Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:

1. Count on the Crainiacs to come up with excuses for recidivist endorsers -- two excuses: First, the companies can always cut the endorsers' fees. This still means the CEOs are entitled to their luxury boxes and bawling out the help. And it doesn't address the fact that, as even these Crainiacs half admit, endorsers may not be that good at moving the goods, especially when they work for P&G Overpriced Razor Blade Division. Second, the endorsers can be THEMSELVES. Well, they're no longer Goody Two-Shoes, are they? And what Crainiac article would be complete without some nincompoop in corporate PR:

"The Gillette Champions are still acknowledged amongst best sportsmen in the world," a spokesman said in a statement. "They are also human beings and make mistakes. By acknowledging and learning from their mistakes, we hope they will become even better, both in the game and beyond."

TRANSLATION: Why ask me such stupid questions? The bosses still want their final-round tickets. We're not sure that even Moon 'n' Stars would want a serial adulterer to be HIMSELF -- unless Cincinnati's having a population problem.

P&G: The Worst a Man Can Get.

2. Speaking of excuses, the Crainiacs will never stop making them for the Super Bowl -- and the CEOs sponsor it for the same reasons they're buddy-buddies with TGM and that soc -- FOOTBALL passer. But being an eight-digit parasite means you have to come up with excuses, like "buzz" and "ROI" and "virality". To which we answer -- you're spending millions on tickets for yourselves. BUZZ OFF, CEOS, AND GET VIRAL WITH SWINE FLU.

3. And of course all those CMOs and other ad money-wasters must justify their fiscal incineration, and one new way of doing it is with social networks. Judging from the examples that kind of advertising is a higher-end form of spam.

4. What could be better than to have hundreds of millions to burn on junk television? To be the CMO of GUVMENT MOTORS -- and it's 61 percent THE TAXPAYERS' MONEY!