Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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    • THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
    I know more than you.
    I make lots more money than you.
    I'm smarter than you.
    I'm sexier than you.
    I appear on TV all the time.
    I work ten minutes a day.
    I rule the universe.
    I'm going to live forever.
    You are an idiot.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
    A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
    I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
    --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

    THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
    News isn't news when we don't report it.

    PERMALINKS:

    THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

    THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY

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    Saturday, December 11, 2010

    Posted 7:52 PM by Gene

    Does anyone here remember Sugar Babies? You know, the dead man's burlesque revue where Ann Miller had to show off her legs and Mickey Rooney had to show off his bad jokes? I have the cast album which Amazon.com sells new at $172.75 but which Varèse Sarabande (Vivendi, rather) has seen fit to reissue in the UK so now it's worth closer to its true value of zero. Back in 1980 after an embarrassing caterwauling public appearance mourning JFK's death (it was November 22) Leonard Bernstein said the success of that show and Grease was a sign of national decadence. We just heard part of a badly transferred soundboard recording from the 1988 London production and will not argue the point. While we refer musical-comedy buffs to track 20 of the album (which has neither music nor comedy) we would quote this wonderful bit from the soundboard: A twenty-something beauty (we presume) with a distinct Cockney accent enters a (male) doctor's office:

    Patient: Good morning, doctor!

    Doctor     (sounding quite American, as if he was): Good morning, Miss Drummond! What can I do for you?

    Patient: I would like a thorah     (sic) physical examination.

    Doctor: Of course! Please take off all your clothes.

    Patient: (GASP!) DOC-tor! I can't     possibly get undressed in front of you! I'm too shy!

    Doctor: Well I quite understand. I'll tell you what we'll do: I'll turn the light out. You take off     all your clothes and tell me when you're ready.

    Patient: Ah, that's very thoughtful, doctor.     (LOUD wood block to indicate the light out.) I suppose you think I'm being very silly!

    Doctor: Oh, not at all! I admire modesty in a woman!

    Patient: Well, I've taken off all my clothes, doctor! Where should I put them?

    Doctor: Right over here -- on top of mine.

    (The orchestra blats to LOUD guffawing from the mostly middle-aged and uncritical audience.)

    Sorry to be humorless but if audiences had no discernment thirty years ago why should they have more discernment now?

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