Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

    Blogroll Me!

    [Powered by Blogger]

    Saturday, July 21, 2007

    Posted 7:48 PM by Gene

    OHoh, JonBoy dares his rapidly growing subscriber base to run screaming from their coffee tables -- with A "SPECIAL REPORT" on..."I---M IN AMERICA!"

    Was ever any newsrag story more guessable without being read?

    Elsewhere he runs a cover plug for Second Life, which makes us wonder why he didn't run it domestically, the principal purpose of a newsrag being to flatten its readers' heads.

    IT MAY BE THE INTERNET'S NEXT BIG THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Overemphasis added]

    TRANSLATION: 1. When's the IPO? 2. St. WARRRRRRRRRRRREN! Here's a chance to overcome your Webophobia! 3. What makes these zillionaire newsrag editors think they can always sell their BS?

    A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD to JESSICA and MALCOLM!

    Oops:

    If Gartner is to be believed (and it is one of the most RESPECTED research firms in the field) this means 1.6 billion—out of a total 2 billion Internet users—will have found new lives online. [Overemphasis added]

    A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to JESSICA and MALCOLM!

    P. S. All right JonBoy, we surrender -- we read the centerpiece, and it wasn't half-bad. So we shouldn't jump to conclusions; but dammit JonBoy, your rag still runs plugs, and it still stinks.

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