THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Tuesday, September 07, 2004
"Family-friendly" turns up 2,020,000 HITS on GOOGLE -- WITH QUOTATION MARKS -- so you know how meaningless THAT term is.
This story doesn't help my mood either. That it's the usual social-science pablum does not necessarily void its findings, because show-biz has become such a negative force, and with ADVERTISERS financing it, it is the stainless steel fist in a titanium glove.
KAKI probably didn't know about the story, and I'm sure being a good Dilbertette she doesn't even care.
KAKI probably didn't know about the story, and I'm sure being a good Dilbertette she doesn't even care.
THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS TOPS ITSELF! Not only does it expose its Family-Friendly Programming Initiative as a total FRAUD -- it DOESN'T EVEN CARE! Given KAKI's clodhopping Dilbertizing we can be sure these imbeciles are more concerned about offending their Hollywood buddies than their viewers. I'll say it again: advertisers will sponsor ANYTHING; they'll sponsor anything primarily so they can play KING OF THE HILL in the office; and they'll sponsor anything because they know done the right way it's POLITICALLY CORRECT, and by PC are ye SAVED. I HAVE HAD IT FINANCING JUNK TELEVISION THAT OFFENDS MY SENSIBILITIES WITH MY MONEY!!!!!
P. S. How would I feel if loony leftists wanted to complain to FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News's advertisers? I wouldn't mind. Besides, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News is objectionable for reasons having nothing to do with politics.
(Sorry that AdAge now requires registration; it isn't worth it.)
P. S. How would I feel if loony leftists wanted to complain to FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News's advertisers? I wouldn't mind. Besides, FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!News is objectionable for reasons having nothing to do with politics.
(Sorry that AdAge now requires registration; it isn't worth it.)
GREAT NEWS FOR NEWS HACKS!
THIRTEEN U.S. TROOPS KILLED IN LATEST IRAQ FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE WANT KERRY!!!!! WE WANT KERRY!!!!!
THIRTEEN U.S. TROOPS KILLED IN LATEST IRAQ FIGHTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE WANT KERRY!!!!! WE WANT KERRY!!!!!
Trees in Amazon Get Nasty
Decomposing vegetation caused by a dam in Brazil has resulted in the emission of millions of tons of greenhouse gases.
Wait a second! I thought only mean ole nasty CARS did that!
Decomposing vegetation caused by a dam in Brazil has resulted in the emission of millions of tons of greenhouse gases.
Wait a second! I thought only mean ole nasty CARS did that!
MR. NO-SPIN SPIN SPIN SPIN ZONE FOR SENATE!!!!!!!!!!
He's the man the people choose,
Hates the Irish and the Jews and the blacks and the Italians and the Poles and the Germans and the Greeks and the....
As an INDEPENDENT! Pffh-hh-hh!!!!!
He's the man the people choose,
Hates the Irish and the Jews and the blacks and the Italians and the Poles and the Germans and the Greeks and the....
As an INDEPENDENT! Pffh-hh-hh!!!!!
Surgery Means a Detour From the Campaign Trail
Shucks, we were hoping Bill would bounce out of bed tomorrow and do some speechifying!
Anyone for faith healers?
P. S. And of course the REPUBLICANS brought it on!!!!!
Shucks, we were hoping Bill would bounce out of bed tomorrow and do some speechifying!
Anyone for faith healers?
P. S. And of course the REPUBLICANS brought it on!!!!!
Kerry enlists sharp tongues to attack Bush
TRANSLATION: Paul Begala goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
TRANSLATION: Paul Begala goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Monday, September 06, 2004
Hmmm, we thought ol' DIP! wanted to pull our soldiers out of Iraq RIGHT AWAY -- at least as soon as the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Republicans in CONGRESS would let him. Now he's saying FOUR YEARS. Next thing you know he'll say they can stay there FOREVER (at least if it'll win him the election.)
Sing along with me: Nixon's the one...NIXON'S THE ONE!
Sing along with me: Nixon's the one...NIXON'S THE ONE!
Hmmm, this is interesting:
Medical records show New York-Presbyterian had a death rate of 3.93 percent for coronary bypass operations performed in 2001 -- higher than the 2.18 percent overall rate for the 35 hospitals in the state that perform them.
However, U.S. News & World Report magazine listed New York-Presbyterian as the best hospital in New York for heart care and seventh best nationwide.
Who's at fault, the hospital -- or U. S. NEWS?
(Glad the surgery went well, by the way.)
Medical records show New York-Presbyterian had a death rate of 3.93 percent for coronary bypass operations performed in 2001 -- higher than the 2.18 percent overall rate for the 35 hospitals in the state that perform them.
However, U.S. News & World Report magazine listed New York-Presbyterian as the best hospital in New York for heart care and seventh best nationwide.
Who's at fault, the hospital -- or U. S. NEWS?
(Glad the surgery went well, by the way.)
ALL HAIL THE KING! ALL HAIL KING ROBERT!
The only good thing about this as that maybe ESPNCorp will finally stop boasting it's THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.
The only good thing about this as that maybe ESPNCorp will finally stop boasting it's THE WORLD'S LEADING PRODUCER OF FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Sex crimes may be starting younger
Schools report 'fairly graphic' acts in kindergarten
Nothing the V-CHIP can't cure.
SAMMY GLICKMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Schools report 'fairly graphic' acts in kindergarten
Nothing the V-CHIP can't cure.
SAMMY GLICKMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it me or are even fewer people paying attention to the U. S. Open than usual?
This will happen when the mouths aren't bigger than the racket heads.
This will happen when the mouths aren't bigger than the racket heads.
"OF COURSE I PITIED THE CHILDREN, I SWEAR TO ALLAH! I HAVE CHILDREN MYSELF!! I DIDN'T SHOOT!!! I SWEAR TO ALLAH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!! I SWEAR TO ALLAH, I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!!"
SHUT UP and go to HELL. You and your brethren are beneath MAGGOTS.
SHUT UP and go to HELL. You and your brethren are beneath MAGGOTS.
BRINKLEY: NAVY PROBE COULD DOOM KERRY CAMPAIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Possibly, although I'd doubt it, NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!; people could rationalize it as OUR Kitty Kelley vs. THEIR Kitty Kelley. Talk about a plague o' both your houses!
Possibly, although I'd doubt it, NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!; people could rationalize it as OUR Kitty Kelley vs. THEIR Kitty Kelley. Talk about a plague o' both your houses!
THE ULTIMATE GIRLIE-MAN throws a TANTRUM over the people calumniating a FELLOW GIRLIE-MAN.
Do women have fewer strokes?
GLIBERAL must be praying -- I forgot; news hacks ARE God, so make that DEMANDING -- his fellow hack Kitty Kelley turns the trick; GIRLIE-MAN sure ain't.
Do women have fewer strokes?
GLIBERAL must be praying -- I forgot; news hacks ARE God, so make that DEMANDING -- his fellow hack Kitty Kelley turns the trick; GIRLIE-MAN sure ain't.
Speaking of marketing, OMERTA lets his anger take the day off as he plumbs The Lighter Side of News with this press release:
NASCAR Revs Up Its Marketing Engine
Isn't that like saying we need more political ads?
NASCAR Revs Up Its Marketing Engine
Isn't that like saying we need more political ads?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA HAS OPENED UP A DOUBLE-DIGIT LEAD IN THE POLLS! WHAT SHALL WE DO?
I know, SuperMark: Let's change the subject and RUN ANOTHER SELF-SERVING SERVICE FEATURE!
Odd that America's Premier Marketing Magazine should warn of the dangers of SPENDING!
P. S.:
Learning how to overcome challenges is essential to becoming a successful adult. Whether it's having to earn money to buy Stila cosmetics in this season's palette or adding more hours in the library to pull up a grade, kids need to have parents who are on the sideline cheering them on but not caving in.
How many times have the news dishrags run well-meaning blah like this?
I know, SuperMark: Let's change the subject and RUN ANOTHER SELF-SERVING SERVICE FEATURE!
Odd that America's Premier Marketing Magazine should warn of the dangers of SPENDING!
P. S.:
Learning how to overcome challenges is essential to becoming a successful adult. Whether it's having to earn money to buy Stila cosmetics in this season's palette or adding more hours in the library to pull up a grade, kids need to have parents who are on the sideline cheering them on but not caving in.
How many times have the news dishrags run well-meaning blah like this?
Saturday, September 04, 2004
I suppose these kinds of heroes are zeroes to the NEWS HACK who has come to view movie stars as the seat of wisdom and Democrats as the source of holy redemption, but they joined the service because of the indelible obscenity visited on us, and they died in the fight against terrorism. They're heroes in my book, and that they may never be in the NEWS HACK'S should be a further source of pride.
I don't care what the ad-blurb copywriters say, rap is audio graffiti.
A flashlight explodes in an x-ray machine and the whole LA airport shuts down.
Shall we add flashlights to the verboten list?
Shall we add flashlights to the verboten list?
Now Der Homeland reports "that an explosive detection system machine got a positive reading from a corroded battery in a flashlight."
It doesn't pay to follow Free Republic all the time.
It doesn't pay to follow Free Republic all the time.
Looks like I'm back to two hits a day again. That didn't last. Well, at least I don't have too big an ego.
Duh, I think I'll take my season out on this here wall, duuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh....
Wanna bet the Yankees still win?
Wanna bet the Yankees still win?
Carol Bellamy, executive director of the U.N. Children's Fund, known as UNICEF, called the violence "unacceptable ... incomprehensible" and "senseless."
She said it was "part of a rising tide of violence aimed at children."
"This is yet again another instance in which adults are trying to carry out their views to children. [Like SPANKING??????????] It's totally unacceptable."
U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he was "horrified" at the deaths of so many children and others.
I guess this means we gotta crack down on JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS.
One of the worst terrorist -- I mean, GUERILLA attacks ever and already AMERICA'S NEWS HACKS HAVE FORGOTTEN IT. They're using equations to figure out how to report this: 1 American = 10 Russians, or whatever.
Carol wins our MARY ROBINSON MORAL OBTUSENESS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!
She said it was "part of a rising tide of violence aimed at children."
"This is yet again another instance in which adults are trying to carry out their views to children. [Like SPANKING??????????] It's totally unacceptable."
U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said he was "horrified" at the deaths of so many children and others.
I guess this means we gotta crack down on JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS.
One of the worst terrorist -- I mean, GUERILLA attacks ever and already AMERICA'S NEWS HACKS HAVE FORGOTTEN IT. They're using equations to figure out how to report this: 1 American = 10 Russians, or whatever.
Carol wins our MARY ROBINSON MORAL OBTUSENESS AWARD!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, September 03, 2004
"The hostage takers were Ingush, Ossetians, Russians, but not Chechens," said [Ahmad] Zakayev, once a spokesman for Chechnya's separatist president Aslan Maskhadov.
"But of course, their demands have all to do with Chechnya, so whatever has happened, the Chechens will be held responsible. That's what I'm afraid of," he said on Britain's Channel 4 television.
What's wrong, guy? Not looking forward to your seventy-two virgins?
At THE OSAMA CHANNEL they're showing gruesome video non-stop (no doubt) while dancing on the ceiling.
"But of course, their demands have all to do with Chechnya, so whatever has happened, the Chechens will be held responsible. That's what I'm afraid of," he said on Britain's Channel 4 television.
What's wrong, guy? Not looking forward to your seventy-two virgins?
At THE OSAMA CHANNEL they're showing gruesome video non-stop (no doubt) while dancing on the ceiling.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES MAY BE UP TO NO GOOD: Compare THIS story and THIS story -- and especially consider THIS loaded line:
Bush's audience of thousands in West Allis, Wis., booed. Bush did nothing to stop them.
If it's true, I say BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
But if (as seems likely) CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES were CAMPAIGNING, I say
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I repeat: This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
And gee, it's a good thing you took today off, ROMY -- not that you'd have paid attention.
Bush's audience of thousands in West Allis, Wis., booed. Bush did nothing to stop them.
If it's true, I say BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
But if (as seems likely) CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES were CAMPAIGNING, I say
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I repeat: This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
And gee, it's a good thing you took today off, ROMY -- not that you'd have paid attention.
Poll: Bush Leads by 11 Points During RNC
All together now NEWS HACKS, one, two, three: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All together now NEWS HACKS, one, two, three: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES yell, PAYBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
This extreme irritant of an election will feature the most partisan hack -- THE MOST NOBLE PUBLIC SERVICE IN NEWS HISTORY.
Further proof our hearts are always in the right place:
Fleeing Hurricane Frances isn't an option for thousands of Florida residents living in poverty
Fleeing Hurricane Frances isn't an option for thousands of Florida residents living in poverty
There will be much second guessing of the Russians' ham-fisted rescue mission, but in at least one particular (and more) it resembles Waco: the holy cockroaches would probably have blown everyone up anyway, for to die killing innocents is extremely holy.
In these, its last days in BILL'S BUGGY EMPIRE, is Kinsley.com using computers to write columns? Feed a Republican speech into these devices and they spew they're-always-wrong-on-everything vitriol. At least NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is underwritten and badly edited by humans; but the idea of computers as partisan hacks is a scary one, scarier than BILL seeking control of 26 universes.
Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogle
Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogger's
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againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooogger's
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againnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
STERNO fumes about the "STRANGE CRAP" from "FRINGE OPINION SITES" G000,000,000,000,000gleNews foists on unwary surfers; but STERN, you're always talking about printing presses and democracy, and how BLOGGING IS THE GREATEST THING SINCE YOU WERE BORN. So if G000,000,000,000,000gleNews gives occasional exposure to STRANGE CRAP from FRINGE OPINION SITES isn't that a small price to pay for PRINTING PRESSES? Why should the world ALWAYS be ruled by your friends the TWXSTERS and your boss HIS HOLINESS KING SI? Or is your real purpose to help get your friend NICK DORKEN on the road to his IPO?
Looks like SAMMY GLICKMAN'S NEW, IMPROVED ALPHABET SOUP will be worse than the old, if the assorted quoted ninnies have their say.
Great reportorial enterprise, there, QUACK PSUEDO-RELIGIOUS SCIENCE MONITOR: an e-mail and a phone call! You folks in THAT much of a bind?
Great reportorial enterprise, there, QUACK PSUEDO-RELIGIOUS SCIENCE MONITOR: an e-mail and a phone call! You folks in THAT much of a bind?
Despite strikes and Kobes and ATTITUDE, the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers continues to waste OUR money making BILLION-DOLLAR FRANCHISES, even if it angers fans in the process. What's upsetting a few customers when YOU have the LUXURY SUITE?
Nice MEA CULPA there, TRIB!
Nice MEA CULPA there, TRIB!
"ALL HAT, NO CATTLE!!!!!"
Shouldn't that be all hat, no filet mignon? (I couldn't think of the name of a fancy French woman's hat.)
Shouldn't that be all hat, no filet mignon? (I couldn't think of the name of a fancy French woman's hat.)
Bush's acceptance speech at Madison Square Garden was seen by fellow Republicans as vital to his reelection hopes, a fact reflected by the 30-plus revisions the address underwent.
WOW! All that work so people could scratch their heads and ask, "What did he say?"
WOW! All that work so people could scratch their heads and ask, "What did he say?"
Fighting is to the NHL what crashes are to NASCAR.
One good thing: we probably won't have any fights THIS season.
One good thing: we probably won't have any fights THIS season.
The loonies didn't riot. Is that a success or a failure?
I count it as a success -- PINCH's word got around.
That or the loonies decided they had nothing to riot about.
I count it as a success -- PINCH's word got around.
That or the loonies decided they had nothing to riot about.
Jennifer C. --Don't you think that there is something uniquely immature about a "Shout-out?"
We've gotten to the SCREAM-OUT phase by now.
Thursday, September 02, 2004
What gives? I've only gotten seven hits today. Did someone turn off the switch again? Is anybody out there?
EXCELLENT PROMO WORK FROM THE GE BANCORP NETWORK:
Since 1999, NBC has debuted 16 sitcoms in the fall. The "Father of the Pride" debut finishes in the bottom five of that list....But here's some good news for NBC. In that list of 16, "Father of the Pride" is No. 2 among kids ages 2 to 11.
I guess that means we're cultivating future Olympics viewers. RIGHT, LITTLE JEFFREY?
Since 1999, NBC has debuted 16 sitcoms in the fall. The "Father of the Pride" debut finishes in the bottom five of that list....But here's some good news for NBC. In that list of 16, "Father of the Pride" is No. 2 among kids ages 2 to 11.
I guess that means we're cultivating future Olympics viewers. RIGHT, LITTLE JEFFREY?
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES WANT A GENERAL TO RESIGN BECAUSE HE SAID THINGS THAT OFFENDED CONGRESSMAN BARNEY!
By that standard, CURLEY, I think we could ask your WHOLE STAFF to resign for doing things that offend US.
By that standard, CURLEY, I think we could ask your WHOLE STAFF to resign for doing things that offend US.
Delegates who really, really, really hate Kerry.
TRANSLATION: NEWS HACKS who really, really, really hate Dubya.
I say it evens out.
TRANSLATION: NEWS HACKS who really, really, really hate Dubya.
I say it evens out.
Finally, someone other than yours truly knocks Jeff Greenfield.
I have long thought this twerp is the HANS VON KALTENBORN of our time. Remember Hans? You don't? You should, for one reason: on Election Night 1948 Kaltenborn flatly trumpeted how the CI-teeh VOOTE and the COUN-treeh VOOTE would win the election for Tom Dewey. At a press conference before his inauguration Harry Truman made nasty fun of Kaltenborn's reporting and his oracular speaking style. Today it's all he's remembered for. Jeff doesn't even have the advantage of being wrong.
I have long thought this twerp is the HANS VON KALTENBORN of our time. Remember Hans? You don't? You should, for one reason: on Election Night 1948 Kaltenborn flatly trumpeted how the CI-teeh VOOTE and the COUN-treeh VOOTE would win the election for Tom Dewey. At a press conference before his inauguration Harry Truman made nasty fun of Kaltenborn's reporting and his oracular speaking style. Today it's all he's remembered for. Jeff doesn't even have the advantage of being wrong.
KERRY FOR PRESIDENT (Washington Edition) says DIP'S COMING BACK! He's "SHARPENING THE CONTRAST"!!!!!
What is this guy? A TV?
What is this guy? A TV?
My guess (having not watched it) is Vice-President Inside did NOT deliver a BRILLIANT SPEECH last night. He works for Halliburton.
If the HACKS say DUBYA delivers a BRILLIANT SPEECH tonight we will know DEFINITIVELY they're BONKERS.
If the HACKS say DUBYA delivers a BRILLIANT SPEECH tonight we will know DEFINITIVELY they're BONKERS.
CBS.Marketwatch.com -- you know, the financial Web site the Wall Street Journals Online used to make fun of in their ads -- ran a puff piece about some guy who all but dreams of an IPO from blogging. I checked into his sites. DULL. They all look alike; one or two haven't been updated in months. And he has no counters; where does he get his 100,000 number? This guy and Nick Dorken are the DONALDS of Blogging.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
SYNERGY: BILL'S BUGMEISTERS get around a NEWS EMBARGO to announce they'll do to VIDEO what BOOM BOXES did to SOUND.
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
Oiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!
The first news of the Second INFOMERCIAL: the former Sen. Kerrey uses the F-WORD!!!!!
It does seem contagious with THE DIP and his friends.
It does seem contagious with THE DIP and his friends.
TRANSLATION: We want the hacks with us the remaining TWO PERCENT OF THE TIME!!!!!
(Posted on the ROMY, who obviously AGREES, as will his cheering section in the LETTERS PAGE.)
(Posted on the ROMY, who obviously AGREES, as will his cheering section in the LETTERS PAGE.)
The Bushettes apparently made ASSES of themselves last night (I didn't see it). One pair of arms is like another, sang Aldonza to Don Quixote, and alas, so are two pair of arms at the INFOMERCIALS.
Bill, cut the Kinsley.comedy; you're not a Republican, and you wouldn't vote for one if he were a LIBERAL DEMOCRAT.
P. S. He calls AH-nult's speech BRILLIANT too, so maybe there's -- "hope"?
P. S. He calls AH-nult's speech BRILLIANT too, so maybe there's -- "hope"?
During the last INFOMERCIAL everyone made a BRILLIANT speech. This time around the speeches aren't getting quite the accolades -- REPUBLICANS are EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL -- but the conservatives are proving as adept at inane partisanship as any six- and seven-digit news hack; if Barack made a BRILLIANT SPEECH why, so did AH-nult -- because he's a REPUBLICAN. The cheerleaders further confuse sentiment for BRILLIANCE, as with Rudy, who definitely must seek higher office again, but who'd be no Lincoln minus ghostwriters. And count on VIR-GIN-IA to create an instant cliche (who says bloggers aren't good at cliches?), picked up by STERNO the way a dog fetches its master's slippers, that Rudy was BRILLIANT because he was "CONVERSATIONAL." That reminds me all too painfully of the Gettysburg Address in PowerPoint. A speech can have zero eloquence, indeed it can display total flatfooted incompetence, and the hacks will call it BRILLIANT if it does the barest minimum of what a good speech does; but once good speechmaking enriched and enlivened our public discourse. Now it's CONVERSATIONS, from people who aren't very good CONVERSATIONALISTS, let alone SPEECHMAKERS.
Speechmaking's gotten so bad we've forgotten what the word STEMWINDER means.
Speechmaking's gotten so bad we've forgotten what the word STEMWINDER means.
ALERT: BUILDING OF PEOPLE SICKENED IN D.C.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST BREAKING...IN A GOVT.BUILDING IN D.C. MASS CASULTIES....EVERYONE IS VERY SICK...BREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pepper spray.
THANKS FOR ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO INSPIRE A PANIC, FREE REPUBLIC!!!!!
(Update at 5:15 PM EDT: Five got eye irritations, and one was hospitalized, after an accident. ALMOST AS BRILLIANT AS THOSE SPEECHES AT THE INFOMERCIAL, FREEPERS!)
JUST BREAKING...IN A GOVT.BUILDING IN D.C. MASS CASULTIES....EVERYONE IS VERY SICK...BREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pepper spray.
THANKS FOR ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO INSPIRE A PANIC, FREE REPUBLIC!!!!!
(Update at 5:15 PM EDT: Five got eye irritations, and one was hospitalized, after an accident. ALMOST AS BRILLIANT AS THOSE SPEECHES AT THE INFOMERCIAL, FREEPERS!)
Speaking of fine cuisine, I went to my local McDonald's, and I knew someone from OAK BROOK had been there because the Muzak® was on -- and it was LOUD. (Count on the Hamburger Dilberts not to notice the dirty floors, the broken fixtures, the surly help, the cups and tray liners still promoting THE GAMES; no, all is right in Kroc's Kingdom when the MUZAK® WORKS.) At least it was what the whizzes in JIM BAKKER'S FORMER HOMETOWN call "Classic" Muzak®, the background type from the days middle managers really believed the junk over the speakers could promote productivity. Despite the fact it's the source of "smooth 'jazz'" it's the one Muzak® I can tolerate because the "songs" are unfamiliar and risible -- unlike with the PESTILENCE of FOREGROUND MUSIC, the 200-song playlists each of which songs has played 500 trillion times and has some hook or shtick the renders it EXTREMELY IRRITATING. The one good thing is, Muzak® is LOSING MONEY. The bad thing is, no one pirates Muzak®.
World's Caviar Faces a Ban
Whatsoever shall our superiors do? Zillionaire media snobs can't hold birthday parties for the likes of Sen. McPAIN without CAVIAR. Pee-TAH can't READ THE NEWS without CAVIAR. PINCH can't run the UNIVERSES' GREATEST PAPER without CAVIAR. Hollywood can't make BAD MOVIES without CAVIAR. DIPPITY-DO!! may have to resign after taking the oath of office!
All for salty FISH EGGS. Hhmph!
Whatsoever shall our superiors do? Zillionaire media snobs can't hold birthday parties for the likes of Sen. McPAIN without CAVIAR. Pee-TAH can't READ THE NEWS without CAVIAR. PINCH can't run the UNIVERSES' GREATEST PAPER without CAVIAR. Hollywood can't make BAD MOVIES without CAVIAR. DIPPITY-DO!! may have to resign after taking the oath of office!
All for salty FISH EGGS. Hhmph!
Somehow it's hard to conceive such a brilliant revue starring E. L. "Heal Thyself" Doctorow as being "toothless," but we certainly can conceive America's Novelist Laureate as being less quite a few things other than teeth.
"It is difficult to imagine a more flagrant abdication of duty than a director rubber-stamping transactions that directly benefit a controlling shareholder without any thought, comprehension or analysis."
Wait a second! I thought con-SER-va-tives were all for FREE ENTERPRISE! I guess it depends on who's free with the enterprise.
Wait a second! I thought con-SER-va-tives were all for FREE ENTERPRISE! I guess it depends on who's free with the enterprise.