THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, August 02, 2008
The future of ROWLINGCORP:
Scholastic pulled in $240 million from its Harry Potter franchise in the first quarter after the release of Deathly Hallows last summer but saw that figure drop to a mere $10 million in the most recent quarter.
Scholastic pulled in $240 million from its Harry Potter franchise in the first quarter after the release of Deathly Hallows last summer but saw that figure drop to a mere $10 million in the most recent quarter.
It appears NRO is launching its first new fad since "CRUNCHY CONSERVATISM", whatever that was, and one destined to last as long.
P. S.
[I]n 1995, when Republicans were in control, Democrats pulled a similar stunt. During that protest, they put a photo in the speaker’s chair of then-Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) wearing a diaper.
A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSE!
P. S.
[I]n 1995, when Republicans were in control, Democrats pulled a similar stunt. During that protest, they put a photo in the speaker’s chair of then-Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-Ga.) wearing a diaper.
A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSE!
The decline of newspapers has nothing to do with journalism
See? SEE? If we've told you once we've told you a THOUSAND TIMES -- it ISN'T OUR FAULT!
See? SEE? If we've told you once we've told you a THOUSAND TIMES -- it ISN'T OUR FAULT!
Luther Davis, the last surviving author of the musical adaptation of Kismet (one of my favorites), has died, and if it was lucky to open during a newspaper strike we are unlucky that what is now Branson East can't give its clientele more "leggy harem girls", content as it is with revivals and AudioAnimatronics.
China could be might be possibly perhaps maybe gradually incrementally slowly becoming a freer nation, which, as we know too well may not be necessary in the spritz of the eternal fountain of Adam Smith, and further which, as this author notes, is subject to a billion perceptions. And don't pat yourselves on the back, con-SER-va-tives; think of all our jobs the New Superpower has sucked away.
Friday, August 01, 2008
If we were 13 years old and followed roller derby (as we did when we were 13), this might get us excited, but we are no longer 13 years old, nor do we follow roller derby.
Count on con-SER-va-tives to find a good in a bad situation:
EXXON-MOBIL [SIC] PAYS $32 BILLION IN TAXES!!!!! [We're-in-the-money overemphasis added]
1. Wait! Aren't taxes EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL? 2. WHO'S PAYING THEIR TAXES?
EXXON-MOBIL [SIC] PAYS $32 BILLION IN TAXES!!!!! [We're-in-the-money overemphasis added]
1. Wait! Aren't taxes EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL? 2. WHO'S PAYING THEIR TAXES?
"It's less about stopping you from sweating, but more about saving the world," said Blake Callaway, Sci Fi's VP-brand marketing.
IT'S ALL ABOUT LITTLE JEFFY DOMINATING THE UNIVERSE BY PESTERING US WITH ADS.
IT'S ALL ABOUT LITTLE JEFFY DOMINATING THE UNIVERSE BY PESTERING US WITH ADS.
Longtime partner Coke has signed on through the 2020 Games. "COKE HAS NOT IN THE LEAST RECONSIDERED ITS OLYMPIC SPONSORSHIP!!!!!" says Kevin Tressler, director of Coke's Worldwide Sports & Entertainment Marketing. [Enthusiastic overemphasis added]
Obviously his bosses like their biennial three-month vacations.
[Corrected 8/2; dummy used "biannual".]
Obviously his bosses like their biennial three-month vacations.
[Corrected 8/2; dummy used "biannual".]
At least a handful of American companies who had relied on workers stationed overseas are now bringing jobs back to the United States. In addition, foreign companies are continuing to expand U.S. operations and hiring more local residents, instead of flying in foreign staff for business.
It's called "insourcing" or "reverse outsourcing." It's the opposite of outsourcing, the oft-criticized practice of American companies' shipping jobs abroad to take advantage of lower labor costs and other incentives.
Some observers are skeptical that insourcing is yet a significant trend, and one pointed out to ABC News that it cannot easily be seen in economic numbers -- but others see anecdotal cases where it appears to be happening.
I'm skeptical too: it sounds like another management fad to supplant another management fad.
It's called "insourcing" or "reverse outsourcing." It's the opposite of outsourcing, the oft-criticized practice of American companies' shipping jobs abroad to take advantage of lower labor costs and other incentives.
Some observers are skeptical that insourcing is yet a significant trend, and one pointed out to ABC News that it cannot easily be seen in economic numbers -- but others see anecdotal cases where it appears to be happening.
I'm skeptical too: it sounds like another management fad to supplant another management fad.
These folks can't excuse themselves by saying they didn't see it coming. GM kept stubbornly building big trucks and SUVs for years, even as the price of gas went up. Had these bozos had more sense in the product mix they wouldn't face such huge losses -- and the prospect (still remote, but now a little less so) of their company in ruins.
On a happier note, today is August 1. What's so special about August 1? Today is Week 9. Week 9 of what? Week 9 (we think) of PEOPLE WARNER selling "Get Smart" on a Steen billboard overlooking I-95. PEOPLE WARNER seems to love its TENTPOLES; recently we noted how it had lovingly left an ad for some basketball movie in a garage weeks after it had left the theaters. Maybe "No-Does-Not-Rhyme-With" Bewkes and his other overpaid TWXSTERS zoom up and down I-95 (don't know why; maybe to hector Congresspoops over DRM) to exclaim, "WHAT A DEEP BENCH OF TENTPOLES WE HAVE!" Or maybe somebody wants to stick it to all the TWXSTERS who've been laid off. Or maybe Steen hasn't a clue what's it's doing. We imagine PEOPLE WARNER plastering hundreds of billboards this way, and not giving any more of a damn than it does for its filmic excretions. Whatever the case that "Get Smart" billboard is a comfort to us, reminding us that in this life there are verities, and one of them is billboards.
Who knows? Maybe it's selling the DVD.
We wonder what Otto Fingerbanger would think. He probably wouldn't.
And now he can go poison himself for all eternity.
P. S. at 2:38 p. m.
One source who has been briefed on the investigation said Ivins had been under intense FBI scrutiny for weeks if not months and that wiretaps were used in the investigation. Authorities' working theory is that Ivins sought to highlight U.S vulnerability to such attacks.
I guess he proved we were vulnerable, all right.
P. S. at 3:10 p. m.
He had a long history of homicidal threats, according to papers recently filed in local court by a social worker.
The more we hear of this story the more we think it will confirm every black-helicopter nut's psychoses over government -- but it now appears this nutcase was a one-man black-helicopter job himself.
P. S. at 2:38 p. m.
One source who has been briefed on the investigation said Ivins had been under intense FBI scrutiny for weeks if not months and that wiretaps were used in the investigation. Authorities' working theory is that Ivins sought to highlight U.S vulnerability to such attacks.
I guess he proved we were vulnerable, all right.
P. S. at 3:10 p. m.
He had a long history of homicidal threats, according to papers recently filed in local court by a social worker.
The more we hear of this story the more we think it will confirm every black-helicopter nut's psychoses over government -- but it now appears this nutcase was a one-man black-helicopter job himself.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
This should get EVERY red-blooded con-SER-va-tive mad:
Obama supports union organizing
Then again between closed shops and right-to-work it does sound like another battle of tantrum throwers, doesn't it.
Obama supports union organizing
Then again between closed shops and right-to-work it does sound like another battle of tantrum throwers, doesn't it.
DEVELOPING STORY ON REUTERS!
Analyst reaction to GDP: "It looks like the economy was closer to recession than the previous data indicated." 8:42am EDT
Er, hasn't it been close for a while?
Analyst reaction to GDP: "It looks like the economy was closer to recession than the previous data indicated." 8:42am EDT
Er, hasn't it been close for a while?
Neal, here's predicting GE BANCORP lays a big fat egg foo yung with Its GAMES. Why? Not just the time difference, it's the censorship difference, and the Tibet difference, and the mortal-enemies-with-the-lead-paint difference, and the fact the CEOs on their three-month paid breaks have been promoing the hell out of them, and the fact there are no MARY LOUs, and the fact these will be the first GAMES with a smell, literally and figuratively.
On the other hand we would not be surprised if the God of Mao wafts the smog away, and mysteriously creates "records", but we still say it isn't as easy to hector people into watching something as it used to be.
Or to put it another way, the GAMES are increasingly the Seinfeld of sports; they're about nothing.
P. S. And doping....
On the other hand we would not be surprised if the God of Mao wafts the smog away, and mysteriously creates "records", but we still say it isn't as easy to hector people into watching something as it used to be.
Or to put it another way, the GAMES are increasingly the Seinfeld of sports; they're about nothing.
P. S. And doping....
Speaking of monsters, has anyone noticed XOM has traded near its lows for the year for some time?
You don't suppose it's possible to feel guilty about investing in liquid tobacco?
P. S. Oh, it "missed expectations". Greedy!
You don't suppose it's possible to feel guilty about investing in liquid tobacco?
P. S. Oh, it "missed expectations". Greedy!
We see Otto Fuerbringer, a former managing editor under Henry Luce of the former flagship of People Warner Magazines, has died, and the only reason we remember him is because Luce's biographer W. A. Swanberg said around the office he was called "Otto Fingerbanger", which gives an idea of the kind of organization men Luce employed, before the rag was printed on onion-skin paper.
(Via MediaBistro)
(Via MediaBistro)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
As some casual-dining establishments are learning, there seems to be a limit to the number of restaurants that can serve the same food.
Looks as though The Lord will have to throw another of His Sacred Following under the Bus.
How does the Bus move with all those bodies underneath?
How does the Bus move with all those bodies underneath?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I don't think a war with Iran is coming, thank God, but this time I am NOT going to pull any punches. MY VOICE ISN'T VERY IMPORTANT IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, BUT I'M GOING TO DO MY JOB--AND THAT MEANS LETTING YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE I STAND AND WHAT I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE THERE ARE A SMALL GROUP OF JEWISH NEOCONSERVATIVES WHO ARE PUSHING FOR WAR WITH IRAN BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE IT IS IN AMERICA'S LONG-TERM INTERESTS AND BECAUSE THEY BELIEVE ISRAEL'S EXISTENCE IS AT STAKE!!! THEY ARE WRONG AND RECENT HISTORY TELLS US THEY ARE DANGEROUS!!!!! THEY ARE ALSO BULLIES AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE INTIMIDATED BY THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (Unintimidated overemphasis added)
1. Is he still mad at being "outed"? 2. His agents are on the case. 3. "TIME WARNER OWNS CNN TOO!!!!!" 4. Is anybody outside PEOPLE INC. and Commentary paying the slightest attention -- and why should we?
1. Is he still mad at being "outed"? 2. His agents are on the case. 3. "TIME WARNER OWNS CNN TOO!!!!!" 4. Is anybody outside PEOPLE INC. and Commentary paying the slightest attention -- and why should we?
McCain backs off his no-new-tax pledge
There goes that LIBERAL senator from Arizona again!
What would former Sen. MENTAL RECESSION have advised?
There goes that LIBERAL senator from Arizona again!
What would former Sen. MENTAL RECESSION have advised?
Monday, July 28, 2008
To those who glibly predict that all this non-speculation in oil will cause people to eat less, and better:
Kraft's net revenue was up 21.4% to $11.2 billion, and net earnings were up 4% to $732 million from $707 million a year ago. The company pointed to Mac N' Cheese, Kraft cheese and processed meat as contributors to increased sales during the period.
Kraft's net revenue was up 21.4% to $11.2 billion, and net earnings were up 4% to $732 million from $707 million a year ago. The company pointed to Mac N' Cheese, Kraft cheese and processed meat as contributors to increased sales during the period.
We salute Sen. Coburn for stopping $10 billion in spending, even if he's spitting into a $490 billion wind.
Not only did the League of Nations throw money away in Burma/Myanmar, the scum junta may have shaken it down by fiddling with the exchange rate.
Would the League know a bad guy if he weren't American or Israeli?
Would the League know a bad guy if he weren't American or Israeli?
From TheNation.com (!):
Whenever I think of Radovan Karadzic, one picture remains my mind. It is from a documentary shot during the siege of Sarajevo, in which he arrives at Pale, on a hill above Sarajevo, from which the military of Republika Srpska was shelling the city. Karadzic arrives with a guest, the Russian poet Eduard Limonov. Besieged Sarajevo lies in the valley below, and they can clearly see every building, every street, every tree: an ideal position for shooting. Dressed in a black coat, with a shawl around his neck to ward off the winter chill, Karadzic gallantly offers his guest and a fellow poet a "special treat" befitting an arbiter of life and death. He asks Limonov to try a shot from a machine gun pointed at the city. Just like that; just for fun. Just like in the movies, when a king offers a gun to his guest to shoot the wild beasts. Only down in that besieged city are not beasts, but people.
Limonov takes the challenge, kneels behind a machine gun and shoots. Everyone is delighted: this man is one of them! Despite the fact that he is a poet, he is not a sissy. Like their own poet, Limonov proved he was a real man--as if to be a poet in the Balkans--or to be a psychiatrist or intellectual, for that matter--doesn't really count. Then the two of them drink sljivovica with the soldiers and dine on roasted pig, apparently unconcerned about whether Limonov shot someone or not.
How is it that an intellectual, poet and psychiatrist like Karadzic could do such a thing? It took me time to understand that this is the wrong question. It is wrong because it takes for granted that people like this--the educated ones, the sophisticated ones, the artists, for God's sake--should know better. Don't they have higher moral standards that ordinary people? The answer is no.
Whenever I think of Radovan Karadzic, one picture remains my mind. It is from a documentary shot during the siege of Sarajevo, in which he arrives at Pale, on a hill above Sarajevo, from which the military of Republika Srpska was shelling the city. Karadzic arrives with a guest, the Russian poet Eduard Limonov. Besieged Sarajevo lies in the valley below, and they can clearly see every building, every street, every tree: an ideal position for shooting. Dressed in a black coat, with a shawl around his neck to ward off the winter chill, Karadzic gallantly offers his guest and a fellow poet a "special treat" befitting an arbiter of life and death. He asks Limonov to try a shot from a machine gun pointed at the city. Just like that; just for fun. Just like in the movies, when a king offers a gun to his guest to shoot the wild beasts. Only down in that besieged city are not beasts, but people.
Limonov takes the challenge, kneels behind a machine gun and shoots. Everyone is delighted: this man is one of them! Despite the fact that he is a poet, he is not a sissy. Like their own poet, Limonov proved he was a real man--as if to be a poet in the Balkans--or to be a psychiatrist or intellectual, for that matter--doesn't really count. Then the two of them drink sljivovica with the soldiers and dine on roasted pig, apparently unconcerned about whether Limonov shot someone or not.
How is it that an intellectual, poet and psychiatrist like Karadzic could do such a thing? It took me time to understand that this is the wrong question. It is wrong because it takes for granted that people like this--the educated ones, the sophisticated ones, the artists, for God's sake--should know better. Don't they have higher moral standards that ordinary people? The answer is no.
Over a week ago the TWXSTERS gave us a cute little heartwarming wet-nosed-puppy-dog story of the rabbi psychiatrist running for Congress; now LALA has its own inspirational story about a cartooonist. Meantime the rag was sheepish enough to admit CNN staged an interview with a phony Republican. This campaign will try our sanity.
(Second link via Commentary Magazine's Contentions)
(Second link via Commentary Magazine's Contentions)
THE NOSE SPEAKS:
A lot of folks object to "Hollywood celebrities" participating in political discourse. Aside from pure disagreement over certain issues, why do you think there's such a backlash when you or other well-known performers speak your mind?
On a very basic level, many people think celebrities have too much already so we shouldn’t be entitled to our political opinions. Also, the other side objects to the fact that we might be listened to.
TRANSLATION: I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!
A lot of folks object to "Hollywood celebrities" participating in political discourse. Aside from pure disagreement over certain issues, why do you think there's such a backlash when you or other well-known performers speak your mind?
On a very basic level, many people think celebrities have too much already so we shouldn’t be entitled to our political opinions. Also, the other side objects to the fact that we might be listened to.
TRANSLATION: I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The GAMES people call it "MIST!"
A mist, we presume, you could cut with the usual knife.
Schamasch said conditions were "not worse'' than in other cities that hosted the games, mentioning Los Angeles, Atlanta and Athens.
I guess he can't see the Bird's Nest for the -- mist.
The Messiah is ready to fine-tune the economy!
Who wants to bet He brings in St. Warren as His Treasury secretary? Aside from the problem of who would be the lead God (we presume it would be the One who'd call Himself President) we'd have to guess how long before St. would leave the Treasury with egg on his (as opposed to His) face.
Who wants to bet He brings in St. Warren as His Treasury secretary? Aside from the problem of who would be the lead God (we presume it would be the One who'd call Himself President) we'd have to guess how long before St. would leave the Treasury with egg on his (as opposed to His) face.
The other day two BizWeek scribblers asked, how could The Paper of Re-CORD "be worth only $750 million?" Well, how could crude oil double in six months? For all the con-SER-va-tive hosannahs the Wall Street Casino has no inner bearings, and certainly no sense. That said, The Paper of Re-CORD and its partners in TRUTH eminently deserve to be worth so little, though by most definitions it isn't right: having done $750 trillion in damages to our psyches, this is the time for the payback, however unjust it is to those getting paid back.
The co-chair of the 9/11 Commission, Lee Hamilton, said, "The similarities between Afghanistan before Sept. 11 and Pakistan today are striking and deeply worrisome.
"At what point do you say we cannot tolerate this anymore?"
The point at which the Holy Cockroaches strike back -- and as the mute symbol of Ground Zero bears witness, we'll resume our ostrich posture in no time.
"At what point do you say we cannot tolerate this anymore?"
The point at which the Holy Cockroaches strike back -- and as the mute symbol of Ground Zero bears witness, we'll resume our ostrich posture in no time.
Wait wait WAIT a second, guys -- wasn't it just a few weeks ago that we ran an advertorial for PILLHEAD? It must have occasioned a lot of the proverbial wailing and gnashing of teeth in the Kingdom of PINCHDOM, because now we're back with beet-red faces as to how to overcome this force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, and the answer is -- BLACK (?!?) RADIO!
Meaning, of course, we're still looking for that white kn -- er, our savio -- oh dammit, a HERO -- wait, isn't that sexist? Anyway, a FRIEND to save us from the greatest scourge since the Black -- er, since POLIO or whatever, and we'll still be looking in another five years.
Meaning, of course, we're still looking for that white kn -- er, our savio -- oh dammit, a HERO -- wait, isn't that sexist? Anyway, a FRIEND to save us from the greatest scourge since the Black -- er, since POLIO or whatever, and we'll still be looking in another five years.