Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Friday, December 31, 2010


It's been a while, but we haven't forgotten...ARCHDaily!



The giant in "Jack and the Beanstalk" needs his exercise!


"This is nothing to be proud of," Medvedev told the businessmen, according to Dow Jones. "Part of the problem is, of course, [our] investment climate, which is bad. Very bad."

We have not commented on that sentencing in Russia because it seems like little more than a battle between two Mafia bosses, hence neutering somewhat all that "democracy" talk, and only people who've stuck their heads up their wazoos could be astonished that PUPPET MASTER may not be committed to whatever He calls "the rule of law", but His puppet makes it official: he is VLAD's version of a customer-service rep -- or HOWIE HAIRSHIRT.


How astonishing to learn that TROOPER SUPERNIKKI!!!!! "ZEIGFIELD" FINKE has a friend in PAUL DRECK. She'll need his boisterous company if movee attendance is as bad as she says. Hollywood's had stinko years before and then a whole new wave of brilliance and TENTPOLES saved it, but the people have been quietly avoiding the octogigaplexes for ages, and all that "SUB-PAR content" may finally be wafting up the noses of even the movee S&M phreaks, and combined with 3D surcharges they may not, for the first time in recorded history, be a happy lot. Well what makes the cinematic diehards unhappy makes us very happy. More of the same in 2011!


When first we heard of the patriotic actions of NOO YAWK's sanitation workers -- in DA POST!!!!! -- our first thought was, another con-SER-va-tive gripe. As the evidence mounts up as did the snow it says that at their worst unions can paralyze cities, and because there's no way to punish the miscreants -- remember the rubber rooms? -- they can do it with impunity. Here's betting no one gets so much as lectured for this disgrace.

The one good thing about this is that HONORARY MAYOR MIKE can no longer run for president with impunity.

Thursday, December 30, 2010


BUY NOW, PAY LATER: His Incompetence never thought of what might happen after the nation ran out of His holy-water stimulus. Why should He have? Didn't He stimulate the economy? Shouldn't His vassals be eternally grateful?


TRANSLATION: HE IS ED MURROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We wonder what the late lamented Mike Kelly would think of the Web site he left behind, and of the drivel that spouts from it. (The only consistently sensible writer there is Megan McArdle.)

I believe history will judge Stewart similarly, in this instance and hopefully again in the future.

We know one thing: any "writer" who uses the "floating hopefully" probably can't think.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Money is not a motivator or factor as to why one school would get a particular decision versus another. Any insinuation that revenue from bowl games in particular would influence NCAA decisions is absurd, because schools and conferences receive that revenue, not the NCAA.

TRANSLATION: Our sugar daddies don't have to tell us what to do.

(Via ASSPress)


The Wikileaks revolution isn’t only about airing secrets and transacting information. It’s about dismantling large organizations—from corporations to government bureaucracies. It may well lead to their extinction.

TRANSLATION: The paperless office, again.


Gawker Media was targeted because Denton and the staff decided earlier this year to annoy denizens of 4Chan, the anarchic web forum.

Nick Dorken learns, thankfully too late, there are some people you don't want to annoy.


The Pentagon Papers revelations dealt with a discrete topic, the ever-increasing level of duplicity of our leaders over a score of years in increasing the nation's involvement in Vietnam while denying it. It revealed official wrongdoing or, at the least, a pervasive lack of candor by the government to its people.

WikiLeaks is different. It revels in the revelation of "secrets" simply because they are secret.

Mr. Abrams, a senior partner in the firm of Cahill Gordon & Reindel LLP, represented the New York Times in the Pentagon Papers case.

I guess It hasn't hired us yet.


(Via the usual Romy)


Don't look now but the fast-food-in-ghetto-America debate is coming back. Liberals believe such stores should be shut down en masse. What would take their place -- junk food from convenience stores? Conservatives believe there aren't enough of them. Why must the poor be fated to eat nothing but fast food?


“Some of the best minds in the country are spent all day, every day, wheedling nickels and dimes out of the tax system.”

One reason Corporate America has leaked TRILLIONS in REPUTATION.


CONCAST overpaying for THE GAMES would have two advantages: It would be a neat excuse to raise rates on the turnips AND allow BRIAN ROBBER and select co-conspira -- execs to laze in luxury boxes for months. GO FOR IT!!!!!

By the way, should news hacks like Dick really be lobbying people to do the things they want them to? Sure -- when they work for The Paper of Re-CORD!

PINCH! The wall. THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!

(Via several sites)


Every day, at HENRY HONEST'S:

Glenview’s Larry Robbins Sets The World's Most Bullish Target: DOW 20,000!!!!!!!!!!

Roubini: The Housing Double Dip Is Now ACCELERATING!!!!!!!!!!
[Bullish or accelerating overemphasis added]

Reading such jackasses is like reading a knee-jerk conservative and a knee-jerk liberal debating. Bulls and bears are the financial equivalent of partisans, and everything out of their yaps is the same as a partisan bleat; you can no more trust hard-core bulls and bears than hard-core Republicans or Democrats.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


"CBS neither knew of nor approved the broadcast involving the material at issue. Consequently, the Court should vacate the forfeiture," CBS said in its filing last week.

This is extremely clever wording by a lawyer.
SUMNER BROADCASTING CO. may not have known but we submit SUMNER did -- actually, we think he instigated it -- and because SUMNER did but SBC didn't means plausible deniability.

The one good thing is SUMNERDOM has spent millions in legal fees so it wouldn't have to pay a pittance to the Feds. If I owned shares in SBC I'd complain at the shareholders meeting. Thankfully SUMNER virtually owns the company. Please, please Your Highness SUMNER, make this story go away!


It's hard to guess which could be louder: the chortling in the luxury news suites over the use of a word for this story or the chortling over the story outside.


Con-SER-va-tives would call those who default on loans for for-profit "college" courses dummies and financially incontinent. We say they were honest people looking for a step up the ladder, and found it hollowed out by for-profit termites like KAPLAN, INC.

One of the Republicans' first priorities when they assume full control of Congress must be to make it impossible for such people to ever reclaim their lives while making the for-profits impervious to all legal action.


The Library of Congress has just announced the latest Gene Siskel Memorial Thumbs-Up. What happens when we get to film number 1000? Oh, but surely there are that many films worthy of the Siskelian designation of GENIUS. Did not his sidekick and rival in toadying one-upmanship ROGER proclaim the industry to which he's sworn his fealty in blood can produce nothing but GENIUS? Let's increase the number of annual "honorees" to a hundred!

Here's a demonstration on why cutting Federal spending is well-nigh impossible: You'd have to cut thousands of Gene Siskel Memorial Thumbs-Up projects, and they're in every district, and every Congresspoop's pocket.

Monday, December 27, 2010


There have been other instances when an advocate on a television show turned around public policy almost immediately by concerted focus on an issue — but not recently, and in much different circumstances.

“The two that come instantly to mind are MURROW and CRONKITE!!!!!” said

ROBERT J. THOMPSON,

a professor of television at Syracuse University!!!!!
(Murrovian and Cronkitian overemphasis added)

PINCH! THE WALL!!!!! THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!



A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO MENSA MAN AND THE ORIGINAL TV NEWSER!!!!!

(With an HONORARY MENTION to THE USUAL ROMY)


Of course the Civil War was about slavery; Abe Lincoln said so. But when an ultra-partisan hack like E. J. gets his hands on such a topic you know it's for a cause, almost always an ulterior one, and it's a cause full of mischief and malice. So let's see: why would an ultra-partisan hack like E. J. say the Civil War was about slavery? I know! Because all these NAZIS like RAND PAUL want to BRING IT BACK!

(Via Newser!)


Yep, you can tell a politician by his -- jet.

Critics say the flights suggest that Barbour has continued to live the lifestyle of a highflying lobbyist as he's slashed his state's budget for government services across the board since taking office in 2004.

Hey I got an idea, con-SER-va-tives: let's pay Republican politicians CEO wages for cutting spending -- just like CEOs!


Another "count-us-not-surprised":

A few good songs would help, in which department the show is sorely lacking. Like most rock stars, Bono and The Edge haven’t a clue about writing for the theater. Many of the numbers are fragments and none offers much psychological insight into character. Tellingly, the ones that work best -- “Rise Above” and “Deeply Furious” -- belong to Arachne, who also gets the title song, a lame item indeed.

There’s not much humor in “Spider-Man,” and most of it is visual.


Even after Mike Riedel's through? (Although we've noticed him MIA of late. SLIME easily bought? Oh, no. He doesn't have to be.)

P. S. Steve (or rather, Pond) seems genuinely mystified that 2010 was "a bad year for film songs" [!!!!!], this in an age of such genius as "Springsteen's 'Streets of Philadelphia' and Dylan's 'Things Have Changed' and Eminem's 'Lose Yourself'", and even thinking through how bad it was despite all the compliments on FIVE PAGES didn't help.

By the way, who were those no-talents who wrote that forgotten Best Song of 1936? Give me Springsteen and Dylan and Eminem any day! Right, Pond?


TRANSLATION: Between Tony and Sonny the Nine Fingers have their version of "whatever turns you on." With Tony it's law enforcement; with Sonny it's "criminal defendants." When they get turned on they tend to turn the people off.

And with the Fingers we view the hacks covering it as part of their digits, and we're never sure when they can be fully trusted.

Sunday, December 26, 2010


Cut the comedy, It; It'll regret it all the way to the bank.

We do have a swell title, though, if Kuh-NUFF wants to earn the money back: The Sex Life of Julian Assange.

Who'll read it for anything else?

Incidentally, given Its manner of speaking in electronic pamphlets -- why do I smell dozens of ghosts?


Before the twerp Dick Ebersol, before even Roone Arledge, there was Bud Greenspan. (Of course before Greenspan there was Leni Riefenstahl, but that's another story.) On the one hand by all accounts he was a brilliant documentarian; on the other he must be blamed in part for the up-close-and-personal garbage that has overwhelmed THE GAMES. On the third hand people could believe in it because there was no reason not to, as THE GAMES could still put on the pretense of being virginal.


Hefner, known around the world by his nickname, Hef, has championed sexual freedom and civil rights, published stories challenging McCarthyism and the Vietnam War, and backed gay causes and the legalisation of marijuana.

Yep, these blithering hacks have already written the second-coming-of-Jesus obituaries.

P. S. at 10:47 p. m. The comments are almost as "gross" as the purported nuptials.


Perhaps the auto biz wouldn't be in this mess of having to placate His Omnipotence except that for years all they knew how to sell was SUVs and minivans, and our good "friends" the Saudis would always be there to provide us with economical power.


Gibbs: Indefinite detention of terrorists regrettable

TRANSLATION: Golly gee, we'd like to let 'em out -- Constitutional rights and all that; but these NAZ -- Republicans say these guys'll throw all sorts of tantrums if we do, and while I'm not an ISLAMOPHOBE like Republicans there comes a time when...

DAMMIT why did my boss have to make that blasted PROMISE?


Can someone please tell us how much filler is in all those box sets the rock mu-SICK-cri-TICKS get to take home for free?


Well, we got our kind of Xmas gift -- BO down 45 PERCENT from last year, but a lot of that's due to KING JIM, although some of it might owe to cynics who think they can do the filmic equivalent of a bowel movement and people will want to see it. Plus SLIME thought people would want to see Jack Black in a "family" movee when people may not want to see him in anything. We do want to see the Os-CAR® people give the a-WARD to that arty remake of something that starred JOHN WAYNE just because it was "successful".

"The industry is going to be running agains [SIC!] all those weeks of 'Avatar,' and it's going to be hard to compete," said one studio executive.

May you have lots more uncompetitive weekends!

P. S.

Jack Black was a trooper [SIC!!!!!] and went everywhere to promote.

"Zeigfield", "trooper" -- who cares as long as we're the most powerful woman in Hollywood!

And -- promote what?

Saturday, December 25, 2010


And now for our annual gallery of Yahoo! News Christmas trees, never to be removed (albeit with photos smaller than we can remember them, but checking back several years we see Yahoo! has always been stingy with wire service photos):



The Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center;



A Christmas tree in downtown Rome;



A Christmas tree with artificial snow (it says here) in Nice;



A Christmas tree at Brandenburg Gate in Berlin;



A floating Christmas tree in Rio de Janeiro;



A Christmas tree in Bogota's central square;



A Christmas tree of sorts at "the monument to St. George at the Freedom Square in the capital of Georgia, Tbilisi";



Another Christmas tree of sorts in Gimpo, South Korea, which supposedly will stay lit until January 8, angering the neighbors;



A Christmas tree in St. Petersburg;



A Christmas tree in Athens, before the Parliament;



A Christmas tree at a Catholic church in Peshawar, Pakistan;



A Christmas tree in Bangkok;



A Christmas tree in Istanbul;



A Christmas tree in Warsaw;



A Christmas tree at the Pennsylvania State Capitol in Harrisburg;



A Christmas tree "made of 5,480 recycled bottles", in Haifa;




A Christmas tree made of "29,000 mineral water bottles" in Jakarta;



A Christmas tree "made with 152 lobster traps, more than 125 lobster buoys, 480 feet of garland and 3,000 white lights, topped with a 5-foot fiberglass lobster, in Rockland, Maine";



A Christmas tree and a female Santa Claus in Hyderabad;



A Christmas tree on Waikiki Beach in Honolulu;



The Christmas tree at Manger Square in Bethlehem;



A Christmas tree in Krasnoyarsk, in Siberia;



A Christmas tree in Trafalgar Square, London;



And finally, a Christmas tree and a soldier of the "103rd Sustainment Command (Expeditionary)...at a military base in Balad, 80 km (50 miles) north of Baghdad."

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Friday, December 24, 2010


CHRISTMAS EVE DASH CAPS BANNER SHOPPING SEASON!!!!!!!!!! [Banner overemphasis added]

The ASSPress does to retailing what PAUL DRECK does to the MOVEES!


‘Raising Arizona,’ ‘Fargo,’ and ‘No Country for Old Men’ defy categorization—except as Coen brothers movies. So what happens when the quirky duo from Minnesota decide to remake a John Wayne Western?

RAVES from people who didn't take the multiple hints from JonBoy or Sid.




Thankfully not everyone has taken today off: Mark Hulbert has found a stock-marketing Pollyanna who says THE U. S. HAS COMPLETELY RECOVERED FROM THE RECESSION!!!!!!!!!!

When were YOU last unemployed, Norm?

P. S. at 10:18 a.m. They're drinking the happy juice in the UK too!


GOSHDARNIT, no Wall Street Casino dealing today. Now the croupiers will have to daydream even harder than usual.


Between his tweets and his novel Wild and Crazy Guy may want to lay off the craziness for a while.


The latest mea culpa from a business that seems to want to provide mea culpas but NOT entertainment:

THR: Looking back at the years you spent releasing albums on major labels, how would you describe Duran’s experience?

LeBon:
We were part of the demise of the old-fashioned record industry. We witnessed it first-hand, and it was very interesting, but it wasn’t a great experience. To go from the days when people used to get grand pianos delivered to their doorstep to a time when label executives are being laid off left, right, and center is quite extreme.


TRANSLATION: However many zillions of fans and cri-TICS who raved of its GREATNESS here was just another tuneless act that led to a future of nothing BUT tuneless acts.


An e-mail solicitation from TNR's new editor alerted me that PILLHEAD had thrown a tantrum over one of its articles. Sad to say, much as I disrespect PILLHEAD, he was on to something. Simply stated, the PILL thinks Democratic (or rather, DEMOCRAT) outreach to religious voters is a ruse -- and TNR's "reporter-researcher" more or less confirms that by honing in on the perennial horse race and saying, through the words of one anonymous "organizer", "I think religious voters want to hear there is a moral reason we need to save this economy and not just an economic one." Unfortunately we've heard this song before from "religious" Democrats far more exercised over the economy than about abortion, as the PILL notes in his blunderbuss way. TNR should know you don't send "reporter-researchers" out to battle PILLHEADS.

Thursday, December 23, 2010


Oil closes above $91 mark

NO! I WON'T do my DOW gag!


Death is in store for one of the Fantastic Four

TRANSLATION: ESPNCORP is doing with Its comic-books unit what PEOPLE WARNER does, meaning...FURTHER TRANSLATION: ESPNCORP OVERPAID FOR MARVEL.

(Via I Want Media)


SURPRISE: 1. Minor-league professional college football "bowls" cost money -- except for ESPNCORP. 2. Guess who covers the losses!

This year, 14 schools will play in a bowl game after finishing 6-6.

I've got an idea -- create bowl games for EVERYBODY!




Hey Conrad! Do your best Tricky Dick impersonation -- as in, "I am not a crook!"


Thanks to the usual AHTSJournal we've just come across Mr. Keillor's scathing review of Mark Twain's "memoirs", a book already condemned for its scholastic embalming job (subscription only, blast it). Rather than attack it for the source (who can be riotously unfunny himself) we see in it a rare justice in calling this master out. Twain was a great author ("the first two-thirds" of Huck Finn sounds about right, though we place it from between the time Huck escapes his Pa and the time Tom Sawyer wanders back in after a seven-year hiatus) and an extraordinarily self-indulgent one. We forget that most of his "humor" went into his innumerable short pieces, and the first volume of the Library of America's edition is profound testimony to his unfunny. Those who know the notorious names of Artemus Ward and Petroleum V. Nasby, Twain's contemporaries (and likewise pseudonymous), will know the bad. We fear the true nature of the man is revealed in a duality: the private printing of "1601", an inside schoolboy chortle as witless as it is scabrous, and after the death of this daughter Jean, when he attempted to express "the inexpressible" and descended to bathos. He stopped writing after that, after he'd already written too much. Let us revere Twain, but let's not prop the pedestal up too high lest the whole reverence come crashing down.


We are deeply disappointed that LUKE SPIELBERG won't "rebrand" the Democrats. Either He realizes He has more power getting the turnips to see His cretinous tentpoles or He imagines He'll win His Dynamite Memorial "Peace" Prize some other way.


If the Congress now ended was THE GREATEST IN WORLD HISTORY, what explains EZRA's bleat that it just defunded Obamacare and financial-services "reform"?

(Second link via WeeklyStandard.com)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


That hyperliberals can chant "USA! USA!" does not change our view on how both set-in-cement sides view their Godforsaken country.

Just one thing: What is the hyperliberals' equivalent of "Ah'M PRAAAYOUD t'BE a CAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYN! AmeriCAAAAAAAAAAAAYN!!!!!? Oh, they'll think of something. A [C]RAPPER, probably.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Person of the Year Runners-Up: The Chilean Miners

Why does Can-Anyone-Here-Edit-This-Rag Stengel keep issuing mea culpas for MARK!!!!!?


1:26 PM Fitch places Greece's BBB- debt on review for possible downgrade - next stop, junk status.

Next stop: DOW 800 GIGAHYPERMEGAHEXA...oh, you know the drill.


Israel to press Obama to free Israeli spy Pollard

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Granted, he spied for you. He also SPIED AGAINST US.


Speaking of con-SER-va-tives, they have another VILLAIN in Gov.-elect Cuomo. Look, we know what YOU did when it came to financial fraud by the big boys -- NOTHING. THAT'S why we nearly had a rerun of the GREAT DEPRESSION -- which may YET play out, despite the finger-in-dyke denials of the Wall Street Casino.


Haley said somethin' stupid, and you shouldn't have to be a con-SER-va-tive blogger to know. Look, we don't get excited because pols say somethin' stupid; it's their obligation. What we'd say is Haley should not be president because he looks like the friend of every CEO and lobbyist and hyperrich guy to come down the pike -- and if the sad case of SNIDELY WHIPLASH said anything it's that you CAN tell a politician by his looks. Think TRICKY DICK.

Or to put it another way:



HONEST ABE LINCOLN!


I've said before the death penalty should be limited to cases of mass murder, assassination and treason. Here we have a very strong case against it. So why do I have the willies? Because it appears in PEOPLE WARNER NEWSRAG -- a bastion of CW thinking. In even the best cases the stale, skunky odor of news hack dogma can overwhelm the fresh breath of truth.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Last year, 63 percent of the 3M’s $23.1 billion in revenue came from outside the U.S. Non-U.S. sales could account for as much as 80 percent by 2015, Thulin said in the interview.

Does this mean we should now call the maker of Post-It notes an INTERNATIONAL company?


Having just triumphed with a CGI of a 52-year-old cartoon show, Jeff Bew-KES seems to be getting into the mea culpa biz in a big way, as well He should. Question is, Jeff, how many of these "sequels we don't need" are You producing?

Kate hails from Durham, North Carolina—the land of Jesse Helms and Lucky Strike tobacco, neither of which she likes.

Haven't you heard, Kate? Your state's gone BLUE!!!!!

(Via NEWSER!)


Washington's resilience pays off

Wouldn't "chutzpah" be a better word?


Afghan war accounted for 4% of news coverage this year

Yes, we can imagine. But does THE ORIGINAL TV NEWSER!!!!! really have to tell us the network denture-adhesive pushers stink?

(The usual Romy link)


As you may know our favorite free "news" tabloid -- you know, the one that makes toilet paper blush -- prints in Philadelphia and New York. We can imagine the front page here:

A TRIUMPH FOR THE AGES!!!!!!!!!!

...and in New York...

CHOKE!!!!! CHOKE!!!!!

Any "news" organization that can put forth two such bald-faced frauds falls into the latter category.

It also prints in Boston, meaning it can preen there too.


Since neither story mentions the would-be British bombers' creed we can safely assume atheists were behind it.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


And as a continuing public service to media-savvy Web surfers on the instigation of one our favorite movie-news sources we introduce a few of the members of THE DETROIT FILM CRITICS SOCIETY:

John Serba is the full-time film critic for The Grand Rapids Press. He has a B.A.in [SIC] English from Aquinas College, and has written about music, pop culture and film for the Press since 1996. It's highly unlikely that anyone will ever be able to convince him that there are better films than "The Empire Strikes Back," "Pulp Fiction," "Apocalypse Now," "Annie Hall," "Notorious," "Unforgiven," "A Clockwork Orange," "Raising Arizona," "Fitzcarraldo" and "Fight Club."

When he's not working, John spends his time practicing free thought
[SIC!], and obsessing about the Detroit Red Wings, heavy metal, "The Simpsons," the newspaper comics page and his dog and cats.

Read his film reviews here: http://www.mlive.com/movies/
Read his blog, Project Mayhem, here: http://blog.mlive.com/projectmayhem/about.html
Contact: jserba@grpress.com

Perry Seibert fell in love with movies at the tender age of 7 when Indiana Jones ran away from the giant boulder. Lucky to come of age at the same time as the VHS boom, he spent his teen years gorging on the best of American seventies cinema acquiring a taste for Martin Scorsese, Jonathan Demme, and Woody Allen. After overdosing on foreign films and classic Hollywood during his college years at the University of Michigan, Perry found work as an editor at the All Movie Guide where he remains gainfully employed.

Perry’s Desert Island 10 – not necessarily the 10 best, just the 10 I can watch anytime, anywhere and still get something from:

1. Taxi Driver
2. Rules of the Game
3. The Godfather
4. Miller’s Crossing
5. Singin’ in the Rain
6. Blue Velvet
7. Something Wild
8. A Hard Day’s Night
9. Do the Right Thing
10. Before Sunset

He can be contacted at pseibert@macrovision.com, can be read regularly at http://www.allmovie.com/, and his favorite seat in any theater is the center of the third row.

Chris Williams is a reporter and film critic with the Advisor and Source Newspapers in Shelby Township and freelance writer with Suite101.com. He grew up in the Warren area, attended Warren Mott Senior High School and graduated with a Bachelor's in journalism from Wayne State University in 2001 with a minor in film studies.

Chris has been writing for the Advisor and Source since June 2005, covering news and features in Shelby Township and Utica, along with coverage of Utica Community Schools. During that time he also started writing the film reviews for the paper, a hobby that turned into a weekly responsibility.

Chris can be contacted at Chris.Williams@advisorsource.com. His reviews can be found online at sourcenewspapers.com, suite101.com and on his blog at http://shadowsandthelight.blogspot.com/.

James Sanford, I
[SIC] was born in Columbus, Ohio, but have lived in Michigan for the past 30 years. I started out reviewing movies for the long-gone Connections section of the Grand Rapids Press when I was a "teen reporter" (that was the actual designation on my work ID badge) in high school. I continued to do reviews throughout college when I wrote for the Western Herald at Western Michigan University. After graduation, I was the film critic for Music Revue magazine in west Michigan before moving over to On the Town magazine. I have been with the Kalamazoo Gazette for 11 years now and, in addition to my writing, I also discuss movies each week in a podcast at MLive and every Friday morning on WKFR-FM (103.3). I also host the "3-Day Weekend" segment on WWMT-3 every Thursday during the 5:30 p.m. newscast and I'm one of the correspondents for the PBS series "Kalamazoo Lively Arts," which airs in west Michigan on WGVU-35. In my spare time, I perform with the improvisational comedy group Crawlspace Eviction (our feature film "Comic Evangelists" was showcased at the 2006 American Film Institute Festival in Hollywood) and appear in a variety of shows in the Kalamazoo area. My recent credits include "Dinner with Friends" at the Knockabout Theatre, "Class Reunion" at the Kalamazoo Civic Theatre and "Psycho Beach Party," "Die! Mommy! Die!," "Said and Meant," "Bug," 'Bart the Temp," "Swindling Jehovah" and "Hair" at the Whole Art Theatre.
Website blog: http://blog.mlive.com/james_sanford/

Jason Buchanan has been obsessed with movies ever since the day he was playing with matchbox cars on the living room floor while his father was watching A Clockwork Orange on television - mistakenly assuming that the cinematically-smitten toddler wasn't intrigued by the extreme oddities that were unfolding on the screen just a few feet away. Though his parents would subsequently attempt to restrict his movie viewing habits after fumbling over some particularly difficult questions regarding that audacious Stanley Kubrick classic, the damage had already been done and Jason's lifelong quest to seek out the strangest films ever produced had been set into motion.

Born in Ann Arbor and raised in nearby Saline, Jason spent an inordinate amount of time perusing the shelves at his local video store during his youth - much to the contempt of anyone who happened to be with him at the time he was attempting to pick out a movie. After graduating from Saline High School, Jason enrolled in the Telecommunications and Film program at Eastern Michigan University - minoring in Journalism - and turned to the emerging internet "Grey Market" as a means of finally seeing the controversial and elusive foreign films he had been reading about for years: "El Topo," "Meet the Feebles," and "Four Flies on Grey Velvet" just to name a few. It was during this period that Jason supported himself with a job at one of the area's last "mom and pop" video stores, a place where fifth-generation copies of "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story" and "Duck, You Sucker" purchased from Video Search of Miami sat on the shelves right next to legitimately distributed copies of the latest Hollywood blockbusters. Jason is a writer who firmly believes that every film critic should have a good bit of experience behind the camera before sitting down to judge the cinematic works of others, and since college he's been involved in the production of a number of independent features and shorts.

Favorite Filmmakers: Alex de la Iglesia, Alejandro Jodorowski, Dario Argento, Mario Bava, Jim Van Bebber, Jaume Balaguero, Michele Soavi, Michel Gondry, George A. Romero, Peter Jackson, Werner Herzog, Chan-wook Park, Tsui Hark, Herman Yau, John Woo, Takashi Miike, Sergio Corbucci, Lucio Fulci, Guillermo Del Toro, Katsuhito Ishii.

Favorite Films: Suspiria, Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, Super Fuzz, Manson Family, Day of the Beast, Dawn of the Dead, The Great Silence, Dellamorte Dellamore, Santa Sangre, Jacob's Ladder, Nosferatu, Coffy, Black Belt Jones, The Devil's Backbone, Visitor Q, True Romance, Black Sunday, Uzumaki.
Website: http://blog.allmovie.com/author/jasbuc/

Jim Fordyce is a nationally known award winning Entertainment Reporter.
[Sic!] His previews, reviews and entertainment news are featured on the Jack Ebling show on 1320 WILS radio in Lansing, Michigan and he is the man who brings you http://mientertainment.biz/content/author/jimfordyce [SIC] the popular web site devoted to Michigan entertainment news.
He has been in the media since 1972 and he has interviewed a countless number of talented people who entertain and inspire us . Among his favorite interviews: Frankie Avalon, Robert Goulet, Will Ferrell and Linda Evans
Jim
[SIC] lives in Lansing in his 100 year old historic house, so look for him in the home improvement store when he is not in the audience reviewing plays and movies.
He proudly serves on the Boards for the YMCA, Burcham Hills Foundation, Sunsets with Shakespeare Theater Company and he is a member of the Detroit Movie Critics Guild.

Stephanie Webb is the Reporter and Co-Host on "Take 5 Grand Rapids". http://www.wzzm13.com/life/programming/local/take_five/about_take_five.aspx
[SIC]
Stephanie got her start in television at the FOX television affiliate here in Grand Rapids ?
[SIC] as a sales account representative. On a whim, she started doing voicework which lead to an on-air "Entertainment Host" position at the station. She also has experience as a media-buyer and in public relations planning.When not at work, Stephanie enjoys catching up with "US Weekly", "In Touch", "Star", "InStyle" and other celebrity magazines; she also enjoys cooking, landscaping, yoga, and watching Mafia movies. Stephanie and her husband, Jack, have two young daughters.You can email Stephanie at stephaniewebb@wzzm13.com

Oh and did we mention? Debbie Schlussel's a member too! She knows at least as much about movies as CHARLES JOHNSON did before he reformed! Pffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

And NOW, as THE WRAP mentions them, here are the members of THE HOUSTON FILM CRITICS SOCIETY:



Ooooooooooooops! Dead link!


We'd vaguely heard of this and just now had to get it full bore:

Survey: More Fox News, more climate doubts

Which could just as easily read:

Survey: More New York Times, fewer climate doubts

Which could just as easily read:

Survey: More Fox News, more conservative

Which could just as easily read:

Survey: More New York Times, more liberal

SO WHAT?


Now that we will hear idiot words like HEROISM, I would turn my two readers' eyes to this essay to remind them of what true heroism is. Despite the NFL's blazing virtue I don't think anyone there lately has taken a bullet to the chest, nor has he had to haul a dying comrade through enemy fire.

And we are sorry we didn't mention Sgt. Giunta when this made news. We should have.

(Second link via Contentions)


Does anybody here remember Ben Wattenberg -- you know, that annoyingly avuncular pundit who used to be on teevee everywhere saying how America was a living breathing embodiment of the holy truths of It's a Wonderful Life? Well, it seems he had a SON, and if HE doesn't gas as much as his DAD did! Look Dan, I don't think "Eleanor Rigby" happy or sad or whatever, and under dreadful circumstances "Happy Birthday" could be a very sad song. Really you ask a question most people would never ask because most people don't need the answer. I'd rather hear the answer to the question, "What makes the Wattenbergs gas?"

(Via the especially irritating Ahts & Letters Daily)


Uh, BillyBob, so long as you're making movies that may be bad without YOUR knowing it, and so long as you do publicity campaigns for your own presumably not-bad stuff, we don't think you should get on your high Shetland pony about the biz, even though it be true out of someone else's mouth.

(Via the frequently irritating AHTSJournal)


At times I feel like the only man on earth, and our cultural manias make the feeling worse. I don't own a cell phone, I don't text, I'm don't engage in social networking, I don't watch every last masterpiece recommended by newspaper ad-blurbists, and I don't play fantasy football. It won't do to explain that craze away as the mahjongg or bridge of our time, which surely isn't right, for socializing is only an incidental part of the obsession; more likely is that the NFL has drawn fans as our genius network entertainments have deflected them. Most people would rather slit their throats than go a whole day without television, and with most TV shows being so brilliantly predictable there's only a handful of choices, never mind that most NFL games are as unpredictable (and as exciting) as watching paint dry.


Prince Harry pays tribute to Berlin Wall victims

I wonder -- would His Incompetence do the same?


CONGRESS RECOGNIZES A CULTURAL SHIFT!!!!!!!!!! (Shifty overemphasis added)

Or maybe Democrats still run the government.


Although highly volatile, durable-goods orders can give a sense of whether businesses are investing in machinery.

Orders for durable-goods fell a sharp 3.4% in October with widespread declines across sectors.

JPMorgan Chase economist Mike Feroli said analysts will want to see whether the weakness in October was an aberration.

“Everything else is clicking, we wouldn’t want to see business spending roll over,” Feroli said.


Who's to say this whole "recovery" isn't an aberration?


“When investors—individual and institutional alike—engage in far more trading—inevitably with one another—than is necessary for market efficiency and ample liquidity, they become, collectively, their own worst enemies. While the owners of business enjoy the dividend yields and earnings growth that our capitalistic system creates, those who play in the financial markets capture those investment gains only after the costs of financial intermediation are deducted. Thus, while investing in American business is a winner’s game, beating the stock market—for all of us as a group—is a zero-sum game before those costs are deducted. After intermediation costs are deducted, beating the market becomes, by definition, a loser’s game.”

TRANSLATION: In the Wall Street Casino, only the house wins.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


If the news hacks know what they're doing (highly unlikely) they will not use to tomorrow to remind us lots of THEM got DEFERMENTS during you-know-what war we heroically ended -- and of THE MASTER's definition of PATRIOTISM.

We can look at it this way: this will affect the margins if anything; and besides while His Incompetence got CIVIL RIGHTS the GOP got TAX BREAKS FOR ZILLIONAIRES.


Come on Barron'S, you can do better than that -- twenty percent! Fifty percent! A THOUSAND PERCENT UP FOR THE MARKETS!!!!!

"None of the longer-term issues have been resolved: The developed world still has too much debt, wage growth is subpar, and central banks are running out of bullets to use during the next downturn," says Henry McVey, Morgan Stanley Investment Management's head of global macro and asset allocation. "BUT we're getting a cyclical reprieve, engineered by the central banks!!" [Cyclical overemphasis added]

E'REWAY INHAY EETHAY ONEYMAY!

(Via Seeking Alpha)


Another expensive CEO golden parachute in professional college football. Just pay the players and be done with your fig-leaf fictions.

(Via TheDailyKaplan.com)


Speaking of Jeff, we wish some of His Web sites would go the same place as these sixteen phrases His interns find so annoying. (Via NEWSER!)


Despite the relative success of that ESPNCORP retread at the top of the ticket this must count as an especially gratifying weekend for those of us who wish the movee biz would catapult off the nearest cliff. Consider the following:

Yogi. This was total stupidity from the beginning. The animation buffs didn't like it, and many of them don't like the original. Who was going to watch this? Jeff Bew-KES's family? Really Jeff, deep-six Your ideas for other glorified TV characters like Pepe Le Pew and Speedy Gonzales -- the speedier the better. We'd also like to think 3D will permanently head the same direction as this smash.

ANOTHER "romcom". This particularly tickles us because it involved alleged A-list talent and a huge budget. Mogulmaniacs, when will you see the audience for your tired, stale Hepburn-Tracy remakes died with the last Doris Day-Rock Hudson film? -- and they weren't that good either. With luck A-list is a new improved version of CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED -- the NEW DEATH at the boxoffice.

AHTHOUSE. Last year every cri-TIC RAVED over Precious. Where did its BO go? The same place as these two cri-TIC-ally-acclaimed masterworks'. People just don't want to see AHTHOUSE PICTURES. That psychosexual mellerdrammer (the words these cri-TICS love!) will have gone from $80,000 per screen to maybe $9,000 in three weekends. No picture can maintain perfect money-making momentum but any good movies would not endure such a fearsome dropoff -- and AHTHOUSE pictures may not be good except for their PRESS.

P. S. SUPERNIKKI!!!!! sez at that romcom's current BO plod Sony will have a $50 million "writeoff". Ah but you must spend money to spend money.

Friday, December 17, 2010


Delany said the conference chose the divisions based on parity, rather than geography, which made naming them East-West or North-South impractical. The Big Ten also considered using names of historic players or coaches, but Delany said that would have been “too limiting.”

The commissioner also said there was little consideration given to changing the conference name from the Big Ten, unlike in 1990, when Penn State became the 11th member.


Once again, football becomes rocket science.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Cities like Vineland, New Jersey cannot hope to compete commercially as historic curiosities, and their downtowns will still get slaughtered by malls and big boxes. And where's the local industry? I wish I could be as sanguine about its future as SIDSWEEK.


A eulogy for an Os-CAR® winner:

"Hurt Locker" was awesome. It deserved all the press and accolades it received, including toppling the "Avatar" leviathan. It was by all accounts the ultimate underdog success story … except financially. While that may not be apparent to the public at large, their principal financier Grosvenor Park is still not fully recouped. Grosvenor has gone the way of so many other gap funds that cropped up in the late 2000′s but subsequently withered away in the great financial famine of 2008.


Blake Edwards, producer of comedies that were probably predictable even in their day but somehow made a ton of money, who also somehow convinced the multitudes that Audrey Hepburn was Holly Golightly, that Henry Mancini was a great composer and that Bo Derek was a raging beauty, and who further convinced his wife Julie Andrews to go topless in a movie because it made scourging fun of Hollywood, has died. RIP.


A fitting tribute to THE GREATEST INTERVIEWER IN HISTORY:

CNN To Post Lowest Rated Year In 2010

P. S. BEN FRANKENSTEIN gives him a great big bear hug; unfortunately most of the commenters want to give Ben a great big bear hug around his neck.

P. P. S. Yet another memorial tribute to the Question Man.

"'Larry King' gaffes" = 1,940,000 GOOGLE HITS -- and most of them aren't even his. You brought out the best in people, Lar.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


2:36 PM Anthony Ward, nicknamed Choc-finger, unloads his fund's $1B of cocoa stocks. Fears Ward was trying to corner the market were raised this summer as prices rose to a record, but markets seek out and punish such hubris. Cocoa has fallen 30% since July and is the worst agricultural performer this year.

Those who live by the cocoa bean....


You better be sitting down before reading what this sell-to-buy ratio was this past week: 7.07-to-1. In other words, corporate insiders on balance are selling more than seven shares for every one that they are buying.

The last time this ratio was this high was the week ending Feb. 14, 2007, almost four years ago.


DOW 250 HEXAMEGA...oh, never mind.


We would note they've been selling all along. Who's been buying?

(Via Seeking Alpha)


US will lose AAA credit rating, says M&G's Jim Leaviss

When that happens we'll see DOW SEVENTY HEXAGIGHAMEGAHYPERBAZILLION so it won't matter.


ASININE: Doesn't the Air Force have better things to do than to lock the barn door after the "secrets" have escaped?

(Via MediaBistro)


You've been warned:

CNN announced on Tuesday that it will produce New Hampshire’s first debate next June.


Moody’s warns of another Spain downgrade

We warn of stocks going up another hundred thousand percent!


Pierre Laval...er, Mohammad Mossadegh...er, King Faisal...er, MARK!!!!! has been named PEOPLE WARNER NEWSRAG'S POOP OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

Hey JEFFREY! Time to merge with MARK!!!!! Pfffffffffffffffffffffffft!!!!!

Or, "WE DIDN'T KNOW WE OWNED PART OF TURNER BROADCASTING!!!!!"

P. S.
During the second half of 2009 the magazine saw a 34.9% decline in news stand [sic] sales.[8] During the first half of 2010 there was another decline of at least one third in Time magazine sales.

KEEP GOING!

P. P. S.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, 26, is youngest honoree in magazine's history. [Home-page squib]



DOUBLE PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Orange juice futures tumbled 4.1% today on signs that citrus groves in Florida probably avoided damage from cold weather last night. Overnight was “not nearly as cold as the weather service was calling for,” a senior AccuWeather meteorologist says. “If there was any effect on the citrus crop, it was very small.”

Drat! This is almost as bad for speculators as the price of oil going down.


Not necessarily to speak of this split but the problem with show-biz marriages is that narcissism is best suited for one.


AP Staffers Hold ‘Byline Boycott’

Given some of their output they should make it permanent.


Washington Suburbs Are Richest, Most Educated in U.S.

...which leads one to think Commodore Vanderbilt didn't coin the phrase "The public be damned!"

“People with college degrees have the highest incomes because they have the highest-paid jobs, and the Washington area tends to have highly educated and highly paid people because of the federal government,” Cohn said. “The presence of government tends to insulate the Washington area from the impacts of the economic downturns.”

And Beltway types are well-insulated from that damned public, so they're doubly on another planet.

Let's take away all those tax dollars and see how hoity-toity they are then.


We wish we knew what to say about Richard Holbrooke. History is full of brilliant diplomats who brought temporary peace, and history is full of temporary peace; thus we will forever need diplomats and have temporary peace. From all accounts Holbrooke was superhumanly diligent, and alas that may have killed him. He brought peace to Bosnia but it also took an unspeakable war too, and we cannot be sure it is settled. As for his last words, we wonder at whom that "you" was aimed. Supposedly he said it to his doctor but we wonder if it couldn't have been intended for God, who might be the only party ever to bring peace to Afghanistan -- an understandable sentiment from a diplomat. We'll say this: though he lost his last "negotiation" at least he tried willing himself from death, like a man.

P. S. at 5:03 p. m. Of COURSE the news hacks had to get his words wrong. (Via Spectator.org)

Monday, December 13, 2010


Don't expect Piers Morgan to interview Madonna when his CNN show premieres in January.

"She is too vegan for TV," Morgan was quoted saying by the U.K. media. "We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned from my show."


Hey Larry! LARRY! I think he learned something from you!


One of the most overrated of koleegeyate majors is business. What can you learn of business in kolledge you can't learn in the real world? Maybe the irrelevance of kolledge has sunk in in a few quarters.

According to the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, it is not business, but the sciences -- a broad category encompassing behavioral, health, life, medical, and physical sciences -- that now command the greatest share of bachelor's degrees.

This is a good thing so long as it doesn't merely reflect our superiors' browbeating over EDS 'N' MEDS, and the new grads don't merely head to glorified government jobs.


It is...ironic that the same con-SER-va-tives who loathe "judicial activism" are cheering for Obamacare's dismantlement in the courts. They seem to have forgotten about the NRA and "court packing." Nonetheless we should not forget what BABS and WHINY REID did was Democratic in the proper-noun sense only.

At any rate you have your courts and they have theirs.


It IS possible for a commenter on HENRY HONEST's sites NOT to be a total idiot:

It's amazing to me how few people grasp the cynical genius of Rupert Murdoch. He is essentially able to make money from both sides of the so-called culture war. The demo that watches Fox News gets phony, contrived moral outrage while the demo that watches Family Guy and the Simpsons and Glee gets equally phony and contrived cultural subversiveness. In the end, of course, Murdoch laughs all the way to the bank.

Remember, FOX
(sic) is the company that is responsible for both Glenn Beck and Avatar.

(Peculiar spacing corrected)


Our favorite mismanaged supermarket chain has declared bankruptcy, and we're surprised con-SER-va-tives haven't honed on to this fact with laser-guided precision:

A&P also has one of the most heavily unionized work forces in the business, with 95 percent of its workers covered under collective bargaining agreements. It said in its filing it would seek to work with the unions to lower those costs.

As we said before, if PILLHEAD ran America unions and organizing would be illegal. If Madame Soon-to-Be-EX-Speaker ran America she'd make union membership and dues mandatory. This is her world.


After a long dry spell -- ARCHDaily!



An igloo in China?!?


CONCAST is readying to sell its AHTHOUSE film unit (don't say AHTHOUSE, say "specialty features"), which reminds us of what we said the other day: moveemakers would rather tell THE TRUTH than appeal to a wide audience. There will always be those strange films that need handholding but possibly if the biz still had the knack to make excellent movies with wide appeal it wouldn't have to rely on navel starings with audiences of ten and DVD sales of six.

(Via Vulture)


A brilliant novelist or memoirist or whatever confesses to a no-doubt widely imitated secret obsession of news hacks:

I just re-watched "All the President's Men," which I do every year or so, and, every time, I marvel at how interesting Woodward and Bernstein's lives were at The Post, and how well the film explains the reporting process, its doggedness and randomness, and how great an excuse it is to get out in the world and ask every seemingly obvious question you can think of (What books did the man check out?), because you never know, you might bring down a government that has it coming.

Only we suspect most do it every week, just to see that they are heroes after all.

No comments after a whole weekend, which says the reps of brilliant novelists are largely in the bequeathers' heads.

P. S. at 7:20 p. m. I realize now in light of this story I was way too hard on the guy. Nonetheless some people get published because they're brand names, never mind -- as in this case -- if they have little to say. Zero comments could just mean bad placement too; but it could also mean not interested.

(First link via the usual Romy)


Having made his "living" slinging mud and boasts of fantastic profits it is just that NICK DORKEN's fallen victim to hackers. What NICK can do anonymously to others others have now done anonymously to NICK. Yes, quite just.

P. S. at 11:52 a. m. An exceptionally detailed account of what justly happened here. To quote:

Making unnecessary statements of bravado, statements potentially divorced from reality, changes the equation for an attacker, it (sic) suddenly makes compromising your environment worth more of his or her time.

No further comment.


This is another of TINA!!!!!'s gimmicky listicles (and hard to follow to boot) but what with their tax-money vacuuming and their overcharging and their PC and their professional sports factories I'm ready to throw America's KOLLEDGES off the proverbial cliff.

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