THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Washington and Dallas face off Sunday as the HISTORIC rivalry heats up. –Jason La Canfora [Overemphasis added]
We pause for a moment. Remember that guy from -- Spain? France? Italy? Portugal? -- who did the head butt? What head butt? You don't remember? Yet 80,000 hacks breathlessly told us 20 billions were glued to their televisions during the fiendish act. Soccer -- FUTBALL -- made us scratch our heads for weeks. Now imagine what the rest of the world thinks when 400-pound meat slabs collide at 60 MPH, and we call it HISTORIC. Really guys, if you want a job, there's this new kid in the commish's office. But then you may have to give up that comfy press box. What shall it be?
And in other late-breaking norts spews:
Bears vs. Lions at Solider Field
That's a good alternate name for the spaceship.
Continuing with our norts spews rundown, The Flying Keyboard chimes in:
They hit the road, and for the first time in six years, the road did not hit back. In fact, what Michigan did Saturday in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus was enough to make Lloyd Carr consider an entire season of away games. They came, they saw, they trashed the place.
This is what I love about news hacks -- their precision writing. Hey Oprahette, after what Buckeye fans did last week I'm not sure we should have used that word.