Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Friday, September 09, 2005

    Posted 7:11 PM by Gene

    "Be prepared to be fired."

    This is signal advice for the conscientious, courageous reporter; it is laughable, to put it mildly, when KEN FELATTA offers it. Felatta has not committed a fireable offense since the time he stepped his expensive wingtip shoes into the magical offices of Thomas Murphy and Daniel Burke and saw GOD. From there it was an Armani-suited step to SUMNER's office to proclaim Him immortal, and the bald-pated JESUS II's office to proclaim Him immortal, and the POET LAUREATE GERRY LEVIN's office to proclaim Him immortal, and from there to ridicule as the news biz' most profitable sycophant. "It's wrong to portray our bosses in a cartoon fashion as greedy capitalists unconcerned with anything besides maximum profits," saith the great court jester Kenneth, and PRAISE THE LORDS he never has. If these Notre Dame students want advice on how to be a good reporter the LAST person they should heed is KEN FELATTA.

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