Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Sunday, December 03, 2006

    Posted 4:29 AM by Gene

    We confess at this early hour of the morning (we can't sleep) we haven't the foggiest idea what JonBoy is up to. In his domestic edition he has Norm Thomas's grandson opine about the ten wise guys, concluding with another of those notorious last grafs that's supposed to act as a coda while saying nothing. Really, we wish we knew WHY the hacks want us outoutOUT of Iraq. As bad as things may be they never question whether the alternative may be worse, or maybe they just don't care. With Iran and Syria running the show we may not want to venture they'd leave us alone.

    We scratch our heads over Jon's other editions: Asia and Latin America get the Useless News treatment with "Your Genetic Secrets". But the Europe edition is very puzzling: Europe's "loss" of Turkey -- "a tragedy—a catastrophe, potentially—of epochal proportions!!!!!" [Overemphasis added.] We know next to nothing about the situation with its EU bid except the one good thing is it would be exempt from thousand-page regulations on the length of bananas.

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