Posted 10:51 AM by Gene

We prefer to argue, given the latest adventures of JANET!!!!! and HILLARY, that women have now earned the right to be as incompetent as men, but we're not The Econowiz, and we don't charge $500 a year to clutter the desks and stroke the egos of CEOs.

Posted 10:41 AM by Gene

GEKKO KUDLOW, who clairvoyantly predicted the depr...ECONOMY, is now predicting a BOOM!!!!!, which would seem to indicate otherwise but we suspect it will happen, if only because his fellow GEKKOS will be the only ones getting rich.

Posted 8:19 AM by Gene

BROCCOLI and his crew can breathe easier; their "competition" is effectively playing out the string. But one-newspaper towns are good for nobody but the monopolists; and the idea of KAPLAN, INC. without KAPLAN is unthinkable. A vast bulk of the reasons the biz has pancaked is because of no competition. The captive audience found alternatives and it isn't coming back. And even if what's replaced the rags is only marginally better -- we still have the same lack of competition as before -- we no longer must depend on one source.

I'd have preferred using an account from the afflicted party but it's pretty much a press release.

(First link via TINA!!!!!)

Posted 10:31 AM by Gene

Obama Spock: 1,810,000 G000,000,000,000,000,000GLE LINKS.

Posted 9:17 AM by Gene

How do we know His Omnipotence is in trouble? TNR's urging Him to give up golf!

You'd think He could ace every hole with His superhuman powers.

Posted 8:57 AM by Gene

SURPRISE: The alleged -- er, the suspect -- er, you-know, had British links.

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

The good news: Frisco's murder rate is the lowest since 1961.

The bad news: It took a LOT more manpower to do it.

P. S. at 10:17 a. m. The same in the District of Criminality.

Posted 3:51 PM by Gene

What? Comedy Central News Network cancels a show?!?

Posted 2:09 PM by Gene

Yet another demonstration of football as rocket science.

Posted 10:28 AM by Gene

Actual juxtaposition from AHTSJournal:

Posted 10:06 AM by Gene

Despite "The Hurt Locker's" seemingly endless list of year end honors, including those best picture kudos from the L.A. and N.Y. groups and its impressive SAG, Globe and Critics Choice Movie Award nominations, the question I keep hearing repeatedly is: Can the movie actually win the Best Picture Oscar when it has only grossed $12 million since its June release?...

"Nine" which reportedly cost around $64 million to make only grossed just over $5 million....

"Up in the Air's" wide break did nothing box-office-wise to hurt its chances, earning $11 million. That was good for fifth place, but its lack of fire did nothing to help it either. It's in about the same boat as Clint Eastwood's "Invictus", which has done about $23 million since opening Dec. 11 but won't be one of the director's big hits....

And although "Precious," which started out gangbusters in November, seems to have stalled in the low 40s....

Peter Jackson's underperforming limited release, "The Lovely Bones"....

The academy obviously loves the Coens but despite some stellar reviews, their very personal and quirky early October release is one of their weakest money earners, stalled at No. 141 on the Box Office Mojo chart with just about $9 million.

Do I see a pattern?

Yes -- a pattern of few people wanting to see fillums that are good for them.

Posted 9:49 AM by Gene

GUVMENT MOTORS COMPANY's having a FIRE SALE on SLIGHTLY-USED CARS!

Posted 9:42 AM by Gene

You can tell how flaky and insubstantial a Web site is by noting whether it gave prominence to that press release about the $12 BILLION!!!!!!!!!! (or $14 BILLION!!!!!!!!!! if you really want to be important.) TINA!!!!! ran it. So did SHARON!!!!! So did MICHAEL!!!!!

Airheads all.

Posted 9:00 AM by Gene

"What are they, a high school radio station left on autopilot from Friday night to Monday morning?"

Why not, if the MESS brings in the big bucks for Very Littler Jeffy -- and BRIAN ROBBER.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

Nearly half of remaining Guantánamo detainees are from Yemen.

OH.



But remember, Your Omnipotence -- always do what's RIGHT.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

What's the connection? Miami has two million square feet of excess downtown office space and THE DONALD's former casinos are worth a fraction of old. I don't see a connection.

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Obama's options for airline security

1. Buy lots more high-tech equipment that won't work. 2. Continue to target 95-year-old great-grandmothers and anyone under six. 3. Have JANET!!!!! give pep rallies to Homeland Security employees. 4. Use the words "suspect" and "alleged" in speeches 500 times.

And make sure you don't nominate people for your top security jobs because it isn't sexy.

(Sorry for the Jo-NAH!)

Posted 8:27 AM by Gene

We're of two minds about this. Of course it's Chinese "justice". But the guy did smuggle in a sizable bit of heroin. BP's man in No. 10 looks like a moral cretin for coming out a bit too vehemently for a drug smuggler, but he's a cretin anyway. And there's no human rights problem a deal can't solve.

Posted 7:36 PM by Gene

More GENIUS on MadAve:

Kraft Singles is pulling an April Fool's Day joke in December, armed with the insight that the product's dairy-based recipe gives it a boost with Hispanic consumers.

Kraft timed today's launch of a 39-week partnership with Univision to the Dia de los Santos Inocentes, the Hispanic April Fool's Day that falls on Dec. 28 and features a long tradition of pranks and jokes in Latin America and Spain. In that spirit, Singles is coordinating a fake celebrity news story on Univision.com that diverts consumers to Kraft's "Don't Be Fooled" website....

The fake story breaks the news that the current Miss Universe, Venezuela's Stefania Fernandez, is giving up her title in favor of the first runner-up, Ada Aimee de la Cruz from the Dominican Republic. Supposedly Ms. Fernandez's boyfriend is jealous of pageant co-owner Donald Trump, and the whole contest might have been rigged by Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. The story even quotes Osmel Sousa, head of the Miss Venezuela Organization, saying it's OK if Venezuela, renowned for turning out beauty queens, loses a crown: "We already have like 500."

Consumers who want to play along with the gag can post the fake news on their own Facebook page, and try to trick their friends into clicking on the link.

We could say Velveeta and Cheez Whiz are April Fool's jokes, but will leave it to you to decide -- and we don't need Facebook.

Posted 3:38 PM by Gene

TMZ got scammed -- and it couldn't have happened to a nicer, more PEOPLE WARNER-affiliated bunch.



How much did you pay, JEFF BEW-KES?

Say, whoever sold them the picture could start a Ponzi scheme.

Posted 3:18 PM by Gene

Which is not to say BS is limited to the show-biz-ad sections. A couple of "profs" have engaged in a HI-MOM! moment by insisting that TGSM lost his sponsors' shareholders up to $12 billion!!!!!!!!!! OR:

To assess shareholder losses, the economists compared returns for Woods’ sponsors during this period to those of both the total stock market and of each sponsor’s closest competitor.

Knittel and Stango also reviewed returns for four years before the car accident to determine how each sponsor’s market performance normally correlates with that of the total market and of competitor firms.

And then they consulted two astrologists, three alchemists, a Gypsy fortune teller, and....but if TGSM created such devastating losses, would they be far worse if, say, their CEOs had all simultaneously resigned for sowing their wild oats? What about the employees they fire to no ill effect? What if they fired 50,000 at once? This blatherskite is an excuse to put U-C!!!!! (clap clap) Da-VIS!!!!! (clap clap) in newspapers, and Vic and Chris have surely demonstrated rather extensive credentials for LALA.

(Via SeekingAlpha -- although it would have been far more understandable coming from HENRY HONEST)

Posted 2:06 PM by Gene

Actual juxtaposition from Politico.com:

Posted 10:40 AM by Gene

The political prisoner Roman thanks his supporters for the outpouring of support, meaning HARVEY WHINER's campaigning for an honorary Os-CAR®.

Posted 10:07 AM by Gene

Yemen arrests 29 al Qaeda suspects after raids

Well somebody's doing something.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

Quick: what's wrong with this chart?

NO SLIME, YOU CAN'T CHARGE FOR YOUR NEWS.

Posted 9:43 AM by Gene

And speaking of press agents, if HUFF 'N' PUFF is so HOT!!!!! -- and we get at least fifty stories a day saying so -- why is it when I click on today's top blog posts I get stuff from the end of November?

Or is this intentional? (Sorry for the NewsMAX!!!!!)

Posted 8:58 AM by Gene

Which is why -- and we harp to death on this, we know -- THE GREATEST WEEKEND EVER!!!!!!!!!! riles even more than usual. Show-biz advertising -- we cannot call it news -- is a BS ZONE. If press agents have total control over one part of the alleged news biz why can't they have control over others? And because the biz' expression of self-interest is so naked and so prone to the lock step we cannot trust them otherwise. And as we said before, show-biz advertising has become a state press PROFIT CENTER -- so it will only get WORSE, hard as it is to imagine when it's already the dregs and boring out of the barrel.

Posted 8:54 AM by Gene

Remember when the state press said in one LOUD voice that the Fort Hood massacre was the work of a mere psycho? (We were not immune to groupthink ourselves; at first we thought it might be some neo-Nazi.) Now there are stirrings in said press connecting that act with the near bombing of the jet. You don't suppose it is still possible to be a t------t even in this enlightened time -- and with one of the most enlightened leaders America has ever known? But no, it's not possible; MILITANT attacks can't happen with the heavens tossing down garlands of love, and Europeans tossing us awards.

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Members of Congress ♥ SUH AL-LEN STANNNNFUHHHHD!

And a great big smoooooooooooooooch from Pete Sessions! Pete, why can't you go find a real mistress and resign?

(Via HENRY HONEST)

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

Obama low-profile after terror attempt

TRANSLATION: Another lose-lose for His Omnipotence. He knows foreign policy is always a downer; thus His administration has an essential indifference to the subject bordering on negligence, particularly on human rights; and taking care of terr -- MILITANTS may involve the military, and deep down one suspects His Omnipotence is still the community activist toward the people in uniform, even after nearly a year as putative Commander-in-Chief. So of course He keeps a non-existent profile, all the better to hope this blows away, and He can get back to burning our money on social schemes.

Posted 2:14 PM by Gene

Okay PAUL DRECK, you've seen God, and His name is $10 BILLION!!!!!!!!! Now SHUT UP.

SLIME, You'd better hope Your sugar daddy Jim continues to bring in the bacon. Who wants to PAY for THIS junk?

P. S. at 7:55 p. m. What happens when this masterwork comes into the video stores in 2-D? Judging from a few brave movee reviewers this thing was written in 1-D. Oh well, the movee S&M phreaks are trained to disgorge their pocket change like monkeys.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 2:12 PM by Gene

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs told me that a review will be done to make sure that there’s “no clog in the bureaucratic plumbing” that could have prevented the attack.

Just one problem, Bob: It's all clogs!

Posted 10:43 AM by Gene

Yesterday I did the stupidest thing: My computer, my five-year-old Lenny (i.e., my IBM) was acting up...and what's more the BUGMEISTERS tried seducing me into adding a service pack to my Office 2007, which caused the whole program to seize up -- well, the end result was I used Lenny's "Rescue and Recovery", and the end result of that was I lost virtually all My Documents! Mostly they were CD rips and easily restored -- over ten months -- but I fear having a tough time getting back My Music downloads -- God knows how many are deleted from the Web for good. But perseverance pays off, and except for a few minuscule items I expect to get them back -- and what's more, add to them. Thank God Firefox remembers downloads! (But only for as long as your history.) I am in a little of a daze about it, though; you don't expect it ever to happen to you. One consequence is that I paid for three months of Rapidshare -- not pleasant, but it works. You can't download for free from Rapidshare. Another is that I will soon get an external drive, but only when the price is right (less than $100 for 1.5TB).

Amazing: Four years ago I bought 2 gigs of memory thinking they would last. It takes five minutes for my computer to fully warm up with Firefox, and if I have more than seven or eight tabs open it goes into convulsions. Fortunately I just got an offer for a credit card with a fifteen-month 0% APR. The problem is, which computer? (I never solved the problem of replacing my TV, but I have an Amazon.com card also.) Having owned two boxes I want a device that will not soon become obsolete -- which in practical terms means an I7-9xx chip (the 920 on my budget, max), a memory expandable to 24 gigs (although Tom's Hardware ran a piece that makes one question whether more than 3 really work) and an option for two graphics cards, which may come in handy with multimedia and driving up my electric bill. In short, a gaming PC. And that has smells of its own. I'd consider Dell's top of the middle of the line the Studio XPS 9000 but it only supports one graphics card. The others look like rejects for the part of a dwarf robot in a grade-B movie. What's more from scanning the Web in a panic I've discovered many of the higher-end models that fit my bill have sold out; evidently no loss of zeal for computing in a depr -- ECONOMY. I've also learned HP's Pavilion Elite line has had mobo problems. A budget box does not make sense; it will work fine for a year and then the problems will take over. And I'm not convinced the BUGMEISTERS have cured Windows's arteriosclerosis. And I'm NOT paying a tithe to that other God -- especially when He churns out defects in different ways. And with MEDIA taking an ever bigger maw to hard drives you need the expansion room -- and that means a place for at least three hard drives. I'm buying a new one for my birthday, in February -- when with luck I'll have finished reconstructing whatever I can of My Documents. (It was a pity losing some old Life covers, but I'll get them back in bigger sizes -- so maybe it wasn't all that bad.)

Posted 9:54 AM by Gene

I've figured what it is about Attorney General Effete Q. Snob that inspires an almost visceral reaction in me:

1. He looks like the proverbial egghead in the worst sense, a man who's spent all his life in the hallowed hermetically-sealed halls of academe -- and you know he knows he's an egghead, and likes it. The only thing missing is a bow tie -- and probably somebody in His Omnipotence's squad told him not to wear one.

2. He suggests the type who would do the sorts of things he derides in his political opponents, but when you remind him of that he gets very self-righteously angry and denies it, albeit in the cool, collected manner that makes you think you're speaking with an android.

3. He seems extraordinarily legalistic, a man who could tie up the whole government because he found one misspelling in a document that disagreed with him.

4. We further suspect he could argue with somebody for thirty-six hours over the rights of vagrants to piddle anywhere, or the rights of graffiti "artists", or the rights of drug users, or the rights of...militants -- and he is so brilliant and so stubborn because of that brilliance he wouldn't move an inch.

5. We suspect yet further he's the sort who'd tell the victim of a terrorist attack, "I'm sorry ma'am, but the law clearly says...." In short, he is not a people person, but he needn't be, as an acolyte of The Lord.

Say what you will of Ed Meese or John Ashcroft, for all the screaming they inspired in the left they were blunderbusses who ultimately couldn't be taken seriously. Effete is better than that. Happily he will make a genius-IQ mistake of some kind before he can do real damage. That is little consolation.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

Okay, we don't have that much respect for all those Republicans willing to look away at the expense of the Medicare prescription-drug benefit. But what of all those Democrats who voted for twice?

Posted 6:50 PM by Gene

Somebody tell Attorney General Effete Q. Snob that darnit we're not finished with -- MILITANTS yet.

I wonder -- what kind of punishment does the NEW! IMPROVED! "Justice" Department plan for this one?

President Barack Obama was notified of the incident and discussed it with security officials, the White House said. It said he is monitoring the situation and receiving regular updates from his vacation spot in Hawaii....

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has been briefed on the incident and is closely monitoring the situation.

Yes, we can imagine. Doesn't that sound like something from the state press?

(More here. This sounds almost comical, but remember Richard Reid and it's not the least bit funny, whatever kind of doofus he was. Or as the last graf goes, "His actions, in part, are why we must all now take off our shoes as part of the airport security screening process." That and Effete Q. Snobs worry that 90-something great-grandmothers and three-year-old girls might try to take down a plane.)

Posted 12:57 PM by Gene

And speaking of Christmas, here's CW from the anti-CW CW of Zeitgeist:

Critics of the "mainstream" media's supposed fondness for Obama will not be surprised to learn that the mood among the guests in the room, and elsewhere throughout the grand house, felt more comfortable and loose than I remember it in earlier presidencies. No one feels quite "at home" in the White House—not even a president—and certainly not during a mass event like a press party. But I did get the sense that many of the folks there that night were relaxing in a way they would not have during, say, the late Clinton or Bush Two Years.

TRANSLATION: The bobbleheads can bobble their heads again.

Posted 12:02 PM by Gene

And now for our annual roundup of Christmas trees via the wire services and Yahoo! News -- and this time they stay (how could we have not known what we were doing for so long? Easily):



A Christmas tree "outside Zappeio Conference Hall in Athens";



A Christmas tree "on Skeppsbro quay in the old town of Stockholm";



A Christmas tree "on the Grand Place in Brussels";



A Christmas tree outside No. 10 Downing Street in London;



A Christmas tree "displayed during a night bazaar in Manila";



A Christmas tree "the West Bank town of Beit Sahur near Bethlehem";



A Christmas tree outside the U. S. Capitol, from when it snowed the other day;



A Christmas tree in Kiev (evidently they call it a New Year's tree there);



A Christmas tree outside the Parliament in Tbilisi, Georgia;



A Christmas tree made of Lego bricks [!!!!!] at a shopping mall in Jakarta (how apt);



A Christmas tree "at the Esplanada dos Ministerios in Brasilia";



A Christmas tree (of sorts) "by Italian artist Antonio Barrese dedicated to Futurism, (as) seen during its inauguration under a heavy snowfall, in Milan";



A Christmas tree, complete with caroling kids, "during a photo call at a promotional event for the Christmas holiday season, at the Everland Amusement Park in Yongin, about 50 km (31 miles) south of Seoul";



A Christmas tree "inside the perimeter of the compound of the United States Interests Section in Havana";



A Christmas tree in Mexico City, where the locals were gathered on this evening to hear Placido Domingo;



A Christmas tree "on the inner lake Alster in downtown Hamburg";



A Christmas tree "during the launch of 'Beirut Celebrates' at a Christmas parade in downtown Beirut";



A Christmas tree celebrating "the theme 'American Christmas' in the Krebs Glas Lauscha GmbH company in Lauscha, central Germany. The company is one of the leading global manufactures [SIC] of Christmas ornaments." (Again, how apt)



The Christmas tree at the Vatican;



A Christmas tree "at a Paris department store";



Back to Jakarta for "a Christmas tree in a shark tank at (the) Sea World aquarium";



A Christmas tree -- well, let's use the Reuters caption: "U.S Army soldiers medic Pfc. Rogue Carmona (L) and squadron physician Major David Gaitonde from Task Force Denali 1-40 CAV work at their desk near a Christmas tree at a clinic at FOB Clark in Khowst province, Afghanistan";




And finally, a Christmas tree and a girl in Baghdad.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Posted 3:06 PM by Gene

We were about to try to find a moral in this story of the violent model except that 1. She appears to be some sort of PR0N "star", 2. She further appears to be augmented, 3. She probably is as smart as the act she committed, and 4. We have enough hits from lechers.

We were also going to post a picture until we learned of 2. and remembered 4.

Posted 1:28 PM by Gene

Schumer Urges Wall Street Bankers to ‘Get That Money Out There’

As opposed to WHINYCARE, whose premise is "Get that money outta there!"

Posted 8:35 AM by Gene

According to the Congressional Budget Office, the Senate bill would reduce the deficit by more than one hundred billion dollars over the next decade. Some critics have asserted that the savings are an illusion produced by phasing in the higher taxes more quickly than the benefits, but this is incorrect. At no point do the costs exceed the savings. Indeed, the savings accelerate more quickly over the long run—CBO calculates that reform will save on the order of a trillion dollars in its second ten years.

But many health care economists believe reform could save far more money that that.

Indeed it could save us so much money we could finance the whole federal government from it!

Naturally, we can’t be certain what will happen in the future.

Except that health care reform will save us SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much money it could finance the whole federal government!

What's the difference between a PILLHEAD and an aspiring PILLHEAD of the left? PILLHEAD is EVIL.

This is the moral equivalent of those typists who called TGSM "IMMORTAL". I hate being lied to in the name of a cause.

Posted 8:12 AM by Gene

According to my News Hacks' Dictionary, when the typists gush "historic" that often means good. The state press today is using the word "historic". A blithering idiot like Tom Harkin is using the word "historic". Everybody is using the word historic. We can think of lots of bad history. Anyone care to call it historic? And lots of Democrats don't like it. I suppose that makes it even more historic. Some state attorneys general don't like it. (Alas, they're Republicans.) I'm guessing it still passes no matter how much people scream; this seems almost pre-ordained. I'm surprised a hack like MR. MELLERDRAMMER or some keyboard banger at Grate.com hasn't said the bill's so bad it's good. That's next.

Blithering idiot WHINY REID pulled a BARRY INAUGURAL. NUF SAID.



And look who came out of the attic for the first time in several months! HI ALEX THROTTLEBOTTOM! WE MISSED YOU TOO!

Posted 8:37 PM by Gene

McCain, GOP secretly [SIC!!!!!] courting another Dem to switch

There goes that brilliant idea.

Posted 8:25 PM by Gene

It's official: The scum BERNIE won't make it out of prison alive.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 8:20 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: When does this fad peter out? Oh, it won't soon, what with the SURCHARGES and the TENTPOLES, and all the stupid things you can do in 3D, but when everyone thinks alike as they do in Hollywood there is no plan B.

Naturally, George Lucas is exploring a 3D version of “Star Wars.”

Yes, we're definitely in that phase.

“You wouldn’t want to remake 'Star Wars,' [!] or 'Close Encounters.' just because you can do it in 3D. it’s bad. Then you’re just back into terrible remakes of good movies.

“If you take a classic movie that’s fantastic [SIC!], what you’re up against is people will just say you blew it. “

Wise words that will probably be ignored.

Wise words were erased from the mogul's dictionary long ago.

Posted 8:06 PM by Gene

One of Speaker Babs's enforcers the chairman of the Rules Committee has written a death warrant for WHINYCARE.

But will the Dems take the hint when they've stuck it so good and hard to the peo -- the Republicans?

P. S.

At the rate that Democratic politicians were generating ever-more-spectacular budget savings from the same old set of health care proposals, I had expected our looming fiscal problems to be permanently resolved by this time next week.

HARDY HAR HAR!

(First link via -- oh well -- Spectator.org, a tribute to how the big Web sites manage to hide important things like this; second link via HENRY HONEST)

Posted 5:20 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



We know -- a tribute to the rear end of the '57 Chevy!

Posted 5:17 PM by Gene

In other celebrity nincompoopery, we are sorry to see Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have split. We presume they couldn't stand each other's politics.

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 5:15 PM by Gene

If this genius were a [C]RAPPER we'd say a brilliant career move. Who knows? It may yet be a brilliant career move.

Look, we understand you might not like Mickey Rooney but was it necessary?

She was charged under her married name, Amy Civil....

NO COMMENT.

Posted 2:02 PM by Gene

My own view is that 2009 has been an extraordinarily successful year for Obama. Since this is currently a minority view and will prompt a chorus of "In The Tank!"....

We last read MR. MELLERDRAMMER about the next-to-last time we read SAM LITTLE. We said before some hacks cannot be trusted just from their by-lines. When an allegedly professional writer allows his critics to snicker at him in the second sentence, he is an incompetent. Today we heard that "imminent" health care reform is not so imminent, that the alleged reform may run a deficit (albeit from a conservative Republican source), that Gitmo won't be closed so soon -- the only conclusion is the guy is in the tank. He's not the only one, right or left, but enough are in one tank or another as to make us view the whole business with scorn. And MELLER has been risible for years.

And now not to read his column again for a few centuries, unless he tries provoking an unintended laugh again.

P. S. ROAD RUNNER.

P. P. S. And of course the cartoon he posts is from a 1980 TV special, long after the great Warner cartoons became tray lousay, so MELLER has a lack of taste to go along with his lack of sense.

Posted 1:36 PM by Gene

Speaking of pushing back, what's the excuse for rushrushrushing your "reform" NOW, WHINY REID?

Posted 12:18 PM by Gene

GREAT: PepsiCo and its super-PC CEO are thinking of buying Kellogg's.

For what -- except to dominate the financing of junk television?

Posted 11:09 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: One of these days The Paper of Re-CORD (and the Democratic Party) will endorse veganism -- and the Wall Street Casino will reward it by pushing its stock to $200 a share.

Posted 10:56 AM by Gene

Speaking of BARRY, here's a question for you nostalgia buffs: Whatever became of Vice-President Alexander P. Throttlebottom?

Posted 10:53 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: The Wall Street Casino is giving the newspaper biz an excuse for bad performance.

P. S. at 1:32 p. m.

McClatchy (MNI) has gotten generous with its holiday handouts - at least for a few execs, on whom it's ladling tons of restricted stock for the first time in a while. CEO Gary Pruitt, who presided over the firm's acquisition of Knight Ridder (as well as a 90% stock decline) gets a whopping 450,000 RSUs.

Why shouldn't he? The newspaper biz is BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10:48 AM by Gene

Oh dear, BARRY FROM DC!!!!! and his sidekick the Chief Social Engineer are pushing back Gitmo's closing still further. What will all those horribly neglected martyrs do?

(Via Huff 'n' Puff)

Posted 10:34 AM by Gene

MICHAEL!!!!! says the same thing I said two days ago, in far more words (444 vs. 89 -- who's the better writer? MICHAEL!!!!!), but I don't command an audience of millions, a staff of hundreds of interns, or RUPERT!!!!!

Posted 8:44 AM by Gene

This list of best-selling authors (UK only?) proves literature's irrelevance, the genre hack fictionists for producing the print equivalent of two aspirin and whose works will soon enter a deep painless slumber, the few "literary" fictionists for writing stuff they almost take pride that people won't read.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal)

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

The same church that is beatifying The Largely Silent Pope has found the time to praise the Zillionaire Doughnut Eater's creation for being respectful. I suggest there is a connection somewhere.

Posted 8:29 AM by Gene

Jennifer indirectly gets back at Quin for being "dopey". One-party statehood does have its limits, but so do most of our senators.

Posted 6:53 PM by Gene

Why BARRY FROM DC!!!!! will never improve: his middle name is PREEN.

Posted 6:47 PM by Gene

TheAtlantic.com proves useful today rather than cute: First Ben Heileman says health-care inflation will survive "reform"; second Wendy Kaminer says the British Index on Censorship is practicing censorship regarding you-know-what cartoons. Could we have this more often, please?

Posted 6:24 PM by Gene

Osama bin Laden came within minutes of killing Bill Clinton

No need to worry, Effete. They're just -- MILITANTS.

Posted 6:19 PM by Gene

British priest: Shoplifting by poor sometimes OK

...as long as they do it at large national chain stores, rather than small, family businesses.

Hey mullahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs!!!!!

Posted 6:09 PM by Gene

If even one of the -- militants we've released so His Omnipotence (aka BARRY FROM DC!!!!!) can hug himself for his righteousness commits a terrorist act, and especially a terrorist act against an American, Attorney General and Chief Social Engineer Effete Q. Snob should resign -- or better still, be impeached.

Posted 5:53 PM by Gene

These idiotic press releases serve not only as a reminder that news hacks haven't even begun to use their flattery reserves, but also as a combined thumb in the eye to follow the thumb in the other eye of newspaper stock gains. The industry cannot be contradicted.

Hey PVT. ZELL! Take your company PUBLIC! The writing's bad enough!

Alan Mutter warns that we shouldn't get too excited, writing: "If unbridled cost cutting and raw optimism are enough to save newspapers, they will be just fine. If it takes more than chopping expenses and praying for the economy to rebound – which seems to be the prevailing industry strategy – then, unfortunately, we haven't seen the last newspaper close."

Please, your highnesses of newsprint, close more papers!

(Art link here. Cute -- although I'm not sure I'd want to play it.)

Posted 4:58 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



A Hershey's Kiss with heartburn?

Where's the doohickey on top?

Posted 3:44 PM by Gene

Give yourselves a hand, Congresspoops:

Congress Lets 50 Tax Breaks Expire

Or more like three fingers.

Most of the fading-out-50 can, and likely will, be reauthorized retroactively, creating an inconvenience for some taxpayers, but not the same sort of mess as Congress' failure to resolve the future of the estate tax. The estate tax will expire at the close of Dec. 31 and Democrats are pledging to resurrect it retroactively, leading to all sorts of potential legal problems, as well as some planning opportunities for wealthy families.

Ka-CHINNNNNNNNNNG!!!!! Can we peons pay as usual?

Posted 2:35 PM by Gene

Another demonstration of football as rocket science.

Posted 11:28 AM by Gene

Exclusive: Rep. Parker Griffith switches to GOP

That's okay -- we'll bribe a half-dozen Blue Dogs, and then....

P. S. He voted against anyway.

(Via HENRY HONEST)

Posted 8:53 AM by Gene

Economic Growth at 2.2%; Well Below Original Projections

DOW 20,000! S&P 2,000!!!!! NASDAQ 5,000!!!!!

Posted 8:46 AM by Gene

Yelp rejects $500 million Google bid

This is stupid. G000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE is today's BUGMEISTERS. You'll never get this chance to make easy money doing nothing again; worse, you've made a potential enemy.

Posted 8:45 AM by Gene

New York Ranks in Last Place in Happiness Rating

Count US happy!

Posted 8:37 AM by Gene

Really JonBoy, this is so tiresome: The former PEOPLE WARNER flagship has its Poop of the Year; you respond with "interviews". You say potayto, I say potahto. You're both still saying the same thing, and you think the pronunciation will make it different. Let's call BOTH of you off.

Posted 8:20 AM by Gene

China has issued new Internet regulations, including what appears to be an effort to create a "whitelist" of approved websites that could potentially place much of the Internet off-limits to Chinese readers.

The boys in Silicon Valley say:



Although it's posible they've trained them so well they don't need the help.

(Via the Bloomy)

Posted 8:32 PM by Gene

We salute Mike Giannattasio for his uncanny ability to get his picture taken with a celebrity -- but the first thing we thought seeing this was we didn't recognize any of the celebrities! Are we ignorant? Or are celebrities not what they used to be?

Posted 6:36 PM by Gene

TRANSLATION: His Omnipotence intends to treat drug abuse with a wink and a nod -- as little enforcement as possible, and as much nonjudgmental treatment as possible. FURTHER TRANSLATION: The same outcome as the last few decades, only with a wink and a nod.

Posted 6:06 PM by Gene

And speaking of Congressional idiots who refuse to fade away:

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert is getting more than $40,000 a month in taxpayer money while working as a lobbyist....

I have come to the conclusion that every last Congresspoop past and present is a spendthrift, and not a one of them thinks of how his generosity with our money will lead us all into poverty.

Posted 5:46 PM by Gene

ARCHDaily!



Let's see: We've already displayed a house made of Lego bricks. Now we have a designer log cabin made of what look like designer railroad ties. When does somebody design a building made of toothpicks?

We have neglected the great ARCH of late but we do intend to make snide remarks on some very recent masterpieces over the next few days. As Capt. Kirk said, "Promise!"

Posted 5:35 PM by Gene

I don't want to be crass and say "Brittany WHO"? but dammit if the hacks aren't going a little off their rockers on this one. I'd never even heard of this ac-TOR before. I'm not sure what the cataclysm is. I could understand if she were a great beauty, or an astounding thespian. I could understand if she were the second coming of Judy Garland. I cannot understand why the hacks to the last want to inflict another boring story on me. Let the young lady rest in peace.

Posted 5:33 PM by Gene

Quite clearly Michael envies Huff 'n' Puff. Why should he when this one man can do the work of thousands?

Posted 5:29 PM by Gene

Meantime, over at The Business Sandbox, the playpen's full of three-year-olds accusing SLIME's favorite fantasy maker (for now) of being anti-American. And how American is SLIME?

Posted 5:26 PM by Gene

Quin is MAD because Mitch won't take on the DEMOCRAT PARTY. We answer that Mitch's chief goal in life seems to be to rid America of any vestiges of campaign finance reform, and every time he tries MB2 oohs and aahs over him, so naturally he wouldn't be interested in "picking off" Democrats. To accuse a Republican of incompetence is rather like accusing a Democrat of thinking.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

We have an idea: Put Seinfeld on at 10 and Jut-Jaw back at 11:30!

Bold, invigorating CONCAST thinking -- and I don't even have cable!

Posted 9:46 AM by Gene

Anybody for one slightly used Auschwitz sign on eBay?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!

Posted 9:03 AM by Gene

There must be a good name for the tale of TGSM's yachting trip.

How about Ship of Fools?

Posted 8:59 AM by Gene

"The richest people made the most mistakes with the least accountability."

You said it, Very Littler Jeffy!

Posted 8:32 AM by Gene

Neb.'s Nelson sees backlash on health reform plan

Profiles in courage never come easy.

Posted 5:52 PM by Gene

Tony Blair insists: It's not true nobody likes me

I like me!

I think.

And if I don't like me my money does.

P. S. The latest posting wizardry from the Wizards of Mountain View:



He's well dressed enough.

Posted 5:19 PM by Gene

Polanski finishing film under house arrest

We have a better idea, Roman -- make a movie of your house arrest!

And get THE WHINERS to distribute it!

Posted 4:12 PM by Gene

A definition of happiness: A two-year-old on a snowy day.

Posted 2:57 PM by Gene

Any year that's "difficult" for the hardbound scribblers is a very good year in my -- book.

(Via the usual AHTSJournal, which is taking the news quite hard. Cheer up -- there are lots worse writers where these came from!)

Posted 2:40 PM by Gene

As expected, Old Rot-Gut Reek's employer Citadel filed for a well-deserved bankruptcy.

Which goes first: hundreds of employees, a chunk of the debt-holders' net worth -- or ROT-GUT?

ROT-GUT will NEVER go.

Posted 11:58 AM by Gene

Since most likely StinkyInky.com won't run my comment, at least I can run it in my blog, complete with added links, on -- guess who:

We all daydream; some of us daydream more than others. But I'm not sure Steven X-Rea's kind of daydreaming has a place in a newspaper, especially one in bankruptcy. I just came off a 1,400-plus-word advertisement in USA Today for another movie, one whose controversial MPAA rating the rag's publicist deemed fit not to mention for obvious reasons, so I'm a little annoyed. And yes, not too long ago your particular MadAve type bylined himself with a middle initial X, the thought of which would be highly amusing but for his persistent ad copywriting. Truly Penelope's very drool provoking in her Victoria's Secret attire -- and more than one of the many critics damning this masterwork (current Rotten Tomatoes score: 49) likened it to a Victoria's Secret show, only a little less classy. But some press agents make very good salaries daydreaming, being friends of the stars and enemies of their readers. In the words of Frank Capra, it's a wonderful life being a PR man.

Say Mr. Tierney, how much has your pale imitation of a newspaper run on health-care reform? Or Afghanistan? That minor nuisance called the SEPTA strike came rather suddenly on you, dontcha think? Any word on what's happened to our mayor? (Well, you did a good job on Camden, but that was an accident.) Ah, but we have run 8 million pages on the Phitin' Phils, and 10 million pages on the Iggles, and we already have the hundred special sections set up for the Super Bowl -- heck, for the next World Series! -- and there's always a place for obsequious scribblers like Mr. X-Rea. Keep up the good work, Brian...and with luck there'll be no work left for anybody!

Had to do it again, even if it brings more PR0N hits.

Posted 9:50 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: This is the first I've ever written on Tiger Woods. What's "golf" anyway? Is it something like cricket, or more like soccer?

Posted 5:55 PM by Gene

The GENIUS of modern moveemaking:

As with most mainstream comedies, you get nearly all of the story line and most of the best jokes in "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" from its trailer.

Posted 1:15 PM by Gene

Matthew calls Whiny Reid a hero, which goes to show if he were a con-SER-va-tive calling PILLHEAD a tribune of the people he'd be laughed at.

The higher a pundit's place in the food chain, the more likely he is to take unpaid bribes.

Posted 1:05 PM by Gene

The roustabouts who keep the portapotties clean at Branson East reached a deal, so the ferris wheels and roller coasters will keep running, shucks.

Posted 12:56 PM by Gene

We just went over to the Boston Herald site. Of the nine featured stories, five are from the ASSPress.

This, it appears, is the "future" of news.

Posted 12:17 PM by Gene

Well SLIME, there is one way out of this impasse if You really want to buy United Artists -- pay too much.

You did it before!

Posted 10:12 AM by Gene

National Weather Service issues blizzard warning for Washington

Wouldn't it be nice if every day in Washington there could be a blizzard?

Posted 10:09 AM by Gene

Well hacks, thanks to your insistence on a one-party state YOU got your health-care bill in the Senate. Now let's see what YOU do with it.

Posted 9:51 AM by Gene

Obama Nixon: 5,370,000 G000,000,000,000GLE LINKS.

Posted 8:24 PM by Gene

A classy exit from a classy gentleman. We only wish we could look forward to more class acts, but the network news became just an act for us a long time ago.

We take back whatever we said about "(Charles Gibson in his dramatic roles)" because, whatever TV news's limitations, we did not know what we were talking about.

Posted 5:11 PM by Gene

Copenhagen summit ends with feeble climate deal

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww SHUCKS!

Posted 1:47 PM by Gene

Talktalktalkblahblahblahscribblescribblescribble -- now the grand holy poobahs of climate change are giving up on a treaty in favor of stricter limits.

WHERE IS SUPERMAN?!?!?

Posted 1:43 PM by Gene

His Omnipotence issues another threat:

President Obama says the United States and Russia are "quite close" to agreeing on a new arms control treaty.

What did we give away this time, Om?

Posted 1:19 PM by Gene

SCUM OF THE WEEK:

Police are trying to determine if a girls softball coach facing charges of plastering hundreds of images of naked children in his bedroom molested anyone.

Richard Zorn, 53, was arraigned Wednesday on 14 charges ranging from child sexual abusive activity to using a computer to commit a crime, after police raided his home on Cypress Street and found a "shrine" on his bedroom walls consisting of hundreds of pictures of children, Wayne County Sheriff Benny Napoleon said....

Zorn, who worked for the city's Department of Public Works, had several images where he'd used a computer to superimpose the faces of his fiancee's young children onto images of naked young girls, police alleged.

Posted 10:36 AM by Gene

More MENSA-IQ financial dealings at Hahvahd Mutual Fund:

As vanishing credit spurred the government-led rescue of dozens of financial institutions, Harvard was so strapped for cash that it asked Massachusetts for fast-track approval to borrow $2.5 billion. Almost $500 million was used within days to exit agreements known as interest-rate swaps that Harvard had entered to finance expansion in Allston, across the Charles River from its main campus in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

The swaps, which assumed that interest rates would rise, proved so toxic that the 373-year-old institution agreed to pay banks a total of almost $1 billion to terminate them.

Posted 9:45 AM by Gene

One reason a still small voice in the back of our head rather wishes this -- ECONOMY would continue is so the business geniuses who got us here could be knocked from their high position on the totem pole. That probably won't happen, and we'll be stuck with corporate effete snobs paying themselves big bucks, and shipping whatever's left of our jobs away.

Posted 9:27 AM by Gene

Acknowledging that the National Enquirer and Men's Fitness occupy the same rarefied jernalistic heights as Metro, we must still not forget the media biz did a lot of covering for THE CHOSEN ONE, HIS MAJESTY, THE IMMORTAL.

(Via HENRY HONEST)

Posted 9:11 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: GM bought Saab to shut it down. What a monumental waste of money. What typical mismanagement from GM.

Posted 8:52 AM by Gene

The musical “Nine” is ostensibly based on Federico Fellini’s autobiographical masterpiece “8 1/2.” But in the clumsy hands of director Rob Marshall, this tacky, all-star botch more closely resembles a video catalog for Victoria’s Secret.



What's wrong with that?

The jaw-droppingly awful "Nine" is the worst Broadway-to-Hollywood transfer since "The Producers" -- the cinematic equivalent of that movie's show "Springtime for Hitler."

Well at least SLIME didn't release it.

Even that wide-eyed arm-waving enthusiast MR. AT THE MOVIES!!!!! doesn't like it:

“I can’t make this movie,” he sings. Substitute “watch” for “make” and provide your own music.

Oops!

Had to post that picture. Everyone else has.

Posted 8:42 AM by Gene

MoveOn.org Raises $1 Million to Fight Joe Lieberman

Hey GEORGE "BUILD THEM A CONCENTRATION CAMP!" SOROS! Remember what happened the LAST time!

Posted 8:33 AM by Gene

Analyst: Comcast Could Own 100% of NBCU by 2014
Buyout Would Cost $17B, Via Cash Flow and Debt; Comcast Has 'Ample Capacity'

We KNOW, we know.

(Via IWantMedia)

Posted 8:28 AM by Gene

The Daily Mail's Quentin Letts described the Pirates Of The Caribbean star's efforts as 'little better than adequate' and 'dull' adding that she has 'all the charisma of a serviceable goldfish'.

For a goldfish Keira sure has some jaws.

Posted 8:26 AM by Gene

TRANSLATION: Copenhagen is the Senate on health-care reform writ large.

Posted 8:13 AM by Gene

Compare the iPhone to the old transistor portable radio. We use mountains of resources today to the same purpose as fifty years ago: listening to junk music. When people speak green they might turn to the vast iPhone complex first. How much energy does it hog?

Posted 8:11 AM by Gene

Obama: No time to waste on climate change deal

Why must His Omnipotence be in such a dadburn hurry to do everything?

Plus our superiors the Chinese have stood us up again. Not that His Omnipotence would care. Could it be His low esteem for America is really starting to hurt us?

Posted 4:56 PM by Gene

Who knew Al Franken doesn't have a sense of humor?

Of course when we think of Sen. Morals and Sen. O'Specter -- but Al still doesn't have sense of humor.

Hey Ben Frankenstein! What do you think of THAT campaign contribution?

Posted 3:37 PM by Gene

The United States and its allies are stepping up efforts to persuade Afghan insurgents to put down their arms by negotiating with representatives of Mullah Mohammed Omar and other Taliban commanders and offering cash and jobs to low-level fighters, according to Pakistani, Middle Eastern and U.S. officials and analysts.

Let's hope we're not hiring too many double-agents.

Posted 3:33 PM by Gene

Pepsi will not advertise its drinks in the upcoming Super Bowl, ending a 23-year run so the company can focus on a new marketing effort that will appear mostly online.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But FritoLay is still burning its money, meaning PepsiCo's ultra-PC CEO can still sport a luxury suite, though we still think she thinks only soccer is football.

Posted 3:07 PM by Gene

Funeral Ode to a Zillionaire Doughnut Eater:

I used to watch the show all the time when I was a teenager, but now, as a man in his 20s in New York, I don't think I know a single person who watches. Who do you think is still tuning in?

That's a really good question.

Taaaaaaaaaaaaa ta TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Was it EVER that good?

(Via MICHAEL)

Posted 10:15 AM by Gene

Gee whiz, His Omnipotence was hoping to CHANGE THE WORLD on global warming, and all he brings home from the Copenhagen free-for-all is a statement.

I think we know who's the boss.

Posted 10:03 AM by Gene

And what will the Islamic world do about "honor" killings?

Posted 9:56 AM by Gene

Sears to buy back up to $500 million shares

Which is still $499 million more than it's spent on its stores all year!

But hey, that's the real-estate biz.

Posted 9:41 AM by Gene

Someone translate LALA's fil-LUM cri-TIC for me: In his first sentence he says:

Think of "Avatar" as "The Jazz Singer" of 3-D filmmaking.

And then in his second sentence he says:

Think of it as the most expensive and accomplished Saturday matinee movie ever made.

With that first sentence Ken wants to ride high on the wave of sycophancy, forgetting that The Jazz Singer is remembered only for a catchphrase. As for the second, Ken surely talked himself into believing this high praise, but every time we get a Saturday matinee movie from the biz these days it earns high praise, so that doesn't mean anything.

And we can offer this further translation: This masterwork effectively merges movees and video games, but they've been headed that way for years, and now the scorn for them can be mutual.

We don't doubt SLIME will earn an immortal triumph, but one that will be as ultimately inescapable in the public conscious as The Jazz Singer was maybe ten years after its opening, when it was already historical detritus.

P. S. We saw The Jazz Singer on TV, years ago -- it's an effective weepie that stops in its tracks when the dialogue comes on.

Posted 9:19 AM by Gene

As a rule we try not to read newspaper columns by people who live in mansions, but when Marty pointed us this way (and we'd glanced over the link yesterday) it was as avoidable as a carbuncle on J. P. Morgan's nose. The Islamic world's silence on terrorism is virtual complicity. The more it keeps silent the more blood stains its hands. This is powerful stuff, but one suspects a deaf Islamic community will force the condemnation to wash itself right back out to sea.

Posted 8:43 AM by Gene

How embarrassing is it for TGSM?

Even Jessica Simpson doesn't want to be associated with him.

I know, it's off the scale, but I couldn't help it.

Posted 7:36 PM by Gene

His Omnipotence puts on his best Cassandra face and screams, "THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL GO BANKRUPT!!!!!"

So let's solve the problem by pushing it there!

Posted 3:10 PM by Gene

Time once again for PLAYER ARRESTED:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A police report says St. Louis Cardinals player David Freese had a blood-alcohol level of 0.23 when he was arrested last weekend for driving while intoxicated. That is nearly three times Missouri's legal limit of 0.08.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Atlanta Falcons defensive tackle Jonathan Babineaux faces a marijuana charge after Gwinnett County police stopped his sport utility vehicle on Interstate 85 Thursday night and smelled pot smoke wafting from the vehicle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Missouri women's basketball players who were arrested early Friday morning on suspicion of third-degree assault say they were attempting to stop a fight, according to a Columbia Police report.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kansas State football player Brandon Banks was arrested early Sunday morning, according to Riley County police.

Police arrested him on suspicion of battery and unlawful possession of a stimulant in the 400 block of North 17th in Manhattan, a report says.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

More where those came from, we're sure!

Posted 2:32 PM by Gene

Romy must link to some typist at Meteorite, MediaBlight, whatever, who says Nick Dorken's changed the universe, he gets zillions of page hits, blahblahblah. We forget that in many ways the Web is as opaque as seemingly transparent; it cannot reveal what people choose not to. It is also a funhouse mirror; just because it speaks largely in numbers doesn't mean the numbers are real. One thing it hasn't revealed is whether Nick and Huff 'n' Puff are making money. Oh they ARE, say the hypists, who further say we must take them at their word, just like TGSM's wife. And this typist is as BREATHLESS about how GAWKER'S DESTROYED PRIVATE LIFE!!!!!!!!! as his fellow hacks were about TGSM before the Cadillac. If we found out how much money they make it could stop the typists from hyperventilating. But because the Web has dark spots we won't. And it is second nature for hacks to distort the truth even when it confronts them in the dark alleys of their minds.