THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Saturday, February 07, 2004
WOW!!!!! So far Rep. Cowface Flipflop's THIRD in WASHINGTON!!!!!
What did they have for breakfast there? A vegan diet -- fruits and nuts?
What did they have for breakfast there? A vegan diet -- fruits and nuts?
An INSTASPIKE for some typing about ONE primary with
2,199 WORDS.
I've gotten EIGHT HITS in the last three days. What do I have to do to get more? Write 200,000 words?
2,199 WORDS.
I've gotten EIGHT HITS in the last three days. What do I have to do to get more? Write 200,000 words?
Ohio governor signs bill making state 38th to ban gay marriage
What shall we ever do? I guess we'll have to take the people's representatives to the COURTS.
What shall we ever do? I guess we'll have to take the people's representatives to the COURTS.
And ANDY S., congratulating himself for having alienated some of his readers, links to "a map" purporting to show blue country and red country read different books. I don't know what this proves besides someone's handy-dandy super-wizardry with a computer. Some idiots read knee-jerk hard-core deaf-dumb-and-blind liberal books, some idiots read knee-jerk hard-core deaf-dumb-and-blind conservative books. What would worry me is what non-political books these readers have in common -- and I'll bet most of them read Danielle King Grisham. Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
The problem is, Mr. Howard Stern Jr., THE MARKETPLACE ISN'T WORKING. It was THE MARKETPLACE that drove quality programming off the air in the first place, with a flood of advertising dollars tied to dubious audience-measurement schemes -- and even if you buy the notion that HBO provides quality programming, which is largely a thing of the NEWS HACK zeitgeist (and besides, once a TWXster, always a TWXster), what all its subscribers pay in one year -- $5 billion, perhaps? and your former fellow TWXsters have to divvy that up with the cable robber barons -- is a FRACTION of the $50 BILLION The American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers pays to keep junk on the air -- and we're not counting radio, awash in many more billions. And despite huge network audience declines in the last two decades, THE MONEY STILL FLOWS TO THE BIG FOUR as if nothing has happened. This is just the umpteenth version of the glibertarians' diversity schtick -- and 500 channels and nothing to watch is yet another function of a MARKETPLACE dominated by five or seven companies, and all those ad dollars.
And of course you misspell Newton Minow's name once. The more you do your TWXstering the more I think you're just a glibertarian Frank Rich who gets his inspiration trying to bring on a stroke in front of a mirror before typing. Go to daddy, little Howard, and cwy about your options. And sorry little Howie, the MARKETPLACE "worked" there too.
And of course you misspell Newton Minow's name once. The more you do your TWXstering the more I think you're just a glibertarian Frank Rich who gets his inspiration trying to bring on a stroke in front of a mirror before typing. Go to daddy, little Howard, and cwy about your options. And sorry little Howie, the MARKETPLACE "worked" there too.
I found ANOTHER AIN'T-IT-COOL-NEWS IDIOT!
“All night it will remind Grammy viewers, who are an antiestablishment lot, that this is not really their party....When the Grammys are at their hippest and best, they reward artists for daring to be social rebels. Now it’s outrageous for the Grammys to punish Janet Jackson for performing that same role on someone else’s stage. ... This just proves that the Grammys are really still the Grannies.”
Please, please, I want that job, honest I'll do everything I can to appease the powers that be, please, PLEASE -- I WANT THAT JOB!
“All night it will remind Grammy viewers, who are an antiestablishment lot, that this is not really their party....When the Grammys are at their hippest and best, they reward artists for daring to be social rebels. Now it’s outrageous for the Grammys to punish Janet Jackson for performing that same role on someone else’s stage. ... This just proves that the Grammys are really still the Grannies.”
Please, please, I want that job, honest I'll do everything I can to appease the powers that be, please, PLEASE -- I WANT THAT JOB!
Governor Calls for U.S. Probe of Folsom, Boosts Prison Oversight
The governor? Johnny Cash could have called for one.
The governor? Johnny Cash could have called for one.
We could blame this one too on SUMNER, I guess, but it probably would have happened anyway, this being ultra-sensitive, ultra-PC, ultra-squooshy EH?land.
"There are no goals that can justify terrorism an [sic] the murder of peaceful civilians."
Pardon us, dear mufti, while we chortle.
Pardon us, dear mufti, while we chortle.
Another, lesser known bad side of the recent "historic" SUPER UNBORE -- this taking place at a university; but then we don't expect universities to be able to control their tiny charges.
Scribble scribble scribble, ka-CHING ka-CHING ka-CHING, what an awful, AWFUL life it is being a ghost for a CEO. One pities all the backscratching these people must do, all the fancy meals, all the fine wines -- it makes me sick just contemplating it.
Friday, February 06, 2004
[N]ew laws governing TV content are virtually inevitable.
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT -- YOURS AND THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.
And a visit to the evil NAB's Web site reveals a dearth of opinion. I guess you can't open your mouth much when the members may get fined.
AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT -- YOURS AND THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.
And a visit to the evil NAB's Web site reveals a dearth of opinion. I guess you can't open your mouth much when the members may get fined.
The newest kind of outcast: the ad-blurb copywriter who pans CGI Tolkien.
Alas, one of his critics has a point -- sort of:
"You praise all the stupid movies either nobody's heard of or were really dumb and boring, then give bad reviews to all of the popular, well-liked, box office hits...."
Ah, so he's not an outcast.
Alas, one of his critics has a point -- sort of:
"You praise all the stupid movies either nobody's heard of or were really dumb and boring, then give bad reviews to all of the popular, well-liked, box office hits...."
Ah, so he's not an outcast.
So much for SUMNER'S STUNT RIPPING UP SALES RECORDS.
Keep in mind though, we are talking one of the DUMBEST constituencies: music buyers. And I say that as part of the constituency.
Keep in mind though, we are talking one of the DUMBEST constituencies: music buyers. And I say that as part of the constituency.
Forbes.com's latest egregious Quote of the Day -- and in this case, no fault of the quoted:
When my enemies stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."
-Maria Callas
It is one thing to be one of the great opera stars of all time, especially a tragic figure like La Divina. It is another to be, say, a SUMNER, or a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!! They THRIVE on hissing. When the hissing stops, that means these two cretins will be dead, or they've finally done a good job. Neither is imaginable.
When my enemies stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."
-Maria Callas
It is one thing to be one of the great opera stars of all time, especially a tragic figure like La Divina. It is another to be, say, a SUMNER, or a RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!! They THRIVE on hissing. When the hissing stops, that means these two cretins will be dead, or they've finally done a good job. Neither is imaginable.
Talk about timing. Executives, producers and sundry others who work for News Corp. and 20th Century Fox gathered on the Fox lot Thursday afternoon for a seminar on the content of television and films and where the line should be drawn on sex, violence and salty language.
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
That infernal DWEEB BRENT was there too.
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
That infernal DWEEB BRENT was there too.
Who can we thank for SUMNER'S STUNT: The merge-merge-merge crowd -- and JIMMY CARTER!
OR:
"They can try and shift the blame over what happened to Justin Timberlake or Janet Jackson but the real culprit here was Viacom. And Michael Powell is a co-conspirator."
OR:
"They can try and shift the blame over what happened to Justin Timberlake or Janet Jackson but the real culprit here was Viacom. And Michael Powell is a co-conspirator."
You have to wonder -- but for GE Bancorp and the CEOs who will say en masse, "I WAS AT THE OLYMPICS AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!", are THE GAMES still worth staging?
How well put: "Saddam was a weapon of mass destruction."
The real outrage is instead that at a time of one of most important developments of the last half-century, when this country is waging a war to the death against radical Islamic fascism and attempting to bring democracy to an autocratic wasteland, we hear instead daily about some mythical rogue CIA agent who supposedly faked evidence, Martha Stewart's courtroom shoes, Michael Jackson's purported perversion, and Scott Peterson's most recent alibi. Amazing.
By the way, you still think RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is conservative, Brent?
The real outrage is instead that at a time of one of most important developments of the last half-century, when this country is waging a war to the death against radical Islamic fascism and attempting to bring democracy to an autocratic wasteland, we hear instead daily about some mythical rogue CIA agent who supposedly faked evidence, Martha Stewart's courtroom shoes, Michael Jackson's purported perversion, and Scott Peterson's most recent alibi. Amazing.
By the way, you still think RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is conservative, Brent?
While I hope the Christian Science Monitor's Web site won't go subscription, the "Mother Church's" leaders have only themselves to blame, first by trying to become a multimedia powerhouse, with disastrous results; and second, by running a QUACK-HEALING "CHURCH."
THE MAN WHO MADE SUMNER GREAT calls pundits "bloviators."
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Still waiting for that call from JACK?
Pffh-hh-hh-hh-hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Still waiting for that call from JACK?
You're right Buzz, these people who obsess over SUMNER'S STUNT are LOW-IQ HYPOCRITICAL SEX-STARVED FUNDAMENTALIST PRUDES!!!!!!!!!!
Or as your DEAR friend Dick "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss said, GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!!!!!!
Or as your DEAR friend Dick "ADVERTISEMENT" Corliss said, GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE!!!!!!!!!!
As I approached Mr. Knight I placed my hand on his shoulder, kidded him about eating healthy, and stated that most of us only hear the negatives, it is important that sometimes someone remembers to express the positives.
I expressed the same sentiment that I did with Gerald Myers that despite some tough losses I especially wanted to commend him on how he handled the last few weeks and in particular the student section at the University of Texas game.
His demeanor and habitus* changed drastically. With a red face his response was curt and angry as he responded, "I ALWAYS HANDLE THINGS WELL, AND HAVE ALWAYS HANDLED THINGS WELL!!!!!"
Still, I took it -- like a...male mouse.
*Courageous college chancellor talk. The American Heritage Dictionary defines "habitus" as "The physical and constitutional characteristics of an individual, especially as related to the tendency to develop a certain disease." [Emphasis added.]
I expressed the same sentiment that I did with Gerald Myers that despite some tough losses I especially wanted to commend him on how he handled the last few weeks and in particular the student section at the University of Texas game.
His demeanor and habitus* changed drastically. With a red face his response was curt and angry as he responded, "I ALWAYS HANDLE THINGS WELL, AND HAVE ALWAYS HANDLED THINGS WELL!!!!!"
Still, I took it -- like a...male mouse.
*Courageous college chancellor talk. The American Heritage Dictionary defines "habitus" as "The physical and constitutional characteristics of an individual, especially as related to the tendency to develop a certain disease." [Emphasis added.]
The dweeb who founded BozellNews continues to think RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is conservative.
ANDY S. was a little more shrewd: he invented the vacuous term SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN to describe social liberals who vote GOP.
Sorry guys, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would be a COMMUNIST if it paid. (He once was, you know.)
ANDY S. was a little more shrewd: he invented the vacuous term SOUTH PARK REPUBLICAN to describe social liberals who vote GOP.
Sorry guys, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! would be a COMMUNIST if it paid. (He once was, you know.)
Bob McNamara at Berzerkley: "I'll have you know I was one of the first to protest this unjust war!"
Go to hell, Bob, where you belong.
Go to hell, Bob, where you belong.
Another facet of Rendellism is putting record stores at prominent intersections. "Record stores will be a key to economic growth!" I can hear ol' Eddie saying. "Record stores will allow us to bring more visitors and hotels to this city, which will allow us to employ more maids and janitors and bellhops and dishwashers and...." WELL, EDDIE put a TOWER RECORDS store on the southwest corner of Broad and Chestnut not too long ago, and GUESS WHAT? The company's about to file for bankruptcy. NICE GOING, EDDIE!
"IDIOT!!!!!"
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH DA DUT DUT!
AND....
During another hissy fit, the domestic diva threatened to drop her Merrill Lynch broker Peter Bacanovic because she hated the company's phone music when she was put on hold.
Hey Martha, we don't like it either.
AND....
"Martha yelled at me again today but I snapped in her face and she actually backed down. Baby put Ms. Martha in her place!!!"
We're putting her in her place, all right.
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH DA DUT DUT!
AND....
During another hissy fit, the domestic diva threatened to drop her Merrill Lynch broker Peter Bacanovic because she hated the company's phone music when she was put on hold.
Hey Martha, we don't like it either.
AND....
"Martha yelled at me again today but I snapped in her face and she actually backed down. Baby put Ms. Martha in her place!!!"
We're putting her in her place, all right.
Thursday, February 05, 2004
We're in a pretty pickle here in Philadelphia: either we give tax breaks for mammoth office buildings, or we give tax breaks to big businesses to keep them in town, knowing others have tax breaks of their own. Whichever way you slice it, the little guy loses.
I HATE BIG BUSINESS!!!!!
I HATE BIG BUSINESS!!!!!
Sorry, BUZZ T. NEWHOUSE, it isn't just PRUDES who were offended.
And BUZZ, you're mad that you weren't invited (as the founder of EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!, no less!) and the shares aren't $90 anymore.
If there's any consolation, BUZZ, neither was the TWX poet-laureate Gerry. (Or as you no doubt said in a happier -- time, "Oh yes, Mr. Levin! We owe it all to you, Mr. Levin! You're one of the great businessmen of the century, Mr. Levin! You ought to be on MT. RUSHMORE, Mr. Levin!")
And BUZZ, you're mad that you weren't invited (as the founder of EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!, no less!) and the shares aren't $90 anymore.
If there's any consolation, BUZZ, neither was the TWX poet-laureate Gerry. (Or as you no doubt said in a happier -- time, "Oh yes, Mr. Levin! We owe it all to you, Mr. Levin! You're one of the great businessmen of the century, Mr. Levin! You ought to be on MT. RUSHMORE, Mr. Levin!")
Who needs PROFESSIONAL COLLEGE FOOTBALL when you have PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL?
You're just skipping the middlemen, and the greedy alumni. Besides, the players go to college only to study NFL.
Looks like we have some PHEE-noms on the way.
You're just skipping the middlemen, and the greedy alumni. Besides, the players go to college only to study NFL.
Looks like we have some PHEE-noms on the way.
If this BS is true David Stern will preside over the break-up of EisnerCorp. That is, if he doesn't crumple under the raging bad breath of HARVEY WHINER first.
OH oh, not only did VIACON do it, the super-insider Nikki Finke is demanding LES MOONVES RESIGN.
This incident could shake VIACON down to its core, if the rot's set in enough.
This incident could shake VIACON down to its core, if the rot's set in enough.
OOOOOOOOOooooooooooooh, people who name their children "2.0" are getting MAD!!!!!
Of course, computers should NEVER have been put in the hands of stupid people -- which, judging from recent events, is about 98% of the population.
Of course, computers should NEVER have been put in the hands of stupid people -- which, judging from recent events, is about 98% of the population.
I'll say this much: TWX may be a tower of babble, but that babble sure will occupy some towers.
SCALIA WAS CHENEY HUNT TRIP GUEST; ETHICS CONCERN GROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THESE TWO EVIL MEN SHOULD BE EXECUTED FOR HAVING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST!!!!!
But then if we worked by that standard DC would be a GHOST TOWN.
I'm sure we could find a conflict of interest you like -- especially if it involves TRIBUNE COMPANY.
This is why people are rolling their eyeballs at the mention of SUMNER'S STUNT.
THESE TWO EVIL MEN SHOULD BE EXECUTED FOR HAVING A CONFLICT OF INTEREST!!!!!
But then if we worked by that standard DC would be a GHOST TOWN.
I'm sure we could find a conflict of interest you like -- especially if it involves TRIBUNE COMPANY.
This is why people are rolling their eyeballs at the mention of SUMNER'S STUNT.
Given all the talk of tape delays, I'd say the cement-heads in TV have finally come to the conclusion we plebeians reached long ago: you can't trust entertainers.
Wednesday, February 04, 2004
Hey PROF, I've been calling this jackass SLEAZEBALL GUMBO since long before you heard of him -- which was probably just after THE MICK posted this.
But then I don't get six quintillion hits every millisecond nor am I contemplating an IPO.
But then I don't get six quintillion hits every millisecond nor am I contemplating an IPO.
Now the glibertarians are saying "it's an election year." But then techies aren't glibertarians -- are they?
With all their bugs they're hardly glib.
With all their bugs they're hardly glib.
Meantime LEGENDARY WELCH gets to dictate a second set of "memoirs" -- to his FIANCÉE!
He's also getting a pay cut. PFFH-HH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
He's also getting a pay cut. PFFH-HH-HH-HH-HH!!!!!
Just what we need, John "Mr. Liberal Bias of the Right" Stossel: TWO NO-SPIN SPIN ZONES!
Rosie's put her "memoirs" on hold, presumably to help defend Martha.
This will drive the hard-core knee-jerk LARRY KUDLOW Buttman Institute DOW 36,000 FREE-ENTERPRISE CONSERVATIVES NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: The liberal gadfly Ben Bagdikian now claims five companies effectively rule media in America.
What did you expect with such diversity of -- outlets?
What did you expect with such diversity of -- outlets?
Now Buzz T. Newhouse says the Web's coverage of this PSYCHOTIC OBSESSION OF LOW-IQ HYPOCRITICAL SEX-STARVED FUNDAMENTALIST PRUDES is THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE.
Did your TWX stock go up yesterday?
Did your TWX stock go up yesterday?
The bad news: WashingtonPost.com will now require registration. The good news: its revenues went up substantially, meaning free news sites can rake in money.
SLEAZEBALL GUMBO WANTS A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That bleeding ulcer no doubt came from thinking of all the ZILLIONS he's passed up -- UNTIL NOW.
That bleeding ulcer no doubt came from thinking of all the ZILLIONS he's passed up -- UNTIL NOW.
Does this mean it's now politically correct to criticize SUMNER'S STUNT?
First rap, now this. What's going on with Spike Lee? Whatever it is, please Spike, keep it up.
First rap, now this. What's going on with Spike Lee? Whatever it is, please Spike, keep it up.
Here's a showdown: Ex-Congressman PSYCHO! of California (not to be confused with Gov. PSYCHO!) challenges a pro-jihadist (so he and DAVID HOROWITZ!!!!!!!! claim) for his House seat.
May the worst man win.
May the worst man win.
If, say, 244 people had been killed at the Vatican in Holy Week, do you think that we would have moved on from the story by now?
Which is what I said three days ago, only I don't get 200 quadrillion hits a minute.
Which is what I said three days ago, only I don't get 200 quadrillion hits a minute.
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
Here's MY candidate:
You talking about you, Bill? I didn't know white meat had eyes.
You talking about you, Bill? I didn't know white meat had eyes.
H-h-h-h-h-he g-g-g-g-g-g-g-got a-a-a-w-w-w-w-w-way w-w-with i-i-i-i-i-it.
Goooooooooo RED RAIDERS! You too, CHANCELLOR!
Goooooooooo RED RAIDERS! You too, CHANCELLOR!
Frankly, ROG, I think we should take the WHOLE BOATLOAD from SUMNER'S STUNT and send them to the South Pole, to do drugs, and curse Jews.
You're right ROG, "Blowin' in the Wind" it ain't. It just BLOWS.
You're right ROG, "Blowin' in the Wind" it ain't. It just BLOWS.
I guess it's cute that pop tunes are sneaking into England's Sunday-only social clubs, but if the Catholic Church teaches us anything, it's that once pop tunes get into the service, they shove out everything else.
A new Web irritant: A @#$%&* BEEPING AD for X-10 on Weather.com. It's enough to make you want to tear out your sound card -- or your ears.
The nice thing about people who CALL FOR ACTION ON HOMELESSNESS is that (in the manner beloved of Beltway lobbyist-liars) they take pains not to distinguish between two different sorts: families in poverty or down on their luck, who may have trouble keeping decent housing, and the nutcases and druggies who sleep on our streets, most of whom need hospitalization. But no, they become six of one, half-a-dozen of the other, and thus two different classes get pitted against each other, and no one gets help, save the lobbyists and the government-parasite employers.
Further proof VIACON DID IT. Those idiot advertisers are licking their chops. I'll bet a THIRTY's going for a lot more now than it would have. Those FRAUDS SUMNER and ZONNNNNNN PLANNED THIS.
Hey SUMNER! If you're so worried about AMERICA'S MORALS why not put the whole show on tape and air it the following week? You may need that long for all the editing.
Hey SUMNER! If you're so worried about AMERICA'S MORALS why not put the whole show on tape and air it the following week? You may need that long for all the editing.
On the day where just seven states will ordain the Democratic presidential frontrunner or perhaps even the nominee, over 129,000 i-voters proclaim Howard Dean the Official Internet Primary winner with nearly 20 percent of the i-vote.
Just one problem: PEOPLE CAN'T VOTE ON THE INTERNET.
Just one problem: PEOPLE CAN'T VOTE ON THE INTERNET.
General Motors, Chrysler Sales Gains Trail Toyota, Nissan; Ford Sales Drop
Translation: The Clunker Brothers sell penises and soap bars. The Japanese makers sell quality cars. PERIOD.
Translation: The Clunker Brothers sell penises and soap bars. The Japanese makers sell quality cars. PERIOD.
More crafty propaganda from CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges:
U.S. TROOPS DYING AT RATE OF OVER 1 A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yawn, just another way to say
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
U.S. TROOPS DYING AT RATE OF OVER 1 A DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yawn, just another way to say
QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWX INTERNET SERVICE wants its money back.
Can I get mine back for over three years of rotten connections?
Can I get mine back for over three years of rotten connections?
PROF's co-production did what I think was supposed to be satire, what I know he thinks was satire, ripping satire, but sadly was the kind of automatic typing I associate with news hacks, which has a way of being especially arch when it aspires to satire. OKAY BLEAT, you can go back to sleep -- er, BLOGGING.
The Fogmaster of Foggy Bottom sorta kinda apologizes for the war. Or maybe he doesn't.
You listen to the Beeb too, GENERAL?
(NOTE of CONFESSION: Upon further review I edited this and toned down the UPPER-CASE since the original post as the Fogmaster did say some good things about the war. Some.)
You listen to the Beeb too, GENERAL?
(NOTE of CONFESSION: Upon further review I edited this and toned down the UPPER-CASE since the original post as the Fogmaster did say some good things about the war. Some.)
To those who still think the SUPER BORE important -- and especially to those CEOs who had a BOBBY moment yesterday screaming, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!!!!!!" -- today it's as dead as yesterday's confetti.
Knight reportedly screams at chancellor
A-a-a-a-a-a-and g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gets a-a-a-w-w-w-w-w-way w-w-with i-i-i-i-i-it.
Winning isn't everything -- IT'S THE ONLY THING!
A-a-a-a-a-a-and g-g-g-g-g-g-g-gets a-a-a-w-w-w-w-w-way w-w-with i-i-i-i-i-it.
Winning isn't everything -- IT'S THE ONLY THING!
PROF puts on his swami's cap and ululates:
RICIN in the Senate Mailroom? These early reports usually don't pan out.
How much d'ya think the IPO will bring in, PROF?
RICIN in the Senate Mailroom? These early reports usually don't pan out.
How much d'ya think the IPO will bring in, PROF?
Shucks, if only such a voice of LOGIC and REASON could be elected president; alas, the voice of LOGIC and REASON appears to have a slight case of -- the WILLIES.
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Buzz T. Newhouse! We've found YOUR candidate!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Buzz T. Newhouse! We've found YOUR candidate!
Two things are certain as usual: The FBI will fumble and bumble, and the venal lobbyists will now have exclusive use of Capitol Hill. Doesn't anyone believe such incidents affect the pieces of -- LEGISLATION these clowns visit on us?
Monday, February 02, 2004
Gregg Easterbrook writes that
[P]eople and institutions can be divided into three fundamental groupings. They are:
1. Those who deny that they make mistakes.
2. Those who occasionally make mistakes, and admit them.
3. Those who constantly make mistakes.
Put me down for number 3.
[P]eople and institutions can be divided into three fundamental groupings. They are:
1. Those who deny that they make mistakes.
2. Those who occasionally make mistakes, and admit them.
3. Those who constantly make mistakes.
Put me down for number 3.
A Kinsley.com hack has a most interesting take on HDTV, which he buries under typical Michael-schtick -- to wit: HDTV could kill some careers.
And a big demerit for essentially cribbing the piece from Television Week.
And a big demerit for essentially cribbing the piece from Television Week.
I see LEGENDARY C. DAVIS, the MEL KARMAZONNNNNNNNNN of BAD MUSIC, has gotten a big promotion, which means he can erase all the master tapes and melt down all the master discs of any music recorded before 1980, and everything classical and jazz, or do the marketing equivalent thereof, ELVIS excepted.
It HURTS: VIACON NETWORK'S "apology" and VIACON MUSIC CHANNEL'S "apology" appear on VIACON'S WEB SITE.
IDIOTS.
But in the only news that counts, VIACON'S STOCK WAS UP TODAY.
IDIOTS.
But in the only news that counts, VIACON'S STOCK WAS UP TODAY.
And what is especially embarrassing about all this is, we'll look back at all these hot words, and cringe that we wasted so much time on nothing, much as we did when Princess Di died -- but then the SUPER BORE is the Seinfeld of sport, and the comedy is unintentional.
And VIACON MUSIC CHANNEL, which earlier boasted about its own PUBLICITY STUNT, has erased any positive mention of it from ITS Web site.
And no thanks to you, Buzz T. Newhouse. Once an organization man, always an organization man.
And no thanks to you, Buzz T. Newhouse. Once an organization man, always an organization man.
Now Commissioner Tagliafool has belched. He knows VIACON's PUBLICITY STUNT took away from his game. Not that SUMNER has a monopoly on ATTITUDE and SLEAZE.
I can think of one other possible punishment -- taking away management of the SUPER BORE's Web site from VIACON and Sportsline.
Sorry Fool, THIS SUPER UNBORE WAS A PR DISASTER.
I can think of one other possible punishment -- taking away management of the SUPER BORE's Web site from VIACON and Sportsline.
Sorry Fool, THIS SUPER UNBORE WAS A PR DISASTER.
Here is why I'm so angry at VIACON's PREMEDITATED PUBLICITY STUNT:
1. VIACON did it;
2. VIACON did it on purpose;
3. VIACON did it with the support and encouragement of the SPONSORS, who were airing smut of their own -- remember the backslapping antics of Boston Beer's Jim Koch? -- and when it comes to advertising, VIACON leaves NOTHING to chance;
4. VIACON, like CHEAP CHANNEL, is run by cowboys who think they can get away with ANYTHING, who work in an insular chest-thumping hard-sell-marketing culture that encourages sticking the finger in the public's eye, and who are willing to take nominal losses -- a ten-cent fine here, the contract to produce the SUPER BORE's half-time show with the NFL there -- if they can do themselves the greater good of increased ad sales, which with the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers are automatic;
5. And what is worst, VIACON's limitless chicanery guarantees that a sleazy publicity stunt, that should have melted away with this latest sports "classic," will endure in the press for weeks, becoming every bit as irritating as the WACKO story, or the KOBE story, and affording limitless opportunities for NEWS HACKS to insult our intelligence.
1. VIACON did it;
2. VIACON did it on purpose;
3. VIACON did it with the support and encouragement of the SPONSORS, who were airing smut of their own -- remember the backslapping antics of Boston Beer's Jim Koch? -- and when it comes to advertising, VIACON leaves NOTHING to chance;
4. VIACON, like CHEAP CHANNEL, is run by cowboys who think they can get away with ANYTHING, who work in an insular chest-thumping hard-sell-marketing culture that encourages sticking the finger in the public's eye, and who are willing to take nominal losses -- a ten-cent fine here, the contract to produce the SUPER BORE's half-time show with the NFL there -- if they can do themselves the greater good of increased ad sales, which with the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers are automatic;
5. And what is worst, VIACON's limitless chicanery guarantees that a sleazy publicity stunt, that should have melted away with this latest sports "classic," will endure in the press for weeks, becoming every bit as irritating as the WACKO story, or the KOBE story, and affording limitless opportunities for NEWS HACKS to insult our intelligence.
Bush Wants Steady Increases in Military Spending
The problem is, he wants steadier increases in entitlements. (CAVEAT: This writer works for the Buttman Institute.)
The problem is, he wants steadier increases in entitlements. (CAVEAT: This writer works for the Buttman Institute.)
OH oh, LOOKS LIKE VIACON'S PREMEDITATED PUBLICITY STUNT HAS REACHED THE FCC's EARS!
Time to get out the ear plugs, GENERAL JR.!
Time to get out the ear plugs, GENERAL JR.!
And in more VIACON news, some idiot actually got fired for selling a new kind of real-estate ad on one of the company's 6,000 TV stations.
Fired? This dimwit should have been PROMOTED!
ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
Fired? This dimwit should have been PROMOTED!
ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
The Washington Post's former OMBUDSPOOP throws a big WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! because Brit practices ideologically overt journalism, as opposed to the ideologically covert kind, which is always better.
BUT THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT THE "I-WAS-AT-THE-SUPER-BOWL-AND-YOU-WEREN'T!!!!!" $2.3 MILLION-A-THIRTY CROWD WANTED!
And forget that $2.3 million gag. I'll say it again: factor in the super-expensive commercial production, and the marketing, and the costs of shipping CEOs to Houston for a mammoth exercise in one-upmanship, and I'll bet the total cost of a thirty comes to three or four times that. If I were a shareholder I'd be looking to scalp people.
OR:
[W]hat a sublime metaphor for the audience’s relationship with the current world of network advertising: a nagging wife hollering in a poor man’s ear, while he sits impassively, utterly tuned out.
And forget that $2.3 million gag. I'll say it again: factor in the super-expensive commercial production, and the marketing, and the costs of shipping CEOs to Houston for a mammoth exercise in one-upmanship, and I'll bet the total cost of a thirty comes to three or four times that. If I were a shareholder I'd be looking to scalp people.
OR:
[W]hat a sublime metaphor for the audience’s relationship with the current world of network advertising: a nagging wife hollering in a poor man’s ear, while he sits impassively, utterly tuned out.
Pakistani Admits Selling Nuclear Secrets - Military
Does this means he gets 72 virgins for every person killed with his secrets?
Does this means he gets 72 virgins for every person killed with his secrets?
BUT THIS IS PRECISELY WHAT THE "I-WAS-AT-THE-SUPER-BOWL-AND-YOU-WEREN'T!!!!!' $2.3 MILLION-A-THIRTY CROWD WANTED!
How apt that a season that began with OFFENSE on the Mall ends with OFFENSE in Houston.
VIACON DOES IT AGAIN!
AND NATCH, IT WAS ANOTHER PREMEDITATED PUBLICITY STUNT.
Figures: IT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY -- TWX INTERNET SERVICE. "WE'VE LOST MORE CUSTOMERS THAN OTHER ISPs HAVE!®"
How apt that a season that began with OFFENSE on the Mall ends with OFFENSE in Houston.
VIACON DOES IT AGAIN!
AND NATCH, IT WAS ANOTHER PREMEDITATED PUBLICITY STUNT.
Figures: IT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY -- TWX INTERNET SERVICE. "WE'VE LOST MORE CUSTOMERS THAN OTHER ISPs HAVE!®"
Sunday, February 01, 2004
Tee-vee-hee-hee: all the people who've splurged on plasma TVs are in for a couple of pleasant surprises:
1. "'You will see an increase in your electric bill.'" (Or as the wives of many hard-core sports fans will say, @#$%&*!!!!!)
2. "[I]mages can become burned in to plasma screens" -- especially those creepy crawly BUGS.
You get what you pay for.
1. "'You will see an increase in your electric bill.'" (Or as the wives of many hard-core sports fans will say, @#$%&*!!!!!)
2. "[I]mages can become burned in to plasma screens" -- especially those creepy crawly BUGS.
You get what you pay for.
Mark Steyn seems to be one of the very few writers to realize if our culture isn't in a terminal phase, it's acting it. Or in these memorable words, in a sad review of what may well be Neil Simon's last play -- and you must read the whole review to get its true gist:
[I]f you had Simon’s past, would you be so eager to move on? Sid Caesar telling your jokes. Frank Sinatra singing the song for your first movie. Gwen Verdon dancing in your musical. Neal Hefti scoring the theme for your hit TV show. Punching up the gags for what became the longest-running show on Broadway. It’s not that it’s over for you, it’s that it’s over for everyone—no theater writer will have the opportunity to be that prolific again.
Well, there is one hope, Mark. We have prolific rappers. BLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
[I]f you had Simon’s past, would you be so eager to move on? Sid Caesar telling your jokes. Frank Sinatra singing the song for your first movie. Gwen Verdon dancing in your musical. Neal Hefti scoring the theme for your hit TV show. Punching up the gags for what became the longest-running show on Broadway. It’s not that it’s over for you, it’s that it’s over for everyone—no theater writer will have the opportunity to be that prolific again.
Well, there is one hope, Mark. We have prolific rappers. BLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
This is the last time I make this point, but how many six- and seven-digit NEWS HACKS are credentialed for the SUPER BORE? (This story says 3,000, which sounds low.) How many journalists (a term I reserve for, say, Ernie Pyle) slogged through the Mideast, and South Asia, and the depth and breadth of the Muslim world, to research fundamentalist Islam and Osama bin Laden, to assure our day of reckoning would not happen? NEWS HACKS can wail until Hell freezes over about how many of their colleagues died in Iraq, but when was the last time a reporter put himself in danger of life and limb pursuing the truth (as opposed to transcribing a story, which is definitely not the same thing)? How many today will kvetch about the hotel and the parking and the food and the press center?
Sorry, executive editor of the AP (who's probably in Houston "supervising" her wire service's logorrhea), NEWS HACKS DESERVE ALL THE CRITICISM THEY CAN GET.
Sorry, executive editor of the AP (who's probably in Houston "supervising" her wire service's logorrhea), NEWS HACKS DESERVE ALL THE CRITICISM THEY CAN GET.
Oh, Dippity-Do Botox® knows Johnny Chung. Had to put it in there so people didn't think we were THAT biased.
We'll find the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Dubya's sources of cash NEXT week.
Who says a "GREAT" editor can't play politics?
We'll find the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Dubya's sources of cash NEXT week.
Who says a "GREAT" editor can't play politics?
Which is louder: Wal-Mart's CEO, or a kazillion-dollar company that's "destroying small-town America, driving down wages and shipping jobs to foreign sweat shops"?
Wal-Mart's spitting into a gale of its own blowing.
P. S. Back in June one of Kinsley.com's dimmer hacks likened Wal-Mart to GM. How true -- especially in its bust-the-transit-companies phase, or its Unsafe at Any Speed phase. How true.
Wal-Mart's spitting into a gale of its own blowing.
P. S. Back in June one of Kinsley.com's dimmer hacks likened Wal-Mart to GM. How true -- especially in its bust-the-transit-companies phase, or its Unsafe at Any Speed phase. How true.
The ZEITGEIST -- with a VENGEANCE!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT WENT WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WAS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN ALIVE, SITTING ATOP A MASSIVE STOCKPILE OF DEADLY WEAPONS!!!!! THE ONLY WAY TO END THE GATHERING THREAT WAS TO TAKE SADDAM OUT—AND FAST. ONLY—THERE WASN'T ANY WMD!!!!!!!!!!! THE FATEFUL FICTIONS THAT LED TO WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEWSWEEK POLL: ‘I LOVE NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
AS KERRY WIDENS HIS LEAD OVER HIS FELLOW DEMS, BUSH’S APPROVAL RATINGS DROP TO AN ALL-TIME LOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLIFT: BUSH'S WAR RECORD DOES MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bias? WHAT bias?
WHAT WENT WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE WAS THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN ALIVE, SITTING ATOP A MASSIVE STOCKPILE OF DEADLY WEAPONS!!!!! THE ONLY WAY TO END THE GATHERING THREAT WAS TO TAKE SADDAM OUT—AND FAST. ONLY—THERE WASN'T ANY WMD!!!!!!!!!!! THE FATEFUL FICTIONS THAT LED TO WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEWSWEEK POLL: ‘I LOVE NEW HAMPSHIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
AS KERRY WIDENS HIS LEAD OVER HIS FELLOW DEMS, BUSH’S APPROVAL RATINGS DROP TO AN ALL-TIME LOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CLIFT: BUSH'S WAR RECORD DOES MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bias? WHAT bias?
And speaking of MORONS, here's a list of the companies that are flushing many millions down the toilet so their CEOs can say, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!" While a few of these companies would always advertise at this apex of BOREDOM, having traditionally been heavy sponsors of TV sports (Anheuser-Busch, Gillette), for most marketers this merely represents an excuse to waste money -- not only the money thrown out on the air time, but the money thrown out making the gee-whiz ads, the money thrown out backing up the gee-whiz ads with various merchandising ploys, plus the money thrown out on showing off at the venue, plus the money thrown out on sending the high-mucky mucks to the game so they can say, "I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!" No one ever mentions this multiplier effect, but it's there, just as sure as, no matter how boring the game or how much they sit on their hands or how fervently they rush from their hermetically-sealed luxury boxes to escape the HALFTIME SHOW they've financed, a select few CEOs will say tomorrow morning,
"I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!"
"I WAS AT THE SUPER BOWL AND YOU WEREN'T!!!!!"
America has decided it can live with mass murder one or two at a time -- so long as it stays in one place, out of sight. This is as great a moral outrage as unlimited abortion, and we don't even care.
OR (in Chicago):
JE$$E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REV. $$$$$HARPTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OR (in Chicago):
JE$$E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REV. $$$$$HARPTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The gray-goo crowd is pulling a JACK!- (or Whorvis-)worthy lobbying campaign to try to get people to accept it. This is what I love about science: it can be like a loaded Rube Goldberg-designed gun with a remote-control finger on the trigger -- and the target is you.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have used that term, and I don't want to be one of the scaredy-cats, but we're not talking pollution, we're talking loads of variables that may dart beyond our control. And yes, science gave us neat things like computers and vaccines. It also gave us the atom bomb and Zyklon B.
Okay, maybe I shouldn't have used that term, and I don't want to be one of the scaredy-cats, but we're not talking pollution, we're talking loads of variables that may dart beyond our control. And yes, science gave us neat things like computers and vaccines. It also gave us the atom bomb and Zyklon B.
PSYCHO spent most of his campaign budget!
Hey PSYCH! Maybe if you'd spent all of it you'd have finished fourth! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Hey PSYCH! Maybe if you'd spent all of it you'd have finished fourth! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
A juxtaposition on THE MESS:
'Survivior All-Stars' physically demanding
Alex Trebek escapes injury in car crash
Really, it wasn't that bad.
'Survivior All-Stars' physically demanding
Alex Trebek escapes injury in car crash
Really, it wasn't that bad.
If 244 people died in a Western religious observance there'd be screams and cries for an investigation. Over 2,000 have died in "stampedes" during the Hajj in the last fifteen years, and no one has minded, and though this report is typically CNN-clear it appears the ritual activities resumed right after the stampede. Between this and suicide attacks life does seem cheap in Islam.