THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, July 17, 2004
An estimated 18 percent of the Medicare population meets the official definition of obese - a body mass index above 30, as would occur, for example, in a woman who was 5-foot-5 and weighed more than 180 pounds or a 6-foot man weighing more than 221 pounds. With weight-loss surgery costing $30,000 to $40,000 if there are no complications, the cost to Medicare of obesity treatments could be astronomical.
In the words of the late, great Ray Charles, what'd I say?
In the words of the late, great Ray Charles, what'd I say?
Hmmmmmmm....
LOS ANGELES -- In a July 16 story about Whoopi Goldberg being dropped from Slim-Fast advertising because of remarks she made about President Bush, The Associated Press reported erroneously that Slim-Fast is run by S. Daniel Abraham, a large donor to the Democratic party.
Abraham sold Slim-Fast to Unilever in 2000 and is no longer associated with the company.
Double hmmmmmmmmmm....
LOS ANGELES -- In a July 16 story about Whoopi Goldberg being dropped from Slim-Fast advertising because of remarks she made about President Bush, The Associated Press reported erroneously that Slim-Fast is run by S. Daniel Abraham, a large donor to the Democratic party.
Abraham sold Slim-Fast to Unilever in 2000 and is no longer associated with the company.
Double hmmmmmmmmmm....
The Sci Fi Channel admitted that it lied last month in claiming it was at odds with filmmaker M. Night Shyamalan and was making an unauthorized biography about his "buried secret."
Why didn't they just call it unreality programming?
Why didn't they just call it unreality programming?
Here is why I'll never win blogging: some automated site searched results for "bite fogey golf man shoes" -- and found MY BLOG.
A federal bankruptcy judge approved a $4.2 billion settlement between two subsidiaries of energy services company Halliburton that could end the companies' long-running liability over asbestos claims, according to court documents filed on Friday.
No no no no no no no no no NO! That should read, "A federal bankruptcy judge approved a $4.2 billion settlement between two subsidiaries of Vice-President Dick Cheney's former firm Halliburton...." (Well, it came in the THIRD graf.)
No no no no no no no no no NO! That should read, "A federal bankruptcy judge approved a $4.2 billion settlement between two subsidiaries of Vice-President Dick Cheney's former firm Halliburton...." (Well, it came in the THIRD graf.)
Privately, many Republican insiders think the president erred in rejecting the NAACP for the fourth straight year. They contend that getting booed and heckled probably would have been a political plus.
Yeah Bob, with the extra added bonus of weeks of NEWS HACKS screaming "WHY AFRICAN-AMERICANS DISLIKE BUSH."
P. S. Only positive: thousands of the stories would have begun, "When Whoopi Goldberg...."
Yeah Bob, with the extra added bonus of weeks of NEWS HACKS screaming "WHY AFRICAN-AMERICANS DISLIKE BUSH."
P. S. Only positive: thousands of the stories would have begun, "When Whoopi Goldberg...."
Usually when THE PAPER OF RECORD and THE BROADCASTER OF RECORD release their latest lies, damn lies and -- er, POLL, they take great pains to obfuscate anything that doesn't reflect highly on the TWO GREATEST ORGANIZATIONS IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. That they're admitting THE POLYESTER KID did not bring on a BOUNCE suggests the news may well nigh have been unavoidable, even for the most beloved news hacks ever to grace the universe.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Day-by-day schedule of Dem convention
DAY ONE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY TWO: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY THREE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY FOUR: I ACCEPT YOUR NOMINATION FOR zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I stand corrected: "Day One" should read "ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!" because Hillary and Al will speak at the end.
DAY ONE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY TWO: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY THREE: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
DAY FOUR: I ACCEPT YOUR NOMINATION FOR zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I stand corrected: "Day One" should read "ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!" because Hillary and Al will speak at the end.
Dennis Publishing is closing its monthly magazine Jack just over a year after acquiring the title amid intense competition on newsstands, the privately-owned publisher of "lad mag" Maxim says.
Jack was conceived as a more sophisticated alternative to mainstream magazines like FHM....
This assumes, of course, that fans of the lad mags can read.
Jack was conceived as a more sophisticated alternative to mainstream magazines like FHM....
This assumes, of course, that fans of the lad mags can read.
ANOTHER INSTASPIKE®!!!!! for this PROF-LINKED OBSERVATION on CIRCULATION INFLATION:
Meanwhile, thousands (hundreds of thousands? millions?) of blogs continue to allow their SiteMeter hit counters to be seen by anyone.
Hey fella, SiteMeter can be rigged too. (Just surf yourself several dozen times.)
Meanwhile, thousands (hundreds of thousands? millions?) of blogs continue to allow their SiteMeter hit counters to be seen by anyone.
Hey fella, SiteMeter can be rigged too. (Just surf yourself several dozen times.)
ONWARD AND UPWARD WITH THE ARTS:
"THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY," VH-1 (REV. 7/16)
Casting for "In Search of the Patridge [SIC] Family," a hour-series and a half-hour sitcom. It is the first time a scripted series will air its casting process as a reality show. Auditions will be taped. They are seeking actors who can sing and singers who can act. Seeking performers who resemble, sing, and act like a Partridge. More
THIS is ENOUGH.
"THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY," VH-1 (REV. 7/16)
Casting for "In Search of the Patridge [SIC] Family," a hour-series and a half-hour sitcom. It is the first time a scripted series will air its casting process as a reality show. Auditions will be taped. They are seeking actors who can sing and singers who can act. Seeking performers who resemble, sing, and act like a Partridge. More
THIS is ENOUGH.
Oops! The chess psycho and raging anti-Semite Bobby Fischer, a GET-A-LIFE type well before the Trekkies and the gamers and the JEOPARDY phreaks, has been arrested for using an invalid passport.
Time to let the FEDS have it, psych! Pffh-hh-hh!
Time to let the FEDS have it, psych! Pffh-hh-hh!
Lessons on artificial intelligence to be found in 'I, Robot'
Yes, as in, the intelligence behind today's movies is entirely artificial. We didn't need robots for that.
Yes, as in, the intelligence behind today's movies is entirely artificial. We didn't need robots for that.
Tommy goes PC on obesity and costs the Feds an extra few zillions.
Dubya must be going after the couch-potato vote.
Dubya must be going after the couch-potato vote.
AP NewsBreak: Kerry asks Sen. Clinton to introduce husband at convention
Who's running for president?
It MUST be important if WE announced it, RON.
Who's running for president?
It MUST be important if WE announced it, RON.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Building and running a small business is a great dream. It allows you to use your talents, gives you a shot at financial independence and frees you from the yoke of bosses whose IQ is smaller than their shoe size.
How many of them work at THE MESS?
How many of them work at THE MESS?
Europe's biggest terrorist threat is Morocco — seething with as many as 1,000 al-Qaida adherents capable of suicide attacks and skilled at slipping through the continent's southern gateway, Spain's leading anti-terrorism judge testified Thursday.
The impoverished kingdom just a short ferry ride across the Strait of Gibraltar has about 100 al-Qaida-linked cells that raise money by dealing hashish, fencing luxury cars and smuggling people into Spain, Judge Baltasar Garzon told lawmakers investigating the Madrid train bombings. Most of the 17 suspects jailed in the March 11 bombings, which killed 190 people, are Moroccan.
All the more reason to go BUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBADOKBADOKKKKK!!!!!
The impoverished kingdom just a short ferry ride across the Strait of Gibraltar has about 100 al-Qaida-linked cells that raise money by dealing hashish, fencing luxury cars and smuggling people into Spain, Judge Baltasar Garzon told lawmakers investigating the Madrid train bombings. Most of the 17 suspects jailed in the March 11 bombings, which killed 190 people, are Moroccan.
All the more reason to go BUKBUKBUKBUKBUKBADOKBADOKKKKK!!!!!
If Citigroup was going GREAT this year, think if it had only gone good.
GOOGLEBLOGGER CHANGES AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
"We have full confidence the ethics committee will handle this in a proper matter," Grella said. He said [Common Cause and Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington] "make their living" complaining about Republicans.
Unfortunately, SNIDELY WHIPLASH, you PIONEERED the idea of ethics investigations into people whose politics we didn't like.
Unfortunately, SNIDELY WHIPLASH, you PIONEERED the idea of ethics investigations into people whose politics we didn't like.
NEWSMAX!!!!! and its OFFICIAL CERTIFIED NEWSMAX!!!!! FRANCHISE® DON "FLATULENCE" IMUS PROVE NOTHING AGAIN!
I don't know what a Rolls-Royce costs. OR FLATULENCE'S STAFFERS. So there.
I don't know what a Rolls-Royce costs. OR FLATULENCE'S STAFFERS. So there.
The gigablogger who broke the deaths of Idi and Yasser (a few weeks or -- MONTHS early, but close does count in blogging) now reports the holy cockroaches WILL attack Italy (Alexa rating 260,064). BUT...
CAVEAT: While the sources cited here are all deemed reasonably credible, it must be noted that "wishful thinking" is a hallmark of the Jihadist mindset, and this might be nothing more than that.
What's a little wishful thinking to a blogger who's done it himself?
OR:
Meet...
Merowitz, Berowitz, Handelman, Schandelman,
Sperber and Gerber and Steiner and Stone,
Boskowitz, Lubowitz, Aaronson, Baronson,
Kleinman and Feinman and Freidman and Cohen,
Smallowitz, Wallowitz, Tidelbaum, Mandelbaum,
Levin, Levinsky, Levine and Levi,
Brumburger, Schlumburger, Minkus and Pinkus
And Stein with an "e-i" and Styne with a "y"!
(I'm referring to the supermegabloggers' increasing CLANNISHNESS, little -- NOT JEWS. I'm half-one myself.)
CAVEAT: While the sources cited here are all deemed reasonably credible, it must be noted that "wishful thinking" is a hallmark of the Jihadist mindset, and this might be nothing more than that.
What's a little wishful thinking to a blogger who's done it himself?
OR:
Meet...
Merowitz, Berowitz, Handelman, Schandelman,
Sperber and Gerber and Steiner and Stone,
Boskowitz, Lubowitz, Aaronson, Baronson,
Kleinman and Feinman and Freidman and Cohen,
Smallowitz, Wallowitz, Tidelbaum, Mandelbaum,
Levin, Levinsky, Levine and Levi,
Brumburger, Schlumburger, Minkus and Pinkus
And Stein with an "e-i" and Styne with a "y"!
(I'm referring to the supermegabloggers' increasing CLANNISHNESS, little -- NOT JEWS. I'm half-one myself.)
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE HANDS WITH YOUR UNCLE MAX, MY BOY....
Logrolling extends to birthdays. How typical of the megatruth tellers.
Logrolling extends to birthdays. How typical of the megatruth tellers.
Proof the press has it in for BOTH sides: Stephen Hess (roll the eyes), the Brookings PUNDIT (roll the eyes), who was an aide to President Ike (ROLL the eyes), says so!
Sorry, Ike was Gerry Ford before he had a name.
Sorry, Ike was Gerry Ford before he had a name.
SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN....
OR: How to Stop Reading a Newspaper Article at the Cue:
Call it a gentler, constructive form of road rage: Helen Shondell has given the Environmental Protection Agency a piece of her mind.
Every workday, Sister Helen - a Roman Catholic nun in Birmingham, Mich. - drives 20 miles round-trip in her 2003 Nissan Sentra. While her new car is comfortable, Sister Helen is not a happy commuter.
When she bought her Nissan, the window sticker indicated a government rating of 31 combined miles per gallon. But the car really gets only 27 to 28 m.p.g.
So, Sister Helen filled out a "citizen survey" organized by Washington-based UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS (UCS)....
OR: How to Stop Reading a Newspaper Article at the Cue:
Call it a gentler, constructive form of road rage: Helen Shondell has given the Environmental Protection Agency a piece of her mind.
Every workday, Sister Helen - a Roman Catholic nun in Birmingham, Mich. - drives 20 miles round-trip in her 2003 Nissan Sentra. While her new car is comfortable, Sister Helen is not a happy commuter.
When she bought her Nissan, the window sticker indicated a government rating of 31 combined miles per gallon. But the car really gets only 27 to 28 m.p.g.
So, Sister Helen filled out a "citizen survey" organized by Washington-based UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS (UCS)....
WHOOPI!'S BEEN CENSORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's what you get for telling jokes with a bottle of wine.
P. S. I'm waiting for the day a member of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers picks up a WHOOPI! after a controversy; it will prove for once and for all these IDIOT consumer products firms are happy to sacrifice half or more of their customers to do as they please.
That's what you get for telling jokes with a bottle of wine.
P. S. I'm waiting for the day a member of The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers picks up a WHOOPI! after a controversy; it will prove for once and for all these IDIOT consumer products firms are happy to sacrifice half or more of their customers to do as they please.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Brando Ends Film Career As Elderly Woman
Another solicited press release from Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges. (I don't care that Brando just died; this sounds like a flat-out sales pitch from THE PRODUCERS.) I've said it before, I'll say it again: the campaigning, the table-pounding, the politicking; the selling, the promoting, the raving; these are two sides of the same blasted counterfeit coin. The stories that neither spin nor sell you can count on the fingers of less than one hand.
Another solicited press release from Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges. (I don't care that Brando just died; this sounds like a flat-out sales pitch from THE PRODUCERS.) I've said it before, I'll say it again: the campaigning, the table-pounding, the politicking; the selling, the promoting, the raving; these are two sides of the same blasted counterfeit coin. The stories that neither spin nor sell you can count on the fingers of less than one hand.
THE NEWT BELCHES:
"We'll take Arnold Schwarzenegger, they get Michael Moore. We'll take Mel Gibson, they get Whoopi Goldberg. And let's see how the country [reacts] faced with that kind of a choice."
YOU CAN KEEP THEM!!!!!
"We'll take Arnold Schwarzenegger, they get Michael Moore. We'll take Mel Gibson, they get Whoopi Goldberg. And let's see how the country [reacts] faced with that kind of a choice."
YOU CAN KEEP THEM!!!!!
Pitt, Zeta Jones Mingle with Mafia on Italy Set
There are two ways to look at this -- 1. PR (and I don't think people in show-biz are THAT desperate -- yet); and 2. They're from Hollywood. What's the diff?
I choose the latter.
There are two ways to look at this -- 1. PR (and I don't think people in show-biz are THAT desperate -- yet); and 2. They're from Hollywood. What's the diff?
I choose the latter.
An official inquiry into the quality of British intelligence on Iraqi weapons of mass destruction said Wednesday that some sources were "seriously flawed" or "unreliable" but found no evidence of "deliberate distortion or culpable negligence."
CURSES! QUAGMIRE FOILED AGAIN!!!!!
CURSES! QUAGMIRE FOILED AGAIN!!!!!
A South Carolina company owned by a financier of the District's gambling initiative held a controlling interest in gambling establishments in that state that failed to pay various taxes and violated state gaming laws before eventually going bankrupt five years ago.
Sounds like OUR kind of JOBS CREATOR, EDDIE!!!!!
Sounds like OUR kind of JOBS CREATOR, EDDIE!!!!!
I want to believe when it comes to corporate malfeasance we haven't gone TOTALLY French. Two high-ranking CLOWNS at one of our local fee collectors thought they could get away with some honest graft. Given how graft can screw up an economy why shouldn't a fee collector pay for the sins of its sinners?
Hey GET-A-LIFES! I know you're jumping up and down with glee (or as you'd put it, "This million-dollar-winning Jeopardy contestant causes the show's fans to jump up and down with glee"), so why am I thinking a dreaded three-letter word: FIX?
P. S. This is from SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT, the same company that invented a movie "critic."
P. P. S. You IMBECILIC NEWS HACKS have strung the public along even though the masterpiece is taped in advance, five shows in a day -- SO WHY CAN'T YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS?!?!?
P. S. This is from SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT, the same company that invented a movie "critic."
P. P. S. You IMBECILIC NEWS HACKS have strung the public along even though the masterpiece is taped in advance, five shows in a day -- SO WHY CAN'T YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS?!?!?
You sure your hostage will be all right, CHICKENS?
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges are celebrating. Read this with a big grin on your face: "A FULL WITHDRAWAL WOULD BE A MAJOR BLOW TO THE UNITY OF THE U.S-LED COALITION IN IRAQ! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" It will be no such thing. It will only underline that some nations, and some peoples, are CHICKEN.
Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges are celebrating. Read this with a big grin on your face: "A FULL WITHDRAWAL WOULD BE A MAJOR BLOW TO THE UNITY OF THE U.S-LED COALITION IN IRAQ! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" It will be no such thing. It will only underline that some nations, and some peoples, are CHICKEN.
Ooooooooooh, we warred in Iraq so people could...MAKE MONEY!
The CENTER FOR RESPONSIVE POLITICS says so!
To be sure, there is something quite smelly about it -- and one can also be sure OMERTA's hunting for REPUBLICANS. Hence we can no longer trust stories like this. Who is served by that, OMERTA?
The CENTER FOR RESPONSIVE POLITICS says so!
To be sure, there is something quite smelly about it -- and one can also be sure OMERTA's hunting for REPUBLICANS. Hence we can no longer trust stories like this. Who is served by that, OMERTA?
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Oh, I forgot about the AMNESTY.
Does that mean he can go back and ORGANIZE?
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES EXCELLENCE-IN-WRITING SENTENCE OF THE MONTH:
He was accompanied by wife dressed in black and a teenage boy, whom a Saudi security official identified as his wife and son.
I knew Allah could do things but not THOSE things.
Does that mean he can go back and ORGANIZE?
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES EXCELLENCE-IN-WRITING SENTENCE OF THE MONTH:
He was accompanied by wife dressed in black and a teenage boy, whom a Saudi security official identified as his wife and son.
I knew Allah could do things but not THOSE things.
A top holy cockroach surrenders!
Looks like he'll be joining up with his 72 Helen Thomases before long. Or doesn't he get them because he didn't kill himself?
Caveat: He surrendered at the SAUDI embassy in TEHRAN.
Looks like he'll be joining up with his 72 Helen Thomases before long. Or doesn't he get them because he didn't kill himself?
Caveat: He surrendered at the SAUDI embassy in TEHRAN.
Rock Critics
Jim DeRogatis on what's wrong with rock writing and his new, contarian collection
TRANSLATION: Rock ad-blurb copywriting STINKS (in no small measure because so much of it's done by fifty- and sixty-somethings who preserve their past in formaldehyde -- and also because the music they preserve in formaldehyde STINKS), but it's a NECESSITY, and I'm a HACK, so I guess I'll form my own NEW status-quo.
And if we can be PC about it, the better!
Jim DeRogatis on what's wrong with rock writing and his new, contarian collection
TRANSLATION: Rock ad-blurb copywriting STINKS (in no small measure because so much of it's done by fifty- and sixty-somethings who preserve their past in formaldehyde -- and also because the music they preserve in formaldehyde STINKS), but it's a NECESSITY, and I'm a HACK, so I guess I'll form my own NEW status-quo.
And if we can be PC about it, the better!
More great NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
The mayor of North Carolina's largest city said Sunday that North Carolinians really don't know Sen. John Edwards all that well, and were stunned to find out how liberal he was when he got into office.
[Scan down to sixth graf, mumblemumble....]
...[T]he REPUBLICAN mayor says....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The mayor of North Carolina's largest city said Sunday that North Carolinians really don't know Sen. John Edwards all that well, and were stunned to find out how liberal he was when he got into office.
[Scan down to sixth graf, mumblemumble....]
...[T]he REPUBLICAN mayor says....
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMERTA gets a Kentucky newspaper to go prostrate with abject apology for ignoring the civil rights movement (even when OMERTA was there as its editor), and THE PAPER OF RECORD blesses it with holy water (or maybe a bottle of Pinch's Perrier).
The thing about skeletons in NEWS HACKS' closets is they never rattle, except from a leftward breeze.
The thing about skeletons in NEWS HACKS' closets is they never rattle, except from a leftward breeze.
At times it seems MORTIMER ZUCK'S favorite hobby is using his personal mint to run stories about three-year-olds killed by reckless drivers on the way to pre-school. So we should not be surprised he prints this egregious combo press release and editorial. If ZUCK weren't a mealy-mouthed wishy-washy MODERATE he'd have bought into NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!! and WALTER WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! long ago.
LAST GRAF IN THE STORY:
While comparisons are complicated, the Edwards "bounce" is about the same as the 6-point gain Bill Clinton got when he chose Gore in 1992. But it's less than the 12-point jump among likely voters that another running mate gave the top of his ticket: When Bush chose Cheney in 2000.
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
While comparisons are complicated, the Edwards "bounce" is about the same as the 6-point gain Bill Clinton got when he chose Gore in 1992. But it's less than the 12-point jump among likely voters that another running mate gave the top of his ticket: When Bush chose Cheney in 2000.
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
Of course FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News will make liberals look stupid. "Mainstreamers" like Evan "My Granddad Ran for President as a Socialist" Thomas make them look like GENIUSES.
@#$%&* RASHOMON again.
@#$%&* RASHOMON again.
Monday, July 12, 2004
I am trying like all getout to find interesting Web sites for my and my three surfers' delectation, only to discover it's impossible. An example: I go from a Free Republic link and redirect to some pablum on a fifth-rate portal about Teeny Tiny Tommy and his new best friend (written by someone who "teaches high school English in Lafayette, Louisiana [and] worked in the White House correspondence office in 1990-1992.") After enduring it and several annoying popups I clicked onto the home page and a link to something called NewsWaX (the usual shock-jock pinups; no Alexa rating) and from there onto two stories on a Norwegian broadcaster's site about Paris's alleged bad breath and a couple of goons in an eyeball-rolling PR stunt to save the rainforest. In making such u-turns I wasted my time and was no closer to finding another decent Web site. It must be out there. Where is it?
Now I understand why I have trouble getting hits.
Now I understand why I have trouble getting hits.
A strong argument for legalized gambl -- GAMING:
Critics also complain that the gambling money will quickly be absorbed into the government leviathan, never to be seen again. And it's probably true.
An even stronger argument:
Rendell [is] a typical loudmouth, loves-being-on-television partisan Democrat if there ever was one. He actually gives Max Cleland a run [SIC] for his money.
But it IS "TAX RELIEF." (And it is a writer for the crudding-over EM.)
Critics also complain that the gambling money will quickly be absorbed into the government leviathan, never to be seen again. And it's probably true.
An even stronger argument:
Rendell [is] a typical loudmouth, loves-being-on-television partisan Democrat if there ever was one. He actually gives Max Cleland a run [SIC] for his money.
But it IS "TAX RELIEF." (And it is a writer for the crudding-over EM.)
Members of the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers are DOUBLE-CHICKEN: not only do they refuse to do anything about the JUNK TV they finance in ever-increasing quantities, they're even foregoing their right to PUT ONE OVER ON THEIR SUBORDINATES because they're AFRAID OF TERRORISM IN ATHENS!!!!!
They want the games in Sydney again! Why? It's more CEO FRIENDLY!
They want the games in Sydney again! Why? It's more CEO FRIENDLY!
BRENT discovers MARKETING!
You scratch my back....
A lot of good it did MICKEYMOUSE NIXON'S APOLOGY.
You scratch my back....
A lot of good it did MICKEYMOUSE NIXON'S APOLOGY.
A group of antiwar advocates is accusing Clear Channel Communications, one of the nation's largest media companies, WITH CLOSE TIES TO NATIONAL REPUBLICANS, of preventing the group from displaying a Times Square billboard critical of the war in Iraq.
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
And now there's a fight going on at THE PAPER OF RECORD over the Public "Editor." These guys aren't serious.
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
And now there's a fight going on at THE PAPER OF RECORD over the Public "Editor." These guys aren't serious.
THE MAN helped kill a director, which proves a lack of talent can go a long way.
(On a related note, F9/11 has now officially surpassed the entire take of "Jackass." My joke didn't pan out.)
They seldom do, Andy -- unless they're impassioned.
They seldom do, Andy -- unless they're impassioned.
The big media used to be able to shrug off critics like this. Now they can’t.
How many blogs run want ads?
How many blogs run want ads?
Edwards Makes Little Difference in Polls
There must be an ulterior motive to these stories. Perhaps the hacks are thinking, if we paint the guys as underdogs, our ultimate push to victory will be that much more impressive!
Or maybe they just stink in THE POLLS.
There must be an ulterior motive to these stories. Perhaps the hacks are thinking, if we paint the guys as underdogs, our ultimate push to victory will be that much more impressive!
Or maybe they just stink in THE POLLS.
OOOOOOoooooooooooh, the WAPOST pulls a WOODSTEIN on SNIDELY WHIPLASH!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Of course it's because he's CONSERVATIVE and EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- and only coincidentally because he's CORRUPT.
Of course it's because he's CONSERVATIVE and EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- and only coincidentally because he's CORRUPT.
WWWWWWWWWWWWWELL! The Bugmeister lost a FULL POINT OF MARKET SHARE in Web browsers!!!!! WHOOPEE!!!!!
People are rushing back to NETSCAPE! Pffh-hh-hh!
People are rushing back to NETSCAPE! Pffh-hh-hh!
OH-oh, USAOKAY! concedes our side gave the opposition some "talking points."
Every day is a new talking point at USAOKAY!
Every day is a new talking point at USAOKAY!
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Jeff "Zucks" Zucker blasts FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for COPYING.
Pffh-hh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh-hh hh hh ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
Aw SHUCKS, the Filipinos won't consent to COWARDICE for the good of MANKIND.
Didn't the SPANIARDS run the islands once? They mustn't have any of that EL POLLO LOCO in them.
Didn't the SPANIARDS run the islands once? They mustn't have any of that EL POLLO LOCO in them.
Rival clans to relive Hamilton-Burr duel
EXCELLENT IDEA! In fact let's use duels for ALL political quarrels; that way we'd get at least half our politicians to SHUT UP.
EXCELLENT IDEA! In fact let's use duels for ALL political quarrels; that way we'd get at least half our politicians to SHUT UP.
Today BLUNDER is cookin' with GAS! (As opposed to merely stinking us up.) Now it's telling us the FUNNY????? pages are being hit by newsprint hikes and CONSOLIDATION.
I say this is a GOOD THING! Who needs DILBERT and WHOEVER DRAWS BOONDOCKS and DOONE and the RIGHT-WING DOONE and NOT ME! and SCUMBAG DAGWOOD and REFRIGERATOR-MAGNET CATHY and all those other unembalmed corpses?
I say this is a GOOD THING! Who needs DILBERT and WHOEVER DRAWS BOONDOCKS and DOONE and the RIGHT-WING DOONE and NOT ME! and SCUMBAG DAGWOOD and REFRIGERATOR-MAGNET CATHY and all those other unembalmed corpses?
More exciting alleged NEWS from MR. MARK: GUV wants the power to postpone the general election. If we had to postpone elections every time you said THE SKY IS FALLING, we wouldn't have them until 3152.
No no NO! Mr. Mark -- remember how we sold ROWLINGCORP'S MASTERPIECE? With an EXCLAMATION POINT:
THE SUNSHINE BOYS!!!!!
THE SUNSHINE BOYS!!!!!
So the Lakers get a new lead locker room masochist, and they dump a prima-donna. This is basketball?
Contract Workers Seek the American Dream in Iraq
It hasn't died DESPITE THE BEST EFFORTS OF OUR HERMETICALLY-SEALED ELITE TO TURN IT INTO A NIGHTMARE.
It hasn't died DESPITE THE BEST EFFORTS OF OUR HERMETICALLY-SEALED ELITE TO TURN IT INTO A NIGHTMARE.
NEWS HACKS WILL NEVER CHANGE:
In Kuwait, CONSERVATISM a launch pad to success
OR:
It may be possible to understand how EXTREMISM brews in a squalid Palestinian refugee camp, but what accounts for the scions of middle-class Kuwaiti families who are choosing violence and martyrdom over a future in a nation with free education, abundant oil wealth and a four-hour workday?
So, CONSERVATISM = EXTREMISM = NAZISM. No, as WHOOPI! proved the other day, at least half your audience is beneath contempt. Why not go ahead and make it the whole shooting match? You will anyway.
In Kuwait, CONSERVATISM a launch pad to success
OR:
It may be possible to understand how EXTREMISM brews in a squalid Palestinian refugee camp, but what accounts for the scions of middle-class Kuwaiti families who are choosing violence and martyrdom over a future in a nation with free education, abundant oil wealth and a four-hour workday?
So, CONSERVATISM = EXTREMISM = NAZISM. No, as WHOOPI! proved the other day, at least half your audience is beneath contempt. Why not go ahead and make it the whole shooting match? You will anyway.