Posted 6:03 PM by Gene

The Windy City begins its long, long road --

to telegenic bankruptcy!

Posted 12:35 PM by Gene

Despite untold millions in free publicity from their Boston GAG and raves from the always hip ad-blurbists the TWXSTERS have a (figurative) BOMB on their hands.

Does this mean even the movie S&M phreaks are growing up?

We want an audience looking at films from First Look to know — as Howard Hawks once said — just who made the picture.



We KNOW, we KNOW.

Posted 11:52 AM by Gene

Occasionally there may be a good side to the Web's instant opinion. Idiotic British JERNALISTS have voted to boycott Israel, and the reaction has been swift and strong. That we won't hear about it otherwise owes to NEWS HACKS' selfishness, but the next time a member of the perfession insists upon his disinterestedness we should ponder how much he truly is disinterested.

(Via -- alas -- NRO)

Posted 10:14 AM by Gene

We've seen this ASSPress story hundreds of times, which seems to indicate the ASS is saying, "Fine job Dave, now lay low while we provide some ideological cover." News hacks aren't serious about [C]RAP as they were in the forefront of calling it an AHT FORM.

Posted 10:01 AM by Gene

Romney, Giuliani Have Money to Burn

And, as they're no doubt "spending" ninety-nine percent of it on TV, that is precisely what they should be doing.

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Guess what we found! Weather.com's interactive map won't interact with Firefox! Bugmeister's crew must have thrown a mighty huge scream-and-pout session to insist on that! Way to go Weather Channel!

Posted 9:52 AM by Gene

In more "cynicism" (and news that's at least several weeks old), our StinkyInky is introducing front-page ads to help make up for the truth, and the paper runs a mea culpa (citing the Poynter Institute among others) about how this will make people think newspapers are for sale blahblahblah. Look folks, we already know that old saw about British reporters. You don't have to be sold to be for sale.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

The Washington Times pulls another of its own ASSPress of the Right gags:

Senate Republicans yesterday said Democrats are weakening in the war-funding standoff with the White House.... [Emphasis added]

TRANSLATION: This is no more true than the ASSPress proclaiming Nancy the second coming of Goddess.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

So -- you can't believe the stories in the National Enquirer and its fellow tabs.

We tried giving up being credulous a while ago.

Posted 9:34 AM by Gene

Meantime the ASSPress high-fives THE SPEAKER, meaning news hacks think they can get by on less than half their readers. Good luck! says Col. Zell.

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

All right, already, Liar's crew "found" Drunk's remarks, and all the Liar's friends saw it, and now every last news hack is shaking his hand, which means at the CON-SER-VA-TIVE Edition we're conjuring Joe McCarthy and George Soros and witch hunts, which means pretty well both editions can go to hell.

(Via Slashdot [?])

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

Ombud Schreiber thinks there's too much yelling on ESPN

SO LET ME GUESS WHAT...oh, forget it.

Posted 12:06 PM by Gene

What do you call a muscle-flexing power guy who moves his girlfriend into a cushy office?

Not nice.

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

Great: Russia's had an informal coup, now it needs a formal coup.

Do these guys know what Russian roulette is?

Posted 11:26 AM by Gene

FLASH!!!!!

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) -- Rutgers women's basketball coach C. Vivian Stringer says the team has accepted radio host Don Imus' apology for a racist remark about the team.

Plus New Jersey's governor was nearly killed trying to bring this to a "resolution."

NEWS HACKS! Are you HAPPY after THIS CRISIS?

Posted 11:23 AM by Gene

What are the chances all of Chrysler's bidders end up so penny-ante DaimlerCorp will have to keep it anyway?

P. S. Are cars becoming so look-alike dull we're headed for a global auto ennui?

Posted 10:24 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: So long as big business remains politically correct while doing everything in its power to avoid big cities and their people of the wrong skin tone, and so long as the usual "African-American" leaders say the problem is only with whites uttering offensive language and not blacks, we're spinning our wheels.

FURTHER TRANSLATION: If our friends say it, it's okay. If our friends say it ARTISTICALLY BRILLIANTLY, it's especially okay. If it has anything to do with SYNERGY, it's okay. If our ENEMIES say it and we can't make any money from it, we can send them to a concentration camp.

2,797 WORDS?!?!? Hey "Can't Anyone Here Play This Game"! You paying by the word? Can PEOPLE WARNER afford it?

P. S. Okay Joel, Drunken Slob was "stupid." Can we all shut up now?

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

USAOKAY!!!!!'s brilliant TV ad-blurbist offers some ideas how beloved series won't have to stay past their prime. I have one suggestion: run for three seasons instead of fourteen.

Posted 9:25 AM by Gene

Hmmm, the Son of God is having troubles raising money for His masterworks!

Maybe a sucker isn't born every minute.

Come to think of it, Merrill Lynch in movies? I stand corrected.

Posted 5:39 PM by Gene

The Iraq Parliament Attack: Al-Qaeda Sends a Message

Wait a second! I thought they weren't a problem anymore!

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Pitiful political news of the week:

John Warner Raises Only $500 in First Quarter of '07

Maybe he could go on -- nope, can't do that.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

BLITHERING IDIOTS AT MOUNTAIN VIEW HAVE A NEW GAG:

Could not connect to Blogger.com. Saving and publishing may fail. Test connection now.

IS THIS THEIR WAY OF GETTING BACK AT THE MASSES NOW IN "NEW" BLOGGER?

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Bad news for the CONSPIRACY:

[A]ccording to the FTC, industry standards aren't keeping ads for violent content out of media popular with teens. Movie studios have moved to limit advertising to media in which no more than 35% of the audience is younger than 17, but ads for movies such as "Crash," "Waist Deep" and "Slither" still get through, the report said. The FTC found ads for R-rated movies on websites where half the audience was younger than 17.

The music industry, which has rejected the FTC's urgings to rate music by age, continues to advertise music with parental-advisory warnings on websites that reach a substantial percentage of children younger than 17, the report said. The video-game industry doesn't allow M-rated games to be advertised on websites where more than 45% of the audience is younger than 17, but that hasn't stopped many marketers, according to the FTC.

Also,

90 percent of R-rated movie ads were placed on Web sites where children under 17 made up at least one third of the audience.

Sen. ROCKEFELLER!

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

Drunken dimwit got himself fired by SUMNER, and now his STOOGES have nowhere to go.

As we said the other day, it's the right thing for the wrong reasons. This lout eminently deserved to be canned, but now The Justice League of Political Correctness, backed by the Pulitzer-winning speech code of news hacks, may use this as an excuse to peremptorily silence people they don't like. Alas, as news orgs all over the country are discovering, we have the power of the pocketbook, and are using it.

One other thing: The late Harold -- Sturm (we DO have trouble with his name) essentially canned himself too, and look where it got him.

We gloat over all the air time Little Jeffy and SUMNER now have to fill, thanks to their imbecility.

P. S. Even at the last minute one of his high-IQ-stupid groupies hoped to get back on the air with him, to savor his gratuitous insults.

P. P. S. If the Dems want to do something D-U-M they'll attempt to bring back the Fairness Doctrine. That is a non-starter.

P. P. P. S. The hard right's taking a PC attitude -- and IT'S ALL GEORGE SOROS'S FAULT!

Keep breaking wind like that and the GOP will retake the House in, oh, 2078.

Posted 11:40 AM by Gene

The Latest Information You Need to Know from THE FULLER SPECTRUM OF NEWS:

● It takes more than great legs to win on 'Idol'

● ‘Dancing’ isn’t kind to middle-aged women

Posted 11:37 AM by Gene

I'm waiting for Larry "Gekko" Kudlow to speak out on this one. What did these two do that was so wrong? They were only trying to spike the stock price!

Even if it meant a sale to the Saudis.

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

Bill Gates Headed For Space, Says Cosmonaut

He would merely fulfill the hopes of many, many, many people.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Whether they like it or not KOLLEDGES will have to face quality ratings. That they're right about Useless Nooz and its circulation stunt doesn't paper over that they'd rather not be rated at all, but knowing YOUNUHVERSATEE PREHZIDENTS they'd make any system so dense as to be its own kind of useless, which would suit them just fine.

Posted 8:50 AM by Gene

When free-en-ter-prise con-SER-va-tives speak of competition they do so with a self-satisfied grin, because they know how easily marketplaces can turn into one-horse shows. What's true with cable TV and software can be true with baby food. Gerber is the ideal con-SER-va-tive company -- a virtual monopoly, high profit margins, no consumer choice. People who'd defend this sort of thing might say Gerber simply does its job better -- so why can't we be in a position to know? The truth is some markets are rigged, which will not prevent the free-en-ter-prise con-SER-va-tive from touting competition's alleged virtues from both sides of his mouth.

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

THE ACME OF CONCEIT: A potty mouth (rather, a former potty mouth under the aegis of "Can't Anyone Here Play This Game?" Stengel) joins the charmed circle of another potty mouth, but alas, her hero says something a bit -- too gutter-ish, and she forces herself (with a tear in her eye) to relinquish her bonds with the circle, eternally revering the memories of "honest" talk. Ms. Ana Marie has either identified herself as born yesterday or a PEOPLE WARNER organization woman to end them all. That she believes her fellow potty mouths somehow "informed", speaking with the scathing "frankness" that comes from being with fellow potty mouths, is a measure of how self-delusion rises with a writer's salary, and how everything comes down to our own infinite self-regard; she could never see her circle as a gaggle of preening phonies -- but if her former circle is full of preening phonies, what does that make her?

PEOPLE WARNER can't have her replace Mr. Stengel soon enough. We'd heartily endorse it as that would surely put the rag out of business.

P. S.

In the unlikely event that McCain, Oliphant, and others don't know who they're dealing with, let's review some of Imus' remarks (if you prefer, riffs) from the past. This stuff isn't hard to find. Many thanks to the Web sites Media Matters for America, Fairness & Accuracy in Reporting, and TomPaine.com (where Nobile tracked Imus' show) for the quotes that appear below.

How does everything become knee-jerk lockstep sieg-heil tantrum-throwing demagogic POLITICAL?

Posted 8:04 AM by Gene

We will concede for argument's sake that Kurt Vonnegut Jr. was "Voltaireian" (although just how Voltaireian a man is who comes up with character names like "Walter Gesundheit" may be open to question), but somehow we can't help thinking him a man who wrote for college professors and New York Times readers as if to a mirror, and who basked in their reflection. Maybe you had to be there in that golden age when everybody questioned everything, and got left with nothing -- even Vonnegut, who attempted suicide. No, Gore Vidal was right -- his generation of authors didn't have imagination.

Posted 8:43 PM by Gene

"It was not driven by dollars. It was driven by integrity."

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:00 PM by Gene

NYC Releases 1% of Greenhouse Gases

And most of it comes from -- nah, it's too obvious.

Posted 4:54 PM by Gene

THE LEFT, TRUE TO FORM, WANTS HIM PUBLICLY AND PROFESSIONALLY DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Outraged conservative-fixer overemphasis added]

Uh, Snidely, you don't suppose it had something to do with an opening of the mouth and a shutting of the brain -- like you? Or have you two been sharing drink recipes?

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

The World's Oldest Adolescent sez:

It wasn't MY idea RUPERT opened his pocketbook!

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

But not all is well in the land of the rich and contemptible:

Luxury makers are certainly looking to stir some buzz at the high end of their lineup. Whether it's a wobbly stock market or changing tastes, there's a lot of surplus sheet metal at the high end, despite record bonuses at Wall Street firms such as Goldman Sachs (GS). BMW's 7 Series sales are down 30%. Mercedes S Class sales are off 13% a year after the new one debuted, and SLK sales are off 30%. Audi A8 sales are off 33%. Porsche sales are down across the board.

TRANSLATION: Maybe trickle-down economics doesn't work.

Posted 1:34 PM by Gene

Nickname: Marketmatador.com
Review: This is truly amazing to see. The complete transformation of Sears Holdings. Lampert is well on his way to creating the next Berkshire Hathaway and most investors don't even know about it. "The Greatest Story Never Told."
Date reviewed: Apr 8, 2007 8:17 PM

Nickname: Lamperfan
Review: Eddie Lampert is the man. Buy SHLD now or regret it later.
Date reviewed: Apr 7, 2007 5:36 AM

You wonder why the hacks, who never met a dollar bill they didn't like or someone earning under $50,000 a year they did, haven't gone gung-ho like these groupies to tout the next St. Warren, especially as he's a mean and secretive man. Turning brand names in commodities sounds like desperation, but there isn't anything a little holy snake oil couldn't do to turn this into another stroke of GENIUS.

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

Iran may be helping Iraqis build bombs

One wonders how long it will take Democrats to roll their eyes at this one.

Posted 12:26 PM by Gene

Typically, radio executives say, controversy around a host provides a ratings spike that might last several weeks or months.

TRANSLATION: How long was the Drunken Slob planning THIS one?

Advertisers don't necessarily buy time on MSNBC's broadcast of the show. Instead, they buy time on the channel's daytime schedule and are rotated around different programs. Because of that practice, P&G pulled its ads off the channel's daytime schedule.

WE DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!

(Via MediaBistro)

P. S. You scratch my back and I'll keep scratching and scratching and scratching!

I'M TIRED OF HEARING OF THIS ZILLIONAIRE FRAUD AND HIS CORRUPT CLIQUE OF STOOGES!

P. P. S. Which is greater: the number of subscribers to Talkers or the number of times NEWS HACKS QUOTE ITS "PUBLISHER"?

(Corrected 2/16/2009; I gave this overexposed self-appointed expert of talk radio the wrong title.)

Posted 9:44 AM by Gene

Elsewhere in The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth, The Lord God Pinch says voter fraud isn't a problem -- but intimidation is, because Democrats say so.

Dems, Reps -- politics IS a psychiatric disorder...and so is much of "reporting."

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

Islamists Bring Fight to Algeria’s Capital

Sounds like The Lord God Pinch is raising His fist too!

Posted 9:13 AM by Gene

This harrumpeting thumpeting by Democrats about FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS is extremely annoying. Clearly SLIME's news channel can be partisan. And clearly liberals would appear on a news channel with their kind of partisan. And as the hack Judis admits while hugging himself:

There are, of course, liberals and conservatives who believe that there is no such thing as objectivity or independence and that what is needed is for networks and major newspapers to declare their allegiance and act accordingly.

And they're in charge -- which is why we get FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS, and cheesy partisans complaining about FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

You have to wonder -- what would Harold...er, Howard...er, Howell (I'm having trouble coming up with his name; please be patient) Stein? Stone? Strom? What would he think about Old Whiskey Fumes? "Jeez," he must be cogitating, in whatever purgatory he gnashes his teeth, "when I signed with Mel I could say anything I wanted to say! And then I died and -- nobody cared! God, I feel for Don -- almost; if only he could be obscure -- like me!"

Ay, there's the rub: If Harold -- Stang (?) said what Gutter Reek said, nobody would care. But because he's as much on display as a flasher's implement, his hubris is unavoidable.

P. S.



A picture of Howell Stang. He was the voice of Top Cat.

Posted 8:48 AM by Gene

A prosecution for nothing.

Posted 5:37 PM by Gene

Baby daddy revealed! Can we stop caring now?

Are you kidding? We just started with YOUR drunken lout!

With any luck ONLINE NEWS will follow the print kind down the proverbial drain.

Posted 1:38 PM by Gene

With three more years of refinements to computer animation, what isn't better about "Shrek the Third"?

David "Non" Germain's "reporting"!

A NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH AWARD to NON!

Posted 1:31 PM by Gene

Elsewhere in shoe-biz, another cinematic masterwork in the making:

Matthew Broderick, Virginia Madsen and Alan Alda have signed on to star in "Diminished Capacity," a comedy about family and memory loss produced by Gotham-based Plum Pictures....

Broderick will play the lead role, a man who suffers memory loss after getting hit on the head. He then takes a trip with his Alzheimer's-addled uncle (Alda) and his high school sweetheart (Madsen) to a memorabilia show as the group concocts a scheme to sell a rare baseball card.

Posted 1:14 PM by Gene

Just what the world desperately needs: Kathie Lee Gifford writing a show about Aimee Semple McPherson.

Some people seem to be nothing but shticks, don't they.

Posted 11:34 AM by Gene

Another astonishing truth from the polling biz:

New MSN Money and Zogby Poll Finds 2 in 5 Americans Procrastinate on Their Taxes

Posted 11:29 AM by Gene

BRILLIANT: The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers is creating program-length commercials. How long will it take viewers to figure they're watching ads, and do to them what they've done to the thirty-second kind?

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 11:13 AM by Gene

More innovation from the Bugmeister:

Microsoft has positioned Vista's new sleep mode - a hybrid state that combines Windows XP's separate hibernation and standby modes - as the default setting, essentially conditioning users to not power-off their PCs. Some have reasoned that the move was made to mask Vista's long boot and shut-down times.

Posted 11:04 AM by Gene

A fan of WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! The Jesus Slasher Movie is upset the Pope's left-wing. As we remember though his predecssor was left-wing too, which didn't matter in the end because he was flailing through a big sex scandal, and that we haven't heard of it lately does not mean either it or his church's moral condundrums has gone away.

Posted 10:49 AM by Gene

The irrelevance of the edi-TOR-ial page:

The Tribune has favored the death penalty since at least 1869. When the editorial board came out against it three weeks ago, "the newspaper might have expected a rise out of readers and politicians previously aligned with traditional thinking that favored capital punishment," says Timothy J. McNulty. "There was barely a ripple, a few heartfelt letters to the editor, a few calls, and almost all accepting and welcoming the new attitude."

This is what Col. Zell is buying. He's buying a paper that would cease to exist but for whatever classifieds and display ads it has. That so few got excited pro or con about this says nobody reads editorial pages anymore, because like so much of a paper's contents you already know them by heart. Then again no one can take the Trib seriously because it now walks in lockstep with the rest of the industry (which has NOTHING to do with declining circ -- not a PENNY!), but Col. seems to think if he devises some sort of way of deking out the public he can make big bucks. That's why it won't work: we've been deked out ENOUGH.

As to the death penalty, one can make a good case against it, but a newspaper can't, largely because it's one of those topics on which the hacks have developed an overwhelming superiority complex; and further a paper that endorses Republican presidential candidates out of reluctant habit is doing this solely to be in with the in crowd. It is not doing it out of principle -- but whoever accused a paper run by a "Col." of having principles?

Posted 10:20 AM by Gene

McCain Defends Imus: 'He Has Apologized'

Somebody's running for -- no, it can't be.

Meantime Everybody's Favorite Weatherman wants him to go, which tells me Little Jeffy's trying to fire him by degrees.

Does anyone outside BIGMEDIA and the Beltway give a rat's behind about this?

P. S. When (not if, when) Whiskey Fumes is fired it will be the right thing for the wrong reasons.

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

What will Jeff "MENSA" Greenfield, Howie Hairshirt, Boobs McKeating and Sen. MORALS do for two weeks?

Run off their yaps as usual.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

SLIME's mad at these British "sailors" for taking money for their "stories" -- so you'll never guess WHO....

Forget it.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

More creative leadership in American business:

And AMD got a mention at the end of splatter-fest Grindhouse in theaters over the weekend, continuing the company's campaign of popping up in unexpected places to plug its processors.

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

Pat Conroy, the author of The Prince of Tides, is working on his first novel in more than a decade, the Associated Press reported. The book, which is set in Charleston, S.C., will return to the author's trademark dysfunctional characters.

"Now, of course, everybody in this new book is dying and driving themselves off cliffs," Conroy told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "So I'm back to normal."

Oh, no! Not another bad movie from Babs!

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Another populist video from the PEE-pul!

(Via MediaBistro)

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Imus isn’t the most popular radio talk show host — the trade publication Talkers ranks him the 14th most influential....

FIRED!

Two of the nation’s biggest media companies — CBS Corp. and NBC Universal....

Don't you just love it that everybody in BIGMEDIA is employed by two of the nation's biggest media companies?

P. S. ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! Oh, he already did that.

P. P. S. How to know this alcoholic loudmouth's finished: when SEN. MORALS stops appearing.

Posted 5:04 PM by Gene

Now, we would certainly never condone the use of illegal substances. We are a family friendly news service, after all.

Whose families?

But "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters," the barely there film version of the late-night TV cartoon, is probably a lot funnier if you're under the influence of something - even if it's just a high-octane mix of Red Bull and Cheetos.

Is it anything like the mix David "Non" Germain's on when he writes those Hollywood valentines?

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

Heaven forfend! Does this mean Tiger's no longer a...con-SER-va-tive golfer?

Posted 1:07 PM by Gene

There's one thing Jay Gould and Jim Fisk never had -- a halo!

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

Let's guess who's raising campaign funds from showbiz!

Posted 8:24 AM by Gene

Limbaugh for Lefties

This title is intended quite unironically. A man ceases to be a jackass when he's our jackass. PILLHEAD is a jackass precisely because he tells an untruth in a very loud voice. The Big O ditto. But we can never see the falsehood in the other guy; and the staff at SUPERADAM'S SUPERRAG shakes its heads as violently with O as the clientele at any diner listening to PILL. They each get their falsehoods, they each get only what they want to hear, and they each may as well drill a hole in their heads and vacuum out the contents.

Posted 7:39 PM by Gene

Jonathan Yardley, reviewing a book about Prohibition and New York, says the great crusade "did not have a single redeeming quality." We respectfully disagree; we cannot envision the Roaring Twenties without that bathtub-gin fueled insouciance; never before had America known such cultural upheaval, and though the price was high (how many did die from poisoned alcohol?) it made the nation more confident. On the other hand were we to look for "a time from which the nation probably never will recover" we could go back to the summer of 1776 in Philadelphia, when the south demanded Thomas Jefferson blot slavery from the Declaration of Independence; or to the Great Depression, which ruined our industries and blighted our cities, and which, in many senses, we live with to this day.

Posted 6:32 PM by Gene

We are sorry to learn that Johnny Hart, the creator of "B. C.", has died -- "at his storyboard", we are told. It was a pretty good strip at its best (keeping in mind that few strips have ever been at their best, especially these days), and it is somehow fitting that he died today as his creation, after all, had a (now defunct, alas) golf tournament named for it. RIP.

Posted 12:53 PM by Gene

Here's another thing that's great about golf, besides the no-names: we all know who's going to win -- THE GOLFING MACHINE as the rest of the field fades away -- but we ignore who plays from behind, with scores that suggest less the country club than a disaster zone. Currently the high score at Augusta is Fuzzy Zoeller at +24. How many cuss words and thrown-down clubs did that involve? At that level the theatrics are far more entertaining than the game -- not to mention the sand traps and water hazards. Alas, all we'll see is THE GOLFING MACHINE, smoothly, efficiently, boringly winning another one, which is why those CEOs who forever place such fabulous wagers on the game's long-term health had better search for the holes in their pockets.

P. S. at 7:21 p.m. I should have known one of those unknowns I mentioned yesterday would win, which should make for some cuss-word-filled private jets home for all those CEOs hoping you-know-who would triumph again. The amazing thing is before today he'd earned over $7 million winning just once, which says those CEOs are spending too much hoping you-know-who wins.

Posted 12:39 PM by Gene

FUROR rages despite Imus’ apology for remark!!!!!
SHARPTON.... [Overemphasis added]

This is precisely why some stories are not worth reporting. These we can recite off the top of our heads. Indeed we don't even need a head to recite them from. Just like both sides here: the drunken loudmouth wanting publicity, Rev. wanting money. You know what netherland you both can go to?

Posted 12:25 PM by Gene

Having just shown their -- bravery, those British -- whatisits are now for sale to the highest bidder, which pretty well shows you can't pay too much for cowardice.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

Who knew Rudy was -- human?

But this will happen when both sides imbue their political "heroes" with superhuman qualities; in the cold clear light of day they turn out to be buddy-makers or (as we will see with JFK, if the hacks will let us) unimaginative ciphers.

Boobs vs. "Hitlery" sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh:

Mr. Mordden, 58, has written eight novels of modern gay life, including the popular “Buddies” series....

This is one reason -- not an unimportant one -- why the musical's dead. It's a gay thing. Oh yes, there've been gays in theater so long as there's been theater, but millions did not go to buy the cast album of My Fair Lady because it was a gay thing. But it became a gay thing because as the musical died there was nothing else left save for $500 seats. Now we're not being (to use The Lord God PINCH's favorite word) HOMOPHOBIC, but the fact theater's gay is a limiting trait to those who might otherwise want to see it -- not because they HATE GAYS (as The Lord God PINCH imagines in the depth of His RIGHTEOUS ANGER, thinking the whole rest of the world outside Noo Yawk unrelievedly CHRISTIAN), but because they figure it's a seal of approval, a cultural sterilizer, and anything that's so much about one thing is as likely to reflect an ossified attitude as speeches in the Politburo.

Of course there are other reasons the musical died, not the least of which is the talent isn't there anymore -- a notion we suspect Mr. Mordden may not entirely agree with -- and his list perhaps reflects a certain sterility too, but we can afford that when we're talking about a tourist trap, and historic artifacts. Only we wish they weren't our CULTURE.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

Assistant Secretary of State Slaughter says we did not budge "half-an-inch" on official Mid-East policy.

Okay, Madame Assistant Secretary, what is your unit of measurement? Meters? And if we didn't budge half-an-inch (which, with a woman who chairs the RULES COMMITTEE on the side, means we may have budged three miles -- you never know when they start ORATING), why all those many costume changes from your boss?

Posted 8:56 AM by Gene

Extreme National Magazine Award-winning cleverness again from JonBoy -- a hug-in with Ah-NULT -- on our cover (if only EVERY...oh, NEVER MIND) -- and a mere thermometer elsewhere.

Is the push to save the planet a fad, or a turning point? Here's hoping it's the real deal.

Here's hoping so too -- because then if we're wrong....

Oh, but news hacks and their stooges are NEVER wrong.