THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Monday, July 07, 2008
The British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club is hiring waitresses!
I'm all for waitresses but mightn't they have a homely look?
The head of the Vatican’s Council for Christian Unity, Cardinal Walter Kasper, said in a recent address it was time for the Church of England to decide whether it was Catholic or Reformed.
How many varieties does Starbucks have?
I'm all for waitresses but mightn't they have a homely look?
The head of the Vatican’s Council for Christian Unity, Cardinal Walter Kasper, said in a recent address it was time for the Church of England to decide whether it was Catholic or Reformed.
How many varieties does Starbucks have?
McCain Pledges to Balance Budget in First Term
We will not call Boobs a liar, but we should remember -- he IS a REPUBLICAN.
We will not call Boobs a liar, but we should remember -- he IS a REPUBLICAN.
Someone finally noticed: those tentpoles have TERMITES.
P. S. SLIMECORP's gone from 20 to 14.5 in less than two months. So much for Dow Jones and Facebook. What? He doesn't own Facebook? There's an idea!
P. S. SLIMECORP's gone from 20 to 14.5 in less than two months. So much for Dow Jones and Facebook. What? He doesn't own Facebook? There's an idea!
That in all the gab of "tradition breaking" no one has mentioned Roosevelt at Franklin Field indicates: 1. News hacks don't know what they're doing; 2. They know what they're doing and don't want to bring up the difference.
Is it me or does the name of The Messiah's temple sound like Robert Vesco Field?
Is it me or does the name of The Messiah's temple sound like Robert Vesco Field?
For decades the auto biz has threatened us with cars that can drive themselves. Under the circumstances this may be just another empty threat.
In what might pass for con-SER-va-tive thinking, except it's the Independent, Alison likens the pop cul-TYURE biz to the Founding Fathers' achievement:
After many years of the seemingly unstoppable growth of the multinationals, the will of the People is creating a new democracy in which popular music, art and film are being produced in an explosion of creativity. Freedom of musical expression is with us again, and it is making people extremely happy.
TRANSLATION: Pop cul-TYURE is now the moral equivalent of home fireworks accidents.
(Via the occasionally very annoying AHTSJournal)
After many years of the seemingly unstoppable growth of the multinationals, the will of the People is creating a new democracy in which popular music, art and film are being produced in an explosion of creativity. Freedom of musical expression is with us again, and it is making people extremely happy.
TRANSLATION: Pop cul-TYURE is now the moral equivalent of home fireworks accidents.
(Via the occasionally very annoying AHTSJournal)
[Bang & Olufsen], whose high-end TVs can cost more than $30,000, fired its chief executive in January after the company's third quarter sales fell 15 percent overall and 26 percent in its biggest markets -- Denmark, Germany and Britain.
You mean even the supersnobs are wising up?
You mean even the supersnobs are wising up?
Justin learns how to write a résumé:
An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.
TRANSLATION: It's a class-A comic book -- and someone tell the cri-TICS comics books are NOT Gone with the Wind, now matter how extensively they freshen their breath.
Elsewhere in the Big V, we learn one of the French cri-TICS called a certain ah-pe-rrrrRA "a piece of homework, clumsily orchestrated, from a moderately talented disciple of Arnold Schoenberg." Mr. Teachout, your masterpiece awaits!
An ambitious, full-bodied crime epic of gratifying scope and moral complexity, this is seriously brainy pop entertainment that satisfies every expectation raised by its hit predecessor and then some.
TRANSLATION: It's a class-A comic book -- and someone tell the cri-TICS comics books are NOT Gone with the Wind, now matter how extensively they freshen their breath.
Elsewhere in the Big V, we learn one of the French cri-TICS called a certain ah-pe-rrrrRA "a piece of homework, clumsily orchestrated, from a moderately talented disciple of Arnold Schoenberg." Mr. Teachout, your masterpiece awaits!
Bush: Russia's New President Is 'Smart Guy'
We are not sure under what circumstances that is a compliment.
We are not sure under what circumstances that is a compliment.
"The financial health and security of the United States depends, in part, on a commodities market that is stable, rational and predictable."
So what are -- no, can't call them speculators, must call them investors like pension funds and younuhVERsuhtees doing? They're making the commodities market unstable, irrational and -- predictable.
So what are -- no, can't call them speculators, must call them investors like pension funds and younuhVERsuhtees doing? They're making the commodities market unstable, irrational and -- predictable.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Some bloggers raise a mighty nasty stink about The Messiah's birth certificate, a topic we might instantaneously gather is complete bull -- but not before SAM LITTLE has posted 2,000 times and gotten 30 million comments, no doubt.
If it's Sunday it must be Big Double-A-Scribble Time:
1. The company that spends umpteen megazillions financing professional sports appears not to have spent one thin dime laying out the case for staying independent -- yet another proof advertising is about fiefdoms, and luxury boxes. It isn't about moving product -- and certainly not about protecting jobs.
2. The Sons of SLAVERY BRANDAGE are smiling: the same Chinese who are using their brute force to punish dissidents are punishing AMBUSH MARKETING.
3. And several months into their Beijing vacations, Mickey D's top execs have an excuse for them: a Web site that allow Ronny's fans to "create pictures with their faces on an Olympian's body"! Way to go Mick!
4. Recognizing not only the blithering idiots they are, but that they recently LOOKED like blithering idiots spending more on TV than ever, MEDIA BUYERS are now saying they're going to spend LESS on ADVERTISING. How many of these guys will VOTE for the MESSIAH -- and how many are His MEDIA ADVISERS?
5. And speaking of luxury boxes, isn't there an EASIER way to see the SUPER BORE, Moon 'n' Stars?
6. Finally, Rance and his buddies assume a pensive look as they ponder Census data even though it's still about eighteen months away, and gasp:
The average U.S. head of household is now nearly 50 years old (49.5, to be precise). But here's the bigger story: More than 80% of the growth in the number of households in the next five years will be among those headed by people 55 and older.
Let us guess: MORE money for MTV!!!!!
1. The company that spends umpteen megazillions financing professional sports appears not to have spent one thin dime laying out the case for staying independent -- yet another proof advertising is about fiefdoms, and luxury boxes. It isn't about moving product -- and certainly not about protecting jobs.
2. The Sons of SLAVERY BRANDAGE are smiling: the same Chinese who are using their brute force to punish dissidents are punishing AMBUSH MARKETING.
3. And several months into their Beijing vacations, Mickey D's top execs have an excuse for them: a Web site that allow Ronny's fans to "create pictures with their faces on an Olympian's body"! Way to go Mick!
4. Recognizing not only the blithering idiots they are, but that they recently LOOKED like blithering idiots spending more on TV than ever, MEDIA BUYERS are now saying they're going to spend LESS on ADVERTISING. How many of these guys will VOTE for the MESSIAH -- and how many are His MEDIA ADVISERS?
5. And speaking of luxury boxes, isn't there an EASIER way to see the SUPER BORE, Moon 'n' Stars?
6. Finally, Rance and his buddies assume a pensive look as they ponder Census data even though it's still about eighteen months away, and gasp:
The average U.S. head of household is now nearly 50 years old (49.5, to be precise). But here's the bigger story: More than 80% of the growth in the number of households in the next five years will be among those headed by people 55 and older.
Let us guess: MORE money for MTV!!!!!
IF someone played history's most expensive practical joke on Bear Stearns (using the Big C as a conduit -- how typical), doesn't that say next time someone can play a more expensive joke? And doesn't it also say those who insist speculators are harmless are pretty well full of it?
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Man flying lawn chair lifted by helium balloons
What an achievement! This will rank with Lindbergh but SURE!
AND HE MADE IT TOO! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
We could do worse than follow the achievement of Kent Couch.
What an achievement! This will rank with Lindbergh but SURE!
AND HE MADE IT TOO! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!
We could do worse than follow the achievement of Kent Couch.
Congress can't fix energy problems, Congress can't fix pension problems -- can Congress do anything right? And does Congress think it does anything wrong?
We've a strong hunch many of the well-heeled news hacks who scream "IT ISN'T SPECULATORS!!!!!" didn't have a clue about subprimes -- or if they did, it was after everyone else. And the same people who didn't have a clue about subprimes didn't have a clue about the dot-com bubble. We suspect the anonymouses at The Econowiz burped "No one can predict a top", like everybody else. Well all right, editors of the retired Bugmeister's favorite rag, maybe it isn't speculators, but one thing we're sure of: news hacks sleeping on the job as usual, not knowing a godforsaken thing.
G-Man, one of show-biz' leading toadies, is EXCITED because sponsors are burning more of our money on cable news -- up 14%!!!!! -- including such public-spirited outfits as ExxonMobil (meaning PC BS with ten-foot-high daisies), yet even he must admit they may be wasting the money -- albeit in a very shrewdly positioned LAST GRAF:
But signs of overexposure already are evident. CNN's Larry King Live recently featured experts who analyzed the body language of Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and four guests on Gregory's MSNBC show spent time parsing Obama's iPod musical choices.
But signs of overexposure already are evident. CNN's Larry King Live recently featured experts who analyzed the body language of Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and four guests on Gregory's MSNBC show spent time parsing Obama's iPod musical choices.
Friday, July 04, 2008
How you look upon Jesse Helms must depend, alas, on where on the political spectrum you are, and how firmly wedded you remain to eighties shibboleths. If you're a liberal he was a Nazi; if you're a con-SER-va-tive he was God's gift to man, even if he was from Dixieland. The truth has a way of defying caricature. He was in some indelible ways a crank (he was, after all, an early TV pundit), and sometimes suffered from guilt by association with the Old South, an association he never exactly severed; but it is hard to imagine Reaganism (or Reagan) without him, as he gave it its essential backbone, and in the final analysis his heart was in the right place (no pun intended), and his right hand over it, and he was clearly a Southern gentleman. That he died on July 4 is most potent symbolism.
(Via CNN)
P. S. at 4:20 P.M.
Former U.S. senator Jesse Helms dies; UNYIELDING SOUTHERNER RELIED ON RACE-BAITING CAMPAIGN TACTICS!!!!! [Unyielding overemphasis added]
1. Still angry after all these years? 2. Layoffs? What layoffs? 3. This version of the hed appears on the BOTTOM of the home page, and in the story -- but not at the TOP of the home page; see no. 2.
We have slightly amended our original post. Obviously lots of people still think the late Sen. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL because of his politics, just as lots of con-ser-va-tives will when Sen. Kennedy goes. Even PINCH shrugged His shoulders and merely called him a "conservative force." Haven't we had enough tantrums?
(Via CNN)
P. S. at 4:20 P.M.
Former U.S. senator Jesse Helms dies; UNYIELDING SOUTHERNER RELIED ON RACE-BAITING CAMPAIGN TACTICS!!!!! [Unyielding overemphasis added]
1. Still angry after all these years? 2. Layoffs? What layoffs? 3. This version of the hed appears on the BOTTOM of the home page, and in the story -- but not at the TOP of the home page; see no. 2.
We have slightly amended our original post. Obviously lots of people still think the late Sen. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL because of his politics, just as lots of con-ser-va-tives will when Sen. Kennedy goes. Even PINCH shrugged His shoulders and merely called him a "conservative force." Haven't we had enough tantrums?
China to use unmanned security drones at Olympics
1. To search out dissidents. 2. Given the Chinese obsession with quality control let's hope these don't cause problems.
1. To search out dissidents. 2. Given the Chinese obsession with quality control let's hope these don't cause problems.
Col.'s LALA outpost just laid off 250, meaning we'll see more crock like this. What is happening to the news biz is the wrong thing for the right reason. It's the wrong thing because with less talent means fewer stories; with the cuts in the newshole means shorter stories; with these self-inflicted wounds means fewer resources to go after the stories that must be reported. But it's the right reason because for decades news hacks have spit at the public, insisting their bias was objectivity, and their publicity-mania was in the public interest, and their empire building was for the glory of God. For these righteous behaviors and more the press deserves its problems. We do not delude ourselves, however, that public revulsion necessarily inspired the problems, nor that the business will get a further comeuppance from the vast quality dilution which is already following.
One more time, despite zero hits:
Even if this is my only post today it must count for something.
Even if this is my only post today it must count for something.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Okay, we just read the plu -- ARTICLE, and it makes the Big P sound more sympathetic than He may deserve. And HE brought up His salary. (We thought WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! and THE ORIGINAL TVNEWSER!!!!! were making things up -- something we'd put past neither of them.) But beholding the two biggest, richest loudmouths in media -- He and the Goddess Oprah -- we think, what will remain of Their enormous influence in twenty-five years? How about a cross between Will Rogers and Alexander Woollcott -- what became of them? (And Rogers deserved better.)
TRANSLATION: The oil moguls are now acting as self-serious and self-flagellant as news hacks, meaning we do have a problem, and these idiots won't do a thing.
On second thought, is anything more offensive those who should be deliriously happy playacting grim?
On second thought, is anything more offensive those who should be deliriously happy playacting grim?
We shouldn't waste our time on this but we wonder if PILLHEAD and His supposed $400 MILLION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! contract aren't loss leaders, especially for some of His affiliates. Pill's employed by CHEAP CHANNEL, and now that it's going private it can pull a fast one without angry shareholders; but its recent drying up of donations from BUDWEISER hints that it may not be selling cars as well as it used to. Moreover the sad tale of Hiram -- Sloan? indicates all that talent may now be so welded into the overhead as to make a full accounting or profit impossible; ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!'s DOG Star went down from the moment it hired -- Stang. And if this out-of-date list from an embittered enemy is correct either his advertisers have deep pockets or shallow sense, and we doubt the former. The only reason that lout Drunken Slob drew so many blue-ribbon suckers is that they didn't listen until it was too late. Moreover we wonder if the Pill deserves His alleged largess given the grand wonders He's bestowed upon Republicans the last ten years -- and especially the last two. By that standard bansheeing idiots like KEITH TANTRUMAN should have hoped He'd be paid double.
And this press rel -- adver -- GROUNDBREAKING NEWS was disclosed by WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! and THE ORIGINAL TVNEWSER!!!!!, meaning its BS reading is off the scale.
P. S.
Clear Channel Communications Inc.'s banks, seeking investors to help finance the U.S. radio company's $17.9 billion leveraged buyout, cut the offering price on some loans, according to people with knowledge of the offering....
The price cut reflects a decline in average actively traded high-yield, high-risk loans....
``The steep discounts suggest the banks are facing considerable losses,'' Dave Novosel, a credit analyst at Gimme Credit Publications Inc. in Chicago wrote in a note today, suggesting the banks may sell the loans at 85 cents on the dollar. ``The only solace for the banks is that the renegotiated deal led to a reduction in the amount of debt needed to complete the LBO.''...
``We expect demand for the new issues to be tepid as the rumored decrease in loan prices is likely indicative of investor interest,'' Novosel wrote in the report.
You don't suppose there's an outside chance AMERICA'S BIGGEST CAR DEALER's heading in the direction of COLONELLAND?
Corrected 3/3/2009 at 6:47 p. m. ZONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! didn't hire Hinton -- Stein...but he might have.
And this press rel -- adver -- GROUNDBREAKING NEWS was disclosed by WALTER WINCHELL!!!!! and THE ORIGINAL TVNEWSER!!!!!, meaning its BS reading is off the scale.
P. S.
Clear Channel Communications Inc.'s banks, seeking investors to help finance the U.S. radio company's $17.9 billion leveraged buyout, cut the offering price on some loans, according to people with knowledge of the offering....
The price cut reflects a decline in average actively traded high-yield, high-risk loans....
``The steep discounts suggest the banks are facing considerable losses,'' Dave Novosel, a credit analyst at Gimme Credit Publications Inc. in Chicago wrote in a note today, suggesting the banks may sell the loans at 85 cents on the dollar. ``The only solace for the banks is that the renegotiated deal led to a reduction in the amount of debt needed to complete the LBO.''...
``We expect demand for the new issues to be tepid as the rumored decrease in loan prices is likely indicative of investor interest,'' Novosel wrote in the report.
You don't suppose there's an outside chance AMERICA'S BIGGEST CAR DEALER's heading in the direction of COLONELLAND?
Corrected 3/3/2009 at 6:47 p. m. ZONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! didn't hire Hinton -- Stein...but he might have.
It's magic! YouTube attack videos can just (PWOF!) disappear! Like that!
Money will concentrate a senator's mind wonderfully.
Money will concentrate a senator's mind wonderfully.
Somehow we could not help thinking of St. Rachel beholding this terrible story. We wonder if it was a tribute. Certain peace activists somewhere are smirking.
Elsewhere from the former flagship of PEOPLE INC., which seems to be getting skinnier without the help of the gas crunch, we discern some Iranian diplomat ready to make concessions on nukes, which prompts us to ask, 1. Where did he come from? and 2. Is he merely another side to Nukeman's mouth?
Unlike in previous proposals that failed to break the deadlock, Iran would not be required, at least during the preliminary talks, to halt enrichment altogether, as the Bush administration has demanded until now.
Where's The Messiah's Strobe Talbott?
Unlike in previous proposals that failed to break the deadlock, Iran would not be required, at least during the preliminary talks, to halt enrichment altogether, as the Bush administration has demanded until now.
Where's The Messiah's Strobe Talbott?
Another news hack smiles:
But it's also true that Americans are finding options where there seemed to be none. They're ready to change — just waiting for their infrastructure to catch up. They are driving to commuter-rail lines only to find there are no parking spots left. They are running fewer errands and dumping their SUVs. Public-transit use is at a 50-year high. Gas purchases are down 2% to 3%. And all those changes bring secondary, hard-earned benefits.
We want to see how many of these benefits actually appear. Cheaper insurance? With St. Warren running the biz? And why do we suspect traffic will somehow manage to avoid the costs of high gas prices? Less obesity? How did Amanda figure that? And why do we detect more than a shade of smugness to prognosticating like this?
But it's also true that Americans are finding options where there seemed to be none. They're ready to change — just waiting for their infrastructure to catch up. They are driving to commuter-rail lines only to find there are no parking spots left. They are running fewer errands and dumping their SUVs. Public-transit use is at a 50-year high. Gas purchases are down 2% to 3%. And all those changes bring secondary, hard-earned benefits.
We want to see how many of these benefits actually appear. Cheaper insurance? With St. Warren running the biz? And why do we suspect traffic will somehow manage to avoid the costs of high gas prices? Less obesity? How did Amanda figure that? And why do we detect more than a shade of smugness to prognosticating like this?
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Driving Down Real Estate
Will higher commuting costs kill the suburbs?
No, because the minuses of the commute still can't outweigh the pluses of lower crime, better jobs, better schools, better shopping, and green grass. Speculators and Belly Kissers (or rather vast and impersonal forces) can't bring back the cities that guvment hacks and businessclods worked so assiduously to destroy.
Will higher commuting costs kill the suburbs?
No, because the minuses of the commute still can't outweigh the pluses of lower crime, better jobs, better schools, better shopping, and green grass. Speculators and Belly Kissers (or rather vast and impersonal forces) can't bring back the cities that guvment hacks and businessclods worked so assiduously to destroy.
TRANSLATION: The auto biz is becoming an analog of network TV -- you can be first so long as your sales don't decline as fast as number two.
P. S. The Senior Clunker Brother seems to have fended off Toyota by all but giving the product away.
P. S. The Senior Clunker Brother seems to have fended off Toyota by all but giving the product away.
Speaking of stupid, two can play this gag at rating successful movies by Rotten Tomatoes rankings. How many masterworks have gotten 95% plus and earned less than $5 million?
Why must the Sons of Kinsley waste our time like this?
Why must the Sons of Kinsley waste our time like this?
Lifestyles of the Rich and STUPID:
Vin Baker Joins List Of Athlete Home Foreclosures
...It’s Baker’s second foreclosure this year after his restaurant Vinnie’s Saybrook Fish House went under in February. Baker earned $89.9 million throughout his 14-year NBA career, including $13.5 million for the Boston Celtics for the 2003-04 season.
Vin Baker Joins List Of Athlete Home Foreclosures
...It’s Baker’s second foreclosure this year after his restaurant Vinnie’s Saybrook Fish House went under in February. Baker earned $89.9 million throughout his 14-year NBA career, including $13.5 million for the Boston Celtics for the 2003-04 season.
Evander Holyfield stopped the foreclosure proceedings on his 54,000-square foot home, which was supposed to be auctioned today, but other athletes are in trouble.
Latrell Sprewell, who made $96.6 million his NBA career, had his yacht and a house foreclosed on this year.
Dallas Cowboys defensive back “Pacman” Jones--who now just wants to be called Adam--was supposed to have his home sold in an auction on Friday, but it was delayed to July 28. The mortgage default was also with U.S. Bank.
Jose Canseco, who made $45 million throughout his career stopped making payments on his 7,300-square foot mansion in June.
DUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
(Via Seeking Alpha)
11:41 a.m. ET · As more people opt for fewer car trips, carpooling, and public transportation, environmentalists point out that high fuel prices are also leading to reduced carbon emissions.
And how many news hacks are smugly looking at the bright side?
And how many news hacks are smugly looking at the bright side?
Another plug from the ASSPress:
The libretto by David Henry Hwang ("M. Butterfly") has all the elements needed for good opera: a love story, a transformation, tragedy and death, not to mention a large dose of melodrama.
And we can be sure THE SCORE STINKS!
I HATE NEWS HACKS!
The libretto by David Henry Hwang ("M. Butterfly") has all the elements needed for good opera: a love story, a transformation, tragedy and death, not to mention a large dose of melodrama.
And we can be sure THE SCORE STINKS!
I HATE NEWS HACKS!