Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

If the CHICKENS don't want us to defend their interests, let THEM do it themselves.

Youll hear a lot of cackling at the first disaster.

Posted 4:45 PM by Gene

Alas, THE CONSPIRACY finds ANOTHER CASH-FLOWING FOUNTAIN FOR ROTTEN MOVIES.

Posted 12:58 PM by Gene

Dubya should not have done that crass routine on the aircraft carrier if for no other reason than it might elicit NYAH-NYAH-NYAH-NYAAAAAAAAH-NYAAAAAAAAAAAHS! from Democrats and NEWS HACKS.

Posted 12:38 PM by Gene

Newsview: Dems Fear Kerry Looks Like Gore

With that hair?

Posted 12:36 PM by Gene

A new trick from the pop-up-ad people: THEY MAKE YOUR CURSOR DISAPPEAR!

Posted 12:26 PM by Gene

KERRY for PRESIDENT (and THE PAPER OF RECORD) say "CHENEY'S FIVE DRAFT DEFERMENTS DURING THE VIETNAM ERA EMERGE AS A CAMPAIGN ISSUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

PAPER OF RECORD MATH: Cheney draft deferments > DIPPITY-DO'S medals.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

LINE OF THE WEEK about the DISASTERS in GE BANCORP NETWORK'S SUPERCOMEDY 10.5:

NBC's Burbank operations center presumably is among the lost. Hooray!

Posted 9:30 AM by Gene

Someone makes A POINT about Sen. DENNIS "SPECTER" DAY.

Another reason not to trust news hacks: The guy says DENNY got a standing O at this prayer breakfast. The peripatetic superzillionaire of reporting says he got "a cool reception." Both in the same speech?



Oh Mr. Specter! Mr. Specter! You can go back to being a conscience now.

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

A CLASSIC book-cover blurb from VANTAGE PRESS.

Posted 9:14 AM by Gene

Biden for Vice President

PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO! HAS A SPEECHWRITER!!

Better be careful, Dip. I think someone has used "Fourscore and seven years ago" before.

Posted 8:41 AM by Gene

ESPNCorp Orlando Theme Park is closing It's a Small World for renovations.

Rumor has it MICKEYMOUSE NIXON takes it personally. (Pffh-hh-hh!)

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

'S-- and the City' coming to basic cable

This may be the first remotely clever headline from a news hack in years.

Posted 8:34 AM by Gene

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's 24-hour trip to Israel has angered some Arab-Americans, who say he hasn't set aside time to hear from Palestinians.

I'm sure he hears you as the rest of us do: with every bombing.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

And on the morning after LORD KOPPEL's IMMORTAL EULOGY TO TRUTH AND SWEEPS:



I smell SYNERGY!!!!!

PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

Honorary Mayor Mike was once -- HUMBLE?

Talk about your virgin birth.

Posted 8:25 AM by Gene

He got a Silver Star. No amount of news hack boasting over salaries can quite overcome that.

Posted 8:21 AM by Gene

ANDY S., knee-jerk conservatives, you can rest easy now: the strike against THE SECOND GREATEST SHOW IN TV HISTORY is over.

Posted 5:42 PM by Gene

Sixty years ago NBC gave us Benny and Hope. Today, as GE Bancorp Network, it gives us "a great comedy."

FRED SILVERMAN LIVES!!!!!

Posted 5:23 PM by Gene

Somebody's reading you, STERNO! If you don't like this virus (this outfit says) TURN YOUR COMPUTER OFF!

From the sound of this story one may have no choice.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

"Jack Kelley gave the paper a black eye but it will heal."

Yeah just slant a few more polls and let your SHOW-BIZ PR folks loose and you won't even HAVE one.

Posted 5:09 PM by Gene

And in strictly Philadelphia news:

Coca-Cola Bottling workers end strike

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! I CAN DRINK COKE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

Cheney Praises Fox News Channel
Vice President Calls Network 'More Accurate' Than Others

All this proves is you have yours and they have theirs.

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

STERNO's patting his back over the TOM PAINE he pulled in The Nation -- and he's patting it so hard it must look like The Christ after P. R. MEL. To say the man is politically tone-deaf is an understatement; he turns the PERSECUTION OF ONE OF THE GREAT MEDIA PERSONALITIES IN HISTORY into a red-blue issue -- in a magazine that fervently hopes for DISASTER in IRAQ and has run the kind of BUSH=HITLER diatribes that used to get such tantrums from him. That the CAUSE IS SO NOBLE AND RIGHT does not make the act any less STINKILY POLITICAL.

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! OUR SIDE WINS!!!!!!!!!!

Bias? WHAT bias?

Posted 11:50 AM by Gene

You know a man is extremely important or extremely unimportant when his office e-mails are one-sentence.

Posted 11:33 AM by Gene

[M]uch of the U.S. media overdid [Pat Tillman]....

What did I say four days ago?

This and LORD KOPPEL'S STUNT prove the great wisdom of THE MASTER'S line, to repeat it yet again:

"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."

Posted 11:06 AM by Gene

7 ABC affiliates ORDERED not to air 'Nightline' [Emphasis mine]

Bias? WHAT bias?

And here's THE REAL REASON they DID IT:

According to campaign finance records, four of Sinclair's top executives each have given the maximum campaign contribution of $2,000 to the Bush-Cheney re-election campaign.

The executives have not given any donations to the campaign of Sen. John Kerry, the presumptive Democratic nominee, the records showed.

DIDN'T TAKE LONG TO TURN THIS INTO A J'ACCUSE. (An UNBYLINED J'ACCUSE, of course.)

It would be nice, I'll admit, if these companies would occasionally exercise their RIGHT of preemption to cut back on TV sleaze. Just occasionally.

UPDATE: TimeWarnerBADCableNews.com has dropped the ORDERED business for OUR FAVORITE DEMO -- REPUBLICAN, SEN. McCAIN, but the damage is done. This blatantly partisan handling of the story is a template for a disreputable BIZ.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

As I said of THE PAPER OF RECORD, don't be so MODEST, Your Lordship! You, THE GREATEST TV NEWS HACK OF ALL TIME, got the publicity which will get the ratings for a show YOU HAD NO IDEA COINCIDED WITH THE START OF SWEEPS. Ever since MICKEYMOUSE NIXON tried cutting off YOUR tail with a carving knife you've wanted to prove you can be as ORGANIZATION-MAN as ANYBODY at ESPNCORP -- and you succeeded!

Posted 10:19 AM by Gene

OOOOOOOOoooooooh, "terrorists strike ARAB targets!"

Seems they don't know saints from infidels. But then terorists always were an indiscriminate breed.

Posted 10:17 AM by Gene

Given NRO's immutable law I'm thinking Nancy Reagan's doing the right thing. (Pun not entirely unintended.)

Posted 6:48 AM by Gene

The founder of suspected terror group Ansar al-Islam, normally cool under pressure, lost his temper when a female Muslim comedian jokingly lifted him off the ground before an audience.

Now THAT'S FUNNY!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

"A MAN WHO CAN BE CARRIED BY A WOMAN CAN'T BE A FUNDAMENTALIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'' Rehman said to howls of laughter. [Emphasis mine.]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

Hey MULLAH! There's a spot for you WEEKNIGHTS AT 11:35 EASTERN on the ESPNCORP TV NETWORK!

Just hope he doesn't express his wit by having his friends meet up with 72 Helen Thomases.

Posted 6:34 AM by Gene

You can blame pizza or you can blame anything, a market jerry-rigged with quotas and price supports DOES NOT WORK.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

A BROADCASTER'S WISE TO LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM'S GAG!

NOW ESPNCORP should do what it's wanted to do for several years -- REPLACE AN UNFUNNY COMEDIAN WITH A FUNNY ONE.

OR:

"The 'Nightline' broadcast is an expression of respect which simply seeks to honor those who have laid down their lives for this country."

You guys just got through saying to Lisa deMoraes you didn't know your GAG was timed with THE SWEEPS. As PROF says, either you're DENSE or you're LYING. And YOU DON'T MAKE UMPTEEN ZILLION A YEAR LIKE THE LORD BY BEING DENSE. And he's old enough to remember the RECITATHONS in the LATE SIXTIES. LORD KOPPEL, RESIGN TO YOUR MILLION-ACRE ESTATE.

Posted 6:23 AM by Gene

Paul Wolfowitz -- who is undoubtedly an EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL man for having CONSPIRED with DUBYA to get us into QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!! -- should be FORCED TO RESIGN for UNDERGUESSING HOW MANY SOLDIERS HAVE DIED IN IRAQ!!!!!

And he will be forced to resign until a) the Messiah comes, b) the Messiah comes in the form of PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO!!!!!, or c) the end of Dubya's second term, whichever is first.

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

Prince Philip Is Bare-Chested in Portrait

Well, at least he wasn't bare-breasted.

Posted 6:34 PM by Gene

NCAA Approves Sweeping Academic Reforms

Let's see where this gets swept.

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

Speaking of Kinsley.com:

Covering the "Quagmire"
Are war correspondents betting on failure in Iraq?

We really have to ask that question? Even the INCISIVE Chris has to ask that question? God knows the NEWS HACKS won't listen to the answer. They'll be talking to themselves on THEIR NON-SWEEPS TRIBUTE TO SELF-CENTEREDNESS.

Posted 5:31 PM by Gene

Another reason why I will NOT click on the link:

All Those Teen Actresses: Where did they come from? Why are there so many of them? And how can you tell them apart?

Why another 2,000-word Kinsley.com drone that writes itself in 23 WORDS?

Of course: to provide jobs for scribblers like VIRGINIA HEFFERNAN's at THE PAPER OF RECORD.

Posted 5:24 PM by Gene

The nominal head of the company (or, it being owned by RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!, THE COMPANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) that gave us Cleopatra, that launched a BRILLIANT NAVAL ADVENTURE to A BIG LOSS, that boasted to THE PAPER OF RECORD and other such gatherings of twerps how it viewed losing tons of dough on an X-rated feature as A BADGE OF HONOR, is WORRIED HUGE BUDGETS WILL CAUSE THE INDUSTRY TO COLLAPSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We can only hope. Alas, technology is coming to the rescue: digital projection and DVDs. May THE CONSPIRACY spend its excess as fast as it makes it.

Posted 5:13 PM by Gene

The WISP of WHITE SMOKE HAS BLOWN, AND....

SHUCKS, I was hoping for BUSHEE so I could make fun of his name.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

$2.7 BILLION? $2.7 OCTILLION for G000000000000000000000GLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A great day is comin' on THE BIG C!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 12:14 PM by Gene

More proof that HIGH-PROFILE, HIGH-EXPENSE FINANCING OF JUNK TELEVISION WORKS: Pepsi issued 100 million iTunes in its recent promotion. Only FIVE PERCENT HAVE BEEN REDEEMED.

I just bought a MiniDisc machine (uBid's having a fire sale for Sony) and am waiting for MICKEY D's to waste some money on me.

P. S. I know, I know ALL about the big debate of iPod vs. MiniDisc, I know ALL about how MDs lack capacity, how they're inconvenient to download, and you can't upload analog recordings at high speed, but when I first laid eyes on my new recorder I could not stop marvelling at it whatever its quirks. I can even enter titles with the jog dial. If THAT isn't the measure of a dweeb. (Sony's answering its critics with a new incompatible generation of MD machines -- and a fire sale. It's hard to believe this isn't the last gasp for the format.)

Posted 11:46 AM by Gene

The SENIOR CLUNKER BROTHER flushed OLDSMOBILE down the toilet -- in large part thanks to its HIDEBOUND WAYS and SUPERIOR DEVOTION TO QUALITY, in no small part for the VERY GOOD reason the word OLD was in the NAME.

Happily, it has a replacement.

Posted 11:41 AM by Gene

Another model finds a revenue stream in THE DONALD.

They must LOVE running their fingers through his -- HAIR.

Posted 10:52 AM by Gene

THE LATEST ADVANCE IN THE NOBLE ART OF TRUTH TELLING:



Remember the name:
JACK KELLEY.

Posted 9:40 AM by Gene

A stirring PROFILE IN COURAGE from DR. SADDAM WIRETAP.

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

Another revenue stream for THE DONALD! His bondholders should be happy.

Watch out, LOWSY!

Posted 6:49 AM by Gene

BABA WAWA (another zillion-dollar supertalent who undoubtedly doesn't know about the SWEEPS) out-OPRAHED OPRAH. Baba Wawa apologizes.

You think you could devote three chapters to this when you have six interns dictate your "memoirs"?

Special guest star in this stunt: JOHN "The Right-Wing Knee-Jerk Liberal" STOSSEL!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 6:44 AM by Gene

Another SPIN MACHINE -- er, POLL.

Posted 6:37 AM by Gene

It's an unwritten rule of the mob - if you're gay, you die.

ANDY S. ought to look into this.

Posted 6:29 AM by Gene

Now it's PRISONER ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!

OR:

Koppel, also in the announcement, acknowledged that Memorial Day might have been "the most logical occasion" to do the program. Ya think?

"But we felt that the impact would actually be greater on a day when the entire nation is not focused on war dead," he said.

Ah yes, and, of course, Memorial Day falls outside the May sweeps, when viewer levels are used by the networks to set advertising rates. Memorial Day is also traditionally a day of very low television viewing. He forgot to mention that stuff.

Sievers and others we spoke with at ABC News insisted they did not realize that the May sweeps start tomorrow.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

Yes, among the Republicans there are many chicken hawks. But as PRESIDENT DIPPITY-DO's friend EL POLLO LOCO proves, among the Democrats there are just plain CHICKENS.

Sen. LOUT does it again!

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

WE DIDN'T STEAL!!!!! HOW COULD I HAVE WON MY NOBEL PRIZE BY STEALING?????

OR:

Annan said that if corruption against any U.N. official proved true, he would not hesitate to lift diplomatic immunity.

Substitute "INVOKE" for "LIFT" and you get HIS DRIFT.

Posted 5:21 PM by Gene

POLL: IRAQIS OUT OF PATIENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so are WE -- with NEWS HACKS WHO WANT US OUT ON ANY PRETEXT.

P. S. We've grown so cynical of NEWS HACKS as to be sure ANY POLL will be spun -- especially any poll connected with PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS, and especially A POLL CONDUCTED BY PEOPLE WHO'VE JUST FLAGELLATED THEMSELVES OVER THEIR "IRRESPONSIBILITY." How does this help your NOBLE CAUSE FOR TRUTH, SOB?

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

KINSLEY THE SMUG SCREWLOOSE IS THE LALATIMES' NEW OP-ED EDITOR!!!!!

In FAIRNESS to Mike (and really, we don't want to be), he can be a pretty decent editor, as he proved at Harper's and TNR. The problem is, that NEWS HACK PROPENSITY TO WANT TO MAKE BIG MONEY AT ANY COST sometimes clouds his brains -- and opens his BIG FAT MOUTH.

Posted 5:06 PM by Gene

"It is not anti-Semitic to criticize the policies of the state of Israel. BUT...."

Hey GENERAL, you're speaking to nations who may not recognize the BUT.

Posted 10:11 AM by Gene

Ho-hum, another telecom company plays tricks with numbers.

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

There are two ways, I suppose, one could inform readers of the Geneva Convention stipulation against using places of worship to conduct military attacks. One might be to headline saying that Terrorists Attack Coalition Forces From Mosques. That would be one way to present the information.

Another might be to say: Mosques Targeted in Fallujah. That was the Los Angeles Times headline this morning.

Actually, Rummy (and SUPERBLOGGER), the hed was "Mosque Targeted in Fallouja Fighting." Close enough.

Here's another one, though:

Another mosque may be targeted in Iraq

Ooooooooooops! Washington Times. Be careful what targets you hit; you might inflict collateral damage.

Posted 8:18 AM by Gene

Will someone tell the BUTTMAN INSTITUTE-DOW 36,000-BARNEY-FAG ARMEY CROWD, the more business practices UNFETTERED CAPITALISM, the more likely it is to BRING ON STATE SOCIALISM and NATIONAL-NANNYISM?

Posted 8:05 AM by Gene

THE DREAM IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our cable bills are safe -- until the next merger brainstorm.



Wave BYEBYE, NIXON!!!!!

Posted 6:58 AM by Gene

How do you say KA-KA and WEE-WEE in Spanish?

STERNO will have to take up LANGUAGES.

Posted 6:45 AM by Gene

You'll never guess whose name shows up in this filler. In the THIRD graf. YOU'LL NEVER GUESS.

I guess Virginia thinks she can still crib from the Web.

Posted 6:30 AM by Gene

LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM faces -- skepticism....

In its announcement yesterday, ABC News said the program was its way of paying tribute to the dead. And "Nightline" executive producer Leroy Sievers called it the program's way to "remind our viewers -- whether they agree with the war or not -- that beyond the casualty numbers, these men and women are serving in Iraq in our names, and that those who have been killed have names and faces."

That is good to know because otherwise we might be left thinking that Friday's broadcast, which ABC will simulcast on its Jumbotron in New York's Times Square, is a cheap, content-free stunt designed to tug at our heartstrings and bag a big number on the second night of the May ratings race.

And here I thought news hacks dealt solely with THE TRUTH.

Posted 6:27 AM by Gene

WHEW! A HERO won. Now back to voting LIB -- your conscience.

But remember, ARLEN is a "centrist."

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM MAKES A POINT!

You forgoing the ADS? Didn't think so. You're a PROFIT CENTER.

Posted 6:00 PM by Gene

No matter how GOOGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! slices its IPO, it'll still be the same insider baloney.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

If we extend the outstretched hand to China in space, we may as well hand it rope.

And you know what Communists do with rope.

Posted 5:22 PM by Gene

HEALTH CODE VIOLATIONS RAMPANT AT N.Y. THEATERS, SAYS REPORT

And that doesn't include the MOVIES!

Posted 5:07 PM by Gene

Before starting a university named for Ronald Reagan, you folks may want to consider this motto of National Review: "Any organization not explicitly right-wing sooner or later becomes left-wing."

Posted 4:59 PM by Gene

ATTEMPTED JOKE OF THE DAY:

Veteran reporters and editors know that their highest allegiance is to the truth. (Make your own Jayson Blair joke here.)

More of that famous Kinsley.com IRONY?

Watch it or we'll start showing less allegiance to your employer's BUGS.

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Brazil's apparent victory in WTO case against US cotton subsidies could have big effect

Does this mean one last HARRUMPH from SEN. FOGHORN LEGHORN over FREEEEEEE TRRRRADE?

I can't imagine what else it means.

Posted 4:52 PM by Gene

The FORCES OF REACTION score a VICTORY in MICHIGAN, mandating -- ABSTINENCE INSTRUCTION.

As if the old routine worked.

Posted 4:51 PM by Gene

NYU student sleeps for months in library basement

OR:

Scores of students read about Stanzak's daily adventures on his Web journal, www.homelessatnyu.com, and he became something of a campus celebrity.

Hmmm, THAT's what I need -- a GIMMICK. Maybe if I sleep at work...nah.

I'm NOT linking.

Posted 3:17 PM by Gene

Psst! Is Powell Bound for the World Bank?

Go for it, GENERAL! Then YOU and ST. WARREN of BUFFETT and BILL THE ENTOMOLOGIST can CHANGE THE WORLD -- and LIVE FOREVER IN THE PAPER OF RECORD!!!!!

Posted 6:55 AM by Gene

"I spend half my day in class, half doing activist work."

At Ivy League mutual funds like Penn, what's the difference?

Posted 6:51 AM by Gene

It was not that long ago that USA OKAY boasted of all the show-biz ceelebs showing off their cleavage. Now they're covering up. Given the vast distances involved I say it's a good thing.

They can afford the fabric.

Posted 6:46 AM by Gene

CIGNA stays in Philadelphia for the usual municipal pound of flesh.

CEOs OF THE WORLD, UNITE!

Posted 6:42 AM by Gene

KERRY for PRESIDENT (aka THE PAPER OF RECORD) "QUESTIONS" BUSH'S GUARD SERVICE.

We question Jayson -- and THAT FAT MOUND OF HAIR.

Posted 6:32 AM by Gene

While I might have imagined lots of BOB "PSYCHO" DORNANS PORING over every classified report they could so they could claim to know more than anyone else, this sort of indifference does not surprise me.

Not surprising either: the story quotes five Democrats and two Republicans. We know who OUR friends are in this town, RIGHT LENNY?

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

ANOTHER FINE WORM FROM MICROSOFT!

Posted 5:43 PM by Gene

CITGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

$35 million more in SOCIALISM FOR BIG BUSINESS down the drain.

Or as SNIDELY WHIPLASH must be luxuriating in the riches of his graft-strewn office, "Ah nayver deeyid meet a suhbsidee to beeziness AH deedn't LAHK!"

Posted 5:40 PM by Gene

This is worrisome: in devising their new flag the Iraqis have decided God is no longer great.

Do I hear the NINE FINGERS IN THE WIND taking their CUE?

Posted 5:36 PM by Gene

After 9/11, the schlockumentary claimed, "Katie was the rock for a grieving nation." Somehow we managed not to puke all over our couch.

DON'T TALK! Every time we surf NewsMAX! we need an industrial-strength CLOTHESPIN.

Posted 5:32 PM by Gene

FOR WHOM WILL THE WHITE WISP OF SMOKE BLOW AT USA OKAY?

OR: Which editor will -- never mind.

I'm betting on Bushee. His name's almost as good as CURLEY's! (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!)

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

How surprising: in FRISCO, the cops are outgunned.

Posted 5:27 PM by Gene

A Mexican man who got drunk, fell asleep on railroad tracks and was run over by a train slept through the entire episode and escaped unharmed, local officials said on Friday.

I THINK I could make a politically incorrect joke about this, but I think I'd better NOT.

Posted 5:25 PM by Gene

The story of that HOLY BEATING's everywhere -- everywhere, one suspects, BUT SAUDI ARABIA.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

A majority of national advertisers plan to cut spending on TV commercials by 20 percent in the next five years, when they believe that ad-skipping devices like TiVo will take hold in households, according to a new survey.

THIS IS UTTER BULLHOCKEY. Reductions will be minimal because the IDIOTS who run the AD DEPARTMENTS of AMERICA'S LEADING COMPANIES DON'T WANT TO RELINQUISH THEIR FIEFDOMS. There is RAW POWER in FINANCING CRAPPY TELEVISION.

Posted 5:16 PM by Gene

Lenny Kravitz salves his ANGUISH at breaking up with Nicole by making a rotten movie.

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

Every hack the uberschmoozer Sonny and Bertelsmann could find got their -- HANDS on this one.

Posted 5:08 PM by Gene

Say, if this plot had been successful, wouldn't that have killed thousands of innocent Muslims too?

Muslims, Shmuslims, life is worthless.

Posted 1:39 PM by Gene

In another sign that the North remains unchanged yet, it held gala festival marking army foundation day on Sunday despite the disastrous explosion. High-profile military leaders joined rank-and-file soldiers in "merry dances" at a festival in central Pyongyang, according to KNCA.

As I recall there was a big parade in Kiev the day Chernobyl blew up. But that was NUCLEAR.

Posted 12:12 PM by Gene

GENERAL, just because North Korea suffered a calamity doesn't mean its government has stopped being devious.

Posted 11:12 AM by Gene

A DELICIOUS JUXTAPOSITION on MESS.COM:

Drunk, bulldozer-driving German arrested

Billy Joel injured in 3rd car accident in 2 years

Oooooh-WAH-a-oooooh-WAH-a-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH-WAH!

Posted 11:05 AM by Gene

The Nine Fingers in the Wind put on a GLOVE to ward off a RELIGIOUS GALE.

Posted 9:29 AM by Gene

Fragmented Europe Invites Terrorism

TRANSLATION: Terrorists don't have an EU.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

The word McCARTHY will soon raise its ugly head (especially in places like THE PAPER OF RECORD), but why should Dubya finance a conference that promises to be a screechfest for his enemies?

Posted 6:40 AM by Gene

It was men like Tillman who built America up

WHY am I thinking this story is becoming one of those false-front "Our Town" acts where rich and superior NEWS HACKS show a fake allegiance to THUH PEEPUL?

Posted 6:31 AM by Gene

ID cards today, ID chips tomorrow.

Posted 6:41 PM by Gene

Jackson makes changes to legal team

...and not, I suspect, for the last time.

Posted 6:33 PM by Gene

The organizers "exceed the goal," and they're OUR organizers, so I GUESS THEY'RE RIGHT!

A HUNDRED PUBLIC EDITORS CAN'T STOP THE CAUSE OF TRUTH.

Posted 3:41 PM by Gene

Already CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges are starting: "HUGE."

DUSTING OFF THE SIX ZEROES?

Posted 3:28 PM by Gene

Baghdad children killed in crossfire

Don't you feel like CHEERING when OsamaChannel.net runs a hed like that?

I think that's the intention.

Posted 12:38 PM by Gene

EARLIER I NOTED THIS NASA RELEASE pointing out that many newspapers were showing pictures of the space shuttle Columbia crew's flag-draped coffins and identifying them as Iraq war dead. Here's a partial list of outlets that were snookered. Apparently, they just picked these up from an antiwar website and didn't do any further checking.

Remember this when Old Media guys talk about how untrustworthy the Internet is. . . .

But if they picked them up from a WEB SITE doesn't that mean OLD MEDIA got them from NEW MEDIA, MR. SUPERBLOGGER?

Posted 12:26 PM by Gene

Figures: umpteen gazillion tax dollars for THE WORLD'S UGLIEST STADIUM and they didn't build enough rest rooms.

Plus of course, they were PC about them.

Posted 12:10 PM by Gene

Seniors will have choice of 71 drug discount cards

A GOOD START for the GOVERNMENT'S DRUG BINGE!

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

Paper of Record? No Way, No Reason, No Thanks

Oh for gosh sake don't be so modest.

Here's the difference between Adolph Ochs and Pinch: Ochs would have pounded the drum and beat his chest insisting the Times was the paper of record. Pinch, on the other hand, knows like most news hacks the best way to flaunt your power is to meaninglessly APOLOGIZE.

Posted 9:31 AM by Gene

Sounds like the CATHOLIC CHURCH has ITS version of THE BRITISH VICARAGE AND TEA-TIME CLUB.

OR:

The center...has a history of reaching out to marginalized Catholics.



Why SOITENLY they can euphe, euphe, use woids that can mean anything!



WHY I OUGHTA....

Posted 9:26 AM by Gene

Another proud achievement for the LEAGUE OF NATIONS, right up there with, uh....

Food for bribes?

Posted 7:50 AM by Gene

The bottom line is that this government doesn't trust the people.

And neither do news hacks, especially those in an upper-income tax bracket.

Posted 7:39 AM by Gene

This week in BLUNDER: our NEW HERO:

TeREEsa-TahRAYza!

She could inspire a line: above every great man is a woman.

P. S. MR. MARK CAMPAIGNS!!!!!!!!!!!!:

She's a potential Democratic First Lady who speaks critically of abortion. [Subhed]

"Ultimately you're either for choice or you're not, so I am." [On the THIRD PAGE.]

MR. MARK, I think you're trying to disprove that old saw that you can't fool ALL the people ALL the time.

Posted 7:37 AM by Gene

Bush's Oratory Helps Maintain Support for War

Shucks Lenny, you mean...VIETNAM...isn't...anywhere on the horizon?

Don't you guys ALWAYS make fun of the way DUBYA TALKS?