THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
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Hey Cheapie Marketwatch CEO of the Year JIM SKINNER! I got an idea from FUN TIMES® with RONALD McDONALD®:
Let's go to...RUSSIA!
WOW, that's OLD! Saint Basil's Cathedral was finished in 1561. That makes it 446 years old!
Well we figure in another 446 years the MICK will be what, about 500 YEARS OLD, and it'll be the exact same company then as now, selling fifth-rate slop at first-rate margins! Anybody see a QUINTILLION-DOLLAR COMPANY?
When I grow up I want to be an architect. I love unique buildings, which is why I want to go to Moscow in Russia. They have some awesome buildings there. My favorite is Saint Basil's Cathedral [great minds think alike! -- ED], I [SIC] like the colors and shapes -- it looks magical!
Jonathan, age 10
Well JIM SKINNER must be a pretty good architect himself! We'd bet he's been in the Kremlin dozens of times to beg Belly Kisser to let him build thousands more MICKS from Moscow to Siberia! All we know is Jim, we hope Belly Kisser's been obliging -- and that OIL keeps going upupUP!
Oh and CEO of the Year -- don't forget to pay your TAXES! Otherwise you'll get an F on your Belly Kisser report card!
A stale Double Quarter Pounder and non-working credit-card terminals will do this to you.