Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

MASTERPIECE! Luke Spielberg and GE Bancorp all but BOUGHT the cover of PEOPLE NEWSRAG so that King Richard or somebody could call His film a masterpiece, just as Peter and GE Bancorp all but bought some space in TOILETBOWL rag to trumpet that the APE was a masterpiece ("2,189 supremely uncritical words"! WOW!!), so what happens? Everybody's mad (read jealous) that Luke gets all that real estate and no one else gets anything in return! What do they EXPECT from newsrags? And then Luke's CRISIS-MANAGEMENT honcho won't comment! What did He pay you for? To create a crisis? (Of course with clients like "R. Kelly and Rush Limbaugh" you SHOULD be experienced.) To top it off Richard Schickel, who's been a TWXSTER only, what, a hundred years, and has obviously used his long and fruitful wisdom to his advantage (making "a documentary that Spielberg produced and financed through DreamWorks" -- ka-CHING!!!!!), denies he had anything to do with the MASTERPIECE tag! Clever marketing, Dick! Someday St. Henry of Luce in His heaven will REWARD you for it! And all this masterpiece talk didn't stop Brooksy and Leon Wieseltier from trashing the pic, to which we can only say, you get what you PAY for.

GE Bancorp's going to win the ACADEMY AWARD® with a PC movie, but don't ask Little Jeffy. He wouldn't know.

WHY DO WE NEED NEWSRAGS?

P. S.

A few weeks earlier, Time trumpeted its "first look" at "Memoirs of a Geisha," which included the prediction that " 'Geisha' has a shot to join 'Chicago' as a best picture champ." When I asked Schickel about this hyperbole, he responded: "Since I slept through 'Geisha,' I can guarantee I didn't write that...."

OUR NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD TO DICK SCHICK!

P. P. S. This must be the "documentary" he made -- a PLUG for a LUKE SPIELBERG flick. Don't these TWXSTERS know anything but promotion?

You, DICK SCHICK, have moved up to the HEAD OF THE LINE for our SECOND ANNUAL NEUHARTHISM OF THE YEAR AWARD!