'm a believer, too. Praise Him who has delivered me from tired soundbites and bland platitudes.

The only thing more galling than the drivel trickling out of the candidates' mouths was how gleefully serious the media coverage was. A Modesto Bee columnist actually called the debates "enormously informative, even riveting," and on MSNBC Tim Russert gushed, "Since the beginning of time people have been drawn to the town square to listen to those who want to lead us. It's inspiring."

Despite having nothing but cave paintings to go on, I can't help but feel an actual debate between folks from "the beginning of time" would have been more "riveting" than the Bush-Kerry debates. At least then we would have gotten down to some basic alpha male skills: You know, starting fires, winning club fights, evolving. That would be more useful to me than watching two, rich spoiled brats, who have never been denied a single thing they wanted, argue airily about who hates poverty more when neither of them understands the first thing about being poor. They're just babbling on, like Howard Dean talking about his good pal Jesus (The Son of God, not the Son of Emilio). You think the folks in the trailer parks are taking either of these guys seriously? Think again.


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