Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

We dare say His Omnipotence will not need Air Force One when he can float back home on the applause of being Honorary President of Europe. At times like these we yearn for Mencken. How he savaged Warren Gamaliel Harding, that fount of bloviation, always careful to emphasize his middle name. Happily His Omnipotence seemed to have used the first person often enough. Unfortunately he seems to have admitted to a problem: "I do not bring with me today a definitive solution to the problems of war." Shucks Om, that's why they chose you -- to bring peace and eternal life! You can't do it? As for the rest of the speech (or what we can hurriedly scan of it) his two hundred ghosts served up ample platitudes that will not bring peace to one person except him unlucky enough to read the oration word for word, and then more like a fitful nap. We gather too in so much verbiage he said we are subservient to the League of Nations, blather not terribly likely to bring down our unemployment rate.

The only question is, how can the Dynamite Memorial bozos ever top this?

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