Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

    AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!

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    Friday, August 28, 2009

    Posted 7:19 PM by Gene

    Two more reasons the world needed SOB to found USAOKAY!!!!!: for rock mu-SICK cri-TICS to ooh and ahh over those expensive new Beatles sets they're getting for free; and for a comprehensive 773-WORD investigative report on His Omnipotence's golf game.



    A NEUHARTHISM OF ALL TIME AWARD TO GANNETT AND USAOKAY!!!!!

    P. S. We now learn the picture was taken by the great portrait photographer Yousuf Karsh, the man who pulled the cigar from Churchill's mouth. What did Karsh do to get him to grimace like that? Say his profit margin would go down to 90 percent?

    One other odd thing: What do the original NEUHARTH and Dennis Kookcinich have in common? (See page 14 of this .pdf file.) Oddly also GanNETt's personal papers are housed at Cornell, in what Freepers must always call THE CITY OF EVIL. The irony is sublime.

    (Edited 11/17/2009 to reflect that the hacks got more than one set, no doubt)

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