THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Further on the economy:
The nation's tax code is so complex that taxpayers spend nearly $200 billion a year on the work required to comply with requirements, the government's taxpayer advocate said in a report released Wednesday....
The tax code is likely to get even more complex in the coming weeks as Congress considers an economic stimulus package that is expected to include about $300 billion in tax cuts, including breaks for individuals and businesses.
Some of that money could go back to the taxpayers and help the economy -- don'tcha think?
The nation's tax code is so complex that taxpayers spend nearly $200 billion a year on the work required to comply with requirements, the government's taxpayer advocate said in a report released Wednesday....
The tax code is likely to get even more complex in the coming weeks as Congress considers an economic stimulus package that is expected to include about $300 billion in tax cuts, including breaks for individuals and businesses.
Some of that money could go back to the taxpayers and help the economy -- don'tcha think?
Forbeslist.com scratches its head over a husband-and-wife economist team, the wife of whom will serve The One as head of the Council of Economic Advisers:
The Romers' research actually undercuts the Keynesian approach in a more fundamental way. They find that tax cuts to offset a recession are ineffective, but their reasoning would also apply to government spending increases to offset a recession. In other words, if she believes her own research, Christina Romer should be a strong critic of her new boss's policies.
In other words, economies may resist dogmas, regardless of what Gekko "Grasso" Kudlow and the Angry Nobelist Paul Krugman think.
Whose dogma will work best now?
The Romers' research actually undercuts the Keynesian approach in a more fundamental way. They find that tax cuts to offset a recession are ineffective, but their reasoning would also apply to government spending increases to offset a recession. In other words, if she believes her own research, Christina Romer should be a strong critic of her new boss's policies.
In other words, economies may resist dogmas, regardless of what Gekko "Grasso" Kudlow and the Angry Nobelist Paul Krugman think.
Whose dogma will work best now?
What we can expect from WALTER WINCHELL JR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s version of SUPERNIKKI!!!!!:
Watch Out For Watchmen [Jonah Goldberg]
My first post at Big Hollywood is up. It's pretty much for rightwing comic book geeks.
01/07 01:17 PM
Watch Out For Watchmen [Jonah Goldberg]
My first post at Big Hollywood is up. It's pretty much for rightwing comic book geeks.
01/07 01:17 PM
So much for our MNI IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE WATCH: down 40 cents, or over 22 percent.
Live by the pink sheets....
Live by the pink sheets....
ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS outsources its Iraq coverage to the Beeb.
Why does Ub Iger continue to maintain the illusion He's in the broadcasting business?
Why does Ub Iger continue to maintain the illusion He's in the broadcasting business?
...13 watches, 4 diamond brooches, a jade necklace, two sets of cufflinks....
And a Ponzi in a pear tree!
And a Ponzi in a pear tree!
AP NEWSALERT!
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President-elect Obama declines to take position on whether Burris should get Senate seat.
Outspoken as usual.
WASHINGTON (AP) -- President-elect Obama declines to take position on whether Burris should get Senate seat.
Outspoken as usual.
Just how bad is the oil...glut?
Prices remain so low that oil is being stored at sea to avoid selling it at current market prices.
Prices remain so low that oil is being stored at sea to avoid selling it at current market prices.
Sorry Lloyd, King Lear is not a comedy -- and its title character probably never had "strawberry-tinged hair".
And tons of antioxidants!
(Via The Daily Beast, where somebody's giving this a deserved thumbs-down)
And tons of antioxidants!
(Via The Daily Beast, where somebody's giving this a deserved thumbs-down)
The last time HBO had anything to do with an inaugural it plastered its logo on a third of the screen. (We seem to recall it did make its wingding available to basic subscribers.) This time, TWXSTERS, do you think we could plaster the logo on the WHOLE SCREEN?
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 9:16 a. m. PEOPLE WARNER CABLE is writing off $15 BILLION in cable franchise rights (i.e., GOODWILL). How much of nothing do cable subscribers pay for every month?
P. P. S. at 9:23 a. m. TWXSTERS WRITING OFF $25 BILLION! $40 BILLION IN ZERO FROM THE UNIVERSE'S GREATEST MEDIA COMPANIES!
(Via MediaBistro)
P. S. at 9:16 a. m. PEOPLE WARNER CABLE is writing off $15 BILLION in cable franchise rights (i.e., GOODWILL). How much of nothing do cable subscribers pay for every month?
P. P. S. at 9:23 a. m. TWXSTERS WRITING OFF $25 BILLION! $40 BILLION IN ZERO FROM THE UNIVERSE'S GREATEST MEDIA COMPANIES!
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Parsons to Commerce!!!!!!!!!!!? [Exclamation points added]
A TWXSTER Commerce boss, a TWXSTER surgeon general, a TWXSTER press secretary for Veep Kinnock -- is The One intending to bail out PEOPLE WARNER?
A TWXSTER Commerce boss, a TWXSTER surgeon general, a TWXSTER press secretary for Veep Kinnock -- is The One intending to bail out PEOPLE WARNER?
We wonder if Jeb simply realized the third time might not be the charm.
NO MORE BUSHES IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
NO MORE BUSHES IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
WALTER WINCHELL JR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! starting his new conservative celebrity blog (BLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!) is the definition of "fool me once, shame on you...."
And fool me three times and everyone will call you "AMERICA'S MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER!!!!!" and you can run anything you please.
And fool me four times and you're worth $200 million.
(First and second links via IWantMedia)
And fool me three times and everyone will call you "AMERICA'S MOST INFLUENTIAL BLOGGER!!!!!" and you can run anything you please.
And fool me four times and you're worth $200 million.
(First and second links via IWantMedia)
Nor will we comment on Alcoa's horrendous layoffs except to say 1. Nobody's building houses and 2. Aluminum's not expensive anymore.
Nor do we care too much about Apple's decision to kill DRM because it's now obvious it was pretty well dead from the day the first PC got its first hard drive and modem.
A Seeking Alpha columnist writes that maybe deflation mightn't be that bad, citing high-tech. It sounds like self-parody but he may have a point. Deflation mightn't be bad if you live sensibly, unlike the experts and brokers and media types who keep whining about it and don't.
Somebody named Michael Hirschorn, who ran one of SUMNER's brain rots, writes in The Atlantic that the Paper of Re-CORD could cease publishing by May. Since you say that, Mike, what are the chances YOUR FORMER BOSS declares BANKRUPTCY FIRST?
(Via CuteLittlePinkPaper.com)
(Via CuteLittlePinkPaper.com)
Oh, so now it's 30 "unconfirmed" dead at that UN school in Gaza. Maybe because the Jerusalem Post (a biased source, it being Israeli) said MILITANTS were firing mortars from the school and had it booby-trapped?
Which leads us, somehow, to our MNI IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE WATCH. It finally closed up 30 cents at $1.80. We will make this a daily feature until all those investors (or short-sellers, or whatever) come back to their senses, which may not be soon.
Which leads us, somehow, to our MNI IRRATIONAL EXUBERANCE WATCH. It finally closed up 30 cents at $1.80. We will make this a daily feature until all those investors (or short-sellers, or whatever) come back to their senses, which may not be soon.
The ASSPress, fresh from grieving over all the atrocities that ISRAELIS and ONLY the ISRAELIS are committing in Gaza, assures us that The One will "ban earmarks" from his stimulus package!
We could ask whether the stimulus package is one great big earmark, but that would be like asking if a Hamas hospital is a hospital.
We could ask whether the stimulus package is one great big earmark, but that would be like asking if a Hamas hospital is a hospital.
ESPNCORP engages in deceptive campaigning for its prospective Os-CAR® nominee -- and Mogul's Friend is FURIOUS!
If the news biz spent half as much time improving its product as it spends tantruming without a cause, Sam Zell would still be a colonel.
If the news biz spent half as much time improving its product as it spends tantruming without a cause, Sam Zell would still be a colonel.
NRO and FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS daydream that the House will vote John Dingell in as the speaker.
Not bloody likely.
Not bloody likely.
Monday, January 05, 2009
Science: Carefully Timed Jerks Could Power Space Elevator
Given the source we shall merely say, NO COMMENT.
Given the source we shall merely say, NO COMMENT.
Health official Raed Arini said he has stopped filling out the space on death certificates left for "reason for death."
"THE REASON FOR DEATH IS THE ISRAELI ARMY!!!!!!!!!!" Arini said, as medics rushed in with more wounded people. [On-the-side-of-the-angels overemphasis added]
If we had to guess ASSPress and its partners in JERNALISM have been running nothing but "humanitarian" stories lately.
P. S.
McClatchy Company (NYSE: MNI) 45% HIGHER; [DAMMIT!] continuing higher today but not hearing any news that would justify today's rally on strong volume. Shares of McClatchy rose more than 36% on Friday. [DOUBLE-DAMMIT!] With about 22.5% of its float shorted during December, today's move could be the result of short sellers covering their downside bets.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Consolation: GCI's still under ten, and that new ad platform didn't budge PAPEROFRECORDCO.
"THE REASON FOR DEATH IS THE ISRAELI ARMY!!!!!!!!!!" Arini said, as medics rushed in with more wounded people. [On-the-side-of-the-angels overemphasis added]
If we had to guess ASSPress and its partners in JERNALISM have been running nothing but "humanitarian" stories lately.
P. S.
McClatchy Company (NYSE: MNI) 45% HIGHER; [DAMMIT!] continuing higher today but not hearing any news that would justify today's rally on strong volume. Shares of McClatchy rose more than 36% on Friday. [DOUBLE-DAMMIT!] With about 22.5% of its float shorted during December, today's move could be the result of short sellers covering their downside bets.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Consolation: GCI's still under ten, and that new ad platform didn't budge PAPEROFRECORDCO.
Today tragedy struck the news biz as The Paper of Re-CORD ran its first front-page display ad -- and not even Romy's readers cared.
Which is not to say all the economic news is bad. Inside Higher Ed says there'll be a fifteen percent decline in history-prof jobs. Now if this is true throughout the humanities (as it may be) it can only be good news -- fewer profs boring their students, fewer profs boring their students with their PC passions or crank political views, fewer profs marching in lockstep off a cliff for the latest noble cause, fewer profs playing favorites sexual or otherwise, fewer profs writing dull textbooks, fewer profs sucking off the GUVMENT teat -- no one wants to wish unemployment on anybody, but where's the bad news in this?
Speaking of REPUBLICANS:
RNC hopefuls predict Obama backlash
Be careful what you wish for -- it might backlash YOU.
Speaking of -- chairs, there have been hundreds of thousands of posts in con-SER-va-tive sites about his, meaning some people really need to get a JOB.
RNC hopefuls predict Obama backlash
Be careful what you wish for -- it might backlash YOU.
Speaking of -- chairs, there have been hundreds of thousands of posts in con-SER-va-tive sites about his, meaning some people really need to get a JOB.
A tribute to OUR kind of Republican, Wayne Gilchrest:
He never had much use for politics - he says he registered as a Republican for his initial run against Democratic Rep. Roy P. Dyson in 1988 only because it was cheaper than filing as an independent candidate....
Happily,
These are peaceful days for Gilchrest, who spoke of feeling liberated after losing a bitterly fought primary last year to conservative state Sen. Andy Harris. It pleases Gilchrest that tomorrow, Frank M. Kratovil Jr., the Queen Anne's County Democrat whom he crossed party lines to endorse in the general election, will be sworn in as his successor.
Happy fishin' -- WAYNE!
When time's up this honorable man will be another lobbyist.
He never had much use for politics - he says he registered as a Republican for his initial run against Democratic Rep. Roy P. Dyson in 1988 only because it was cheaper than filing as an independent candidate....
Happily,
These are peaceful days for Gilchrest, who spoke of feeling liberated after losing a bitterly fought primary last year to conservative state Sen. Andy Harris. It pleases Gilchrest that tomorrow, Frank M. Kratovil Jr., the Queen Anne's County Democrat whom he crossed party lines to endorse in the general election, will be sworn in as his successor.
Happy fishin' -- WAYNE!
When time's up this honorable man will be another lobbyist.
Chrysler sales halved in Dec. as industry sales plummet
We figure at least one of the THREE HEADS on that DOG must be smiling.
We figure at least one of the THREE HEADS on that DOG must be smiling.
Now USAOKAY!!!!! and all those underpaid CEOs will NEVER shut up:
DreamWorks, SoBe, Intel, NBC Plan 3-D Super Bowl Ad
DreamWorks, SoBe, Intel, NBC Plan 3-D Super Bowl Ad
"We're not doing anything today that declares winners or losers or anything to that effect," Ritchie said.
No -- only the ASSPress can do that.
Here's betting Al does win eventually, and here's praying he lives down to his reputation.
No -- only the ASSPress can do that.
Here's betting Al does win eventually, and here's praying he lives down to his reputation.
This sounds mournful: a "reality" TV show where contestants get picked off because they lack kindness. One can be a cynic about such shows and still admit maybe our problem is we're not squooshy enough.
NRO, which for months insisted The One was a RADICAL, seems to have changed its tune now that he's proposing tax cuts. The fact remains, it's a lot of money he's spending -- and thre Wall Street Casino has shown it can turn government's trillions into a pea shooter.
Speaking of PEOPLE WARNER, a post from its flagship -- in full:
After giving us her personal holiday recipes, Gwyneth Paltrow shares her post-holiday diet secret in her latest GOOP newsletter. Gwyneth admits, “I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess. Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy.” Working with her doctor, a detox diet specialist, Gwyneth has created a seven-day elimantion diet that helps detox the body. “As I do not wish to subsist on lemon water in the middle of winter, I asked my doctor, a detox diet specialist, for the guidelines he uses to achieve a good detox that is not as hallucinogenic (in a bad way) as the Master Cleanse,” says Gwyneth. “What it came down to was this: you can detox easily and effectively while you continue to eat as long as you are cutting out the foods and other substances that interfere with the detoxification process.” While cutting out dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda, Gwyneth’s diet consist of salads, fruit smoothies, chicken, soups and lots of water. Click here to read the full scoop on Goop.com.
One word: GROSS!
After giving us her personal holiday recipes, Gwyneth Paltrow shares her post-holiday diet secret in her latest GOOP newsletter. Gwyneth admits, “I need to lose a few pounds of holiday excess. Anyone else? I like to do fasts and detoxes a couple of times during the year, the most hardcore one being the Master Cleanse I did last spring. It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy.” Working with her doctor, a detox diet specialist, Gwyneth has created a seven-day elimantion diet that helps detox the body. “As I do not wish to subsist on lemon water in the middle of winter, I asked my doctor, a detox diet specialist, for the guidelines he uses to achieve a good detox that is not as hallucinogenic (in a bad way) as the Master Cleanse,” says Gwyneth. “What it came down to was this: you can detox easily and effectively while you continue to eat as long as you are cutting out the foods and other substances that interfere with the detoxification process.” While cutting out dairy, grains with gluten, meat, shellfish, anything processed (including all soy products), fatty nuts, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and eggplant), condiments, sugar and obviously no alcohol, caffeine or soda, Gwyneth’s diet consist of salads, fruit smoothies, chicken, soups and lots of water. Click here to read the full scoop on Goop.com.
One word: GROSS!
We don't know what The One had in mind in appointing Leon Panetta to the CIA. Maybe he figured he needed all that résumé excellence. Or maybe he figured after all those insiders and their brilliant analysis it could stand an outsider. The problem is a labyrinth like the CIA has a way of swallowing up the outsider -- and then spitting him out. We wonder if this isn't more of the usual rearranging of the acrostics puzzles.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Remember the name: Frank Nicastro. He will be the first among many pols to let slanters and publicists and movie ad-blurbists keep their jobs under the cover of THE ECONOMY.
Providing government support can muddy that mission, said Paul Janensch, a journalism professor at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut, and a former reporter and editor.
"You can't expect a watchdog to bite the hand that feeds it," he said.
Never mind watchdogs -- WE'RE HUNGRY!
Providing government support can muddy that mission, said Paul Janensch, a journalism professor at Quinnipiac University in Connecticut, and a former reporter and editor.
"You can't expect a watchdog to bite the hand that feeds it," he said.
Never mind watchdogs -- WE'RE HUNGRY!
I know the hacks are saying how The One is wafting into DC on clouds of glory, but between the stimulus mess and the Senator messes has any recent president come in with such clouds over his head?
With Littler Jeffy's stock selling near its lows, still -- STILL, people want GE BANCORP OUT of SHOW-BIZ.
At what point does Littler throw up his hands and pull a Tyco -- a government-aided Tyco?
At what point does Littler throw up his hands and pull a Tyco -- a government-aided Tyco?
Now that the Eddie of the West is reluctant history, who would like to bet on the REAL Eddie? Or is he still looking for something important to do?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Keeping in mind this comes through a NOBEL laureate and hard-core liberals, the idiot PILLHEAD has propagated the idea that CHUCK SCHUMER engaged in a conspiracy to destroy our economy. Turnabout being fair play I could just as easily say PILLHEAD and CHEAP CHANNEL are engaged in a conspiracy to ROT OUR BRAINS.
Whiny Reid didn't want Je$$e Jr. and one or two other black leaders in The One's seat. Does that make Whiny a racist?
(Via the original reporting of Jake Tapper's Political Punch)
(Via the original reporting of Jake Tapper's Political Punch)
Friday, January 02, 2009
Here's another song that won't leave my mind, and it got planted there 44 years ago: As with too many kids my mom schlepped me to see two "family" films with animation in rapid succesion in 1964: Don Knotts in The Incredible Mr. Limpet (which I vaguely recall for being very vivid on screen) and Bill 'n' Joe's first feature, Hey There, it's Yogi Bear (which I don't). Judging from this astonishing press release in Boxoffice Columbia Pictures saw to it that every child in America trundled off to see it, parents in tow; HB's virtual parent Kellogg sold it, and there was a seven-inch LP promo disc you got for submitting box tops; there was even a "live interview" from "Jellystone Park"! (That's our Daws.) I must have nagged mom into buying the Colpix soundtrack, and much as HB's -- output is justly risible they came up with a truly decent score here, not by the usual Hoyt Curtin but by Marty Paich, and with songs* by two quite adequate tunesmiths named Gilbert and Goodwin (the former wrote the lyrics for "Zip-A-Dee-Do-Dah"), and while all the tunes are truly good (why didn't somebody push "Like I Like You", a somewhat...suggestive ballad?), it was the close, "Whistle Your Way Back Home", that stuck in my head even more than the others, and only recently could I locate it and the whole thing on the Web, in a quirky but acceptable download (did any copies survive unscathed?). It just so happens the TWXSTERS recently issued the film on DVD after a long video absence, and a few pirated excerpts on YouTube confirmed my suspicions: it's full limited animation, if you get the gist. Nonetheless from the music alone for the first and last time in their post-MGM careers Bill 'n' Joe did something absolutely right.
*Neither Daws nor the other credited voices sang them. They had -- dubs?
Even Obama can't solve the Middle East problem - and he'd be foolish to try
What? No walking on water?!?
What? No walking on water?!?
Reading Larry Tribe saying the Senate has every right to deprive a seat to Sen.-Select Hack from Illinois why do I think he's really saying what's in it for me?
Charlie Rose said RIP prematurely to a filmmaker on his highly celebrated show. That's okay; we said RIP to Charlie's intelligence a long time ago.
The Russia-Ukraine gas pains should be taken every bit as seriously as the just-resolved PEOPLE WARNER CABLE-SUMNER tantrum (i.e., just another argument over commodities) except it provides Madoffs an excuse to ring up energy prices.
Speaking of SAMMY GLICK...MAN, his opposite number in Big Pharma the despicable Billy Tauzin has just pulled a rich gag: no more pen, pad and clock doodads for prescription drugs. Whether this newfound religion stops deceptive marketing and land-office drug prices, shall we say, remains to be seen - although I think I can see it.
Martha Bayles, who's spoken on this before, says it would be a terrific idea to promote good American culture -- and then spends almost her whole column proving why it won't happen. Producing Our Town "in colloquial Arabic [with] some of Egypt's leading actors" is a terrific idea, but the pros have the upper hand with Saw and [C]RAP, and even Foggy Bottom doesn't have to scratch its head as to why so many hate us. Moreover the idea that we can separate high and low culture has been completely obliterated by mass media's hegemony. To the limited extent it can work we should undertake concerted exports of what is best of our culture, but as I've said before the task is made infinitely more difficult as we don't have Marian Andersons and Satchmos anymore -- and they communicated universal love even more than great culture.
Even as the Madoffs do their patriotic best to bring greed back with an idiot rally, the FDIC loses $8 billion plus bailing out IndyMac, and there are more boondoggles where that came from.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I think I know what it is with this mutual tantrum of PEOPLE WARNER CABLE and SUMNER. But isn't it a little late in the day and low in the stocks to be playing another game of King of the Hill on the people?
It seems fairly quiet this New Year's. Maybe we're partied out from the Second Coming of the Phillies. (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!) Maybe the much-bandied-about glumness has struck us. I'd like to think I'm not the only one who finds it more difficult to celebrate this holiday with the passing of years. I thought the fireworks might not go off at Penn's Landing given the high winds, but they did, and they're pretty as usual. Happy New Year -- and let's hope it will be happier, anyway.
P. S. As the infernal hacks try to make the stroke-bound Dick Clark a teenager again, does anyone here remember why he put himself on? It was as a young-folks' alternative to that senescent fogie playing on CBS. Does anyone remember him? Some people don't know why we play "Auld Lang Syne" anymore. I couldn't find a video of his New Year's act on YouTube. Oh well, "We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,/For auld lang syne."
P. S. As the infernal hacks try to make the stroke-bound Dick Clark a teenager again, does anyone here remember why he put himself on? It was as a young-folks' alternative to that senescent fogie playing on CBS. Does anyone remember him? Some people don't know why we play "Auld Lang Syne" anymore. I couldn't find a video of his New Year's act on YouTube. Oh well, "We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,/For auld lang syne."