Posted 9:08 AM by Gene

Last week The Cute Little Pink Paper ran a feature in which its intern branded the newsrags as "musty and pointless." Too often hacks who write for rags that wear their irony on their sleeve will spout off for no reason, and TCLPP has done so almost as many times as the dollars it's lost, but hacks can hit on the truth even if for no better reason than to display their attitude. There is something profoundly wrong with the newsrags. We'll start with PEOPLE NEWSRAG today. Go into the table of contents and you have two stories anyone could write in his sleep: first that corporations are giving money in ways to help EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans, and second (and not for the initial time) that we should negotiate with Iran. (We suspect PRESIDENT HEIN-TZZZ is negotiating with select members of the PEOPLE NEWSRAG staff.) THE QUEEN OF BLOGGING tells us the newsrags "have enormous investigative resources that bloggers don’t have," and yet too often they seem compiled by an Onion staff with no sense of humor. (Assuming it has a sense of humor.) Fifteen grafs of CW doesn't seem worthy of the hundreds of "reporters" and "writers" and "editors" who serve up this weekly slop. Indeed the newsrags are proof if news orgs fired five-sixth of their staffs there'd be no difference. We crave information; the success of the Web in disseminating it shows that. But we don't crave any information; we crave complete information, information free from bias and spin and platitudes. That we don't get from the newsrags. Only America's coffee tables and reception rooms and greedy educrats keep them from joining the papers in deserved decline.

And as it happened the rags did do a BRUCE, but not the kind of Bruce we expected, and that's probably because they've already plugged THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.