Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, May 05, 2007

    Posted 11:18 AM by Gene

    Little Malcolm has hit the jackpot! (That or he got all his Fabergé eggs back.) We run a press release on Mug Whitman and her "ethics", which was probably in the can when a certain target-practicer was buying his ammo. We unearth "Up"-Chuck Barris from the dead for the sole reason of tormenting our readers. We run a something by Peter Huber home-page-hedded, "What sort of people are very worried about global warming but not very worried about terrorism?", which if we reversed the order would prove you can never have too many partisans. We do an article on boom-car competitions, which gives us an idea for Little Malcolm's ears. Surely there's something in the latest issue worth reading -- there always is...isn't there? -- but Little Malcolm has always said the Web would replace print, and for once we wish it would prove him right.

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