THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Calm down, STERNO (not that you can); ED would probably be used in "humorous" essays (VIACON Network News has had them for years), and it is highly unlikely he'd actually emcee the show for reasons I've spelled out before (although given that HHHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. seems to have gotten much of his humorlessness from his stint on GE BANCORP ENTERTAINMENT'S NIGHTLY NEWS anything IS possible). Perhaps in the back of his diamond-encrusted pea brain The Mooner realizes the damage DANNO and MARY did to his news operation is irreparable, so he can talk about multiple anchors and ED and hiring that pompous ass LORD KOPPEL of ESPNCORP (65 on Feburary 8) or Pee-TAH (67 on July 29) and "reinventing the news" (code for screwing up fancily). If it sticks to the wall -- God knows our NEWS can't.
I have a suggestion, Mooner: why not NO ANCHORS? You'd save yourself MILLIONS that you could use to produce FIVE MORE JUNKY COMEDY CENTRAL SHOWS!
Prediction: KATIE'S IN -- and then the fun REALLY begins.