THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Monday, February 07, 2005
Well! People have been rushing left and right to install Firefox because it's "robust," and less prone to bugs and viruses and all sorts of bad things, or whatever it's supposed to be. So guess what? It has a feature that enables phishing.
This would be funny if it weren't computing; no, it's merely hilarious.
This would be funny if it weren't computing; no, it's merely hilarious.
HED OF THE WEEK:
Bush sends Congress 'lean' $2.57 trillion budget
Yeah -- like telling an 800-pound man to lay off a potato chip a day.
Bush sends Congress 'lean' $2.57 trillion budget
Yeah -- like telling an 800-pound man to lay off a potato chip a day.
Just when you thought it was safe to go out...
Clear Channel Entertainment Announces U2 Vertigo Tour Shatters World-Wide Sales Records
Clear Channel Entertainment Announces U2 Vertigo Tour Shatters World-Wide Sales Records
Here's an idea for SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS: Site Meter is now inflicting its members with COMMFLASH on EVERY CLICK. This is the next ratcheting up in the war against Web surfers.
Surprise: Paul Shanley has been convicted.
Here's another ex-priest who will soon know what HELL is like.
Here's another ex-priest who will soon know what HELL is like.
The juicy irony is whatever replaces LORD KOPPEL OF ESPNDOM in His time slot will probably do WORSE.
America's MEDIA BUYERS are UPSET that THEY COULDN'T DO LAST NIGHT what THEY WANTED TO DO -- assault us with SMUT in the guise of SALESMANSHIP.
It's going to take more than FINES to change THIS reactionary BIZ.
It's going to take more than FINES to change THIS reactionary BIZ.
Maybe it's me, but why is it when I think reggae I think PROTEST?
Or to be more precise, Music for Kofi to BLOVIATE By.
Or to be more precise, Music for Kofi to BLOVIATE By.
Sorry to Volokh, but today, Philadelphia is in MOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRNING. And that, to be sure, is largely the MEDIA HACKS' FAULT. I'd be surprised if the CRETINOUS KNIGHTRIDDERITES don't print EVERY PAGE IN BLACK. And for a city to be in MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUURRRRRRRRRRNING is largely the fault of THE SIX-DIGIT SCRIBBLERS and their partners in greed the HAIR-SPRAY DRENCHED DO'S. I suspect a comparison between this EPOCHAL DISASTER and, say, the IMMORTAL 1960 TRIUMPH would be instructive. Back in those days the hacks were content with maybe two days of coverage and some straight analysis of the game. Since then, however, a deadly conceit has taken hold of the media -- that they must be PROFIT CENTERS, and everything they do must be measured in terms of how much they PLEASE THE CUSTOMERS -- the same customers we've BIASED and SLANTED out of EXISTENCE. As the NEWS HOLE decreases (the inevitable result of slanting our papers into oblivion) the possibilities for crowd-pleasin' mischief increase. This is even more true with DO's, whose programs went from fifteen-minute rip-'n'-reads to two-hour POLICE BLOTTERS. What time to fill! What space! And how shall we fill it? Not with news, that's asking too much. We'll fill it with what -- THE PUBLIC WANTS! With what -- MAKES US MONEY! Hence ten weeks of SATURATION COVERAGE, millions of words of IDLEST SPECULATION AND HUMBUG, photos enough to WALLPAPER a ROOM, hacks flashing their expense accounts like THE DONALD flashing his AMEX PLATINUM CARD, endless resumes for BRISTOL, CHEERLEADING AND MORE CHEERLEADING. THIS is why I dreaded a win: all that cheerleading builds up expectations to such a pitch it can only lead to release in rioting -- especially in a city with little self-esteem (a situation surely not helped by COURAGEOUS SCRIBBLERS and DO'S). Perhaps nothing would have come of it other than one big party for days on end -- an irksome enough prospect to one across the street from a RENDELI -- but why should we always have to play Russian roulette with NEWS HACKS?
And the utter irony is that for all this placating, for all this condescending, for all this kowtowing, NEWS HACKS do not stop the hemorraging of readers, the deepening of distrust among viewers. To them the night-and-day RAH-RAH is but one more reason to suspect every last NEWS HACK's motivation, and to be sure that, in the end, the BIZ only has it IN for us.
As for NEXT time, I shall be prepared: not only will I have a television -- it is no fun following the GREATEST CONTRIBUTION TO MAN'S WELFARE AND CULTURE on the Web -- but the weekend of the TRIUMPH I may rent a hotel room in a distant city and spend two days there so I don't have to share in the DRUNK -- the CELEBRATION.
One last thought: How can news hacks who must always ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT for the HOME TEAM so blithely wish us ill in IRAQ?
And the utter irony is that for all this placating, for all this condescending, for all this kowtowing, NEWS HACKS do not stop the hemorraging of readers, the deepening of distrust among viewers. To them the night-and-day RAH-RAH is but one more reason to suspect every last NEWS HACK's motivation, and to be sure that, in the end, the BIZ only has it IN for us.
As for NEXT time, I shall be prepared: not only will I have a television -- it is no fun following the GREATEST CONTRIBUTION TO MAN'S WELFARE AND CULTURE on the Web -- but the weekend of the TRIUMPH I may rent a hotel room in a distant city and spend two days there so I don't have to share in the DRUNK -- the CELEBRATION.
One last thought: How can news hacks who must always ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT ROOT for the HOME TEAM so blithely wish us ill in IRAQ?
Sunday, February 06, 2005
Iraqis Cite Shift in Attitudes Since Vote
Mood Seen Moving Against Insurgency
Maybe Iraq is finally starting to grow up.
Mood Seen Moving Against Insurgency
Maybe Iraq is finally starting to grow up.
It may seem odd that on this day of the SECOND CO -- you know, one of PAUL'S SAINTS should make a $1.5 BILLION bid for -- a BRITISH...FOOTBALL TEAM?
That's one reason the Voice of America must refer to "American football."
Somehow I would not be surprised if this is as much news here as FOOTBALL IMMORTALITY will be there -- or to put it another way, if this news is as big THERE as our bloated exercise in corporate reverse Robin Hooding and CEO appeasement is HERE.
That's one reason the Voice of America must refer to "American football."
Somehow I would not be surprised if this is as much news here as FOOTBALL IMMORTALITY will be there -- or to put it another way, if this news is as big THERE as our bloated exercise in corporate reverse Robin Hooding and CEO appeasement is HERE.
The Nooz boys were so busy with the story about a steroid-injecting loudmouth I didn't see the story underneath it; it seems a few of our soldiers had "fun" in Iraq. At the Freep they're torn between whether this is a lack of discipline or whether to be HOWARD for the day. Sorry, I side with the PRUDES. (And yes, I know all about NEWS HACKS.) Our soldiers oughtn't to be doing this, even if they are off-duty, as it knocks some props out from under our justifications for the war, and as it gives the Muslim world another excuse not to like us.
P. S. This is better. I say, let the soldiers have fun, but let them have reasonable fun.
P. S. This is better. I say, let the soldiers have fun, but let them have reasonable fun.
JFK -- er, John Kerry says he lost because of those @#$%&* SWIFT BOAT VETS, and because he didn't have enough money.
And no, it had nothing to do with taking five positions on Iraq or being MR. EXCITEMENT.
Hey SENATOR! You got 57 MILLION VOTES. That should prove some people are prepared to vote for ANYBODY.
And no, it had nothing to do with taking five positions on Iraq or being MR. EXCITEMENT.
Hey SENATOR! You got 57 MILLION VOTES. That should prove some people are prepared to vote for ANYBODY.
And on this day of HISTORRRRRRRRY and IMMORTALITY, we learn that a steroid-injected loudmouth who played THE GAME THAT'S BACK -- AND BETTER THAN EVER!!!!! has been telling his woes to Bernie Kerik's...friend, who's busy "editing" them.
Somehow I doubt we'll learn anything we couldn't already imagine.
Somehow I doubt we'll learn anything we couldn't already imagine.
Rap mogul Marion "Suge" Knight was booked on suspicion of violating his parole after police allegedly found marijuana in his vehicle during a traffic stop, authorities said Sunday.
Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move.
Another [C]RAPPER makes a BRILLIANT career move.
[H]ers isn't the only byline from The Times to appear on the bottom of the screen when you're watching "Hardball"; I've been on the show myself, sneezing through my makeup.
O RARE PUBLIC EDI-TOR, I do NOT believe we should be talking about our fellow workers appearing on television when you've been on television -- and when all your myriad colleagues seem to DO is appear on television.
O RARE PUBLIC EDI-TOR, I do NOT believe we should be talking about our fellow workers appearing on television when you've been on television -- and when all your myriad colleagues seem to DO is appear on television.
MR. MARK calls IRAQ'S "A COURAGEOUS VOTE"!!!!!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
And since there appears to be no story to link to that COURAGEOUS HED, I'd say MR. MARK's trying to atone for LAST WEEK! VERY COURAGEOUS, o CHERUBIM of ST. WARREN!
Pffh-hh-hh hh hh hh ha ha ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!
And since there appears to be no story to link to that COURAGEOUS HED, I'd say MR. MARK's trying to atone for LAST WEEK! VERY COURAGEOUS, o CHERUBIM of ST. WARREN!
Saturday, February 05, 2005
"Please," a clearly pleased Scalia said. "It was supposed to be funny!"
Sounds like THE NEXT CHIEF JUSTICE is doing a little ME-ME-MEing!
Sounds like THE NEXT CHIEF JUSTICE is doing a little ME-ME-MEing!
I think I figured out what it is about the SUPER BORE: It's about a lot of people we resent having a good time.
To put it differently, it's the GRIDIRON CLUB DINNER of sport.
To put it differently, it's the GRIDIRON CLUB DINNER of sport.
Investigators probing alleged corruption at the United Nations oil-for-food program are scrutinizing thousands of pages of U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan's documents, including e-mail and phone records, to determine whether he exerted influence in securing a contract for a Swiss company that employed his son.
OH oh, maybe His Holiness ISN'T safe.
OH oh, maybe His Holiness ISN'T safe.
I have this horrible feeling that tomorrow's SECOND COMING will go overtime. If it does, and especially if it goes double or triple, and "WE" win, that means riots. The SUPER BORE has not traditionally inspired big mass crime, in part because it's so often been a blowout, and because it's scheduled on Sunday night, and people do have to work the next day. Of course I was wrong about rioting in Detroit for the ATTITUDINAL BASKETBALL LEAGUE's championship, and Bostonians have taken their alleged dynasty in stride. But fans who've been without a FIX for so long, and who have famously booed Santa, may be capable of anything.
Yah-ta-ta yah-ta-ta TALK TALK TALK:
Tomorrow, someone or some place will be changed forever. Such is the transformative power of the Super Bowl.
It changes players, making legends of some and punch lines of others. It turns coaches into geniuses or fools. It can turn a city's fortunes around.
Yeah. Ask Mitt Romney. Despite his biggest city (or rather, his biggest metropolitan area) having won TWO Super Bores and a World Series in the last three years he was close to being fitted for a straitjacket when P&G took Gillette away. Don't mention Bank of America either.
As for US in Philly, our local KNIGHTRIDDER NEWS MONOPOLY has spent so much time chanting I-G-G-L-E-S -- IGGLES!!!!! it's happily ignored the likelihood of a transit strike next month -- possibly a long and painful one given our transit authority's budget problems. Meantime we're waiting for our BELOVED MAYOR to be INDICTED for his slow-cooking CORRUPTION. Yes, THE SUPER BORE REALLY CAN TURN A CITY'S FORTUNES AROUND.
Blah-blah-blah-blah MOON, blah-blah-blah-blah STAR....
Tomorrow, someone or some place will be changed forever. Such is the transformative power of the Super Bowl.
It changes players, making legends of some and punch lines of others. It turns coaches into geniuses or fools. It can turn a city's fortunes around.
Yeah. Ask Mitt Romney. Despite his biggest city (or rather, his biggest metropolitan area) having won TWO Super Bores and a World Series in the last three years he was close to being fitted for a straitjacket when P&G took Gillette away. Don't mention Bank of America either.
As for US in Philly, our local KNIGHTRIDDER NEWS MONOPOLY has spent so much time chanting I-G-G-L-E-S -- IGGLES!!!!! it's happily ignored the likelihood of a transit strike next month -- possibly a long and painful one given our transit authority's budget problems. Meantime we're waiting for our BELOVED MAYOR to be INDICTED for his slow-cooking CORRUPTION. Yes, THE SUPER BORE REALLY CAN TURN A CITY'S FORTUNES AROUND.
Blah-blah-blah-blah MOON, blah-blah-blah-blah STAR....
LEGENDARY, according to CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES:
Whitney Houston recorded the soundtrack for "The Bodyguard" inside one of [The Hit Factory's] studios in 1983, and watched it sell more than 17 million copies.
I suppose names like "Bruce Springsteen, Donald Fagen, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett, Toni Braxton, Madonna, U2, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Jay-Z, [and] Beyonce" will qualify in a NEWS HACK's MIND as LEGENDARY, but to me they sound like the same old same old, producing the same old same old same old ghee-tar whanging and caterwauling that now pours uncontrollably out of a hundred thousand radio stations and five million stores, the same old same old same old same old. But this is, after all, music recorded in a FACTORY. (Tony counts too because he's a safely neutered RELIC.)
The Hit Factory, which will continue to operate its recording facility in Miami, acknowledged in a statement announcing its decision that there was "a burgeoning shift in the music industry away from large-scale recording facilities."
TRANSLATION: Any Johnny-One-Note can modify his voice into suitable tonelessness with a home studio. Besides, when was the last time more than six people gathered to record anything? "We Are the World"?
Whitney Houston recorded the soundtrack for "The Bodyguard" inside one of [The Hit Factory's] studios in 1983, and watched it sell more than 17 million copies.
I suppose names like "Bruce Springsteen, Donald Fagen, Michael Jackson, Tony Bennett, Toni Braxton, Madonna, U2, Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Jay-Z, [and] Beyonce" will qualify in a NEWS HACK's MIND as LEGENDARY, but to me they sound like the same old same old, producing the same old same old same old ghee-tar whanging and caterwauling that now pours uncontrollably out of a hundred thousand radio stations and five million stores, the same old same old same old same old. But this is, after all, music recorded in a FACTORY. (Tony counts too because he's a safely neutered RELIC.)
The Hit Factory, which will continue to operate its recording facility in Miami, acknowledged in a statement announcing its decision that there was "a burgeoning shift in the music industry away from large-scale recording facilities."
TRANSLATION: Any Johnny-One-Note can modify his voice into suitable tonelessness with a home studio. Besides, when was the last time more than six people gathered to record anything? "We Are the World"?
Friday, February 04, 2005
Another reminder that AMERICA'S BS FACTORIES run OVERTIME during OVERHYPED SPORTS EVENTS and POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS. Apart from being the sports equivalent of when MSSSSSSSS. HEINTZ used AN IMPOLITE PHRASE during THE FIRST INFOMERCIAL (does anybody REMEMBER that?), I'd say this guy is worthy of his nickname, "Concrete Charlie" -- if I cared.
Well, my last post created a tiny spike. I thank you spikers, but I will confess this is the second time this has happened, and the last (it was the Professor) I felt very nervous and agitated. It may seem strange but for someone who can spout such vitriol I am exceptionally shy and nervous. Call me a hypocrite, and maybe that's what I am, but I'll admit to this, and to being a bit thin-skinned myself. If I cause any offense, I don't mean it, or at least I mean it only politically. Jack Shafer, if you read this, no harm and no foul intended.
JACK, the reason Dubya talks past you guys is that YOU ONLY ASK TOUGH QUESTIONS OF CONSERVATIVES AND REPUBLICANS. Of course there are other ways we can judge the press is not a truthful, neutral arbiter: how many show-biz stories are written by PAT KINGSLEY? When was the last time ANYBODY asked a TOUGH QUESTION of PAUL TAGLIAFOOL? Or a LEGENDARY WELCH? By needling ONLY CONSERVATIVES AND REPUBLICANS NEWS HACKS think they ask tough questions, and this permits them to get away with practically ANYTHING SHORT OF PLAGIARISM.
I only discovered this piece because JONAH found it six days late, but I'd like to know of ANY American news organization that has done a fraction of the probing into North Korea RUPERT!!!!!!!!!'s Times has done. (For once you do good, RUPE!!!!!) While the IDIOT NEWS HACKS sell us the SECOND COMING and the MONEYCHANGERS at the TEMPLE of FOOTBALL, and bask in the DRIVEL-POWERED INFUSION OF CASH, some reporters took a risk to get the inside story in one of the most brutal dictatorships man has ever known. The NEUHARTHS who run the damfool trade these days should be ASHAMED of themselves.
As for the story's crux, North Korea's days are numbered, however fierce its oppression. It says something when North Koreans must consider China a beacon of freedom. It says something too that the Northerners are finding ways out through the offices of Christians.
As for the story's crux, North Korea's days are numbered, however fierce its oppression. It says something when North Koreans must consider China a beacon of freedom. It says something too that the Northerners are finding ways out through the offices of Christians.
If you think Sunday's Super Bowl is only about football played at the highest level, you probably don't make your living in the ad game.
OR HAVE NEVER READ USA OKAY!!!!!!!!!!
OR HAVE NEVER READ USA OKAY!!!!!!!!!!
As we enter this WEEKEND OF IMMORTALITY (PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT), does anyone here remember Max Schmeling? They say he was a great heavyweight boxer (because he boxed so long ago CURLEY'S [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!] STOOGES call him "A LEGEND"). Joe Louis beat him in the first round of a championship fight. Does anyone remember Joe Louis? Or professional boxing? Keep THAT in mind when you start hearing people speak of THE AGES.
FREE EN-TER-PRISE:
A Washington state utility released audiotapes Thursday that it said revealed bankrupt energy trader Enron Corp. plotted to take a power plant off-line in 2001 to jack up electric prices in Western states.
And a few of these folk were VERY FREE EN-TER-PRISING:
One Enron employee tells a colleague in another recorded conversation, "I'm just trying to be an honest camper so I only go to jail once."
"Well, there you go. At least in only one country," the other replies, and laughs.
"Yeah, [expletive], this isn't a joke," the first employee says.
No, you aren't a man until you've been to jail at least once. But then that's the motto of BIGBIZ, and the GOP.
A Washington state utility released audiotapes Thursday that it said revealed bankrupt energy trader Enron Corp. plotted to take a power plant off-line in 2001 to jack up electric prices in Western states.
And a few of these folk were VERY FREE EN-TER-PRISING:
One Enron employee tells a colleague in another recorded conversation, "I'm just trying to be an honest camper so I only go to jail once."
"Well, there you go. At least in only one country," the other replies, and laughs.
"Yeah, [expletive], this isn't a joke," the first employee says.
No, you aren't a man until you've been to jail at least once. But then that's the motto of BIGBIZ, and the GOP.
Thursday, February 03, 2005
See, this is why Rummy should be put on a leash -- he told LARRY KING of all people that he offered to resign TWICE during THE PRISON SCANDAL, and now THE LIBERALS and the NEWS HACKS WON'T SHUT UP -- especially when A BRAVE GROUP like the CENTER FOR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS, "the premiere legal institution of the CONSERVATIVE movement" (think we'd have run THAT one, CURLEY? [Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!]) is suing us for WAR CRIMES.
TEDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. Hey CENTER! You seem to have taken the word PROGRESSIVE down from your site! Did CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES alert you?
TEDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!
P. S. Hey CENTER! You seem to have taken the word PROGRESSIVE down from your site! Did CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES alert you?
I DID IT!!!!! I DID IT!!!!! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!
When are you running pop-ups, CHUCK?
When are you running pop-ups, CHUCK?
JUXTAPOSITION OF THE WEEK:
Report: Scandal 'Undermined' U.N.
The chief of the U.N. oil-for-food program "created a grave and continuing conflict of interest" that seriously undermined the integrity of the United Nations, a new report says.
Related: Annan Warns Sudan to Stop Darfur Killing
Report: Scandal 'Undermined' U.N.
The chief of the U.N. oil-for-food program "created a grave and continuing conflict of interest" that seriously undermined the integrity of the United Nations, a new report says.
Related: Annan Warns Sudan to Stop Darfur Killing
How do I know THE FREDDIE THE FREELOADERS OF MOUNTAIN VIEW are celebrating THEIR NEW ALL-TIME HIGH? When I tried posting my last entry the first time I GOT AN INSTANT ERROR MESSAGE!
Keep it UP, FREDDIES, and we'll call you CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS!
Keep it UP, FREDDIES, and we'll call you CLEM KADIDDLEHOPPERS!
The commandant of the Marine Corps said Thursday he has counseled a senior subordinate for saying publicly, "It's fun to shoot some people."
What if he'd said, "It's fun getting shot at"?
What if he'd said, "It's fun getting shot at"?
Something to look forward to (he said with eyes rolling):
USA TODAY Super Bowl Bonus Section Hits Newsstands Tomorrow
TRANSLATION: Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!
USA TODAY Super Bowl Bonus Section Hits Newsstands Tomorrow
TRANSLATION: Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!
A group of CONSERVATIVE European Union lawmakers from eastern Europe called Thursday for a ban on communist symbols, including the red star and the hammer and sickle, to match a proposed EU ban on the Nazi swastika.
I think CONSERVATIVE's reason enough not to do it.
Not to worry, they won't.
I think CONSERVATIVE's reason enough not to do it.
Not to worry, they won't.
A DOUBLE-DOSE OF SLASHDOT GEEKERY!!!!!
1.
Ant writes " The New York Times talks about Homaro Cantu's maki, it looks a lot like the sushi rolls served at other upscale restaurants: pristine, coin-size disks stuffed with lumps of fresh crab and rice and wrapped in shiny nori. They also taste like sushi, deliciously fishy and seaweedy. But the sushi made by Mr. Cantu, the 28-year-old executive chef at Moto in Chicago, often contains no fish. It is prepared on a Canon i560 inkjet printer rather than a cutting board. He prints images of maki on pieces of edible paper made of soybeans and cornstarch, using organic, food-based inks of his own concoction. Then, Homaro flavors the back of the paper, which is ordinarily used to put images onto birthday cakes, with powdered soy and seaweed seasonings."
2.
An anonymous reader writes "LiveScience is reporting that the military's HAARP project has had its first success generating artificial light displays in the ionosphere. They created little green speckles of manmade aurora within an existing auroral display. The work is designed primarily to 'enhance communications and surveillance systems for both civilian and defense purposes.' Next up: sky-high neon advertisements."
1.
Ant writes " The New York Times talks about Homaro Cantu's maki, it looks a lot like the sushi rolls served at other upscale restaurants: pristine, coin-size disks stuffed with lumps of fresh crab and rice and wrapped in shiny nori. They also taste like sushi, deliciously fishy and seaweedy. But the sushi made by Mr. Cantu, the 28-year-old executive chef at Moto in Chicago, often contains no fish. It is prepared on a Canon i560 inkjet printer rather than a cutting board. He prints images of maki on pieces of edible paper made of soybeans and cornstarch, using organic, food-based inks of his own concoction. Then, Homaro flavors the back of the paper, which is ordinarily used to put images onto birthday cakes, with powdered soy and seaweed seasonings."
2.
An anonymous reader writes "LiveScience is reporting that the military's HAARP project has had its first success generating artificial light displays in the ionosphere. They created little green speckles of manmade aurora within an existing auroral display. The work is designed primarily to 'enhance communications and surveillance systems for both civilian and defense purposes.' Next up: sky-high neon advertisements."
And continuing the party at ROMY'S, E&P's hero says he doesn't trust the figures in the Iraqi election.
Okay, we can question those figures. But when some PERFESSER from some LOONY-LEFT SKOOL comes up with an EQUATION that ESTIMATES WE killed HALF-A-MILLION CIVILIANS in the war, people like THE HERO have a way of ACQUIESCING.
Okay, we can question those figures. But when some PERFESSER from some LOONY-LEFT SKOOL comes up with an EQUATION that ESTIMATES WE killed HALF-A-MILLION CIVILIANS in the war, people like THE HERO have a way of ACQUIESCING.
ROMY AND THE HACKS HAVE A NEW HERO! HE SAYS THE PRESS'S HIGH ESTEEM IS ALL RUSH'S FAULT!!!!!
And of COURSE it has NOTHING to do with Janet Cooke, the Hitler Diaries, Tailwind, Jayson, BLATHERGATE, etc., etc., ETC.
OR:
So forgive us then for wondering, when we read polls like this week's, whether maybe we should have gone into real estate instead.
I hear it pays better.
And you can pour on the lies and spin thick and fast THERE too!
And of COURSE it has NOTHING to do with Janet Cooke, the Hitler Diaries, Tailwind, Jayson, BLATHERGATE, etc., etc., ETC.
OR:
So forgive us then for wondering, when we read polls like this week's, whether maybe we should have gone into real estate instead.
I hear it pays better.
And you can pour on the lies and spin thick and fast THERE too!
I've often made fun of America's advertisers for their willful ignorance, but the gowned and tasseled know-nothings of our SPORTS FACTORIES are seldom far behind. It's almost as if they HOPE their charges haven't committed crimes, and the hope seems to carry them past the realm of background checks, or simple decency.
Ordinarily the name J. Gordon Coogler gives off a noise like a $20 car alarm, but R. Emmett has deemed fit to quote from THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY, and for once he hits the bull's eye:
He is almost a Holy Person to the idolizers of pop culture. Like Michael Kinsley: He Makes You Laugh, which raises the question why did Kinsley not get a television show on Comedy Central?.
Here are some of Stewart's incomparable laughquakes from America:
"Though Ronald Reagan (1980-1989) was not considered Kennedyesque, many historians believe he was among our most Reaganesque commanders-in-chief" -- page 38.
"The name of Senator Joseph McCarthy (R-WI) became synonymous with an era, not unlike his colleague Representative Pleistocene (D-MN)" -- page 61.
"The one area Kerry was decidedly unKennedyesque was with the ladies. He lost his virginity his senior year only after an intense lobbying and letter-writing campaign aimed at persuading the school slut to 'grant him franking privileges'" -- page 5.
Oh, and there is another made-for-television joke on page 192 about the lone protester at Tiananmen Square suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
We always knew America's book buyers had no taste; it seems they have no sense either.
He is almost a Holy Person to the idolizers of pop culture. Like Michael Kinsley: He Makes You Laugh, which raises the question why did Kinsley not get a television show on Comedy Central?.
Here are some of Stewart's incomparable laughquakes from America:
"Though Ronald Reagan (1980-1989) was not considered Kennedyesque, many historians believe he was among our most Reaganesque commanders-in-chief" -- page 38.
"The name of Senator Joseph McCarthy (R-WI) became synonymous with an era, not unlike his colleague Representative Pleistocene (D-MN)" -- page 61.
"The one area Kerry was decidedly unKennedyesque was with the ladies. He lost his virginity his senior year only after an intense lobbying and letter-writing campaign aimed at persuading the school slut to 'grant him franking privileges'" -- page 5.
Oh, and there is another made-for-television joke on page 192 about the lone protester at Tiananmen Square suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
We always knew America's book buyers had no taste; it seems they have no sense either.
That Beach Boys dead man's revue must be a classic: The Noo Yawk Daily Nooz sent TWO ad-blurb copywriters to review it. They BOTH panned it.
NEXT UP: ELVIS!
NEXT UP: ELVIS!
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Depressing "news," any way you slice it:
Nat King Cole Returns to Billboard's Top 50 for the First Time Since 1965 With Triumphant #41 Debut Of 'The World Of Nat King Cole'
Our musical culture has grown so eviscerated that people dare to congratulate themselves over something like this. We needn't guess what takes up the other forty-nine slots. Nor does it mean people have suddenly acquired good taste, for much of EMI's umpteenth repackaging consists of the unchallenging sticky-sweet-and-slow ballads of his commercial prime, not the truly undying stuff with the Trio. Well, we're glad to have you back any way we can get you, Nat. Now if only we could have your kind of music again for REAL.
Nat King Cole Returns to Billboard's Top 50 for the First Time Since 1965 With Triumphant #41 Debut Of 'The World Of Nat King Cole'
Our musical culture has grown so eviscerated that people dare to congratulate themselves over something like this. We needn't guess what takes up the other forty-nine slots. Nor does it mean people have suddenly acquired good taste, for much of EMI's umpteenth repackaging consists of the unchallenging sticky-sweet-and-slow ballads of his commercial prime, not the truly undying stuff with the Trio. Well, we're glad to have you back any way we can get you, Nat. Now if only we could have your kind of music again for REAL.
Why does this photo make Dubya look clueless? (I do NOT ascribe it to press bias.)
One possible explanation: he probably read the jottings of five hundred staffers for the first time in rehearsing it.
A faithful fan of Romy's has a suggestion:
Tip for editors: Put iPod scam stories next to war articles
This is just a variation of being RIGHT ON, WITH IT and NOW! Younger readers will still see the MIDDLE-AGED men pulling the strings. And even if we killed off every last MIDDLE-AGED staffer and replaced them with twenty-somethings (but remember: your survivors will collect DEATH BENEFITS when you turn THIRTY), the idea that "iPod scams" should be equal to "war stories" is at least as offensive in its condescension as in its priorites. (Odd too in that it comes from a collegiate editor, which suggests she has a BRIGHT FUTURE in the biz.) No, maybe reading newspapers is simply for OLD FOLKS.
Tip for editors: Put iPod scam stories next to war articles
This is just a variation of being RIGHT ON, WITH IT and NOW! Younger readers will still see the MIDDLE-AGED men pulling the strings. And even if we killed off every last MIDDLE-AGED staffer and replaced them with twenty-somethings (but remember: your survivors will collect DEATH BENEFITS when you turn THIRTY), the idea that "iPod scams" should be equal to "war stories" is at least as offensive in its condescension as in its priorites. (Odd too in that it comes from a collegiate editor, which suggests she has a BRIGHT FUTURE in the biz.) No, maybe reading newspapers is simply for OLD FOLKS.
Because NEWS HACKS ace an ethics TEST means they'll ace it in the REAL WORLD?
I'll believe these folks are ethical when they STOP SPINNING AND SELLING THE NEWS.
I'll believe these folks are ethical when they STOP SPINNING AND SELLING THE NEWS.
HMMM, you don't suppose OMERTA'S NEUHARTHISM has something to do with THIS, do you?
A RANK SMELL is coming from LALALAND.
A RANK SMELL is coming from LALALAND.
If The American Spectator is to be believed (what have I said before?), Howard Dean is the Demwits' new CHAIRMAN.
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
But as THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says:
Dr. Strangelove...er, Dean also benefited from a relatively weak field. [Editorial comment added.]
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
But as THE PAPER OF RE-CORD says:
Dr. Strangelove...er, Dean also benefited from a relatively weak field. [Editorial comment added.]
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
ANDY S.'s "sabbatical" ought to teach us among other things that no blog is indispensable. If ANDY believes he can walk away from his site for nine months to pursue other interests, why can't any blogger? One of the problems with blogging is because corporate news webs sites are "forever," by extension blogs must be too. Just by being one-man shows blogs don't have the stamina or staying power. The solution may be cooperatives as with some of the SUPERDDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS, as with the POP-UP POWER LINE BOZOS, but at what point do such sites quite being blogs and just turn into MMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMMM?
NEUHARTHISM OF THE MONTH: Okay OMERTA, it's fine with me if you want to lead a Claudia "RAH! RAH!" Eller cheerleading routine for something like this, but keep in mind OMERTA, TRIB stock is near a 52-week LOW, and one BIG reason for that IS NOT THE DO-NOT-CALL LAWS.
Indeed the more I think of this the more offensive it gets, because with such dog turds your biz wears its corporate self-interest on its sleeve. True, TRIB isn't in MSOs, but it is in cable. Why couldn't WGN piggyback such masterworks on its regular signal? The OOOHs and AAAhs your biz inflicts us with about porn are just another manifestation of SYNERGY, another way of keeping your CORPORATE OPTIONS open. It is obvious from this Machiavellian shtick that you and the other megatyrants in this biz view your readers and surfers as IDIOTS. But YOU must be IDIOTS TOO to risk the ire of state legislators -- and CONGRESS. One more time -- the reason news stocks are in the tank IS NOT THE DO-NOT-CALL LAWS.
You persist with this sort of bilgewater OMERTA and we can remove YOUR property from our BOOKMARKS, just as I have done with THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM.
Indeed the more I think of this the more offensive it gets, because with such dog turds your biz wears its corporate self-interest on its sleeve. True, TRIB isn't in MSOs, but it is in cable. Why couldn't WGN piggyback such masterworks on its regular signal? The OOOHs and AAAhs your biz inflicts us with about porn are just another manifestation of SYNERGY, another way of keeping your CORPORATE OPTIONS open. It is obvious from this Machiavellian shtick that you and the other megatyrants in this biz view your readers and surfers as IDIOTS. But YOU must be IDIOTS TOO to risk the ire of state legislators -- and CONGRESS. One more time -- the reason news stocks are in the tank IS NOT THE DO-NOT-CALL LAWS.
You persist with this sort of bilgewater OMERTA and we can remove YOUR property from our BOOKMARKS, just as I have done with THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
I guess I'm back to single-digit days. What's the purpose of blogging when all you do is shout in a vacuum? It's bad enough that only automated sites pay attention; it's worse to have to type for fewer and fewer such sites. I'm beginning to understand why ANDY S. quit (for now, he says), but he had no excuse for moping because he had an audience. I have had these ruminations before, and I don't want to give blogging up because it does exercise my brain, but what is it for?
Google profit surges on Web ad strength
OH oh, I guess that means tomorrow G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER will make MOLASSES LOOK FAST.
OH oh, I guess that means tomorrow G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLEBLOGGER will make MOLASSES LOOK FAST.
WON'T NEWS HACKS EVER LEARN? Putting BLOGGERS into CONVENTION HALLS was piling a PELION of TEDIUM on OSSA. So what do the hacks do? THEY BLOG FROM THE SUPER BORE SITE!!
Do you really need to fill THAT much space?
Do you really need to fill THAT much space?
Democrats won't filibuster Gonzales nomination
Did they just change the bottles in the Senate Day-Care Center?
Did they just change the bottles in the Senate Day-Care Center?
Shucks, THE FIRST AMENDMENT STRIKES OUT at HAMILTON COLLEGE.
You might say the college's president is protecting her HINDE.
You might say other things too, but we won't say them.
You might say the college's president is protecting her HINDE.
You might say other things too, but we won't say them.
Speaking of clowns, I learned from the Professor (not you, sir) that ANDY S. is putting his blog "on hiatus." What that really means is anyone's guess -- he says "nine months" -- but what it may mean is that, for all the millions of column inches devoted to them, blogs MAY NOT CURE CANCER, and that unlike news organizations they're at the whim of a single person, and when the single person is a FAMOUS JERNALIST a blog can detract from other pursuits -- like making money (though it appears THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM have found a way AROUND that). Possibly also ANDY may have tired of all the invective blasting the melodrama and hubris and flipflopping he's displayed much too much lately, and which surely has cost him a lot of readers.
The one good thing: in time maybe people will forget ANDY S., just as it is possible to forget bloggers like YOURS TRULY who type for nothing (in several ways).
The one good thing: in time maybe people will forget ANDY S., just as it is possible to forget bloggers like YOURS TRULY who type for nothing (in several ways).
Has anyone noticed that THE BLOGGERS OF THE MILLENNIUM are now inflicting their fans with POP-UPS? I guess that's what goes with SHAKING HANDS WITH BIGMEDIA. Lest we forget though, ANY BLOG PRAISED BY TIME WARNER IS NOW BIGMEDIA.
If I had any voice I'd urge a boycott of these morons, but I guess pop-ups are what come with SWELLED HEADS.
If I had any voice I'd urge a boycott of these morons, but I guess pop-ups are what come with SWELLED HEADS.
Well, this IS HUGE: LORD KOPPEL of ESPNCORP and SLICK'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER MAY SWAP SHOWS!
This means the Lord can take half the year off and no one will notice; and BABY GEORGE can redouble ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS'S effort to TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT REPUBLICANS.
I'M looking forward to it!
This means the Lord can take half the year off and no one will notice; and BABY GEORGE can redouble ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS'S effort to TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT REPUBLICANS.
I'M looking forward to it!
Philip Johnson was the Wernher von Braun of architecture.
But this being THE PAPER OF RE-CORD I guess that's just an OPINION.
But this being THE PAPER OF RE-CORD I guess that's just an OPINION.
I have an idea: every year, on the anniversary of JOHNNY's death, all America should stand for ten minutes and recite HIS FINAL MONOLOGUE. It should be taught in every school, as Shakespeare's plays and Lincoln's speeches were, as a TESTAMENT TO THE AGES. Imagine the surpassing dignity, the solemn pride of the occasion, as millions in unison say:
Around the studio (studiostudio [Lou Gehrig echo]), we are still (stillstill) on an emotional high (highhigh) from last night (nightnight)....
I further propose that a taxpayer-paid copy be sent to every school child in America -- with a foreword by GEORGE W. BUSH.
I repeat: JOHNNY'S DEAD. Now may we PLEASE SHUT UP?????
Around the studio (studiostudio [Lou Gehrig echo]), we are still (stillstill) on an emotional high (highhigh) from last night (nightnight)....
I further propose that a taxpayer-paid copy be sent to every school child in America -- with a foreword by GEORGE W. BUSH.
I repeat: JOHNNY'S DEAD. Now may we PLEASE SHUT UP?????
That LOONIEST of LOONEY-LEFT PERFESSERS has found a FIG LEAF.
The essay attracted little attention until Churchill was invited recently to speak at Hamilton College, about 40 miles east of Syracuse, N.Y. Hundreds of relatives of Sept. 11 victims have protested the appearance. Hamilton College President Joan Hinde has said that "however repugnant one might find Mr. Churchill's remarks," the college was committed to his right of free speech and would not rescind its invitation.
Administrators have moved Churchill's appearance to a building that can seat 2,000, instead of the originally planned 300.
GUESS WHO WINS.
The essay attracted little attention until Churchill was invited recently to speak at Hamilton College, about 40 miles east of Syracuse, N.Y. Hundreds of relatives of Sept. 11 victims have protested the appearance. Hamilton College President Joan Hinde has said that "however repugnant one might find Mr. Churchill's remarks," the college was committed to his right of free speech and would not rescind its invitation.
Administrators have moved Churchill's appearance to a building that can seat 2,000, instead of the originally planned 300.
GUESS WHO WINS.
I suspect the cleverly manufactured controversy over CLINT'S EUTHANASIA MASTERPIECE (with AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS doing some HEAVY-DUTY MANUFACTURING) may be moot when the NIELSENS for the OSCARS® come in.
We must remember the AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS are the self-proclaimed PUBLIC INTELLECTUALS of the NEWS TRADE -- and if NEWS HACKS are CONFORMISTS and PHILISTINES to the Nth DEGREE, AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS are CONFORMISTS and PHILISTINES to THE Nth OF THE Nth DEGREE.
We must remember the AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS are the self-proclaimed PUBLIC INTELLECTUALS of the NEWS TRADE -- and if NEWS HACKS are CONFORMISTS and PHILISTINES to the Nth DEGREE, AD-BLURB COPYWRITERS are CONFORMISTS and PHILISTINES to THE Nth OF THE Nth DEGREE.
SEN. FATSO GLUBGLUB TALKS TO HIMSELF!
That's the problem with The World's Greatest Deliberative Body: you get to practice your bar monologues in public.
That's the problem with The World's Greatest Deliberative Body: you get to practice your bar monologues in public.
Thanks again, CONGRESSPOOPS:
Law Barring Junk E-Mail Allows a Flood Instead
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO FOR AN ENCORE?
Law Barring Junk E-Mail Allows a Flood Instead
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO FOR AN ENCORE?
Think we can turn this prison riot into a J'ACCUSE? A QUAGMIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
We're sure as heck gonna try.
We're sure as heck gonna try.