Eugene David ...The One-Minute Pundit |
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED: I know more than you. I make lots more money than you. I'm smarter than you. I'm sexier than you. I appear on TV all the time. I work ten minutes a day. I rule the universe. I'm going to live forever. You are an idiot. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2: A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3: I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity. --JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL. THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4: News isn't news when we don't report it. PERMALINKS: THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE! Blogroll Me! |
Saturday, March 01, 2003
Posted
6:42 PM
by Gene
There weren't just goose eggs in that game, bud.
Posted
6:18 PM
by Gene
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5:43 PM
by Gene
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5:14 PM
by Gene
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1:49 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:13 PM
by Gene
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11:50 AM
by Gene
Why don't you build that new stadium, Mike? You'd have change left over for investments.
Posted
11:45 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:12 AM
by Gene
![]() Four points: 1. The color of that paint is open to interpretation. Is it red? 2. Saddam's blameless, as always. 3. I hope the fish like swimming in a slightly pink lake. 4. The lake will melt. Saddam won't.
Posted
11:00 AM
by Gene
Friday, February 28, 2003
Posted
7:02 PM
by Gene
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6:54 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:43 PM
by Gene
Thank you for your part in the bubble.
Posted
6:19 PM
by Gene
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4:15 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:23 PM
by Gene
How appropriate. Let them clean up our mess.
Posted
12:31 PM
by Gene
He should know, having sold enough stocks on CNBC.
Posted
12:29 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:12 PM
by Gene
Wonderful. Now Howell will really think the Republicans are behind those reclusive golf snobs.
Posted
12:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:05 PM
by Gene
You should have thought about that when you guys set off the fireworks without telling anybody. Also, that nightclub's owners acoustically insulated their death trap with "packaging material" -- "the cheapest stuff." Why spend big money fireproofing an outhouse?
Posted
11:59 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:54 AM
by Gene
Didn't MSNBC just get rid of Phil Donahue?
Posted
11:52 AM
by Gene
That's like going to Pravda for the truth on Communism, or Der Sturmer for the truth on Jews.
Posted
11:46 AM
by Gene
"Is Worldcom all right?" "'Sallright!"
Posted
11:36 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:31 AM
by Gene
Thursday, February 27, 2003
Posted
10:31 PM
by Gene
The Democrats now have their foreign-policy platform for 2004. P. S. This guy must be a leading figure in diplomacy: a Google search finds 91 hits under Brady Kiesling in quotation marks, and TWO under John Brady Kiesling in quotation marks. Hardly that common a name.
Posted
7:09 PM
by Gene
I guess we could cite Lincoln's line about Grant and his booze but I suspect Dave's in no shape to fight -- a war. That bit about Mickey Mantle's funny too -- until you realize he spent half his life making beer commercials under the influence, and whatever was left apologizing.
Posted
6:20 PM
by Gene
![]() Gorgeous! GORGEOUS! I now have the perfect excuse for running pictures of naked women here.
Posted
5:50 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:41 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:19 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:19 PM
by Gene
One thing's certain: the movie-ad-blurb copywriters are already calling it a masterpiece.
Posted
3:18 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:11 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:04 PM
by Gene
I'd like to know if there's a correlation between coverage of car chases and the sweeps.
Posted
3:02 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:55 PM
by Gene
"How many gawdawful columnists does Frisco's Chronicle have?" sounds like a Polish joke. I need a punchline.
Posted
2:51 PM
by Gene
I know this, when Dubya sneezes, the French yell, "OIL!!! OIL!!!!!"
Posted
2:50 PM
by Gene
Literature goes downhill again.
Posted
2:42 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:30 PM
by Gene
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
Posted
7:47 PM
by Gene
If that doesn't tickle your brain A.J., here's another one: How many puff pieces has Bill Zehme written for Esquire?
Posted
7:25 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:39 PM
by Gene
Sorry Bill, I take these insults to my intelligence personally. By the way, what's Microsoft's policy on political activism on company time?
Posted
6:10 PM
by Gene
One minor quibble: how many attended the hatefest? If it were fifty or a hundred, one can dismiss this as a puny unruly mob. But if it were 500 or a thousand, I might sound the tocsin a little louder.
Posted
6:01 PM
by Gene
That's a cute name for your column. Do we file this under "notes" or "errata"?
Posted
4:38 PM
by Gene
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4:23 PM
by Gene
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2:35 PM
by Gene
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1:49 PM
by Gene
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1:18 PM
by Gene
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1:14 PM
by Gene
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Posted
6:21 PM
by Gene
Of course at Buttman they want no unions period. They don't have 'em in porno.
Posted
6:14 PM
by Gene
Have you ever seen his face? Any Congressman of whom you could say, "Don't be a cow, man!" is definitely a fool.
Posted
2:52 PM
by Gene
C'mon, Walter. Donahue did it.
Posted
2:18 PM
by Gene
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2:15 PM
by Gene
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2:12 PM
by Gene
Posted
2:09 PM
by Gene
Is that the right word for a Muslim?
Posted
1:54 PM
by Gene
Who's your boss, Roger?
Posted
1:52 PM
by Gene
Quick! Who produced Satchmo and the Hot Five?
Posted
1:47 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:35 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:22 PM
by Gene
Posted
11:29 AM
by Gene
Posted
11:24 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:54 AM
by Gene
Somehow though, I suspect the longer the golf balls drive, the more the duffers throw their putters into the nearest water hazard.
Posted
10:46 AM
by Gene
Boys, boys, stop trying to patch up the orbiting jalopy; just ditch the shuttle and think of something else.
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:24 AM
by Gene
It didn't help Cheap Channel's shareholders; the stock's down anyway. Monday, February 24, 2003
Posted
7:59 PM
by Gene
Posted
7:36 PM
by Gene
![]() I post this to remind myself of what a real woman looks like (as the song goes, it's been a long, long time), and more to the point, to expunge the noxious image THAT IDIOT PRIEST FROM FLORIDA left in my brain.
Posted
7:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
6:51 PM
by Gene
With these folks, the truth never wins.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
First, does anyone believe Dubya will consent to Mr. Courage moderating after what he tried to do to Bush I? And second, there are said to be half-a-dozen authorized Saddams roaming Iraq. Which one would show up?
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:44 PM
by Gene
Posted
1:36 PM
by Gene
I think what The Smoking Gun censored was a sign reading, "I'm with Stupid." I now see the idiot was -- er, exposed by one Stephen T. Brady of Roman Catholic Faithful, who sent out a letter to this dimbulb's bosses just last Wednesday. It occurs to me, he really is posing like Marilyn. Marilyn Manson.
Posted
1:31 PM
by Gene
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11:29 AM
by Gene
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11:14 AM
by Gene
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11:07 AM
by Gene
Posted
10:37 AM
by Gene
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10:32 AM
by Gene
Sunday, February 23, 2003
Posted
11:08 PM
by Gene
Posted
10:42 PM
by Gene
Howell must have doubled his meds.
Posted
7:32 PM
by Gene
That company may sell Crest toothpaste in Spanish, but tomorrow I expect to be complaining to P&G by phone and e-mail -- in English. P. S. I won't be watching -- but then, neither will any P&G executive above vice-president (except in advertising).
Posted
7:27 PM
by Gene
Posted
3:15 PM
by Gene
See! See! The Web isn't right-wing after all!
Posted
1:37 PM
by Gene
Twenty million words a day....
Posted
1:29 PM
by Gene
Does that mean more press conferences with Gov. Ridge?
Posted
1:13 PM
by Gene
Does it make that much difference when 96 are dead?
Posted
12:52 PM
by Gene
Posted
12:43 PM
by Gene
One good ego trip deserves another.
Posted
12:30 PM
by Gene
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