THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it.
FREE ENTERPRISE CON-SER-VA-TIVES! YOU MUST PROTEST THIS OUTRAGEOUS MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE! WHO SAYS LIBERALS ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN PROTEST? ORGANIZE "CITIZENS FOR GRASSO"! THOUSANDS would sign up! Like LARRY "GREED" KUDLOW, and DOW 36,000, and, uh, er...