Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

Friday, August 26, 2011

And the big story tonight on ACTION NEWS is...


JIM GARDNER is 63 (he looks 83 in HD -- must DO something about your PROFIT CENTER, UB IGER!) and he makes $100 million a year scaring people. In this age when news hacks should be trusted at best on a very greasy sliding scale, and the richer they are the less they should be trusted, too many people still believe this panicmaster. EVIDENCE: At the Dark Shadows and a couple of CVS's today everyone was buying BOTTLED WATER. I work for our city's Water Department. The likelihood of our water supply totally collapsing is infinitessimal. But Jim or some other ESPNCORP parasite must have mentioned in repeatedly on the three-hour news block (soon to become four since The Lord Goddess Oprah left), and now every Tom, Dick and Harriet's buying bottled water. Not to mention food for two weeks. The mirth-provoking irony is that the weather's supposed to be SUNNY AND NICE on Monday. But what good is sunny and nice weather if our community's totally destroyed????? Well, I'm not a meteorologist (NEITHER IS JIM, despite his connections to a now forgotten St. Jim -- and neither was HE), but I'm looking over the weather maps, and while this will be a bad storm we may avoid the end of the world. The problem, of course, is NOO YAWK, which has dozens of $100 MILLION EARNING JIM GARDNERS who must be hiding in their bunkers. We will excuse HONORARY MAYOR MIKE for excessive caution but for all His supposed media savvy he's at the panicmasters' beck and call too. We don't wish to put bets on it but we suspect after the EARTHQUAKE!!!!! this may not be the cataclysm of the millenium. We certainly hope not. But when Jim Gardners rule the world all bets must be off.

P. S. While MOVE HQ burned Jim played celebrity news. We will NEVER forgive him.

P. P. S. We do worry about the electricity, but we have more faith in Exelon than in ESPNCORP -- but if there MUST be blackouts let one strike at CITY LINE AND MONUMENT.

TV will be wall to wall...

for two days.

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