THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
Blogroll Me!
![[Powered by Blogger]](http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif){kind=small}
Saturday, April 17, 2004
What other leaders of the world are thinking:
At the heart of our multilateral cooperation, the United Nations brings together the nations of the world in the service of international peace and security. All of us here are committed to the United Nations, and show that by our efforts to fulfill its purposes and give real meaning to the provisions of its Charter. By doing this, we recognize obligations that stand above individual people and SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX....
At the heart of our multilateral cooperation, the United Nations brings together the nations of the world in the service of international peace and security. All of us here are committed to the United Nations, and show that by our efforts to fulfill its purposes and give real meaning to the provisions of its Charter. By doing this, we recognize obligations that stand above individual people and SKNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX....
Professor: Sharon 'taking confrontation to new level'
And what has this PERFESSER said before?
"PRINCIPLES LIKE HUMAN RIGHTS AND THE RULE OF LAW WERE SACRIFICED AT THE ALTAR OF AMERICA'S REAL POLITICAL INTERESTS, THAT IS, MAINTAINING RELATIONS WITH AUTOCRATIC REGIMES!!!"
"[AMERICAN COMPANIES] PROVIDED SADDAM HUSSEIN WITH THE BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL TOOLS WHICH ENABLED HIM TO DEVELOP THESE DEADLY WEAPONS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND USE THEM AGAINST HIS OWN PEOPLE!!!!!"
"AMERICA SHARES A HEAVY BURDEN IN HUSSEIN'S BLOODY LEGACY!!!!!!!!"
And here's a golden oldie from before 9/11:
"[OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS] EXCEPTIONALLY ISOLATED [AND] PREOCCUPIED MAINLY WITH SURVIVAL, NOT ATTACKING AMERICAN TARGETS!!!!!!!!!!"
See, Time Warner BAD Cable News and WORSE Interview Service, only companies and rich people own computers. Nobody else could EVER find out what this MAROON's said.
And what has this PERFESSER said before?
"PRINCIPLES LIKE HUMAN RIGHTS AND THE RULE OF LAW WERE SACRIFICED AT THE ALTAR OF AMERICA'S REAL POLITICAL INTERESTS, THAT IS, MAINTAINING RELATIONS WITH AUTOCRATIC REGIMES!!!"
"[AMERICAN COMPANIES] PROVIDED SADDAM HUSSEIN WITH THE BIOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL TOOLS WHICH ENABLED HIM TO DEVELOP THESE DEADLY WEAPONS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND USE THEM AGAINST HIS OWN PEOPLE!!!!!"
"AMERICA SHARES A HEAVY BURDEN IN HUSSEIN'S BLOODY LEGACY!!!!!!!!"
And here's a golden oldie from before 9/11:
"[OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS] EXCEPTIONALLY ISOLATED [AND] PREOCCUPIED MAINLY WITH SURVIVAL, NOT ATTACKING AMERICAN TARGETS!!!!!!!!!!"
See, Time Warner BAD Cable News and WORSE Interview Service, only companies and rich people own computers. Nobody else could EVER find out what this MAROON's said.
More MTV-inspired cruelty to animals.
I can imagine the scene when SUMNER meets St. Francis of Assisi -- assuming, that is, that SUMNER IS MORTAL.
I can imagine the scene when SUMNER meets St. Francis of Assisi -- assuming, that is, that SUMNER IS MORTAL.
Jon Sinton, president of the recently launched liberal talk network Air America Radio, said his on-air performers were told to "just remember you're guests in people's homes, you're guests in people's automobiles."
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
The GREAT AND POWERFUL JOEPA "suspends" two players -- "through the summer."
Translation: Better luck next time.
Still think your team should dress in WHITE, JoePa?
P. S. Hey Knight Ridder! This sure IS a horse race -- to see who can amass the longest rap sheet!
Translation: Better luck next time.
Still think your team should dress in WHITE, JoePa?
P. S. Hey Knight Ridder! This sure IS a horse race -- to see who can amass the longest rap sheet!
Guess which highly-decorated low-flying fog formation didn't want to go to war?
I THINK WE HAVE DIPPITY-DO'S VICE PRESIDENT!!!!!
I THINK WE HAVE DIPPITY-DO'S VICE PRESIDENT!!!!!
Unsung Heroes of Football Honored at NFL Players Gridiron Gala
You mean we taxpayers who finance your quadrillion-dollar Taj Mahals? Aw shucks, it was nothing.
You mean we taxpayers who finance your quadrillion-dollar Taj Mahals? Aw shucks, it was nothing.
Bush, Kerry TV Ad Spending Rises to $90M
Will you stop laughing, GEORGE WILL?????
To think the cretins of political advertising help fund his zillion-dollar salaries.
Will you stop laughing, GEORGE WILL?????
To think the cretins of political advertising help fund his zillion-dollar salaries.
Friday, April 16, 2004
OOOOOOOOOOH, one of OKAY's scribbler-editors lets SOB have it for being INSUFFICIENTLY WORSHIPFUL TO THE GOD OF HWWWALTER CRRRONKITE.
Let's have a civil war in the news biz!!!!!
Let's have a civil war in the news biz!!!!!
When someone at an airport is sweating, is it because he's running late or trying to hide something? Could hand signals between people in a terminal be part of an inside joke or a terror plot?
SO, when granny sweats, or that junior executive is running to his plane trying to "hide" his electronic organizer, or when dad high-fives his son, that's a sure sign of TERRORISM.
And because NEWS HACKS RULE THE WORLD air marshals can't look for obvious signs like -- whoops! Can't be RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC.
SO, when granny sweats, or that junior executive is running to his plane trying to "hide" his electronic organizer, or when dad high-fives his son, that's a sure sign of TERRORISM.
And because NEWS HACKS RULE THE WORLD air marshals can't look for obvious signs like -- whoops! Can't be RACISTSEXISTHOMOPHOBIC.
WELL well, looks like the prestiDIGITation in accounting hasn't ended YET.
Not that we'd EVER expect it to.
Not that we'd EVER expect it to.
It has come to this: one of CURLEY's "Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!" Stooges invokes the Eighth Amendment in a film "review."
By that standard TODAY'S MOVIES ARE UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
By that standard TODAY'S MOVIES ARE UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
I'm at 1,000 HITS on SITE METER! HOORAY!!!!!
Twenty of them were mine from early on, but I'll take them.
Sixteen millenia before I catch up with PROF.
Twenty of them were mine from early on, but I'll take them.
Sixteen millenia before I catch up with PROF.
SOB tops himself:
When big-time blunders occur in any workplace, the boss or bosses usually are at fault. Not clerks or secretaries or salespeople. Not reporters. The buck stops with the boss.
And how many clerks and secretaries did you trash when YOU ran the show, SOB? I notice too you mention salespeople. USA Okay has always been about selling the "news" with a HARD sell, especially entertainment "news." And I'd bet you were chummier with your ad salespeople than you were with the newsroom. After all, a newspaper makes money from ADS, not STORIES.
Here I think SOB's full of it, and then he overflows. SOB and JAYSON are two reasons the NEWS BIZ smells like DISCARDED FISH WRAP.
When big-time blunders occur in any workplace, the boss or bosses usually are at fault. Not clerks or secretaries or salespeople. Not reporters. The buck stops with the boss.
And how many clerks and secretaries did you trash when YOU ran the show, SOB? I notice too you mention salespeople. USA Okay has always been about selling the "news" with a HARD sell, especially entertainment "news." And I'd bet you were chummier with your ad salespeople than you were with the newsroom. After all, a newspaper makes money from ADS, not STORIES.
Here I think SOB's full of it, and then he overflows. SOB and JAYSON are two reasons the NEWS BIZ smells like DISCARDED FISH WRAP.
ZAP the POLLO is out to prove he can FIGHT TERRORISM and cackle YANQUI GO HOME! at the same time!
And check out the last grafs! He's as PC as NEWS HACKS! In time they'll be screaming that HERE IS EUROPE'S GREATEST LEADER EVER!
And check out the last grafs! He's as PC as NEWS HACKS! In time they'll be screaming that HERE IS EUROPE'S GREATEST LEADER EVER!
Another NEWS HACK attempts SATIRE, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
Will someone ask these scribblers HOW IN HELL CAN THEY WRITE SATIRE IF THEY CAN'T WRITE?
Will someone ask these scribblers HOW IN HELL CAN THEY WRITE SATIRE IF THEY CAN'T WRITE?
The nice thing about working for the DNC is often you can do it anonymously, and no one even asks a question about it.
IF NEWS HACKS ARE EVER TO STEP BEYOND JAYSON THEY MUST STOP THE PRACTICE OF NO-BYLINING. LET THESE CAMPAIGN FLACKS FACE THE LIGHT OF DAY LIKE THE PEOPLE THEY SPIN FOR.
IF NEWS HACKS ARE EVER TO STEP BEYOND JAYSON THEY MUST STOP THE PRACTICE OF NO-BYLINING. LET THESE CAMPAIGN FLACKS FACE THE LIGHT OF DAY LIKE THE PEOPLE THEY SPIN FOR.
What was that stoopid line in Lenny Bernstein's Mass -- "I'll believe in three gods if they believe in me"? Too many preachers seem willing to believe in ANY god, and they don't even ask for the favor back.
Hey GLIBERAL, you who boasted how the porno -- ADULT film industry does zillions and zillions and zillions and ZILLIONS of DOLLARS in business, ever onward and upward (and inward and outward, and like that) -- WELL, here's another reason for it to ACHIEVE BREATHTAKING NEW HEIGHTS IN THE CULTURAL STRATOSPHERE!!!!!
Don't you think a right to por -- ADULT MOVIES ought to be in the Dems' platform this year, Glib?
Don't you think a right to por -- ADULT MOVIES ought to be in the Dems' platform this year, Glib?
Of course that last story appears at the top of the International page, not the U. S. of A. page, but you'll NEVER guess which overcoiffed, undermoneyed tycoon is there -- never in A MILLION YEARS.
I think we can say our local garden-variety NEWS HACKS stink.
I think we can say our local garden-variety NEWS HACKS stink.
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Kellogg's has sold fatty sugary cereals on Saturday mornings for DECADES, and NOW the AD INDUSTRY'S TOOTHLESS WATCHDOG gets in a FUROR over P&G SELLING PRINGLES TO KIDS?!?!?
If this doesn't confirm that the media's brains are where most's people's behinds are, nothing does.
If this doesn't confirm that the media's brains are where most's people's behinds are, nothing does.
More bad news for the defenders of truth, justice and T&A jokes! ANHEUSER-BUSCH IS TONING DOWN ITS ACT!!!!!
It's about TIME, BEERHEADS.
It's about TIME, BEERHEADS.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooh! Dubya oughta quake in his COWBOY BOOTS! HOWIE'S FIXED HIS WEB SITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For a man who brought bad adolescent dirty jokes to radio it sure looks a lot like TedKoppel.com, or DanRather.com -- take out the girls and it's totally bereft of humor. I thought the schtick of your show was "a good time!" Yeah, a good time fomenting a headache. And all the millions and millions and millions who will vote for DIPPITY-DO! because SAM BROWNBACK WANTS TO TAKE THEIR EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES AWAY!!!!! -- and a good many of these jerks under voting age, and mostly MALE, which leaves dummies, as Howie is hardly what is called "office-safe," unless your office is in a red-light district. Rush could energize his listeners because he was a new force, and conservatives could say they'd been marginalized in and out of government -- and besides, you didn't have to listen to the show in a brown paper bag. A man who makes zillions working for the underboss of a $40 billion media crime family and who has a cadre of unthinking fans (in both senses) is hardly neglected. The abject failure of ErrAmerica despite megatons of PR points to the lack of a liberal listenership for talk radio. As for glibertarians, many of them are busy masturbating on the Web. No Howie, you can talk about the First Amendment until your hundreds of checkbooks cry for mercy, but in the end, your show is all about the size of a porn star's TITS. (Sorry for the language, but that it is.)
For a man who brought bad adolescent dirty jokes to radio it sure looks a lot like TedKoppel.com, or DanRather.com -- take out the girls and it's totally bereft of humor. I thought the schtick of your show was "a good time!" Yeah, a good time fomenting a headache. And all the millions and millions and millions who will vote for DIPPITY-DO! because SAM BROWNBACK WANTS TO TAKE THEIR EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES AWAY!!!!! -- and a good many of these jerks under voting age, and mostly MALE, which leaves dummies, as Howie is hardly what is called "office-safe," unless your office is in a red-light district. Rush could energize his listeners because he was a new force, and conservatives could say they'd been marginalized in and out of government -- and besides, you didn't have to listen to the show in a brown paper bag. A man who makes zillions working for the underboss of a $40 billion media crime family and who has a cadre of unthinking fans (in both senses) is hardly neglected. The abject failure of ErrAmerica despite megatons of PR points to the lack of a liberal listenership for talk radio. As for glibertarians, many of them are busy masturbating on the Web. No Howie, you can talk about the First Amendment until your hundreds of checkbooks cry for mercy, but in the end, your show is all about the size of a porn star's TITS. (Sorry for the language, but that it is.)
The IMBECILE SOB is "ripping" OKAY for getting itself into SCANDAL.
OH. And you didn't hire the guy? And you would have done things different had this happened under YOU? And YOUR culture of SPIN and SELL such as had NEVER existed before in all NEWSHACKDOM didn't contribute to this?
SHUT UP, SOB!!!!!
OH. And you didn't hire the guy? And you would have done things different had this happened under YOU? And YOUR culture of SPIN and SELL such as had NEVER existed before in all NEWSHACKDOM didn't contribute to this?
SHUT UP, SOB!!!!!
That last story made the top of the International page, but guess which overcoiffed undermoneyed TYCOON made the top of the U. S. of A. page?
Iran tries to resolve dispute with radical cleric
1. Why all of a sudden do the Mad Mullahs want to do us a favor? and 2. Isn't that like the proverbial gasoline on the proverbial fire?
1. Why all of a sudden do the Mad Mullahs want to do us a favor? and 2. Isn't that like the proverbial gasoline on the proverbial fire?
Someone at MESS.com is up to something. Here's the front page hed:
Curry: Kerry's Senate record generally liberal
Now here's the hed to the story proper:
What Kerry's 20 years of Senate votes reveal
Welfare reform and Iraq votes diverge from decidedly liberal record
In short, Dippity-DO's the liberal who isn't so liberal.
It's this sort of parsing with a microscope that gets NEWS HACKS in trouble.
Curry: Kerry's Senate record generally liberal
Now here's the hed to the story proper:
What Kerry's 20 years of Senate votes reveal
Welfare reform and Iraq votes diverge from decidedly liberal record
In short, Dippity-DO's the liberal who isn't so liberal.
It's this sort of parsing with a microscope that gets NEWS HACKS in trouble.
Yesterday BILL did a cute thing on my computer: he froze up his latest Windows Update during each of four attempts at installation. I feared I'd always have to see his @#$%&* logo as a reminder. Fortunately it did install, but I've learned THE ENTOMOLOGIST is capable of ANYTHING.
OOOOOOOOOOooooooooooh, now the EEEEEEEEVIL DUBYA WANTS JOOSH VOTERS!!!!!
DIPPITY-DO! would NEVER do anything like that, noooooooooooooooo.
DIPPITY-DO! would NEVER do anything like that, noooooooooooooooo.
"It's too late for her to step down. She should have had the sense and ethical makeup to not accept the commissioner's job. Now we're stuck, and everything this commission does now has the further stench of politics."
But it smells like a ROSE in D. C.!
But it smells like a ROSE in D. C.!
And in MORE UNMITIGATED EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL:
Fox News Far Surpasses CNN Among Bush Viewers
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Fox News Far Surpasses CNN Among Bush Viewers
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
And speakling of terro -- MILITANTS:
Tarantino's 'Bill' Makes a Killing on DVD
When P. R. MEL came out with his gory S&M fantasy, we had our brows all tied up in knots and our furrors getting furrowed at the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL let loose in the world. Now (Praise the LORD! Meaning us) we get our REVENGE!
SIX OF ONE....
And as I've said before, you know A SHOW-BIZ NEWS HACK'S DOING A ROTTEN JOB WHEN HE USES A PUN.
(Of course at THE REUT we cry rivers of crocodile tears over the UNJUST DEATHS IN THE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL WAR IN IRAQ -- and we're also likely to declare an annual moment of silence for RACHEL CORRIE.)
Tarantino's 'Bill' Makes a Killing on DVD
When P. R. MEL came out with his gory S&M fantasy, we had our brows all tied up in knots and our furrors getting furrowed at the EEEEEEEEEEEVIL let loose in the world. Now (Praise the LORD! Meaning us) we get our REVENGE!
SIX OF ONE....
And as I've said before, you know A SHOW-BIZ NEWS HACK'S DOING A ROTTEN JOB WHEN HE USES A PUN.
(Of course at THE REUT we cry rivers of crocodile tears over the UNJUST DEATHS IN THE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL WAR IN IRAQ -- and we're also likely to declare an annual moment of silence for RACHEL CORRIE.)
Today's gonna be an EXCELLENT day for knee-jerk FREE-ENTERPRISE conservatives:
UAW ranks at lowest number since 1942
Now onward to their complete ELIMINATION!!!!! (And maybe we can get rid of the domestic auto industry while we're at it.)
UAW ranks at lowest number since 1942
Now onward to their complete ELIMINATION!!!!! (And maybe we can get rid of the domestic auto industry while we're at it.)
Here's a truce almost any POLLO could accept.
You know Osama Channel, you really ought to collect Elvis's greatest hits on CD, along with a companion DVD of a few choice terro -- MILITANT operations. Hey! I've got it! Give away a free flight on CATARRH AIRWAYS to a lucky customer -- COMPLETE WITH AL-QAIDA BODYGUARD!!
Why downplaying this, Osama Channel.com?
You know Osama Channel, you really ought to collect Elvis's greatest hits on CD, along with a companion DVD of a few choice terro -- MILITANT operations. Hey! I've got it! Give away a free flight on CATARRH AIRWAYS to a lucky customer -- COMPLETE WITH AL-QAIDA BODYGUARD!!
Why downplaying this, Osama Channel.com?
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
And speaking of family movies:
You kidding? I love catfights.
Sorry for the cheesecake these last few days, but I'm lonely.
You kidding? I love catfights.
Sorry for the cheesecake these last few days, but I'm lonely.
THE CATHOLIC NEWS SERVICE calls MICKEYMOUSE NIXON's latest FAMILY MOVIE "violent and vapid!"
Nothing like OUR family movie, RIGHT?
Nothing like OUR family movie, RIGHT?
An extremely rare edition of Hamlet didn't sell at auction. Christie's should have sold it as a comedy.
And if you doubt Hamlet is read Ophelia's mad scene again.
And the seller was a big collector of THE MASTER. Oh well, somewhere you're feasting with him, and talking Shakespeare.
And if you doubt Hamlet is read Ophelia's mad scene again.
And the seller was a big collector of THE MASTER. Oh well, somewhere you're feasting with him, and talking Shakespeare.
Italian hostage killed - Aljazeera TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There goes THE OSAMA CHANNEL, taking credit again.
There goes THE OSAMA CHANNEL, taking credit again.
Misrule continues in South Africa.
OR:
The former liberation movement hopes to win the only two provinces it does not control outright and grab a bigger majority despite chronic poverty, a 40 percent jobless rate and the scourge of AIDS affecting one in nine South Africans.
And of course the REUT saves this for THE LAST GRAF.
OR:
The former liberation movement hopes to win the only two provinces it does not control outright and grab a bigger majority despite chronic poverty, a 40 percent jobless rate and the scourge of AIDS affecting one in nine South Africans.
And of course the REUT saves this for THE LAST GRAF.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS ECONOMY THAT OUTSOURCING A FEW MILLION JOBS WOULDN'T SOLVE!!!!!!!!!!
The TRIB's exceptionally clever ombudspoop insists people see NEWS HACKS as "unrelievedly liberal or relentlessly conservative."
BUD, for every RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there are a DOZEN PINCHES.
By the way, why are you bozos worried about your REPS? Why do they matter when YOU HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
BUD, for every RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there are a DOZEN PINCHES.
By the way, why are you bozos worried about your REPS? Why do they matter when YOU HAVE THE POWER!!!!!
As violence flairs in Iraq....
I know we LUUUUUUUUUUUHVED P. R. MEL's MASTERWORK but THIS GOES TOO FAR.
I know we LUUUUUUUUUUUHVED P. R. MEL's MASTERWORK but THIS GOES TOO FAR.
John Kerry is caught in a political quagmire: How do you criticize the Bush administration's policy in Iraq without undermining the American troops fighting - and losing their lives - there?
Simple: with weasel words and evasions. That's how NEWS HACKS do it.
Simple: with weasel words and evasions. That's how NEWS HACKS do it.
The DNC is at it again.
"[S]ome historians, political scientists and congressional Democrats...." I think we get the message, GanNETt. You want us out of there to primp your endless vanity.
"[S]ome historians, political scientists and congressional Democrats...." I think we get the message, GanNETt. You want us out of there to primp your endless vanity.
It is a measure of what a CRISIS this is (and how self-centered and self-absorbed NEWS HACKS are) that this story of The Simpsons' catastrophe made it RIGHT next to all the stories about Iraq on the Times.com front page. Quelle imbeciles!
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Bushes report $822,126 in adjusted gross income
Cheneys report $1.3 million on tax return
I hope President DIPPITY-DO! uses this as a campaign issue. (PFFH-HH-HH!!)
Cheneys report $1.3 million on tax return
I hope President DIPPITY-DO! uses this as a campaign issue. (PFFH-HH-HH!!)
MARCHONS, MARCHONS...
...into the promised land of KA-KA JOKES, WEE-WEE JOKES, BIG-BAZOOM JOKES, EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES, SEX-IN-ALL-POSITIONS JOKES, AND PLAIN FLAT-OUT-BAD ADOLESCENT DIRTY JOKES.
...into the promised land of KA-KA JOKES, WEE-WEE JOKES, BIG-BAZOOM JOKES, EENIE-WEENIE-PEENIE JOKES, SEX-IN-ALL-POSITIONS JOKES, AND PLAIN FLAT-OUT-BAD ADOLESCENT DIRTY JOKES.
One of Ronald Reagan's finest moments (which I've paraphrased before) came during his 1980 campaign when he said, "There is a lesson for us all in Vietnam...let us tell those who fought that war that we will never again ask young men to fight and possibly die in a war that our government is afraid to let them win."
Is broadcast television ready for Britney Spears? Representatives for the pop princess are shopping an unscripted series....
It would have to be unscripted because no one could write a script THAT dumb.
It would have to be unscripted because no one could write a script THAT dumb.
Bush to Begin Tonight's News Conference With Iraq Statement
And of course on top of the NEWS HACKS' agenda will be how many grammatical errors and SPOONERISMS he commits.
This -- is WAR!!!!!
And of course on top of the NEWS HACKS' agenda will be how many grammatical errors and SPOONERISMS he commits.
This -- is WAR!!!!!
Panel: FBI Failed for Many Years to Address Terrorism [front-page hed]
Because it was busy hunting down gun owners and child abusers.
Because it was busy hunting down gun owners and child abusers.
And in more women's news:
Nearly 80 percent of the nation's Girl Scout councils will not say whether they have affiliations with Planned Parenthood, an anti-abortion group announced Monday.
OR:
"IT'S VERY SAD THAT PEOPLE TRY TO SPEND THEIR TIME PREVENTING WOMEN, MEN AND ADOLESCENTS FROM OBTAINING ACCURATE MEDICAL INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And young girls from getting abortions.
P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES REPORTED THIS?
Nearly 80 percent of the nation's Girl Scout councils will not say whether they have affiliations with Planned Parenthood, an anti-abortion group announced Monday.
OR:
"IT'S VERY SAD THAT PEOPLE TRY TO SPEND THEIR TIME PREVENTING WOMEN, MEN AND ADOLESCENTS FROM OBTAINING ACCURATE MEDICAL INFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And young girls from getting abortions.
P. S. CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES REPORTED THIS?
President DIPPITY-DO gains another supporter!
Hey JAY LINDSAY, you looking for work in the campaign? Never mind, you already are.
Hey JAY LINDSAY, you looking for work in the campaign? Never mind, you already are.
OHoh, THE U. S. COMMITTED WAR CRIMES -- AND THE REUT WILL EXPOSE THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sort of like the Reut exposing terr -- MILITANTS.
Sort of like the Reut exposing terr -- MILITANTS.
Abductions SWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP across Iraq!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [front-page hed]
You campaigning for PRESIDENT Dippity-Do again?
You campaigning for PRESIDENT Dippity-Do again?
Calm down conservatives, half of these film projects won't see the light of day, and most of the rest will bomb. Between this and the (CLOSELY-RELATED) desire to insult its audience with vilest junk Hollywood has no chance to ever recover its glories.
Harvey Whiner and ESPNCorp are paying $6 million so Mickey "The Self-Plagiarist" Herskowitz or William "Nancy" Novak or some hack can GHOST Baba Wawa's "memoirs," and already someone has raised the white flag of surrender:
Some balked at the rich numbers, I'm told, because of expectations that although Walters' candid memoirs could be a best seller in the United States, there would be little international interest to recoup the millions through foreign sales.
Why not just throw the money into the streets, Whiner? Why is this not a huge waste of ESPNCorp money, dear Mr. Sen. Chairman Mitchell? You want to fight the ALAMO again?
Some balked at the rich numbers, I'm told, because of expectations that although Walters' candid memoirs could be a best seller in the United States, there would be little international interest to recoup the millions through foreign sales.
Why not just throw the money into the streets, Whiner? Why is this not a huge waste of ESPNCorp money, dear Mr. Sen. Chairman Mitchell? You want to fight the ALAMO again?
Monday, April 12, 2004
Go figure: companies like duPont cut jobs (through attrition and retirements, it says); and Toyota adds jobs in West Virginia. Maybe it's a coinkydink, but GO FIGURE.
Spokesmen: Agreement reached in Najaf
Does this mean we've caved?
I LOVE the subhed: "RECORD LOSSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" As I said, these scribblers are on a ROLL. Now why can't they somersault their way off a cliff?
Does this mean we've caved?
I LOVE the subhed: "RECORD LOSSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" As I said, these scribblers are on a ROLL. Now why can't they somersault their way off a cliff?
I had to post this impromptu memorial to a slain policeman in Frisco. Let us remember they're on our side.
I must confess -- and this doesn't say much for me -- that I'm as excited at getting twelve hits today as PROF is getting 12 thousand billion quadrillion katillion zillion. PLEASE, dear surfers, if you like what you read, pass the word along to others. I'd like maybe twenty hits a day soon, if you can arrange it.
Here is the reason that it is idle to make half-baked comparisons to Vietnam. The Vietnamese were not our enemy, let alone the enemy of the whole civilized world, whereas the forces of jihad are our enemy and the enemy of civilization.
As great as Chris Hitchens often is, this sort of thing negates itself because he's a -- CONSERVATIVE (or so the NEWS HACKS might want us to think). If Chris Hitchens is a conservative I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'll sell you.
As great as Chris Hitchens often is, this sort of thing negates itself because he's a -- CONSERVATIVE (or so the NEWS HACKS might want us to think). If Chris Hitchens is a conservative I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'll sell you.
BLATHER OF THE WEEK, from the guys who give us Bob "Beat Me Behind the Wall" Fisk:
It seemed the whole of the United States needed this victory almost as badly as Phil Mickelson.
Sorry, HACKS, the whole of the United States didn't need it a tenth as much as Phil Mickelson.
It seemed the whole of the United States needed this victory almost as badly as Phil Mickelson.
Sorry, HACKS, the whole of the United States didn't need it a tenth as much as Phil Mickelson.
The fellow who took this picture has been snapping pin-ups for six decades -- with his wife at his side.
It's an unpleasant job but someone has to do it, sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
An Indian bought this house for $128 million, which CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges (in their gullible flack mode, and with a little help from RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'s sycophants) insist is the most expensive ever.
The buyer's an Indian. Maybe he can do a little outsourcing there, pffh-hh-hh.
Some men look like dictators.
SORRY, knee-jerk liberals, I mean the guy on the LEFT.
TWO COLUMNS, THREE DAYS APART:
Treating soldiers fighting their war as brave heroes is an old civilian trick designed to keep the soldiers at it.
This week Chow Main channels the spirit of the dearly departed Andy Rooney (what do you mean he's not dead?).
Treating soldiers fighting their war as brave heroes is an old civilian trick designed to keep the soldiers at it.
This week Chow Main channels the spirit of the dearly departed Andy Rooney (what do you mean he's not dead?).
The same idiots who gave us A MEDIOCRE PERFORMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now give us U. S. SUPPLY LINES BATTERED NEAR BAGHDAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEWS HACKS have not put forth such a concerted effort to have their way since the 2000 election.
now give us U. S. SUPPLY LINES BATTERED NEAR BAGHDAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEWS HACKS have not put forth such a concerted effort to have their way since the 2000 election.
CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges want the girls to come home. We all want the troops to come home, in due time. But when you sign up for the military you know you'll endure long months away from home, the real possibility of getting in harm's away. I understand the anguish this family goes through, but many, many military families have endured as bad, or worse. Count on AP to use any excuse to get us to cut and run from Iraq.
Iraq Hostages Are from States That Stayed Out of War
Shucks, I guess the FORCES OF RIGHT have their LIMITS.
Shucks, I guess the FORCES OF RIGHT have their LIMITS.
McCain on talk of run with Kerry: 'No, no and no'
Translation: MAYBE, MAYBE AND MAYBE.
And it'll be MAYBE until he's named to Dip's CABINET.
Translation: MAYBE, MAYBE AND MAYBE.
And it'll be MAYBE until he's named to Dip's CABINET.
The nice thing about Wrong-Way winning is that it deprives NEWS HACKS of one thing to beat us (and him) on the head with; but they'll think of five hundred new things and make our lives more miserable than ever.
InstaPundit's just a tiny corner of the blogosphere...
...who's thinking M&A.
By the way, did you do that expensive redesign (pffh-hh-hh) so that the text would be on the left so CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges couldn't call you CONSERVATIVE?
...who's thinking M&A.
By the way, did you do that expensive redesign (pffh-hh-hh) so that the text would be on the left so CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges couldn't call you CONSERVATIVE?
CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges "obtained" a "document" to help them campaign for their man.
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
BIAS? WHAT BIAS?
Sunday, April 11, 2004
The Times turns 180°. Having no doubt been among the crowd that called for the TOTAL BANISHMENT OF DDT, it now calls for its REINSTATEMENT, possibly because the PC PART OF THE WORLD needs it. Facts are stubborn things, and so are NEWS HACKS.
Facts are stubborn things:
The fact (and it is a fact) that it doesn't help to be white to get into Harvard replaces the much more fundamental fact that it does help to be rich and that it's virtually essential not to be poor.
The fact (and it is a fact) that it doesn't help to be white to get into Harvard replaces the much more fundamental fact that it does help to be rich and that it's virtually essential not to be poor.
The time has come to take LEGENDARY WELCH's idea for Today and apply it to the TV newsrags: JUST SELL THE AIR TIME. If we're going to have SYNERGY let them pay for it UP FRONT.
And NO, GEEZER HEWITT, I'm NOT impressed with your sudden burst of ETHICS.
And NO, GEEZER HEWITT, I'm NOT impressed with your sudden burst of ETHICS.
Hey Bent Beckham, at this stage of my life I'll take your stick.
No, this is NOT meant as a double-entendre.
No, this is NOT meant as a double-entendre.
REMEMBER THE ALAMO!!!!!!!!!!
The only good thing to come of P. R. MEL's SLASHER FLICK is that it seems to have left the S&M phreaks who go to the movies even more dissatisifed with the bird droppings on screen than before. Fulsome tributes to THE IMMORTAL JACK notwithstanding, things aren't going that well at America's popcorn restaurants.
The only good thing to come of P. R. MEL's SLASHER FLICK is that it seems to have left the S&M phreaks who go to the movies even more dissatisifed with the bird droppings on screen than before. Fulsome tributes to THE IMMORTAL JACK notwithstanding, things aren't going that well at America's popcorn restaurants.
"Without the understanding of the passion and the Crucifixion ... all you really have is a very violent death of a very good person."
All you really have is...A CONSERVATIVE PC SLASHER MOVIE.
By the way, buddy, I don't think The Sound of Music was a slasher movie.
All you really have is...A CONSERVATIVE PC SLASHER MOVIE.
By the way, buddy, I don't think The Sound of Music was a slasher movie.
Many corporations are alleged to pay no taxes. So how do the knee jerks approach it? A tired-blood DEMOCRATIC senator says we've got to "close loopholes." A wonk with THE BUTTMAN INSTITUTE says it's merely accounting. Both sides actively engage in truth avoidance and politics, which are one and the same.
"I see a tragedy. I see Vietnam in its first year."
I see politics. I see CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges campaigning.
I see politics. I see CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges campaigning.
I can BARELY understand why STERNO and his ilk get all so psychotic over the PRUDES. The problem is censorship by the LEFT continues largely unabated (despite the yeoman work of groups like FIRE); and by equating free speech with "sex and fart jokes" (sorry to repeat ANDY S.'s words again) shock jocks give the green light for more political censorship.
Jonathan Yardley pans a new bio of Ted Williams in part for sentences like this:
"The landscape of the past lies somewhere under the landscape of the present. That is a fact. An erector [SIC] set of change might have been constructed to obscure the gridwork of memory . . . but the past is still down there at the bottom, blahblahblah...."
What Mr. Yardley must realize is that the author is "a senior writer for Sports Illustrated" and "served for twenty-one years as a sports columnist for The Boston Globe." People win P-ULITZERS for such prose.
"The landscape of the past lies somewhere under the landscape of the present. That is a fact. An erector [SIC] set of change might have been constructed to obscure the gridwork of memory . . . but the past is still down there at the bottom, blahblahblah...."
What Mr. Yardley must realize is that the author is "a senior writer for Sports Illustrated" and "served for twenty-one years as a sports columnist for The Boston Globe." People win P-ULITZERS for such prose.
Whether or not it has managed Iraq well or was right to invade the country in the first place, the United States must not allow the country's extremists, whether Sunni adherents of Saddam Hussein's dictatorship or Shiite followers of Islamic cleric Moqtada Sadr, to drive it from the country or hijack the political process.
Then why is our sister RAG screaming VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Then why is our sister RAG screaming VIETNAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
Somebody from Time Warner Magazines briefly visited my site (probably an intern, and never even read it, but thank you anyway). I suspect you and I have one thing in common: we both despise your employer.
I'm waiting for somebody from Pinch's empire.
I'm waiting for somebody from Pinch's empire.
We've been waiting thirty years to cause another foreign policy disaster -- and maybe -- THIS IS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Or maybe, as Norman Thomas's grandson concedes, maybe not.
(Astonishingly, MR. MARK's chief political propagandist refers to the U. S. as "we." Properly, it should always be they -- especially when filing tax returns.)
Or maybe, as Norman Thomas's grandson concedes, maybe not.
(Astonishingly, MR. MARK's chief political propagandist refers to the U. S. as "we." Properly, it should always be they -- especially when filing tax returns.)