Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Sunday, February 20, 2005

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

As we saw from last week, we cannot turn to Mr. Mark's RAG without expecting him to play mind games on his readers. Not wanting to read it, we still cannot help wondering how he can work a seemingly uncontroversial issue as autism to his advantage. (Probably he's gotten a PC take on ABORTION into it, somehow.) Happily there are other tricks we can play on our readers -- we can call Larry Summers (or as one of Mr. Mark's drones must call him on the home page and the story subhed, Larry Summer) "heavy-handed" without asking on whom he's laying the heavy hand...and we can do what we do best, get our top-flight press agent Devin to annoy the living bejesus (pardon, bewarren) out of our readers with a "hilarious" sales pitch. Who needs God on Sunday mornings when you have THE GOSPEL OF MR. MARK?

Really, if medical researchers want to do something, they could do worse -- far worse -- than study the brains of BLUNDER'S STAFF. It might not cure AUTISM, but it could hold the key to a cure to MASS STUPIDITY.

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