Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Thursday, November 26, 2009


And since Henry Honest posted this yesterday, let's bring back one of our old favorites:

We celebrate NATIONAL AIRPLANE CRAMMING, TURKEY GORGING, FOOTBALL GAZING AND BANGING DOWN THE STORES' DOORS AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT DAY because 144 years ago some president issued a proclamation. That we haven't the foggiest idea why a president would issue such a proclamation makes it easier to gorge on the turkey and camp out at Wal-Mart. Indeed if we had the least idea why a certain president issued this proclamation we might not see this day as just another justification for mindless spending and family arguments. We can so easily forget our great traditions' antecedents because they mean virtually nothing to us. Christmas ceased to have a connection with anything religious decades ago, and the similar justification to this day -- some folks in funny clothes with funny guns colliding with a rock someplace -- would seem laughable except it had something to do with us becoming the Superman of nations. Inevitably we would forget past struggles; The "Good" War was so increasingly long ago it may have happened on another planet. But we're so blind to the past now that when it comes history's time to repeat itself we'll just do as Dubya does, flail, make a platitude, and hope the people mindlessly spending can save us. We could do worse than humble ourselves to God, as Lincoln did, and hope He is still prepared to save our nation, as unworthy as we've more often become of it.

Our only updates would be to substitute "146" for "144", "His Omnipotence" for "Dubya", and "the government" for "the people".

P. S. at 7:50 p. m. We just scanned your listicle, Hank. 1. It's stupid. 2. Why does the URL say "15-reasons" when you only list 12? Or was your intern bored too?

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