THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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THE 231-AWARD-WINNING MR. MARK SPEAKS (no, he's not on the cover):
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, well, I guess it is Christmas, and all these Bible-thumping holy rollers out there (not that they read our magazine -- not that they CAN read) have to be placated -- well, that's the solace, they came out to see Mel, and that's show-biz, and if it's show-biz it's good for the magazine...and one thing I know, whether it's a cover story or a teaser, we're gonna put show biz out front every damned week, and we'll win the awards by shafting the military or Dubya. Kill every last one of our brainless readers with TWO stones! And we can forever hoodwink the trade with all the plugs by performing a public service.
GOD I hate to be reminded of when I'm not king of the universe. Well, there's one solace: Jesus didn't edit a newsmagazine, hahaha.