Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Monday, April 18, 2005

    Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

    Edward Jay Epstein just got a BIG SMOOCH FROM -- MICKEYMOUSE NIXON!!!!!

    To call this fatuous is to praise it. I own shares in a well-known food company that increased roughly fifty-fold in the last twenty years. How did it do it? With a library? And if the MICK is the GREATEST BUSINESSMAN OF ALL TIME explain the LAST TEN YEARS -- after he made it ESPNCORP.

    Eddie Epstein, MR. OPRAH -- when will people learn BIG NAMES DON'T MEAN ANYTHING?

    Hey Eddie! Don't you realize -- GE BANCORP has NOTHING TO DO WITH TOENAIL.COM ANYMORE!!!!! LEGENDARY WELCH RETIRED!!!!! EDDIE...EEEEEEEEEEDDIE!!!!!!!!!!



    THIS IS OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD WINNER -- BIG TIME!!!!!

    Pieces of -- DOGGIE DOO like THIS, HOWIE HAIRSHIRT, are why ORDINARY PEOPLE PLY NEWS HACKS WITH INVECTIVE.

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