Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Monday, February 08, 2010

    Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

    UP TWO PERCENT?!?!? I guess Nielsen couldn't lie that much.

    SPECIAL P. R. UPDATE AT 1:54 P. M.

    SUPER BOWL MOST WATCH TV SHOW EVER!!!!!!!!!! [SIC!!!!!!!!!!]

    And of course by now we've gotten five different numbers. One thing I know: David "300" Bauder is feeling good, and he was in a great hurry to smile to the world -- and you can be sure he wouldn't know the difference between "watch" and "watched", or his fat fanny and a hole in the ground. Why the hacks should feel good about the press releases they spout is beyond me. If they want to feel good they should work for their sources (as they already do de facto) -- or RETIRE.

    P. S. THIS IDIOTIC TYPO HAS GONE OUT THROUGH THE WHOLE ASSPRESS SYSTEM -- a moment of great pride for CURLEY (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!), no doubt. (Although CURLEY seems in a big hurry to correct it, unlike with stories that might be more important.)

    And so nobody thinks we made it up:



    MORONS.

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