Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Friday, September 02, 2011
Posted
8:25 PM
by Gene
![]() There's no proof raising prices or shuttering bureaus will make the product better; they only add to the confluence of problems making it worse. But midst the footstomping banshee-screaming campaigning now starting to waft from our "news" organs we will only root for more disasters, which means in time a news system that functions well for no one.
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6:15 PM
by Gene
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6:09 PM
by Gene
“It was supposed to symbolize a warrior and a scholar,’’ said DeTore, 31, the marketing director for a Boston investment firm, “but who knows what it really meant. A Chinese-speaking friend later told me the closest translation was ‘mud pie.’ ’’ We certainly will not make fun of this lady: she got that tattoo off, though it cost only 45 times what it cost to put it on. “At work, I’m the poster child for not getting a tattoo,’’ she said. “One of my colleagues has told her children all about me.’’ Good! And with luck they'll be spared the trauma of having an ugly blue blotch expand with their waistlines. If the Lord God wanted people with blue skin He'd have made them.
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5:38 PM
by Gene
I don't feel the least sorry for LORD LLOUD WUBBISH, who turned Eva into something of a heroine, and who is preparing another theme park of His masterwork. Certainly it will be harder to sing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina" without -- irony. (Via NEWSER!)
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4:09 PM
by Gene
![]() Hey Eddie! EDDIE! HERE's a civic center! Remember: Build them ugly buildings and they will come!
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1:46 PM
by Gene
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9:16 AM
by Gene
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9:14 AM
by Gene
U.S. adds zero jobs Something -- anything?
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9:00 AM
by Gene
![]() This remarkable piece by Noemie Emery shows why our ruling superiors won't be back in our good graces soon. Many are entitled, and they are arrogant. And they are worse than anything in the Gilded Age because some of Boss Tweed's ill-gotten wealth flowed back to the people. And still worse they have no shame. Dennis the Menace thinks he's still a "viable" candidate for president when the only white house he's "viable" for is a dog house. And we'd go one step further: any candidate who spends zillions on TV ads to proclaim he's fiscally responsible is not worthy of office -- PERIOD. Thursday, September 01, 2011
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11:10 PM
by Gene
Report says Vancouver cops not ready Further surprise: Adding to the city's embarrassment is the fact that police have not yet charged anyone in connection with the riots. Police Chief Jim Chu said police are still identifying people from video and photographs. We guess the Canadians really don't want to charge anybody because it wouldn't be PC. Eh?
Posted
11:06 PM
by Gene
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2:22 PM
by Gene
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8:57 AM
by Gene
A company that served as a showcase for the Obama administration’s effort to create jobs in clean technology shut down Wednesday, leaving 1,100 people out of work and taxpayers obligated for $535 million in federal loans. Solyndra, a California solar panel maker, had long been an administration favorite. Over the past two years, President Obama and Energy Secretary Steven Chu each had made congratulatory visits to the company’s Silicon Valley headquarters. We were about to day "the best laid plans of mice" but His Incompetence's crew doesn't qualify. P. S. from a scant two years ago: Following the announcement that the loan guarantee has just closed, Vice President Biden said, “These are jobs that won’t be exported.” We guess not! The Governor [you know which governor THAT is] brought out his one liner: “Hasta la vista to global warming.” He’s calling today a “big celebration” and an example of how to protect jobs and help both the environment and the economy. Referring to the New United Motor Manufacturing Inc. factory that Toyota just announced it will be closing in spite of the state’s financial incentive offerings, Schwarzenegger said having the Solyndra plant located in Fremont is a point of pride for him, because “the city is still stinging from losing NUMMI jobs.” The Governor is pushing for state legislators to pass Assembly Bill 1111, which would exempt new manufacturing equipment for cleantech companies from sales tax. You still looking for a job, Hasta? (Original link via TINA!) Wednesday, August 31, 2011
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10:21 PM
by Gene
As for Jack Benny's eulogy at the dedication of Jolson's memorial: it should have struck us it was probably ghostwritten, but we'd like to think it wasn't, and our comments on the old Hollywood still stand.
Posted
10:03 PM
by Gene
![]() Industrial-strength food at the University Restaurant and Canteen in Coimbra, Portugal! No wonder it's one of the "PIIGS". SORRY! ![]() Hey kids! Wanna live in a box?
Posted
11:55 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:33 AM
by Gene
D.C. Attorney General Irvin B. Nathan filed a false-claims complaint Tuesday against the nonprofit group Miracle Hands and its director, reformed gangster Cornell Jones, charging them with misappropriating more than $300,000 from the city’s HIV/AIDS program for renovations on a proposed job training center that instead was used to open a strip club. Come to think of it, this could happen in Philthydelphia too, but it's more likely to happen in Washington.
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Look Tammy, if you want to defend a booster for lavishing whores on players, fine. And we do agree there's been a lot of self-righteousness here; it goes with the corrupt system. But you prove "free-enterprise" types can be just as dense as screaming Congressmen -- and even more contemptible.
Posted
8:26 AM
by Gene
IPads Soon to Be Pricier Than Large-Screen Televisions: Chart of the Day
Posted
8:23 AM
by Gene
Posted
8:20 AM
by Gene
Industry estimates put the cost of the storm at $7 billion to $10 billion.... Are news hacks trying to justify their wall-to-wall screaming again?
Posted
8:09 AM
by Gene
Sandpoint is emptying, like my account. Time to replenish it with 500 more irritating voiceovers.
Posted
8:05 AM
by Gene
This is a liberal policy group. This gives con-SER-va-tives an excuse to scream about all those greedy union workers making $40,000 a year. This gives liberals an excuse to call con-SER-va-tives NAZIS. This gives con-SER-va-tives an excuse to call liberals COMSYMPS. Which soon means -- A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES IN ALL YOUR HOUSES!!!!!
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8:02 AM
by Gene
S&P Rates Subprime Mortgages Higher Than U.S. Tuesday, August 30, 2011
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7:23 PM
by Gene
![]() ARCHDaily! All that...thing needs is WOOD -- then it could be a Pinocchio museum. And does that...thing have ZITS? ![]() A minimalized minimalist Taj Mahal. Hey kids! Wanna live in a mausoleum? ![]() DOWN PERISCOPE! ![]() Now if you spin it like a top.... ![]() What's that badly constructed prime minister doing here? We hope the ARCH doesn't mind our cutting and pasting this in full, complete with unwanted font: A minor transatlantic controversy erupted last month after UK “architecture minister” aka Parliamentary Under Secretary of State at the Department for Culture, Media and Sport with responsibility for architecture and the built environment John Penrose apparently compared architects with other negatively-stereotyped groups, noting architects are “just one of those groups people love to mock.” The comments were part of a longer blog post about Rowan Atkinson, Dreamland, and VisitEngland’s new Smartphone-based marketing campaign. The story was first reported by bdonline.co.uk’s Mark Wilding on July 18. Wilding calls Penrose’s comments “shocking,” adding that “architects may not be pleased to hear that they are lumped in with ‘slippery estate agents, over-paid footballers and disingenuous politicians,’ as the minister attempts to tackle the public’s attitude towards the profession.” The story was re-reported by the Architectural Record News Wire on July 22, under the headline “Profession is a Joke to Public, Says UK Architecture Minister.” The story notes how Penrose believes that “people love to mock architects” and reiterates his comparison of architects “slippery real-estate agents” et al. Penrose’s comments are far less damning than Wilding’s tabloid-esque reportage would lead us to believe. From the July 15 DCMS blog entry, “Dustbins, bicycles, roller coasters and a plug for QR (which is QI):”
Penrose’s comments are certainly inappropriate, but Wilding’s sanctimonious commentary is far more embarrassing for the field. Wilding’s hypersensitivity reveals a deep cynicism about our field’s possible decline with respect to its place in the world; a perpetual cycle wherein we continue to shun any reference to our lack of relevance in the hope that the problem will go away, without realizing that in fighting that fight we’ve already conceded. Wilding’s article: http://www.bdonline.co.uk/news/penrose-people-love-to-mock-architects/5021761.article Architectural Record Newswire: http://archrecord.construction.com/yb/ar/article.aspx?story_id=161653800
Posted
7:10 PM
by Gene
![]() Is this not a definition of VAPID? Is this not a definition of PEOPLE WARNER? "WE JUST HIKED THE RATE BASE 200,000!!!!!" Mr. Bew-KES would scream. Hey buddy, where's your PEPÉ LE PEW AND MARVIN THE MARTIAN MOVEES? They look like co-stars!
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5:34 PM
by Gene
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5:09 PM
by Gene
In human years. In GOD years They haven't started.
Posted
3:54 PM
by Gene
![]() Study: Birds Change Their Tune When Nose Pollution Intrudes [SIC!] AHTSJournal ha cha cha!
Posted
9:15 AM
by Gene
Wait! Aren't all those NAZIS!!!!! like that?
Posted
9:09 AM
by Gene
Half a dozen of the other: GEN. LEAK TWOFACE. SHUT UP, ALL ONE OF YOU!
Posted
8:58 AM
by Gene
NO PROBLEM! Pfffffffffffffft! (Via The Daily Kaplan via Daily Intel) Monday, August 29, 2011
Posted
10:57 PM
by Gene
Before I finish, I’d like you to know that this isn’t the only shrine to Al Jolson. Eight thousand miles from here, nestled in the hills of Korea, is an outdoor amphitheater where our troops are entertained. This amphitheater is within a few miles of the disputed Thirty-eighth Parallel . . . and it is called the Al Jolson Bowl. To those boys eight thousand miles away who gather there every day, the memory of Al Jolson, as with us, will never die. We now know how far Hollywood came, how far it has since come, and why it can never come back. Cue the music again, Elmer.
Posted
9:22 PM
by Gene
![]() What is this spooky, disconcerting, unattractive building? It's the NEW! St. Jack of Valenti School of Communication at the University of Houston! (Actually, we learn this combines two buildings; the one devoted to the inventor of BOTULISM-TAINTED ALPHABET SOUP is on the right.) By the way, some hack's expression of grief over His tragic loss made it into a tribute video! Meaning... ![]() ANOTHER NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD TO PAUL! And Blathering Bradlee too!
Posted
9:06 PM
by Gene
Will the "new" Libya really be a sweet breath of Arab springtime air -- or just more of the same foul stench of corruption?
Posted
9:00 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:49 PM
by Gene
In the latest sign that Apple’s next iPhone will be just an incremental improvement, Taiwan’s DigiTimes reported Monday the next iPhone will feature a 3.5 to 3.7 inch touch panel, rather than the 4.2-inch screen that had long been rumored. “The sources pointed out that the upcoming iPhone will not have many differences compared to iPhone 4 in terms of components and the panel will still be less than 4-inch,” the trade paper reported. The mystery deepens when you add up all the other faddish — and expensive — features the next iPhone may not have. Quad-core processors will be coming to mobile devices this year. Not Apple’s iPhone, which will probably get the iPad’s dual core chip. Sprint and Verizon are both pushing phones that can use high-speed 4G wireless data connections. Apple may refrain: many analysts think the more efficient 4G wireless chips Apple wants won’t be ready in time for the next iPhone. So what will make the next iPhone different? Not software, Apple has already said the new iteration of its iOS software — and Apple’s new cloud services — will work fine on today’s iPhone’s and iPads. Here’s a possibility: Apple’s next iPhone will work on any wireless carrier — or none at all. The rot sets in! Pfffffffffffft!
Posted
8:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
8:23 PM
by Gene
We chatted with Rep. Anna Eshoo Monday on the day that the Silicon Valley Democrat officially announced her re-election campaign. But like many Democrats, during the recess she's been getting an earful of frustration from her constituents back home -- about Congress and about President Obama. Yes, even from Dems in one of the bluest parts of the country. "I would characterize it in the following way," Eshoo told me and Comrade Marinucci Monday: "They are very much looking for the person who ran. "He was transformational in terms of his vision. He was transformational in terms of his hope. He lifted people up. One of the great gifts of great leaders is that they do lift people up. These are very, very tough times for our country. "There is an element, an ingredient in leadership, that is about speaking not only to the mind, but to the hearts of people. He did that in his campaign. Now he's speaking to the mind, but not necessarily to the heart," Eshoo said. "He's highly cerebral. There were many journalists and editorial writers who said he has a 'presidential temperment,'" Eshoo said. "That was applauded when he was running. And now some people are saying that because he's 'No drama Obama,'that he's too cool. "I think in politics it's very important to mix your passion with your convictions. That's not partisan. It comes from a deep place. People are hungry for that and I think it is an essential ingredient for leadership." Audio-Animatronics. P. S. on 9/2/2011 at 8:05 p. m. I hadn't noticed that egregious canned laughter, meaning (along with annoying ESPNCORP NETWORK bug) this probably first aired on America's "Funniest" Home Videos -- presumably after ESPNCORP NETWORK management safely determined twenty people had been fired over the incident.
Posted
7:16 PM
by Gene
Sociologists, the intellectual versions of astrologists, had to hold their annual convention in VEGAS because they didn't want to CROSS PICKET LINES in Chicago, and so in addition to the abundant cheap local delicacies they feasted on ample SOLE: Sara Goldrick-Rab, associate professor of educational policy studies and sociology at the University of Wisconsin at Madison, emphatically agreed. “I found it hard to believe we sociologists would come to a place that clearly thrives on the exploitation of people’s financial and emotional insecurities,” she wrote in an e-mail. “The grotesque treatment of young women was visible and jarring.” But some of those in attendance weren’t complaining. “Who are you kidding?” said one young faculty member from a university outside the U.S., of those who said they were not enjoying the Vegas experience. “Go out, have fun, check out all the eye candy.” Perhaps not incidentally, this faculty member was male – as was the graduate student from a highly respected private institution who suggested that any dislike of or discomfort with Las Vegas was limited to the conference’s female attendees. Also male: the grad student from a California public who smilingly boasted of having slipped a small bribe to the man at the check-in desk in exchange for a room with a good view of the pools (and the bikini-clad women therein) – which view, he said, he found rather distracting as he sat in his room preparing his presentation. Oh, and should we mention the letters P and C? (And there was a little of the sociologists in Vegas, too -- at least at Caesars Palace. The hotel, like most of the Strip, seems more than comfortable with traditional gender roles, even charging men more than women for the use of its pools. But the ASA made its own adjustment, posting a large sign on a pair of restrooms in the conference area that declared them both to be unisex -- a move intended to provide support for transgender sociologists.) Unfortunately some noozpaper blogger or something proved he liked the taste too, as witness this delectable leather morsel: “People think they’re having fun here. But in fact they’re wandering through a maze of really inauthentic, fake landscapes.” First of all, you’re probably wandering into a dangerous maze yourself by telling people that when they think they’re having fun they’re not actually having fun. [*] Second, authentic, the dictionary says, means “not false or copied; genuine; real.” That’s the beauty of the Strip — there’s no place like it, so how can it be anything but authentic. It’s also totally honest about what it is, unlike the rest of the country.... As for dressing up and showing themselves to other people — uh, what? How does this make us different? A separate critique was equally ignorant — that Las Vegas isn’t sustainable. It’s easy to see the fountains on the Strip and feel the dry heat of the Mojave and presume we’re not sustainable. But as Robert Lang, director of Brookings-Mountain West, noted, we’re closer to our water source than any other city that relies on the Colorado River. [Links definitely added] Closer indeed! As this bozo proves, when Mike Royko and Mike Kelly died, they took the nooz biz with them. *Caveat: sociologists.
Posted
6:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:56 PM
by Gene
The Republicans want to "revive" the economy by throwing money at their friends. A PLAGUE O' BOTH YOUR HOUSES IN ALL YOUR HOUSES!
Posted
5:51 PM
by Gene
Greek Stocks Soar Most in More Than 20 Years There's probably a Greek joke here someplace, which would be the moral equivalent of a Polish joke.
Posted
5:46 PM
by Gene
And speaking of DENSE: “Until we know for sure, we’ve asked the industry to have a moratorium on production,” said Diane Duke, executive director of the Free Speech Coalition, a Canoga Park-based porn industry trade group. [Emphasis added] Right, Diane -- your free speech is someone else's FATAL ILLNESS.
Posted
5:37 PM
by Gene
Who'da thought? Sturdy Products.... Sure UB, sure. (Via I Want Media)
Posted
5:29 PM
by Gene
Which reminds us -- is Frank 'n' Igor's creature starting to resemble something from a fifties pinup? And we do NOT mean that flatteringly.
Posted
5:22 PM
by Gene
You know, one of the more peculiar aspects of television as it has evolved over the past decade is that just as it has become increasingly sophisticated it has simultaneously become increasingly vulgar and banal. So -- does that excuse the ge-NIUS? Or is the increasingly vulgar and banal so vulgar and banal as to more than wipe it out? Let us not forget the TWXSTERS' naked history lessons. Are they vulgar or banal or are they ge-NIUS because they're CRITICALLY-ACCLAIMED?
Posted
3:29 PM
by Gene
P. S. at 5:15 p. m. Then again, only FIVE MORE GEKKO KUDLOW FANTASY DAYS and you're talking $200 BILLION!
Posted
3:26 PM
by Gene
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3:10 PM
by Gene
It might help though if someone besides me read my blog. Sunday, August 28, 2011
Posted
9:02 PM
by Gene
In light of the MEDIA MIRACLE OF THE UNIVERSE being headquartered here, and because the alleged burglars "worked" for PEOPLE WARNER CABLE, NO COMMENT.
Posted
4:56 AM
by Gene
Posted
4:53 AM
by Gene
Staten Island Hotel reports that their basement is flooding. #Irene #nywx Horrors! Saturday, August 27, 2011
Posted
10:07 PM
by Gene
Though it doesn’t specifically survey for it, U.S. News also offers a kind of left-handed index of student satisfaction. Colleges report how many of their graduates contribute in a typical year. As we read “Best Colleges,” we were struck by how many grads don’t send their alma mater even a symbolic check. At Harvard, 63 percent give nothing at all. At Vanderbilt, 74 percent demur, as do 87 percent at UCLA. The non- donors are probably pleased to have degrees, but could quite a few have less than fond memories of their campus years? Or perhaps they feel that they already “gave” when they paid sky-high tuition bills? IDIOT MORT ZUCK HARVARD LL.M '62! (Revised with added CV! on 8/29/2011)
Posted
6:56 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:25 PM
by Gene
And I felt a sense of happiness, knowing venting my spleen on ROCK mu-SICK cri-TICS was thoroughly justified. I haven't seen their likes on GRATE.COM lately. I hope I never have to again. The firing of Jack Shafer makes that unlikely. ![]() And now, for a tinge of nostalgia and excellence to settle the stomach here again is someone other than WOMAN WITH THE BOOBS, singing something not concocted by Dr. Frankenstein and Igor.
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