Posted 7:55 PM by Gene

One thing I've masochistically downloaded to my hard drive is the notorious Winston commercial starring the Flintstones, and having seen it a million times (at double-speed -- thank you, Bugmeister Bill!) I must make a few points:

1. The commercial starts with the "camera" following Wilma mowing the lawn. I thought lawn mowing was a male thing. Did she ask Fred to mow it? Or did they have an argument? Or was someone afraid the lawn mower might run unattended?

2. Cut to Betty beating on a rug, which probably broke Bill and Joe's bank as the only thing they ever animated was their characters' mouths.

3. After the boys decide to be male chauvinist pigs Barney pulls a HUGE pack of Winstons BOTTOM UP from inside his shirt, which is SHORTER. How did they fit? More to the point, WHERE did they fit? And why would you want to smoke any cigarette buried THERE? And with the cigarettes conveniently protruding from the pack couldn't the Bedrock police have gotten him for indecent exposure? Which further raises the question: modern Stone-Age women wore skirts; why didn't modern Stone-Age men wear PANTS?*

4. Fred and Barney yap about the miracles of Winstons, lung and heart disease not included, then we cut to Wilma and Betty having stopped their tasks in three seconds flat (and Betty probably having jumped over a wall) to stare at the scene and each other quizzically (as stare they might with any husband who can banter, "Winston packs rich tobaccos specially selected...."), then we cut back to Fred and Barney smoking and yapping some more. They gab and gab so much it's a wonder they had time to light their ciggies, which they do in a half-second. (Bill and Joe probably drew that in in a hurry.) Barney demonstrates the superb flavor of his 300-millimeter Winston by



holding a thumb and forefinger to the "up-front" end, which happily did not occasion him stealing an ad-lib from a studio colleague: "Ooooooooooooooh, thahyt SMARRRRTS!" Fortunately the ciggie sems to have unlit itself. Good thing the Feds never learned of THAT.

5. In five seconds Wilma has abandoned her lawn mower and Betty her rug beater and both magically deposit a newly-discovered mop, wash basin and washboard at their husbands' feet, which proves you should never mess with grammar. (AS, Fred, not LIKE.) Fred holds his Winston so close to the mop it's a wonder he didn't set fire to it. Maybe it was wet.

6. Meantime, what happened to the mower? Perhaps the same fate as the cat who never stayed out for the night.

7. The download concludes with an end-of-show sponsor tag and a symphony of typical HB non sequiturs: "Camera" panning to the Flintstones' abode with Fred seated comfortably and staring blankly at his television as if hypnotized or about to laugh uncontrollably and a pack of Winstons staring out the window (with the ciggies protruding EXACTLY the same way as Barney's); cut to said pack of Winstons magically reversing field so Fred and Wilma could have at them (almost exactly as in the commercial, although Wilma's arm isn't so burly), the cigarettes coming out without the pack falling down; cut to scene where Wilma has taken Fred's place in the chair in five seconds and Fred lighting Winstons for both with one hand to save Bill and Joe money after animating Betty. Nobody seems to have noticed the table top that changed from rectangular to hexagonal or that it sprouted a magically appearing ashtray.

Then, as a Winston billboard flashes serenely in the foreground, almost all the lights in the neighborhood go out one-by-one in five seconds.

One other thing -- no laugh track!

*This might further inspire arguments about that masterpiece of non sequiturs the Flintmobile, whose axles weren't secured (how did they stay on the car?), whose steering wheel steered nothing, and that accelerated and braked with foot power. (How did modern Stone-Age families avoid big doctor bills?) But then people could really go nuts over other HB non sequiturs, such as why Yogi Bear wears a collar and tie. Don't ask. Bill and Joe never did.

(Augmented October 10 and 16, with several corrections.)