Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, May 07, 2011

    Posted 1:53 PM by Gene

    Good news: That lunkheaded CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED cartoon epic started below expectations!

    Better news: That lunkheaded cars 'n' babes movee declined 70 percent!

    Best news: MEL'S COMEBACK FIZZLES!

    "Oh, it's a good day...."

    SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, speaking for Her bosses, on the first one:

    The good-looking Hemsworth allowed for heavy PR to drum up appeal among women with his shirtless clip a popular choice for talk shows with large female audiences who also were targeted with a Royal Wedding blitz. To solidify male appeal, Paramount had spots during the Super Bowl and NCAA Basketball, the UFC Marathon and UFC Fight Night Live Premiere. And, to appeal to the feeble-brained, Thor ads aired on the finale of Jersey Shore.

    Feeble-brained, of course, excludes anyone else who comes to see our excretions.

    Her excuse for the second:

    THEY TOOK OUR IMAX AWAY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    SUPERNIKKI!!!!!, shut up and go play with your numbers.

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