THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
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Tuesday, February 07, 2006
THE GREATEST BLOGGER IN HISTORY REPORTS THAT THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM MADE THE GREATEST GOTCHA INTERVIEW OF ALL TIME!!!!!
We would first recall that the late Howard What's-His-Name pulled this same gag, and he didn't win a P-Ulitzer. Second, I'd guess from the boasting that one vortex of spin collided with two other vortexes of spin, and the result flung truth and sense out the window.
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are as good at backscratching as NEWS HACKS, and they pull a mean Howard Cosell of self-congratulation too.
We would first recall that the late Howard What's-His-Name pulled this same gag, and he didn't win a P-Ulitzer. Second, I'd guess from the boasting that one vortex of spin collided with two other vortexes of spin, and the result flung truth and sense out the window.
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS are as good at backscratching as NEWS HACKS, and they pull a mean Howard Cosell of self-congratulation too.
And in other inconvenient news about Islam:
British Jury Finds Muslim Cleric Guilty of Inciting Murder
British Jury Finds Muslim Cleric Guilty of Inciting Murder
This cartoon violence (the term conjures Road Runners) is the most exasperating story since OJ. We do not blame Muslims for their upset at slighting depictions of Muhammed; smug people will slight religion. But by responding with mass psychosis (abetted by scum like Hosni and the Ophthalmologist for mere political expedience) they confirm the worst caricatures of a creed of hair-trigger wrath that would send us all back to the eighth century. How can we square the pious platitudes of "the religion of peace" with terrorism and the mad mullahs -- and their all too numerous supporters who want tolerance at their cost?
Soon this story will go away, unless the looney in Iran uses it as a pretext for a nuclear demonstration. But we will not soon forget how the rabid crowds have brought dishonor upon religion -- and upon themselves.
Soon this story will go away, unless the looney in Iran uses it as a pretext for a nuclear demonstration. But we will not soon forget how the rabid crowds have brought dishonor upon religion -- and upon themselves.
The dreadful murder of that Timesman somehow gets America's first jernalistic power couple to thinking as it must always, of itself. "We in the media are often criticized for wielding too much unchecked power. 'Who elected you?' is a common, but misguided, complaint because you, the readers, elect us. Every day." No we don't. We don't hire you, we don't tell you what to report (most certainly not), and most of us don't pay for your salaries anymore -- they're provided by your sugar daddies in the advertising loony bin, who seem as comfortably in love with themselves as you. Nobody elected you, and you act it. This seems an insuperable part of the media shtick, even now with bloggers, who've walled themselves off into haves and have-nots. We don't like that either.
(Via Romy)
(Via Romy)
These are our kind of football fans:
SHERIDAN, Colo. – A couple planning to set off their own Super Bowl pyrotechnics accidentally blew up their own car while transporting a balloon filled with an explosive gas.
Norman Frey, 46, and his companion suffered busted eardrums in the explosion Sunday as they drove to a Super Bowl party, according to the Arapahoe County sheriff.
The balloon had been filled with acetylene, a flammable gas used in welding, and it had rolled across the back seat, possibly causing static electricity that ignited the gas.
You laugh -- and then you think, how many of our fellow countrymen are equally stupid? At least a supposed 91 million -- they watched the SUPER BORE.
SHERIDAN, Colo. – A couple planning to set off their own Super Bowl pyrotechnics accidentally blew up their own car while transporting a balloon filled with an explosive gas.
Norman Frey, 46, and his companion suffered busted eardrums in the explosion Sunday as they drove to a Super Bowl party, according to the Arapahoe County sheriff.
The balloon had been filled with acetylene, a flammable gas used in welding, and it had rolled across the back seat, possibly causing static electricity that ignited the gas.
You laugh -- and then you think, how many of our fellow countrymen are equally stupid? At least a supposed 91 million -- they watched the SUPER BORE.
NBC’s Williams apologizes after Obama-Ford mix-up
Mistakes will happen all the time -- even with NETWORK ANCHORPOOPS.
(Via Mediabistro.com)
Mistakes will happen all the time -- even with NETWORK ANCHORPOOPS.
(Via Mediabistro.com)
And speaking of binges, Mr. Mark's top publicity dog unknowingly hints that maybe today's TV will join music down the memory rathole:
Here's a trivia question: who was the host of "The Daily Show" when Stephen Colbert got his start as a correspondent? Need a hint? It wasn't Jon Stewart. "The show's gotten much more thoughtful and timely since Jon arrived," says Scott Dikkers, editor in chief of the weekly mock newspaper The Onion. "It was a bit more smarmy under, um, what's his name—oh, I'm forgetting his name ... Kilborn. Craig Kilborn." Ouch.
They'll NEVER forget the EDWARD R. MURROW of COMEDY. (We should advise our two readers, however, that Will Rogers was a newsman on the side -- he wrote a column for THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Who laughs at him now? And he, at least, could be funny.)
Here's a trivia question: who was the host of "The Daily Show" when Stephen Colbert got his start as a correspondent? Need a hint? It wasn't Jon Stewart. "The show's gotten much more thoughtful and timely since Jon arrived," says Scott Dikkers, editor in chief of the weekly mock newspaper The Onion. "It was a bit more smarmy under, um, what's his name—oh, I'm forgetting his name ... Kilborn. Craig Kilborn." Ouch.
They'll NEVER forget the EDWARD R. MURROW of COMEDY. (We should advise our two readers, however, that Will Rogers was a newsman on the side -- he wrote a column for THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Who laughs at him now? And he, at least, could be funny.)
Another thing that will make our time endure forever -- the MUSIC:
Mayer's earlier work had more of what he calls "pop sweetness" - like his hit, "Your Body is Wonderland." He hopes a blues approach will keep his music timeless.
"Blues never gets dated," the guitarist said. "You listen to Huey Lewis and the News and it might be the only thing that stands out from the '80s that's still really enjoyable and not a relic."
We suspect John will join the relics, just as surely as "The Music Goes 'Round and 'Round" is a relic. Although it might be enjoyable on a binge.
Mayer's earlier work had more of what he calls "pop sweetness" - like his hit, "Your Body is Wonderland." He hopes a blues approach will keep his music timeless.
"Blues never gets dated," the guitarist said. "You listen to Huey Lewis and the News and it might be the only thing that stands out from the '80s that's still really enjoyable and not a relic."
We suspect John will join the relics, just as surely as "The Music Goes 'Round and 'Round" is a relic. Although it might be enjoyable on a binge.
TO the untrained eye, the Cort Theatre looks like any other small, Broadway house, down to its red curtains and neoclassical façade.
While it enjoyed a string of long runs after its 1912 opening, if recent history's any indication, the West 48th Street theater is the Great White Way's Bermuda triangle — swallowing up shows as swiftly as they open.
Maybe it's the curse of MERVIN.
While it enjoyed a string of long runs after its 1912 opening, if recent history's any indication, the West 48th Street theater is the Great White Way's Bermuda triangle — swallowing up shows as swiftly as they open.
Maybe it's the curse of MERVIN.
Is Time Warner Necessary?
Mike toadies to the likes of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he has to ask that question?
(Via Romy)
Mike toadies to the likes of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he has to ask that question?
(Via Romy)
Money well -- wasted:
Ford Motor Co. spent as much as $2.5 million to promote its Ford Hybrid on the Super Bowl, using Kermit the Frog to emphasize the environmental friendliness of its new car. But General Motors Corp. is benefiting from the ad online.
That’s because GM was a smarter search marketer than Ford. If a Super Bowl viewer come Monday morning, charmed by Kermit and interested in the Ford Hybrid, typed “Kermit” into Google, the first Web page that came up in the paid search results section was GM’s. The link read, “Live Green, Go Yellow.” Ford’s sponsored link was second. But for the busy shopper looking for an environmentally safe vehicle and who may remember Kermit, but not the Hybrid, the second listing may be too far down.
Maybe we should just have given a cash grant to GM so it needn't have cut its dividend.
Ford Motor Co. spent as much as $2.5 million to promote its Ford Hybrid on the Super Bowl, using Kermit the Frog to emphasize the environmental friendliness of its new car. But General Motors Corp. is benefiting from the ad online.
That’s because GM was a smarter search marketer than Ford. If a Super Bowl viewer come Monday morning, charmed by Kermit and interested in the Ford Hybrid, typed “Kermit” into Google, the first Web page that came up in the paid search results section was GM’s. The link read, “Live Green, Go Yellow.” Ford’s sponsored link was second. But for the busy shopper looking for an environmentally safe vehicle and who may remember Kermit, but not the Hybrid, the second listing may be too far down.
Maybe we should just have given a cash grant to GM so it needn't have cut its dividend.
Shucks, here we start this noble cause to register young people to vote Demo -- to vote, and here we're out of cash and cutting staff.
Rock the Vote's former president says the group's priorities are too often buffeted by board members — many of them top music industry executives — who appear to care more about promoting artists than registering voters.
I don't know -- we could use a little more idealism in this endeavor.
Rock the Vote's former president says the group's priorities are too often buffeted by board members — many of them top music industry executives — who appear to care more about promoting artists than registering voters.
I don't know -- we could use a little more idealism in this endeavor.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Our cabinet-selling Greatest Ex-President of All Time throws a tantrum over domestic spying, and is so eager to thwart the evil THAT:
The former president said he would testify before the Judiciary Committee if asked.
I'm sure Chairman O'Specter would welcome your long and fruitful advice, but something tells me some it might throw some other Senators out of kilter.
P. S. Note the URL. Jimmah would sure like to eavesdrop on the White House if he could.
The former president said he would testify before the Judiciary Committee if asked.
I'm sure Chairman O'Specter would welcome your long and fruitful advice, but something tells me some it might throw some other Senators out of kilter.
P. S. Note the URL. Jimmah would sure like to eavesdrop on the White House if he could.
What do these stories have in common?
AOL and AOL Time Warner institutional shareholders plan to file a new lawsuit seeking $3.3 billion from the world's largest media company, according to a statement from the attorney representing the shareholders.
A cabinet made by former President Jimmy Carter sold Saturday for a record $1 million at auction, the Carter Center said in a news release.
A waste of money.
AOL and AOL Time Warner institutional shareholders plan to file a new lawsuit seeking $3.3 billion from the world's largest media company, according to a statement from the attorney representing the shareholders.
A cabinet made by former President Jimmy Carter sold Saturday for a record $1 million at auction, the Carter Center said in a news release.
A waste of money.
Mencken died 50 years ago, but he's still widely quoted
As in BIGMEDIA's motto, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."
As in BIGMEDIA's motto, "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."
Cartoonist Signe Wilkinson: Muslims Should Protest With Their Own Cartoons
It appears, unfortunately, that's what they're doing.
It appears, unfortunately, that's what they're doing.
Another rapper commits another BRILLIANT career move.
I wish I knew where the news hacks get their notion that violence is funny. Maybe from their years of supporting abortions.
I wish I knew where the news hacks get their notion that violence is funny. Maybe from their years of supporting abortions.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I'm not watching it -- I'm following it haphazardly on the Web -- but this sounds like it could be another SUPER BORE: disorganized and dyspeptic for the first twenty minutes, but with the kind of frenetic finish that causes news hacks to belch words like CLASSIC. Let's face it, for all the event's unconquerable mountains of piffle, the Bore's first half is surely one of the most torpid things in all sport.
Fans would surely like a knock-down-drag-out offensive showcase, 49-45, with an overtime for good measure. That is highly unlikely to happen because football, like a lot of America, is so micromanaged as to squeeze every last bit of spontaneity out of it -- and the SUPER BORE isn't about football anyway, it's about bloviating.
With any luck we'll be back to the blowouts of yore, but I have this feeling that now they won't happen either; we haven't had one in years. The only reason I hope for a blowout is to show up all those zillionaire freaks in person solely for the ego trip.
Fans would surely like a knock-down-drag-out offensive showcase, 49-45, with an overtime for good measure. That is highly unlikely to happen because football, like a lot of America, is so micromanaged as to squeeze every last bit of spontaneity out of it -- and the SUPER BORE isn't about football anyway, it's about bloviating.
With any luck we'll be back to the blowouts of yore, but I have this feeling that now they won't happen either; we haven't had one in years. The only reason I hope for a blowout is to show up all those zillionaire freaks in person solely for the ego trip.
So -- the Arab dictatorships may have encouraged the cartoon riots to keep their old kleptocrats in power.
What else is new?
Syria and Iran face growing pressure from the Americans and the Europeans on the issues of foreign extremists infiltrating Iraq's borders and on Tehran's nuclear program. And Egypt, one of the first to publicly criticize the series of cartoons, has been critical of the Danish government for funding critics of human rights abuses.
Yep, that sounds like them.
What else is new?
Syria and Iran face growing pressure from the Americans and the Europeans on the issues of foreign extremists infiltrating Iraq's borders and on Tehran's nuclear program. And Egypt, one of the first to publicly criticize the series of cartoons, has been critical of the Danish government for funding critics of human rights abuses.
Yep, that sounds like them.
If there's one person I increasingly believe the words shut and up should apply to, it's Mickey. He seems to have derived his writing style from a dentist's drill, plus he's every bit as hyper as WALTER "THE SPYWARE COWBOY" WINCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, plus they've both obsessed over THE GAY COWBOYS. Somehow this sort of manic without the depressive goes well with an era whose lead stories are about CARTOONS, and CARTOON CHARACTERS.
Earlier generations had the Declaration of Independence, and Lincoln's Second Inaugural. What will ours live by? Mickey exploding, "P.S.: Fans of The Strokes will like A Faulty Chromosome! Except maybe they won't, because A Faulty Chromosome is much, much better"?
Earlier generations had the Declaration of Independence, and Lincoln's Second Inaugural. What will ours live by? Mickey exploding, "P.S.: Fans of The Strokes will like A Faulty Chromosome! Except maybe they won't, because A Faulty Chromosome is much, much better"?
And in more surprisingly awake blogging from the left coast's Paper of Re-cord:
"There has never been a television event in the history of the world that had a billion viewers," said the academy's executive director, Bruce Davis, when I asked him about the figure two years ago. "It's a handy number to throw around, but it's not true."
In the current issue of Sports Illustrated, columnist Steve Rushin nicely dismantles the billion figure as it applies to the Super Bowl. It turns out a media research firm measured the worldwide audience for last year's game and came up with a figure of 93 million, only about 2 million of them from outside North America.
I've said that before; but news hacks will continue with their fantasy, as it saves them the trouble of reporting -- or thinking.
And think they won't, not with this piece of statistical doggie doo all over the Web.
P. S. to the ONE BILLION crowd: when this latest immortal masterwork begins it will be just after 11:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. in most of Europe, 2:30 a.m. in Moscow, 5 a. m. in New Delhi, and 7:30 a. m. in Tokyo.
"There has never been a television event in the history of the world that had a billion viewers," said the academy's executive director, Bruce Davis, when I asked him about the figure two years ago. "It's a handy number to throw around, but it's not true."
In the current issue of Sports Illustrated, columnist Steve Rushin nicely dismantles the billion figure as it applies to the Super Bowl. It turns out a media research firm measured the worldwide audience for last year's game and came up with a figure of 93 million, only about 2 million of them from outside North America.
I've said that before; but news hacks will continue with their fantasy, as it saves them the trouble of reporting -- or thinking.
And think they won't, not with this piece of statistical doggie doo all over the Web.
P. S. to the ONE BILLION crowd: when this latest immortal masterwork begins it will be just after 11:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m. in most of Europe, 2:30 a.m. in Moscow, 5 a. m. in New Delhi, and 7:30 a. m. in Tokyo.
In other news of money wasted:
Newell Rubbermaid’s Sharpie brand slipped a 30-second ad into Super Bowl XL at the last minute in its first-ever advertising on the big game....
Mark Ketchum, who became interim CEO of Newell Rubbermaid last fall...
...got himself a LUXURY BOX in DEE-TROIT!
Better watch out, Newell Rubbermaiders! We understand the company's fired a lot of people. This will definitely help boost morale for several months, MARK!
Newell Rubbermaid’s Sharpie brand slipped a 30-second ad into Super Bowl XL at the last minute in its first-ever advertising on the big game....
Mark Ketchum, who became interim CEO of Newell Rubbermaid last fall...
...got himself a LUXURY BOX in DEE-TROIT!
Better watch out, Newell Rubbermaiders! We understand the company's fired a lot of people. This will definitely help boost morale for several months, MARK!
Meantime, in something Mr. Mark definitely would not run, last summer's favorite with the Internet movie crowd gets a rousing send-off from the POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Looking back on the numerous "Panther" movies in varying shades of mediocre - almost 40 years of cinematic cautionary tales - why would anyone venture into those troubled waters again?....
[T]he buzz on the film's trailer - which features Martin pratfalling in broad strokes - has been tepid.
And now there may be bigger red flags on the horizon. With MGM's new position as a Sony subsidiary, and co-owned by investors who have more interest in making money than new movies, "Pink Panther" could do serious damage to future film development if it bombs.
First off, it isn't MGM, it's UA (and it's not a "subsidiary", it's a twenty-percent investment), and second, we can always make this flub up selling more flat-screen sets, or maybe adding a ROOTKIT when it goes on DVDs.
Plus it was a pretty stinky cartoon show.
Looking back on the numerous "Panther" movies in varying shades of mediocre - almost 40 years of cinematic cautionary tales - why would anyone venture into those troubled waters again?....
[T]he buzz on the film's trailer - which features Martin pratfalling in broad strokes - has been tepid.
And now there may be bigger red flags on the horizon. With MGM's new position as a Sony subsidiary, and co-owned by investors who have more interest in making money than new movies, "Pink Panther" could do serious damage to future film development if it bombs.
First off, it isn't MGM, it's UA (and it's not a "subsidiary", it's a twenty-percent investment), and second, we can always make this flub up selling more flat-screen sets, or maybe adding a ROOTKIT when it goes on DVDs.
Plus it was a pretty stinky cartoon show.
Every so often a blogger proves his worth -- even if he is a professional writer (as most bloggers now seem to be):
Other than the Apple effort, Super Bowl ads have been pretty much 99% lame, which is about the ratio prevailing for television commercials in general, year in year out. But the Super Bowl is worse somehow. Within that lame 99% lurk all those ads that make the game telecast an even more tedious experience than the watching of "Two and a Half Men": the chimpanzees, lizards, and frogs, the tendentious jokes, the self-referential winks (wasn’t there an ad last year that spoofed the Janet Jackson thing the year before?), the cringe-inducing attempts by fashionable ad agencies to nudge their buzz along for one more desperate year and by unheralded or unfashionable ad agencies to acquire themselves some zing, the celebrity has-beens (Burt Reynolds) and has-beens of the future (Jessica Simpson)....
Why do advertisers participate in this charade? The answer lies in the vicious circle of media masturbation. (Sorry if that sounds like a redundancy.)
We could say the same for the game, and the hundreds of encyclopedias' worth of press coverage, but media masturbation, like the poor, will always be with us.
Other than the Apple effort, Super Bowl ads have been pretty much 99% lame, which is about the ratio prevailing for television commercials in general, year in year out. But the Super Bowl is worse somehow. Within that lame 99% lurk all those ads that make the game telecast an even more tedious experience than the watching of "Two and a Half Men": the chimpanzees, lizards, and frogs, the tendentious jokes, the self-referential winks (wasn’t there an ad last year that spoofed the Janet Jackson thing the year before?), the cringe-inducing attempts by fashionable ad agencies to nudge their buzz along for one more desperate year and by unheralded or unfashionable ad agencies to acquire themselves some zing, the celebrity has-beens (Burt Reynolds) and has-beens of the future (Jessica Simpson)....
Why do advertisers participate in this charade? The answer lies in the vicious circle of media masturbation. (Sorry if that sounds like a redundancy.)
We could say the same for the game, and the hundreds of encyclopedias' worth of press coverage, but media masturbation, like the poor, will always be with us.
And over in that other bastion of UNTRUTHINESS:
Global corporations have always had to balance ethical, cultural and legal considerations with financial ones; asking them to define ethical foreign policy is like looking to professional athletes to develop steroid-test rules. As Page puts it, self-servingly but accurately, "It's pretty hard for companies to act as governments. To some extent that's a good thing for the U.S. State Department to be doing. I'm not sure that's our role."
For Google, getting a foothold in the Chinese market now may well be vital for its survival 20 years hence. So it's not surprising that it would trade that financial confidence for a little ethical dustup. The real risk is that some of that dust will stick to Google's snowy-white brand identity. Google trades on its image as a different kind of company. It became a little clearer last week that there can be only one kind of company: the kind that makes money.
You don't suppose this has something to do with such a noble statement? Or this? Count on untruthiness at PEOPLE NEWSRAG.
We've come to a pretty pass when a FLACK SHEET is more honest than a NEWS STORY.
P. S. The shame is there's some solid reporting (at least online) of that dreadful Red Sea ferry disaster. But take synergy like this and an unpaid paid ad like this and why shouldn't people figure a newsrag's all meretricious sniveling hackwork?
Global corporations have always had to balance ethical, cultural and legal considerations with financial ones; asking them to define ethical foreign policy is like looking to professional athletes to develop steroid-test rules. As Page puts it, self-servingly but accurately, "It's pretty hard for companies to act as governments. To some extent that's a good thing for the U.S. State Department to be doing. I'm not sure that's our role."
For Google, getting a foothold in the Chinese market now may well be vital for its survival 20 years hence. So it's not surprising that it would trade that financial confidence for a little ethical dustup. The real risk is that some of that dust will stick to Google's snowy-white brand identity. Google trades on its image as a different kind of company. It became a little clearer last week that there can be only one kind of company: the kind that makes money.
You don't suppose this has something to do with such a noble statement? Or this? Count on untruthiness at PEOPLE NEWSRAG.
We've come to a pretty pass when a FLACK SHEET is more honest than a NEWS STORY.
P. S. The shame is there's some solid reporting (at least online) of that dreadful Red Sea ferry disaster. But take synergy like this and an unpaid paid ad like this and why shouldn't people figure a newsrag's all meretricious sniveling hackwork?
We must always wonder in cases like this, Mr. Mark: how close did this press release for COMEDY CENTRAL NEWS NETWORK come to knocking IRAN off the cover?
Happily we look on the sunny side of life:
Historically, the position of president in the Islamic republic has never been a strong one. The Supreme Leader takes the big decisions, especially on war and peace. "I don't think Mr. Ahmadinejad would even drink a glass of water without the Supreme Leader's permission," suggests a Khamenei adviser who declined to be quoted by name. So it's unlikely that Ahmadinejad will ever have his finger on the nuclear trigger.
So let's "try to reach out to the Iranian people" and all will be well.
The only problem: we remember when COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW called the Iranian revolution a good thing.
Happily we look on the sunny side of life:
Historically, the position of president in the Islamic republic has never been a strong one. The Supreme Leader takes the big decisions, especially on war and peace. "I don't think Mr. Ahmadinejad would even drink a glass of water without the Supreme Leader's permission," suggests a Khamenei adviser who declined to be quoted by name. So it's unlikely that Ahmadinejad will ever have his finger on the nuclear trigger.
So let's "try to reach out to the Iranian people" and all will be well.
The only problem: we remember when COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW called the Iranian revolution a good thing.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
"YOU NEED TO TALK TO THE PR DEPARTMENT!!!!!"
You mean BusinessWeek?
(Sorry for the HUMAN EVENTS!!!!! We're not thoroughly convinced Michael Fumento is innocent, but any outfit that has insisted THE DONALD's worth $100 QUINTILLION and that employs LEGENDARY WELCH'S GHOST isn't innocent either.)
(Via the testy AmSpec blog)
You mean BusinessWeek?
(Sorry for the HUMAN EVENTS!!!!! We're not thoroughly convinced Michael Fumento is innocent, but any outfit that has insisted THE DONALD's worth $100 QUINTILLION and that employs LEGENDARY WELCH'S GHOST isn't innocent either.)
(Via the testy AmSpec blog)
Wealth in The Peoples' Paradise:
Forty-seven years after Castro's revolution, many Cubans still share an ethic of solidarity that stresses spiritual over material wealth. They may not have fancy stereos, but they crowd theaters for plays and concerts. Many express pride that their doctors are helping earthquake victims in Pakistan, even if it means their own medical service is affected.
Still, Cubans also are known for their ingenuity — and many manage to stretch their salaries in underhanded ways.
"If there were abundance, who would rob?" said Oscar Espinosa Chepe, a state-trained economist who became an anti-communist dissident. "Hardly anybody can survive by working honestly in Cuba."
Bakers sell customers a less than two ounce chunk of bread for the three-ounce price and pocket the change from selling the leftovers. Workers at state-run pizza stands sell "extra" cheese, tomatoes and cooking oil on the side. Bus drivers don't give tickets to all paying riders.
Off-shift state truck drivers help neighbors move construction materials — for a price. And employees at state stores take part of the inventory home to sell.
Other people offer services or handmade goods without the required self-employment licenses that the state tightly controls.
VIVA EL DICTATOR!
Forty-seven years after Castro's revolution, many Cubans still share an ethic of solidarity that stresses spiritual over material wealth. They may not have fancy stereos, but they crowd theaters for plays and concerts. Many express pride that their doctors are helping earthquake victims in Pakistan, even if it means their own medical service is affected.
Still, Cubans also are known for their ingenuity — and many manage to stretch their salaries in underhanded ways.
"If there were abundance, who would rob?" said Oscar Espinosa Chepe, a state-trained economist who became an anti-communist dissident. "Hardly anybody can survive by working honestly in Cuba."
Bakers sell customers a less than two ounce chunk of bread for the three-ounce price and pocket the change from selling the leftovers. Workers at state-run pizza stands sell "extra" cheese, tomatoes and cooking oil on the side. Bus drivers don't give tickets to all paying riders.
Off-shift state truck drivers help neighbors move construction materials — for a price. And employees at state stores take part of the inventory home to sell.
Other people offer services or handmade goods without the required self-employment licenses that the state tightly controls.
VIVA EL DICTATOR!
And speaking of the futility of life, one must cringe at why at least 88 people had to die in a panic over THIS.
Ever since the algorithms of the supergeniuses at Mountain View cut me off from the Next Blog button I've wondered whether blogging is worth anything, and especially my blogging. I've been posting less lately, as if in proof of Pavlov's theory. Certainly bloggers thrive on attention, and I haven't gotten much lately -- though I never got much to begin with. That said, I've suspected long before I knew the word "blog" that there is too much talk of politics and world affairs; I now know there are too many bloggers. Further this CARTOON biz demonstrates the utter idiocy to which public discourse now frequently descends. When Al Smith (or whoever it was) said that "the cure for the ills of democracy is more democracy" he never knew Free Republic or Democratic Underground. Nor could he have predicted that "democracy" would sweep thugs into power in the West Bank, though in some ways that outcome was foreordained, democracy or no. I really do feel that I say more with one or two sentences than the pros say with their hundreds of paragraphs, and I would like to believe I represent a wider swath of views and interests than they. But I'm tired of demonstrating my own depthless ignorance, and having it shoved into my face by the events of the day, and more to the point, I'm tired of typing into a vacuum. While I will not suspend this blog (as if anyone would care) I'm thinking of it. The CIA of Mountain View has already taken care of the posting.
My only solace is that said supergeniuses had their superwealth nicked, but it's only a matter of time before the tulip farmers plant new bulbs.
My only solace is that said supergeniuses had their superwealth nicked, but it's only a matter of time before the tulip farmers plant new bulbs.
Betty Friedan has died. She lived long enough to see feminism established as a bulwark of PC thinking in America, and to see it slowly crumble under the forces of conservatism. And as with any idea of principle it went too far, as 30,000,000 babies and countless divorcees and numberless Carly Fiorinos will attest.
Hundreds died -- and the captain abandoned ship.
In its way this is but a parable of the sad fate of the modern Arab.
P. S. at 8:21 p.m. The story with the captain may be false, but with the Arab world's governance it still resonates.
In its way this is but a parable of the sad fate of the modern Arab.
P. S. at 8:21 p.m. The story with the captain may be false, but with the Arab world's governance it still resonates.
Speaking of which, we firmly expect the mullahs' conference to be as undercovered as the CARTOONS have been overcovered.
"As certainly has been made clear on many occasions, Northwestern University as an institution obviously does not endorse or agree with the personal opinions of professor Butz," Cubbage said. "At the same time, however, the university does believe that its faculty members are entitled to express their own personal opinions."
We wonder how long big academia can get away with such malarkey. If the prof in question wanted a return to black slavery ol' N-U would find a way to show him the door, to the blessed rah-rahs of news hacks. This isn't a matter of mere politics. We may have to wait until the mad mullahs unleash their nukes before we get any courage from the scrambled eggheads.
We wonder how long big academia can get away with such malarkey. If the prof in question wanted a return to black slavery ol' N-U would find a way to show him the door, to the blessed rah-rahs of news hacks. This isn't a matter of mere politics. We may have to wait until the mad mullahs unleash their nukes before we get any courage from the scrambled eggheads.
Friday, February 03, 2006
If (as sycophants like THE MOGUL'S FRIEND constantly tell us) MOVIES ARE BETTER THAN EVER, why do so many open WITHOUT PRESS SCREENINGS?
Tens of thousands of Palestinians marched today against cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad that have appeared in European newspapers....
But not in American ones.
[Photo caption from the NYT home page]
But not in American ones.
[Photo caption from the NYT home page]
A Hamas-led Palestine, cut off entirely, will be forced to entertain second thoughts.
The problem is, Chuck, North Korea has learned to live with the stares of the world. So has "Myanmar." So has Cuba. So has Iran.
The problem is, Chuck, North Korea has learned to live with the stares of the world. So has "Myanmar." So has Cuba. So has Iran.
And in more FIRST AMENDMENT and high-tech-bubble news:
Illicit downloading of shock jock Howard Stern's shows increased fivefold Thursday after the Los Angeles Times reported on the broad availability of bootlegged versions of his Sirius Satellite Radio program on Internet file-sharing networks.
"The genie's out of the bottle," said Aram Sinnreich, managing partner of Radar Research, a Los Angeles media consulting firm.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
This is probably the funniest thing that has ever happened with his "show."
Illicit downloading of shock jock Howard Stern's shows increased fivefold Thursday after the Los Angeles Times reported on the broad availability of bootlegged versions of his Sirius Satellite Radio program on Internet file-sharing networks.
"The genie's out of the bottle," said Aram Sinnreich, managing partner of Radar Research, a Los Angeles media consulting firm.
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
This is probably the funniest thing that has ever happened with his "show."
Thursday, February 02, 2006
I'm skeptical, as one should always be regarding a Nikki Finke article.
What did you say yesterday about EDDIE?
What did you say yesterday about EDDIE?
And with the same anger in our head, we wonder how much IDIOTIC TYPING LIKE THIS gums up the news works. Indeed we wonder how much of an unalloyed marvel the Web is when we trip and fall over it. Consider: in the old days the news was controlled by the much-maligned GATEKEEPERS. While it's true they were mostly effete snobs and HYPERLIBERALS, they performed a valuable function by keeping falsehoods and trivia out, however imperfectly. Now (as EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! never stops telling us) everyone is his own editor. But where do America's millions of editors get their news? Increasingly from two wire services and a handful of MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM sites -- and judging from the ROT they've run lately they've given up their own gatekeeping functions, turning themselves in huge dumpsters collecting and disgorging tons of junk. The news search is increasingly a wild goose chase, and we waste too much of our valuable time having to wade hip deep through the junk in the chase, and it will only pile up deeper, and smell stinkier.
The Punxsutawney orgy has become a symbol for everything bad about modern America. It must be superbig; it must be controlled by marketing and consumer-products companies; it's no doubt become another thing for CEOs to obsess about being there, to the sinking morale of their subordinates; it probably causes a sharp increase in crime in the environs (we'll NEVER hear about that), and it must be plastered on every medium TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY FOR TWO WEEKS.
I HATE THIS AGE!
I HATE THIS AGE!
Amazon got G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLED.
We feel sort of sad about this; we've bought many times from Amazon; its prices are good and its delivery is fast. When the UNEVIL OF MOUNTAIN VIEW got walloped we were celebrating.
We feel sort of sad about this; we've bought many times from Amazon; its prices are good and its delivery is fast. When the UNEVIL OF MOUNTAIN VIEW got walloped we were celebrating.
Thankfully DOW 36,000 can see THE TRUTH. When Dubya talks of energy problems the CHATTERING CLASS has seized his brain!
Why didn't you pull that chattering-class gag when gas was $3 a gallon, DOW? Or were you fantasizing about your oil stocks?
Why didn't you pull that chattering-class gag when gas was $3 a gallon, DOW? Or were you fantasizing about your oil stocks?
Here we thought USAOKAY!!!!! was playing down its tradition of selling SUPER BOWL ADS, and then it runs a FULL-BLOWN HAPPY PRESS RELEASE on us! Way to go, AMERICA'S NO. 1 SALESPAPER!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO THERESA! And no doubt MORE TOMORROW!
P. S. CNN, the USAOKAY!!!!! of cable news, tries to do OKAY!!!!! one better! All we know is so many people are filing so many stories on the @#$%&* SUPER BOWL ADS you could fill two volumes bigger than the Shorter Oxford English.
And who knows? In ten years they could fill a space equal to ITS DADDY!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO THERESA! And no doubt MORE TOMORROW!
P. S. CNN, the USAOKAY!!!!! of cable news, tries to do OKAY!!!!! one better! All we know is so many people are filing so many stories on the @#$%&* SUPER BOWL ADS you could fill two volumes bigger than the Shorter Oxford English.
And who knows? In ten years they could fill a space equal to ITS DADDY!
MORE NBA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTITUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE:
The wife of New York Knicks forward Antonio Davis, whose verbal altercation with Chicago Bulls fans last month prompted her husband to run into the stands, has been charged with misdemeanor battery for allegedly flinging a hot cup of coffee on another woman during a traffic altercation in Naperville.
Think we could work an endorsement deal with Mickey D's or Starbucks?
The wife of New York Knicks forward Antonio Davis, whose verbal altercation with Chicago Bulls fans last month prompted her husband to run into the stands, has been charged with misdemeanor battery for allegedly flinging a hot cup of coffee on another woman during a traffic altercation in Naperville.
Think we could work an endorsement deal with Mickey D's or Starbucks?
The WaPost kvetches and moans over the potential decamping of a profit center, which forces us to ask, is any columnist really so good as to make many times more than the total budget of, say, Everett, Washington's Daily Herald, or our Community Newspaper business?
"Mr. Freedom of Speech himself. Mr. $500,000,000 has ordered me to shut down my PERSONAL Web site that some people stumbled upon."
HA! HA! HA! Mr. Freedom of Speech can dish it out but he can't take it! HA! HA! HA!
Has anyone noticed SIRI's chart lately? It's been down almost every day since the invention of the wheel. If only we knew how many of the early subscribers have ditched its service for the usual adolescent preoccupations, like sniffing glue.
HA! HA! HA! Mr. Freedom of Speech can dish it out but he can't take it! HA! HA! HA!
Has anyone noticed SIRI's chart lately? It's been down almost every day since the invention of the wheel. If only we knew how many of the early subscribers have ditched its service for the usual adolescent preoccupations, like sniffing glue.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
More news from the BRILLIANT WORLD OF MADAVE:
1. Coca-Cola has made enemies in the trucking biz with a SUPER BOWL ad featuring aggressive tailgating truckers, a depiction that has the advantage of being a stereotype and true.
2. In May we get the first Yum Derby (formerly the Kentucky Derby). This is a masterstroke of sponsorship, especially for a horse race.
1. Coca-Cola has made enemies in the trucking biz with a SUPER BOWL ad featuring aggressive tailgating truckers, a depiction that has the advantage of being a stereotype and true.
2. In May we get the first Yum Derby (formerly the Kentucky Derby). This is a masterstroke of sponsorship, especially for a horse race.
Somethin' stupid:
To Democrats desperately searching for an alternative to Hillary: What's wrong with Ed Rendell of Pennsylvania? Assuming he wins reelection, he's governor of a large swing state. He's sensible, plain-spoken and candid--the Democrats' McCain.
Well, yes, I can see the similarity: Boobs McKeating grabbed a vaultful from Charlie, and surely Eddie has an indictment in his future. Yes, Mr. Know-It-All -- "the Democrats' McCain" indeed.
To Democrats desperately searching for an alternative to Hillary: What's wrong with Ed Rendell of Pennsylvania? Assuming he wins reelection, he's governor of a large swing state. He's sensible, plain-spoken and candid--the Democrats' McCain.
Well, yes, I can see the similarity: Boobs McKeating grabbed a vaultful from Charlie, and surely Eddie has an indictment in his future. Yes, Mr. Know-It-All -- "the Democrats' McCain" indeed.
And in more on the MOO-VIES, ADAM! seems to have had trouble getting his Web act together with the NEW! IMPROVED! NewYork.com, but after a long delay he finally treats us to some more Effete Edelstein, and the results are typically mirth (and nausea) provoking:
His edgy, intuitive films don’t always gel—last year’s grating hardcore-vérité effort Nine Songs put me off sex for a week...
...for which the human race will be forever beholden to you.
His edgy, intuitive films don’t always gel—last year’s grating hardcore-vérité effort Nine Songs put me off sex for a week...
...for which the human race will be forever beholden to you.
The Mogul's Friend, who the other day praised himself for being blasted as "too critical of Hollywood", uses his column to say, "I love ya babes! Even the little-movie-making kind."
When a man who spends his whole life closeted with stars and execs has the gall to say the movies are in touch with America, it's time for some further evisceration of his employer -- which thankfully people seem to be doing.
And in more dimwitted hugging of the industry:
"The issue becomes, how do you reach the numbers of people who saw the movies the creative community is not honoring?" said Cates, who has produced 12 Oscar telecasts.
By saying, "Hollywood [has returned] to its role of cultural arbiter." JAWOHL!
And writing a piece of junk like this happily ignores what a piece of junk the Os-CARS® are -- and how they've traditionally ignored the best of the biz.
When a man who spends his whole life closeted with stars and execs has the gall to say the movies are in touch with America, it's time for some further evisceration of his employer -- which thankfully people seem to be doing.
And in more dimwitted hugging of the industry:
"The issue becomes, how do you reach the numbers of people who saw the movies the creative community is not honoring?" said Cates, who has produced 12 Oscar telecasts.
By saying, "Hollywood [has returned] to its role of cultural arbiter." JAWOHL!
And writing a piece of junk like this happily ignores what a piece of junk the Os-CARS® are -- and how they've traditionally ignored the best of the biz.
Every month or so brings us a National Lampoon revival. Somebody threatens to shoot another National Lampoon movie, or print another National Lampoon book, or revive National Lampoon magazine, and we never hear about it again -- until the next press release threatening another National Lampoon revival.
Gates Speaks Out Against Net Censorship
TRANSLATION: There's an embarrassing Congressional hearing coming up.
TRANSLATION: There's an embarrassing Congressional hearing coming up.
What do these stories have in common?
STUDY: OVER 100 CEOs OUT IN 2005
MARKETERS GET THEIR SUPER BOWL PARTY ON IN MOTOWN
Of course: Let's have a little FUN with our imperial reigns!
STUDY: OVER 100 CEOs OUT IN 2005
MARKETERS GET THEIR SUPER BOWL PARTY ON IN MOTOWN
Of course: Let's have a little FUN with our imperial reigns!
Ooooooooh, Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges find people who were ANGRY with Dubya!
Here's the problem with modern news hackery: even when it's truthful all the heavily-weighted baggage of its ideology sinks it into the realm of the lie.
Here's the problem with modern news hackery: even when it's truthful all the heavily-weighted baggage of its ideology sinks it into the realm of the lie.
George W. Bush made an implicit concession Tuesday night: After five momentous years he has little new to say.
We could have said that before he was elected.
We could have said that before he was elected.
Another reason we MUST have MORE reporters earning MORE money doing MORE work: thumbsuckers. An ordinary Web surfer like me can glean the fats and draw his own conclusions, but the devoted news hack won't do that: he must turn a one-graf story into twenty grafs of rehash, citing the usual overeager sound-byte providers, flat-footedly trying to avoid the obviously while stumbling face first into it. As more than one person has said, most papers could further reduce their staffs and most readers wouldn't know the difference. If thumbsuckers disappeared from newspapers tomorrow we wouldn't know -- and we wouldn't care.
Whenever you're blue, Dow 36,000, think of this story: some big Kansas outfit decided to shut down a trucking company rather than submit to a strike -- and here's the part you'll love:
Edwin Taylor, 44, a former Red Star driver from Maple Shade, said he was hanging his hopes on the NLRB case, because the lawsuit settlement cannot compensate for what he lost when Red Star closed.
Taylor, a father of three, said Red Star's closing cost him a job paying more than $4,400 a month with excellent benefits and four weeks' vacation.
Eventually he landed back at the same terminal, now run by another division of USF Corp. With less seniority, his days are longer, his work is more demanding, his pay rate is lower, and he gets only a week's vacation per year.
"I've had a pretty rough time. This has been quite a strain," Taylor said.
And it did have to pay up through the NLRB, but that's the cost of free en-ter-prise, isn't it Dow? So when CEOs get 100 percent raises rather than 200, or the UNEVIL of MOUNTAIN VIEW misses the salesm -- ANALYSTS' estimates, just think of this guy, and you'll feel MUCH better.
Edwin Taylor, 44, a former Red Star driver from Maple Shade, said he was hanging his hopes on the NLRB case, because the lawsuit settlement cannot compensate for what he lost when Red Star closed.
Taylor, a father of three, said Red Star's closing cost him a job paying more than $4,400 a month with excellent benefits and four weeks' vacation.
Eventually he landed back at the same terminal, now run by another division of USF Corp. With less seniority, his days are longer, his work is more demanding, his pay rate is lower, and he gets only a week's vacation per year.
"I've had a pretty rough time. This has been quite a strain," Taylor said.
And it did have to pay up through the NLRB, but that's the cost of free en-ter-prise, isn't it Dow? So when CEOs get 100 percent raises rather than 200, or the UNEVIL of MOUNTAIN VIEW misses the salesm -- ANALYSTS' estimates, just think of this guy, and you'll feel MUCH better.
We didn't get to see the List -- it was past our bedtime -- but we see Dubya made a thing about saving energy, and he goaded Congress into helping him out, then he no doubt proposed 500 costly "initiatives" on which it could help out.
Congresspoop Lynn "Woolly" Woolsey invited Hugo's favorite American to the Presidential Laundry List, where she got arrested for telling the truth. This was so carefully choreographed we suspect the Democratic leadership knew. These folks are getting to be our enemies' best friends, all in the name of throwing a tantrum against Dubya.