Posted 11:11 AM by Gene

Indeed harping on one topic is the mark of a deranged man, but since people must preen about JACK'S BOTULISM-INFESTED ALPHABET SOUP I will suggest this, in girding my loins for reading Thumb's GAR-BAGE:

First, before it does anything, the industry must confront whether JACK'S BOTULISM-LADEN SOUP has made movies worse. This means gassy C-SPAN seminars, empty mea culpas, fake hand-wringing pledges of reform. Facing a broken system we have no choice but to endure such verbiage. It must address the insidious elitism at the system's heart, the notion that it is better for filmmakers to tell "the truth" than appeal to a wide audience. It must also ask itself whether age segregation is the best means of confronting content problems, and whether it might be possible to make truly adult movies suitable for the whole without dumbing them down. IT USED TO BE.

The best cure for the industry's woes would be voluntary censorship, a solid assurance to parents that it acknowledges its worries. It worked before. The problem is the industry had the talent and the confidence to overcome its flaws. It doesn't now. Moreover JACK and LOUIS NIZER opened a Pandora's box when they maliciously invented their ALPHABET SOUP. With the profound shortsightedness typical of a man who thought the VCR wouldn't last they never imagined their movies would be beyond the purview of ticket-takers and ushers; thus they defacto flooded other media with so much gunk it's impossible to escape it even if one tried. So that's out.

The next would be to replace the system with nothing. That would have the virtue of a kind of honesty, and would differ little from the current regime. A nation that tolerates a million abortions a year and ghetto target practice can find it within its withered heart to let children watch anything. Unfortunately the preeners of WASHINGTON would burp about PARENTS, never mind most seem to be indifferent to JACK's SOUP (or that Beltway-contrived smirk the V-CHIP), so forget that.

That leaves fixing an unfixable system. If we must continue this charade of thinking we can protect children from unsuitable media content in this Internet age by assigning movies arbitrary codes -- and a hundred years' experience with Will Hays and JACK teaches us they WILL be arbitrary -- the preeners must do the following:

1. Demand the rating system be physically separated from the MPAA, and financed by foundation or other independent grants. That is the only way of assuring it will not be a total industry stooge. That can leave the MPAA to play J. Edgar Hoover against pirates to its heart's delight.

2. Have all content rated by a board of MDs, psychiatrists, social workers and other such professionals, with help from ordinary citizens appointed to the board. Doctors and social scientists have their own crotchets, but it's that or easily swayed rank amateurs. New board members may be nominated by the public. All entertainment and mass-media industry employees would be prohibited from membership. NO BOARD MEMBER WOULD SERVE MORE THAN TWO YEARS.

3. ALL BOARD MEETINGS, ALL RATINGS DECISIONS, AND ALL APPEALS, MUST BE FULLY CONDUCTED IN PUBLIC, WITH COMPLETE INTERNET ACCESS.

4. Eliminate the current ALPHABET SOUP with a numerical system like England's, with number ratings denoting minimum age of admission. The maximum age would be 18. G would be replaced by "ALL", to try to eliminate the scourge of the SCARLET LETTER that's affixed itself to that rating. The Columbine boxes would stay, and with greater detail.

5. The system would continue to review all TV and print advertising, as before.

6. Given their ease of dissemination the equivalents of RED-BAND TRAILERS would be PROHIBITED.

I'm sure such "reforms" will not prevent LUKE SPIELBERGS from gaming the system, nor the dread ratings creep. I have no doubt the malice of the present system will merely take another form. But we've lived with this disaster for 42 years. When do we finally say ENOUGH?