THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Wednesday, December 07, 2005
As I suspected, there was no bomb, although the man allegedly reached into his backpack.
I still think this is the equivalent of swatting a fly with a sledgehammer. I do not underestimate the dangers of flying from holy cockroaches, but our hands are already tied because the security people have to frisk infants and grandmothers for PC reasons, and this helps put innocent screwlooses at risk. And I will not second-guess the air marshals; they have dangerous jobs. But there has to be a better way of subduing passengers who pose no risk other than being off their meds.
I still think this is the equivalent of swatting a fly with a sledgehammer. I do not underestimate the dangers of flying from holy cockroaches, but our hands are already tied because the security people have to frisk infants and grandmothers for PC reasons, and this helps put innocent screwlooses at risk. And I will not second-guess the air marshals; they have dangerous jobs. But there has to be a better way of subduing passengers who pose no risk other than being off their meds.
IF this survey is true:
While most Internet users think they are safe online, they're not, according to a new study released Wednesday by America Online and the National Cyber Security Alliance. In fact, about 80 percent are exposed to common Internet threats, the study found.
More than half of the participants either had no anti-virus protection or had not updated it within the last week, researchers found. About half did not have a properly-configured firewall, and four in ten didn't have spyware protection. Taken collectively, more than 4 in five consumers lacked at least one of the three types of basic protection.
Still, 83 percent told researchers they were "safe from online threats," the study found.
...people are ignorant or else they're raging geniuses -- such as invented the PC.
While most Internet users think they are safe online, they're not, according to a new study released Wednesday by America Online and the National Cyber Security Alliance. In fact, about 80 percent are exposed to common Internet threats, the study found.
More than half of the participants either had no anti-virus protection or had not updated it within the last week, researchers found. About half did not have a properly-configured firewall, and four in ten didn't have spyware protection. Taken collectively, more than 4 in five consumers lacked at least one of the three types of basic protection.
Still, 83 percent told researchers they were "safe from online threats," the study found.
...people are ignorant or else they're raging geniuses -- such as invented the PC.
Cable companies consider family tier
Fine, but here's betting it fails, for two reasons: lack of interest (and here the news hacks can have their laff riot by calling viewers HYPOCRITES -- but not too loudly, because after all we base our circulation fictions on some of them), and just as likely, suspicion over this most greedy of industries' motives.
Fine, but here's betting it fails, for two reasons: lack of interest (and here the news hacks can have their laff riot by calling viewers HYPOCRITES -- but not too loudly, because after all we base our circulation fictions on some of them), and just as likely, suspicion over this most greedy of industries' motives.
Dog saves 3 Germans from fire but burns to death
Oh well, we can still say the dog is man's best friend.
Oh well, we can still say the dog is man's best friend.
And in more FOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!NEWS, our man Rog, America's greatest PR man, says not-so-between the lines THE OSCAR® BEST PICTURE is a "better version of the 'Mission: Impossible' movies." So Luke Spielberg dispensed His medicine with a whole bag of action sugar, as we'd have thought, and it'll go down easily with the scribblers. It is exasperating how we have to draw teeth from the ad-blurbists to get them to tell even the smallest morsel of the truth, especially now in 1939. We forget that truly great art has often been accompanied by indifferent to rotten reviews; it is rare the scribblers instantly acclaim true brilliance, and they're easily blinded by the dazzle of fool's gold. Think of the bored reaction to The Great Gatsby. Better yet, read these reviews of Huckleberry Finn. Even the few favorable ones don't get the point. Or to quote this noxious example from a paper happily long folded:
It is little wonder that Mr. Samuel Clemens, otherwise Mark Twain, resorted to real or mock lawsuits, as may be, to restrain some real or imaginary selling of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" as a means of advertising that extraordinarily senseless publication. Before the work is disposed of, Mr. Mark Twain will probably have to resort to law to compel some to sell it by any sort of bribery or corruption. It is doubtful if the edition could be disposed of to people of average intellect at anything short of the point of the bayonet. This publication rejoices in two frontispieces, of which the one is supposed to be a faithful portrait of Huckleberry Finn, and the other an engraving of the classic features of Mr. Mark Twain as seen in the bust made by Karl Gerhardt. The taste of this gratuitous presentation is as bad as is the book itself, which is an extreme statement. Mr. Clemens has contributed some humorous literature that is excellent and will hold its place, but his Huckleberry Finn appears to be singularly flat, stale and unprofitable. The book is sold by subscription.
By Roger Friedman.
Okay, we made that last line up. And possibly we too might have gotten into the spirit of raillery, especially if we'd made up our minds that Sam Clemens was but the Garrison Keillor of his day (which to some extent he was, only better). But when the blurbists tell us six movies in a row are masterpieces it is for a reason, and it is NOT for our erudition. So broad and sweeping is the urge to rave that when somebody like Bert Lahrson pans THE OPRAH MUSICAL we can't believe him -- owing, to be sure, from a long and distinguished career of fatuousness, but because he is an AD-BLURBIST, and such creatures do NOT deserve the benefit of the doubt; and besides, they're looking for the next property to overrate.
It is little wonder that Mr. Samuel Clemens, otherwise Mark Twain, resorted to real or mock lawsuits, as may be, to restrain some real or imaginary selling of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" as a means of advertising that extraordinarily senseless publication. Before the work is disposed of, Mr. Mark Twain will probably have to resort to law to compel some to sell it by any sort of bribery or corruption. It is doubtful if the edition could be disposed of to people of average intellect at anything short of the point of the bayonet. This publication rejoices in two frontispieces, of which the one is supposed to be a faithful portrait of Huckleberry Finn, and the other an engraving of the classic features of Mr. Mark Twain as seen in the bust made by Karl Gerhardt. The taste of this gratuitous presentation is as bad as is the book itself, which is an extreme statement. Mr. Clemens has contributed some humorous literature that is excellent and will hold its place, but his Huckleberry Finn appears to be singularly flat, stale and unprofitable. The book is sold by subscription.
By Roger Friedman.
Okay, we made that last line up. And possibly we too might have gotten into the spirit of raillery, especially if we'd made up our minds that Sam Clemens was but the Garrison Keillor of his day (which to some extent he was, only better). But when the blurbists tell us six movies in a row are masterpieces it is for a reason, and it is NOT for our erudition. So broad and sweeping is the urge to rave that when somebody like Bert Lahrson pans THE OPRAH MUSICAL we can't believe him -- owing, to be sure, from a long and distinguished career of fatuousness, but because he is an AD-BLURBIST, and such creatures do NOT deserve the benefit of the doubt; and besides, they're looking for the next property to overrate.
THE FEDS GET THEIR MAN!
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Aviation experts postulated that the situation must have been seen as a dangerous one if the air marshal drew his gun.
Or maybe they fired four or five shots because they knew he had a bomb.
Rep. Dennis Kucinich described the incident as "regrettable" but defended the air marshals' actions.
HIM??????????????????????????????????????
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!
Aviation experts postulated that the situation must have been seen as a dangerous one if the air marshal drew his gun.
Or maybe they fired four or five shots because they knew he had a bomb.
Rep. Dennis Kucinich described the incident as "regrettable" but defended the air marshals' actions.
HIM??????????????????????????????????????
The heavies of the Organization of the Islamic Conference are meeting again -- and they sound like the American Society of Newspaper Editors. "We don't have the luxury of blaming others for our own problems," says its sec-general. But it always helps.
Meantime:
"Today, the world of Islam is required to adopt a policy to confront conspiracies of the US and Israel and is obliged to make use of all potentials to isolate the enemy."
That's more like it.
Meantime:
"Today, the world of Islam is required to adopt a policy to confront conspiracies of the US and Israel and is obliged to make use of all potentials to isolate the enemy."
That's more like it.
Which will get more GoogleNews hits: the Pearl Harbor anniversary -- or THE ASSASSINATION OF JOHN LENNON?
194 links for Pearl Harbor. We'll wait until tomorrow for the MARTYR OF MUSIC.
And we haven't forgotten RESPECTED MURTHA; he's up to 1,780 links!
194 links for Pearl Harbor. We'll wait until tomorrow for the MARTYR OF MUSIC.
And we haven't forgotten RESPECTED MURTHA; he's up to 1,780 links!
Can anyone doubt rag publishers play tricks with their numbers? These pulp piles are far better known among the reverse Robin Hoods than newspapers, and a select few have sex appeal, all the more reason to play fast and loose with the truth. How can we not suspect the rags of trickery when (as we've said before) the leading newsrags have such large, unchanging, sadomasochistic reader bases? And let us not forget the PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE promos.
Interesting too that Family Circle had its numbers supercharged. This made us recall it was once owned by -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD COMPANY.
Interesting too that Family Circle had its numbers supercharged. This made us recall it was once owned by -- THE PAPER OF RE-CORD COMPANY.
Canada plane crash report was false alarm - police
Which didn't prevent THOUSANDS of bloggers from reporting it, no doubt.
Which didn't prevent THOUSANDS of bloggers from reporting it, no doubt.
The only thing worse would be for a vindicated DeLay to be relegated to the backbenches because his acquittal was a couple of weeks late.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
You're sure he'll be vindicated, Sons o'Buckley?
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
You're sure he'll be vindicated, Sons o'Buckley?
Stepin Fetchit LIVES!
And he does [C]RAP!!!!!
OR:
The venerable Hollywood slapstick producer Hal Roach (The Little Rascals) is quoted as saying:
Stepin Fetchit was a very funny guy. That's why we tried to use him, because he was a skilled comic. … [T]he colored people in those days got as big a kick out of Stepin Fetchit as anybody. They used to come to the studio every single day, you know, dozens of them, wanted to see him.What Watkins is suggesting here is that Stepin Fetchit's act continued the "trickster" tradition of slaves: outwitting their oppressors by pretending to be slow-witted and lazy, and thereby exploiting whites' sense of superiority. This ironical defense of black stereotypes misses the basic fact that while even black folks may recognize and laugh at the buffoons in their community, it doesn't mean that this disdainful reflex is subversive.
Which is precisely what some people call [C]RAPPERS.
And he does [C]RAP!!!!!
OR:
The venerable Hollywood slapstick producer Hal Roach (The Little Rascals) is quoted as saying:
Stepin Fetchit was a very funny guy. That's why we tried to use him, because he was a skilled comic. … [T]he colored people in those days got as big a kick out of Stepin Fetchit as anybody. They used to come to the studio every single day, you know, dozens of them, wanted to see him.What Watkins is suggesting here is that Stepin Fetchit's act continued the "trickster" tradition of slaves: outwitting their oppressors by pretending to be slow-witted and lazy, and thereby exploiting whites' sense of superiority. This ironical defense of black stereotypes misses the basic fact that while even black folks may recognize and laugh at the buffoons in their community, it doesn't mean that this disdainful reflex is subversive.
Which is precisely what some people call [C]RAPPERS.
And speaking of VNU (and people who should become consultants), the fair and impartial Greg is mad because a story he liked didn't get front-page treatment.
We might be inclined to agree here, except the story did get wide play on the Web, so front-page exposure isn't THAT important anymore; and besides, we can think of lots of important stories it wouldn't bother Greg not to see on the front page.
P. S. Your blood pressure at work:
The terrorist attacks on New York and Washington on September 11, 2001--you remember them. Cost nearly 3000 American lives and haunted the families of the victims. Traumatized the nation. Damaged our economy, led to a new cabinet department and the controversial Patriot Act. Gave the new U.S. president, who was foundering in the polls, almost unprecedented power and popularity. Led directly to a war against Afghanistan and overthrow of the government there. Led almost as directly to the invasion of Iraq, then a continuing war and occupation that has cost another 2000-plus American lives and countless billions of dollars in expenditures.
Wait a second, Greg -- the Iraq war is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. Isn't that DUBYA's fault?
We might be inclined to agree here, except the story did get wide play on the Web, so front-page exposure isn't THAT important anymore; and besides, we can think of lots of important stories it wouldn't bother Greg not to see on the front page.
P. S. Your blood pressure at work:
The terrorist attacks on New York and Washington on September 11, 2001--you remember them. Cost nearly 3000 American lives and haunted the families of the victims. Traumatized the nation. Damaged our economy, led to a new cabinet department and the controversial Patriot Act. Gave the new U.S. president, who was foundering in the polls, almost unprecedented power and popularity. Led directly to a war against Afghanistan and overthrow of the government there. Led almost as directly to the invasion of Iraq, then a continuing war and occupation that has cost another 2000-plus American lives and countless billions of dollars in expenditures.
Wait a second, Greg -- the Iraq war is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL. Isn't that DUBYA's fault?
We see our favorite revealingly-dressed airhead has a lawyer named Howard K. Stern.
I don't know why Bob Geldof's folks should be so mad -- they only CHANGED THE WORLD.
Sony BMG Music Entertainment said Tuesday some 5.7 million of its CDs were shipped with anti-piracy technology that requires a new software patch to plug a potential security breach in computers used to play the CDs.
The Rootkit Music Co. resembles BILL'S BUGMEISTERS more and more every day.
P. S. This time the junk was from the BMG side of the company, meaning this was a delayed-reaction bug.
The Rootkit Music Co. resembles BILL'S BUGMEISTERS more and more every day.
P. S. This time the junk was from the BMG side of the company, meaning this was a delayed-reaction bug.
And in more news of show-biz toadies -- REPORTERS looking for work:
Robert Dowling, editor-in-chief and publisher of The Hollywood Reporter and president of the VNU Business Media Film and Performing Arts Group, is retiring after 17 years at the helm effective Dec. 31, he said Tuesday.
Dowling said he is starting his own consulting firm, the Bob Dowling Group, to serve clients looking to navigate the converging worlds of entertainment and technology. VNU Business Media has signed a three-year deal as Dowling's first client.
Okay, he's 66 so he's close to retirement, but this gets us to thinking: Most show-biz hacks write screenplays when they want to harvest their connections. This sounds even BETTER! You can get to be a power in the BIZ as a consultant -- and this guy has a client! Good luck, Bob -- and we hope you inspire many, MANY AWFUL MOVIES!
And we hope they make a TOP 100 list.
Robert Dowling, editor-in-chief and publisher of The Hollywood Reporter and president of the VNU Business Media Film and Performing Arts Group, is retiring after 17 years at the helm effective Dec. 31, he said Tuesday.
Dowling said he is starting his own consulting firm, the Bob Dowling Group, to serve clients looking to navigate the converging worlds of entertainment and technology. VNU Business Media has signed a three-year deal as Dowling's first client.
Okay, he's 66 so he's close to retirement, but this gets us to thinking: Most show-biz hacks write screenplays when they want to harvest their connections. This sounds even BETTER! You can get to be a power in the BIZ as a consultant -- and this guy has a client! Good luck, Bob -- and we hope you inspire many, MANY AWFUL MOVIES!
And we hope they make a TOP 100 list.
ONNNNNNNWARRRRRRRRRD MOOOOOOOOVEONNNNNNNNNN SOLLLLLLLDIERRRRRRRRRRRS:
Todd Gitlin, a professor at Columbia University's School of Journalism [KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! --ED.], said the MoveOn effort has "the potential to be effective," but only if there are shareholders sympathetic to its message.
"We know how they think they can raise profits - by hollowing out and crippling the [journalistic] enterprise," he said of media executives. "Maybe there will be stockholders who think otherwise."
Some newspapers have cited sagging readership, increased competition from the Internet and rising costs for their decision to reduce staffing to levels MoveOn suggests spreads remaining reporters too thinly to be effective watchdogs. But Newsday also was hard hit by a circulation scandal that forced it to reduce its reported daily circulation figure by about 100,000 copies and to compensate advertisers over the bogus subscriber claims.
MARRRRRRRRCHING AAAAAAAAAAS TOOOOOOOOOO...what?
Todd Gitlin, a professor at Columbia University's School of Journalism [KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! KLUMPH! --ED.], said the MoveOn effort has "the potential to be effective," but only if there are shareholders sympathetic to its message.
"We know how they think they can raise profits - by hollowing out and crippling the [journalistic] enterprise," he said of media executives. "Maybe there will be stockholders who think otherwise."
Some newspapers have cited sagging readership, increased competition from the Internet and rising costs for their decision to reduce staffing to levels MoveOn suggests spreads remaining reporters too thinly to be effective watchdogs. But Newsday also was hard hit by a circulation scandal that forced it to reduce its reported daily circulation figure by about 100,000 copies and to compensate advertisers over the bogus subscriber claims.
MARRRRRRRRCHING AAAAAAAAAAS TOOOOOOOOOO...what?
Ah, the ways of the rich and famous:
Mr. Downie said that he and his famed assistant managing editor needed to increase their communication.
“I’m not satisfied on my own part,” Mr. Downie said.
Asked to explain why he’d been out of touch, Mr. Downie replied, “Because he’s a rich man, who has an entire floor of his house as his office, and he has a staff of his own working for him. He doesn’t come into the office so much. We have to take the initiative to talk to each other.”
Mr. Woodward has no direct editorial oversight at The Post. And despite his title, Mr. Woodward hasn’t edited a story for the paper in years, Mr. Downie said. He writes for the paper when he wants. When he’s pursuing a book project, he discusses some of the content with Mr. Downie.
“It varies from project to project, depending on what he’s working on,” Mr. Downie said.
Thus goes the life of John Belushi's biographer, "America's pre-eminent celebrity...reporter" [ellipsis mine] and lead investigative man for Simon and Schuster.
Mr. Downie said that he and his famed assistant managing editor needed to increase their communication.
“I’m not satisfied on my own part,” Mr. Downie said.
Asked to explain why he’d been out of touch, Mr. Downie replied, “Because he’s a rich man, who has an entire floor of his house as his office, and he has a staff of his own working for him. He doesn’t come into the office so much. We have to take the initiative to talk to each other.”
Mr. Woodward has no direct editorial oversight at The Post. And despite his title, Mr. Woodward hasn’t edited a story for the paper in years, Mr. Downie said. He writes for the paper when he wants. When he’s pursuing a book project, he discusses some of the content with Mr. Downie.
“It varies from project to project, depending on what he’s working on,” Mr. Downie said.
Thus goes the life of John Belushi's biographer, "America's pre-eminent celebrity...reporter" [ellipsis mine] and lead investigative man for Simon and Schuster.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
"Non Sequitur" creator Wiley Miller thinks editorial cartoonists should protest job losses by withholding their work from syndication for at least a week or month.
I've got a better idea, Wiley: have all news hacks stop writing for at least a month to protest job losses. Then....
The Web really WOULD take over.
I've got a better idea, Wiley: have all news hacks stop writing for at least a month to protest job losses. Then....
The Web really WOULD take over.
Keyword Prices Tumble
So why is G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE still worth $500 quadrillion quintillion megazillion?
So why is G000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000GLE still worth $500 quadrillion quintillion megazillion?
NCAA March Madness on Demand to be offered free of charge on NCAAsports.com
The day is quickly coming when we may not necessarily need cable.
The day is quickly coming when we may not necessarily need cable.
UK Conservatives opt for youth to challenge Blair
Does that mean they've chosen a younger adolescent?
Does that mean they've chosen a younger adolescent?
"Radio, you shouldn't have to pay for it."
PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR IT.
The new channels will be commercial-free for at least two years. Programmed locally, they will be free to anyone who purchases a new HD radio.
You mean we won't get to hear A REALLY GREAT DEEEEEL ON AN AU-TO-MO-BEEEEEL in DIGITAL?
PEOPLE ARE PAYING FOR IT BECAUSE YOU PAID FOR IT.
The new channels will be commercial-free for at least two years. Programmed locally, they will be free to anyone who purchases a new HD radio.
You mean we won't get to hear A REALLY GREAT DEEEEEL ON AN AU-TO-MO-BEEEEEL in DIGITAL?
1. Ben Stein's become the Larry King of print. 2. CJR hates him because he's a Republican.
SIX OF ONE....
SIX OF ONE....
OH oh:
A government report today that accuses food marketers of using billions in marketing dollars to woo children away from good diet choices could become a watershed on the scale of the 1964 Surgeon General’s report on tobacco.
This may be hype, but if not, we can expect no help from the hacks. They've already squidgeted themselves into a quandary: obviously PC diets are the right thing, but not if they HURT OUR SYNERGY. And we can expect the usual political schizophrenia, the left taking the side of the food police, the right lining up with the junk-food kings, and the public be damned.
A government report today that accuses food marketers of using billions in marketing dollars to woo children away from good diet choices could become a watershed on the scale of the 1964 Surgeon General’s report on tobacco.
This may be hype, but if not, we can expect no help from the hacks. They've already squidgeted themselves into a quandary: obviously PC diets are the right thing, but not if they HURT OUR SYNERGY. And we can expect the usual political schizophrenia, the left taking the side of the food police, the right lining up with the junk-food kings, and the public be damned.
A huge chunk feels like "Jurassic Park 4" or "5"....
We know you're the greatest press agent since SOB, but isn't this, er, damning with not-so-faint praise?
We know you're the greatest press agent since SOB, but isn't this, er, damning with not-so-faint praise?
• Charges against Tom DeLay reduced [MSNBC home-page hed]
DeLay money-laundering charges upheld [Story hed]
It may not be easy to do a fair hed when a story has two sides, like SNIDELY's legal woes; but there must be a better way, and news hacks, as usual, are not looking for it.
DeLay money-laundering charges upheld [Story hed]
It may not be easy to do a fair hed when a story has two sides, like SNIDELY's legal woes; but there must be a better way, and news hacks, as usual, are not looking for it.
A eulogy for the Hank Luce of our time:
"Would he sell Rolling Stone, which is his complete and utter identity?" said one longtime underling. "Without that, he's just another rich guy with bad manners."
"Would he sell Rolling Stone, which is his complete and utter identity?" said one longtime underling. "Without that, he's just another rich guy with bad manners."
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL: Ford will no longer advertise the Jaguar and Land Rover in gay rags!
I guess we'll hear about this for the next three weeks. And the nice thing about forcing this controversy is that it will work the ulterior motive of getting more money into our pockets.
I guess we'll hear about this for the next three weeks. And the nice thing about forcing this controversy is that it will work the ulterior motive of getting more money into our pockets.
The recorded-sound conspiracy further rewards its customers by forcing them to buy NEW! IMPROVED! re-edits!
We're surprised an experienced rock blurbist like Edna says something not-so-nice about the record biz. That's not The SOB Way.
We're surprised an experienced rock blurbist like Edna says something not-so-nice about the record biz. That's not The SOB Way.
As with STERNO's God, Roger Ebert is a small pile of common sense buried under a huge pile of shtick. So we were astonished to hear he's made a stink among the GET-A-LIFE! crowd for claiming videogames will never be high art. He is right of course; with their limited first-person perspective and their surfeit of the kind of design work that could have graced Saddam's mansions, video games can never be anything more than a cheesy onanistic thrill, an obsession for the mentally challenged mentally gifted. We suspect no one has let videogames have it for the simple reason that hacks are afraid of offending their huge audience, a strange notion as most of them can't read.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Saddam trial told of horror in Room 63
...which for NEWS HACKS is quite a few floors away from ROOM 2000.
...which for NEWS HACKS is quite a few floors away from ROOM 2000.
CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES SPIN:
A judge dismissed a conspiracy charge Monday against Rep. Tom DeLay but refused to throw out the FAR MORE SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS of money-laundering, dashing the congressman's hopes for now of reclaiming his post as House majority leader.
It's propaganda like this that makes CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) ETHICS CODE the funniest thing to come to comedy since THE HONEYMOONERS -- and WE CAN'T STAND SNIDELY WHIPLASH EITHER.
P. S. SIGN THE MOVEON PETITION! PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!
A judge dismissed a conspiracy charge Monday against Rep. Tom DeLay but refused to throw out the FAR MORE SERIOUS ALLEGATIONS of money-laundering, dashing the congressman's hopes for now of reclaiming his post as House majority leader.
It's propaganda like this that makes CURLEY'S (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) ETHICS CODE the funniest thing to come to comedy since THE HONEYMOONERS -- and WE CAN'T STAND SNIDELY WHIPLASH EITHER.
P. S. SIGN THE MOVEON PETITION! PFFH-HH-HH!!!!!
If only this weren't NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, then we could say Sen. Kerry's a scoundrel, but because this is NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we have a little trouble saying it.
And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs. Whether you like it or not...
SCHIEFFER: Yeah.
BRING ON KATIE!
And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs. Whether you like it or not...
SCHIEFFER: Yeah.
BRING ON KATIE!
Army Drops Charges in Killing of Iraqis
Shucks, why can't anything stick against the forces of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL?
Shucks, why can't anything stick against the forces of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL?
The weathermen consulted their bunions and scared us into thinking we'll get two feet of snow tonight, so what happens? Someone at our local transit authority blizzarded a walkway at the el stop with slippery sand. Later near my apartment I nearly slipped on a blizzard of calcium chloride pellets. I know they do these things for insurance, but does it ever occur to the no-brains' supervisors that applied fast and loose sand and calcium chloride pellets can be almost as hazardous as snow?
Carl LIMBURGER pulls another one:
Only 25% Show Up in Venezuela Polls
Problem is, nowhere in "his" story does this factoid show up. But then we are well versed in Carl's excellent cutting-and-pasting, like the time he nearly turned ST. WARREN into a goddess.
Only 25% Show Up in Venezuela Polls
Problem is, nowhere in "his" story does this factoid show up. But then we are well versed in Carl's excellent cutting-and-pasting, like the time he nearly turned ST. WARREN into a goddess.
ESPNCORP NETWORK NEWS KNIGHTS ITS NEW ANCHORPOOPS!
Worrrrld News Tonight with Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff really trips off the tongue!
Worrrrld News Tonight with Elizabeth Vargas and Bob Woodruff really trips off the tongue!
And speaking of self-regulation:
The House ethics committee, the panel responsible for upholding the chamber's ethics code, has been virtually moribund for the past year, handling only routine business despite a wave of federal investigations into close and potentially illegal relationships between lawmakers and lobbyists.
I think these guys are trying to make NEWS HACKS look good.
The House ethics committee, the panel responsible for upholding the chamber's ethics code, has been virtually moribund for the past year, handling only routine business despite a wave of federal investigations into close and potentially illegal relationships between lawmakers and lobbyists.
I think these guys are trying to make NEWS HACKS look good.
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....
In a conversation not long ago, the president of a major university asked me about the various scandals haunting the mainstream media: Why can't the news media get their house in order? he wondered.
I mumbled the usual platitudes about over-eager reporters, overstretched editors and stressed-out executives under immense pressure to hold their print and television audiences against new forms of competition. And sensing that we were headed toward a debate about whether the media's problems were severe enough to require some sort of oversight, I cited the clause in the First Amendment of the Constitution that prohibits the government from making any laws "abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press."
"Well, why not self-regulation?" the educator asked.
BECAUSE THE LAST TIME YOU BONEHEADS DISCUSSED IT YOU COULDN'T AGREE TO THE RULES.
In a conversation not long ago, the president of a major university asked me about the various scandals haunting the mainstream media: Why can't the news media get their house in order? he wondered.
I mumbled the usual platitudes about over-eager reporters, overstretched editors and stressed-out executives under immense pressure to hold their print and television audiences against new forms of competition. And sensing that we were headed toward a debate about whether the media's problems were severe enough to require some sort of oversight, I cited the clause in the First Amendment of the Constitution that prohibits the government from making any laws "abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press."
"Well, why not self-regulation?" the educator asked.
BECAUSE THE LAST TIME YOU BONEHEADS DISCUSSED IT YOU COULDN'T AGREE TO THE RULES.
Duh, we spend so much time pointing fingers we can't solve our murder problem, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S. Given the choice between hiring more police and gun control, guess which solution a NEWS HACK would choose?
P. S. Given the choice between hiring more police and gun control, guess which solution a NEWS HACK would choose?
BUYBUYBUYBUYBUYBUYBUYBUY VIACONS!!!!!
The other day someone said newspaper sales -- ANALYSTS don't read the papers whose companies they sell -- ANALYZE. That's okay, just as long as they can offer a BUY RECOMMENDATION!!!!!
The other day someone said newspaper sales -- ANALYSTS don't read the papers whose companies they sell -- ANALYZE. That's okay, just as long as they can offer a BUY RECOMMENDATION!!!!!
The hacks are doing another Goebbels. Keep in mind guys, you thought your hero would deliver the election to your candidate Sen. Kerry. And if people don't want to spend $50 a year for PAPER OF RE-CORD op-ed pieces, what makes you think they'll spend $156 a year for your hero -- especially when PAPER OF RE-CORD fans can afford it?
And speaking of echo chambers, DOW 36,000 defends his favorite biz (oil), complete with footnotes.
Safe to say Lew and DOW should both go where the sun don't shine.
Safe to say Lew and DOW should both go where the sun don't shine.
Public discourse now takes place in echo chambers, each side preaching to its own choir. And that’s bad, isn’t it?
“Yeah, that is bad,” he says. “Most obviously so in the success of Fox NewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNews....”
Get lost, Lew "VANITY FAIR" Lapham!
Lewis Lapham’s Harper’s compensation
in 1997 : $246,000
In 2004: $315,000
Not bad for a subsidized rag no one reads.
“Yeah, that is bad,” he says. “Most obviously so in the success of Fox NewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNewsFoxNews....”
Get lost, Lew "VANITY FAIR" Lapham!
Lewis Lapham’s Harper’s compensation
in 1997 : $246,000
In 2004: $315,000
Not bad for a subsidized rag no one reads.
"I want Lou Kratz removed from office," Cunningham thundered. "I think he's incompetent. And I'm calling for his removal. I've had it."
How does THAT boomerang feel -- DUKE?
Or rather:
"I WANT LOU KRATZ REMOVED FROM OFFICE!!!!!" Cunningham thundered. "I THINK HE'S INCOMPETENT!!!!! AND I'M CALLING FOR HIS REMOVAL!!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!"
That's better.
P. S.
Cunningham came to Washington from the San Diego area 15 years ago with the campaign slogan "A Congressman We Can Be Proud Of." He was replacing a Democrat who had been driven from office by charges of sexual harassment. Two years later, in 1992, when Cunningham was redistricted out of his first seat, he took over a seat from a Republican incumbent who had been tainted by the House banking scandal.
He must have learned something.
How does THAT boomerang feel -- DUKE?
Or rather:
"I WANT LOU KRATZ REMOVED FROM OFFICE!!!!!" Cunningham thundered. "I THINK HE'S INCOMPETENT!!!!! AND I'M CALLING FOR HIS REMOVAL!!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!!!!!!!!"
That's better.
P. S.
Cunningham came to Washington from the San Diego area 15 years ago with the campaign slogan "A Congressman We Can Be Proud Of." He was replacing a Democrat who had been driven from office by charges of sexual harassment. Two years later, in 1992, when Cunningham was redistricted out of his first seat, he took over a seat from a Republican incumbent who had been tainted by the House banking scandal.
He must have learned something.
Accounts of an American predator operating inside Pakistani territory is expected to cause a backlash in the tribal region.
Thankfully the tribes can fight back with their Stone-Age theology.
Thankfully the tribes can fight back with their Stone-Age theology.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
“Yesterday I said (the death) was 200 per cent confirmed. Now, I say it is 500 per cent confirmed.”
And I say it's 10,000 PER CENT CONFIRMED that you haven't got the BIG KAHUNA.
And I say it's 10,000 PER CENT CONFIRMED that you haven't got the BIG KAHUNA.
Surprise, surprise: A couple of boys at the top of the ROOTKIT MUSIC CO. engaged in a little payola.
I guess maybe that's why they started their harebrained scheme -- to keep the organized crime to themselves.
I guess maybe that's why they started their harebrained scheme -- to keep the organized crime to themselves.
John Lennon's Death Lingers for Witnesses
We are four days away and we are already in our oh-shut-up mode.
We are four days away and we are already in our oh-shut-up mode.
Perhaps like Mr. Mark's proud correspondent, we can still feel the tug of scientific "progress", although one would think WWII and the Holocaust would have put paid to that notion. Or as Henry Adams wrote:
Impossibilities no longer stood in the way. One’s life had fattened on impossibilities. Before the boy was six years old, he had seen four impossibilities made actual,—the ocean-steamer, the railway, the electric telegraph, and the Daguerreotype; nor could he ever learn which of the four had most hurried others to come. He had seen the coal-output of the United States grow from nothing to three hundred million tons or more. What was far more serious, he had seen the number of minds, engaged in pursuing force—the truest measure of its attraction—increase from a few scores or hundreds, in 1838, to many thousands in 1905, trained to sharpness never before reached, and armed with instruments amounting to new senses of indefinite power and accuracy, while they chased force into hiding-places where Nature herself had never known it to be, making analyses that contradicted being, and syntheses that endangered the elements. No one could say that the social mind now failed to respond to new force, even when the new force annoyed it horribly. Every day Nature violently revolted, causing so-called accidents with enormous destruction of property and life, while plainly laughing at man, who helplessly groaned and shrieked and shuddered, but never for a single instant could stop. The railways alone approached the carnage of war; automobiles and fire-arms ravaged society, until an earthquake became almost a nervous relaxation. An immense volume of force had detached itself from the unknown universe of energy, while still vaster reservoirs, supposed to be infinite, steadily revealed themselves, attracting mankind with more compulsive course than all the Pontic Seas or Gods or Gold that ever existed, and feeling still less of retiring ebb.
Or more to the point:
The progress of evolution from President Washington to President Grant, was alone evidence enough to upset Darwin.
Impossibilities no longer stood in the way. One’s life had fattened on impossibilities. Before the boy was six years old, he had seen four impossibilities made actual,—the ocean-steamer, the railway, the electric telegraph, and the Daguerreotype; nor could he ever learn which of the four had most hurried others to come. He had seen the coal-output of the United States grow from nothing to three hundred million tons or more. What was far more serious, he had seen the number of minds, engaged in pursuing force—the truest measure of its attraction—increase from a few scores or hundreds, in 1838, to many thousands in 1905, trained to sharpness never before reached, and armed with instruments amounting to new senses of indefinite power and accuracy, while they chased force into hiding-places where Nature herself had never known it to be, making analyses that contradicted being, and syntheses that endangered the elements. No one could say that the social mind now failed to respond to new force, even when the new force annoyed it horribly. Every day Nature violently revolted, causing so-called accidents with enormous destruction of property and life, while plainly laughing at man, who helplessly groaned and shrieked and shuddered, but never for a single instant could stop. The railways alone approached the carnage of war; automobiles and fire-arms ravaged society, until an earthquake became almost a nervous relaxation. An immense volume of force had detached itself from the unknown universe of energy, while still vaster reservoirs, supposed to be infinite, steadily revealed themselves, attracting mankind with more compulsive course than all the Pontic Seas or Gods or Gold that ever existed, and feeling still less of retiring ebb.
Or more to the point:
The progress of evolution from President Washington to President Grant, was alone evidence enough to upset Darwin.
The Professor boasts that Bill Hobbs boasts that Jack Kingston boasts that a Moveon.org ad in his district flopped.
Maybe, but would you entirely trust a man who frequently appeared in Special Orders with The DUKE?
Maybe, but would you entirely trust a man who frequently appeared in Special Orders with The DUKE?
Andy S. is IRONIC again:
I just wish both groups would find a very small, sound-proof room somewhere, shut the door tight and yell at each other for a while.
How about you and Derb?
I just wish both groups would find a very small, sound-proof room somewhere, shut the door tight and yell at each other for a while.
How about you and Derb?
6,705 movies and nothing to see.
[F]ilm critics who find the festival too commercial. Acquisitions people who say it is too arty.
They may both be right: the films are too commercial for the ad-blurbists' taste, and too arty for the public, and therefore we have 6,705 movies and nothing to see.
[F]ilm critics who find the festival too commercial. Acquisitions people who say it is too arty.
They may both be right: the films are too commercial for the ad-blurbists' taste, and too arty for the public, and therefore we have 6,705 movies and nothing to see.
The latest on the forgotten music they called JAZZ:
It’s not dead, it’s resting
Sure it's breathing?
You can always tell when an art form is in crisis: a telling staging post is the formation of an appreciation society. Its members know that the art form in question can no longer reliably be expected to produce sufficient spontaneous energy to keep it fresh and relevant, so they dutifully roll out the membership application forms, and hold meetings in unlikely settings to impress upon onlookers their cultural virility.
You're sure it's breathing?
It’s not dead, it’s resting
Sure it's breathing?
You can always tell when an art form is in crisis: a telling staging post is the formation of an appreciation society. Its members know that the art form in question can no longer reliably be expected to produce sufficient spontaneous energy to keep it fresh and relevant, so they dutifully roll out the membership application forms, and hold meetings in unlikely settings to impress upon onlookers their cultural virility.
You're sure it's breathing?
A company with cable networks protests a la carte!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD (boss-toadying synergy division) to PETE!
A NEUHARTHISM OF THE WEEK AWARD (boss-toadying synergy division) to PETE!
Has anyone dared ask the impact on our society of our not knowing where hundreds of billions of dollars are going? Isn't it time to find out?
In looking up Joe Cannon's cover we accidentally stumbled across an infrequently-updated blog for PEOPLE NEWSMAGAZINE's archive, and it appears there was actually a time the rag could write a less-than-flattering article on a show-biz type. We cannot recall the last time or any time this rag has mocked someone in the high calling of entertainment -- certainly not since 1990 -- but the fact that it once (if intermittently) did tells us we've lost a lot to SYNERGY. And alas there's something to be said for no-bylines; it prevents hacks from playing to the red light.
Well, I was HALF right. And this time it was RICHARD SCHICKEL, the man who acclaimed TIME WARNER WIDE SHUT a masterwork. (Isn't it time for him to retire?) Thankfully the TWXSTERS have revived their behind-the-wall gag. What MORON would pay money to read an AD?
As for Mr. Mark, the solace is he has Jimson Dickey bring FEMINISM to TERRORISM. And with the eloquence that made him a POET'S SON, he concludes:
"It's a new generation, and, perversely, emancipation allows women to aspire to martyrdom," he said.
Finding another answer that is right—a variety of answers, in fact, for many unique societies—will help make the difference between an endless war of terror with "insurgents all around" and a fight that is won, with a peace that endures.
Such BRILLIANCE, Jimson! These two rags must be up to tricks. Does anybody willingly read these piles of toilet paper outside classrooms and doctors' offices? If so, whom? Would it not be worth their while to offer them free psychiatric help?
Mr. Mark's groundbreaking plug must be NEXT week.
As for Mr. Mark, the solace is he has Jimson Dickey bring FEMINISM to TERRORISM. And with the eloquence that made him a POET'S SON, he concludes:
"It's a new generation, and, perversely, emancipation allows women to aspire to martyrdom," he said.
Finding another answer that is right—a variety of answers, in fact, for many unique societies—will help make the difference between an endless war of terror with "insurgents all around" and a fight that is won, with a peace that endures.
Such BRILLIANCE, Jimson! These two rags must be up to tricks. Does anybody willingly read these piles of toilet paper outside classrooms and doctors' offices? If so, whom? Would it not be worth their while to offer them free psychiatric help?
Mr. Mark's groundbreaking plug must be NEXT week.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Americans Want Different Type of President Next Time, Poll Says
What does this mean? I read the story forwards, backwards, right-side-up, upside-down. What does this mean? The story doesn't give any idea what a different kind of president would be. We can guess what kind of president the HACKS would consider different, but the word Democrat is conspicuously missing. What does this mean?
Let us not downgrade the impact of thoroughly dense writing in turning people away from the news, and BloomyLite has more than its share.
What does this mean? I read the story forwards, backwards, right-side-up, upside-down. What does this mean? The story doesn't give any idea what a different kind of president would be. We can guess what kind of president the HACKS would consider different, but the word Democrat is conspicuously missing. What does this mean?
Let us not downgrade the impact of thoroughly dense writing in turning people away from the news, and BloomyLite has more than its share.
The woman who donated her face had killed herself.
TRANSLATION: For the next week we get to hear about ETHICS, ETHICS, ETHICS -- until we completely forget about it.
TRANSLATION: For the next week we get to hear about ETHICS, ETHICS, ETHICS -- until we completely forget about it.
Here's predicting the TWEEDLEDUM and TWEEDLEDEE of NEWSRAGS run cover movie ads tomorrow. It will be hard to know which is better; they're both masterworks and they'll both be PC. The only question is which rag will work harder to THWACK!!!!! its readers across the forehead. MR. MARK is second-to-none in this regard, but DICK "GUNS CAUSED COLUMBINE" CORLISS is no piker at sell...at publiciz...at WRITING. The excitement will be stoked to a fever pitch with more glorious news of our LOSS IN IRAQ, and more noble truthtelling of the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of DUBYA. It will be a FIGHT TO THE FINISH, and we can only hope both RAGS will be MORTALLY WOUNDED with their READERS.
The two combatants in the upcoming MICKEYMOUSE NIXON MEMORIAL COMPUTERIZED UNIVERSAL PROFESSIONAL COLLEGE FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP won by a combined score of 136 to 22. Sounds like the game'll be a real BARNBURNER.
I say Texas will win; it did a better job blowouting.
I say Texas will win; it did a better job blowouting.
A piece of junk like this underlines the total futility of charging people for news. People are acclimated to free news because so much of it is like the mutton THE MASTER once dined on: "[A]s bad as bad could be, ill fed, ill killed, ill kept, and ill dressed." We can see why Little Malcolm has to practically give his print rag away: you get what you pay for.
Brad Pitt to adopt Angelina Jolie’s children
The NEXT new tiresome story of the month.
Of the week...of the day...of the hour....
The NEXT new tiresome story of the month.
Of the week...of the day...of the hour....
MoveOn...
Er, um, uh...
Protests Cuts...
Um, uh, er...
in Tribune Co. Newsrooms
ERRRRRRR, UMMMMMMMM, UHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
"I think it's terrific that people care enough about the paper to do whatever they can to make sure that it has the ability to keep doing great stuff," said Times Editor Dean Baquet.
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
Er, um, uh...
Protests Cuts...
Um, uh, er...
in Tribune Co. Newsrooms
ERRRRRRR, UMMMMMMMM, UHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
"I think it's terrific that people care enough about the paper to do whatever they can to make sure that it has the ability to keep doing great stuff," said Times Editor Dean Baquet.
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM, UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
"Goodbye Georgie, the Elvis of soccer," read one banner held aloft in the crowd.
By which unwittingly apt words the crowd hoisted him off to the sounds of thousands and thousands of beers and ales being drained.
By which unwittingly apt words the crowd hoisted him off to the sounds of thousands and thousands of beers and ales being drained.
Romy unearths more ENLIGHTENMENT from COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY:
Franklin Roosevelt put it this way in one of this country's darkest hours: "It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
In this dark hour for publishing, Roosevelt's dictum needs to become the new mantra of the newspaper business.
Richard J. Tofel was formerly the assistant publisher of the Wall Street Journal, and, earlier, an assistant managing editor of the Journal.
Columbia doesn't say WHICH Journal, so we'll hazard a guess what the news biz should try: if it's the LIBERAL Edition, it's more two-by-four-walloping and chest-beating and brain mushing over the evil of our war and capital punishment and how the abortion right should be absolute and how show-biz is the fount of all wisdom. If it's the CONSERVATIVE Edition, it's more two-by-four walloping and chest-beating and brain mushing over how greed is good and caveat emptor is better and how Dubya is our greatest president and Dick Cheney is the fount of all wisdom.
PLEASE guys, don't try ANYTHING. You've already tried ENOUGH.
Franklin Roosevelt put it this way in one of this country's darkest hours: "It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something."
In this dark hour for publishing, Roosevelt's dictum needs to become the new mantra of the newspaper business.
Richard J. Tofel was formerly the assistant publisher of the Wall Street Journal, and, earlier, an assistant managing editor of the Journal.
Columbia doesn't say WHICH Journal, so we'll hazard a guess what the news biz should try: if it's the LIBERAL Edition, it's more two-by-four-walloping and chest-beating and brain mushing over the evil of our war and capital punishment and how the abortion right should be absolute and how show-biz is the fount of all wisdom. If it's the CONSERVATIVE Edition, it's more two-by-four walloping and chest-beating and brain mushing over how greed is good and caveat emptor is better and how Dubya is our greatest president and Dick Cheney is the fount of all wisdom.
PLEASE guys, don't try ANYTHING. You've already tried ENOUGH.
GRADY! You're in the running for DAVID "LOGORRHEA" EDELSTEIN's job!
Has ever any "editor" intentionally sought out as many bad writers as Jake?
Has ever any "editor" intentionally sought out as many bad writers as Jake?
Yesterday we came across the HOLY GRAIL of COMEDY: "The Associated Press Statement of News Values and Principles", just issued Tuesday. Every word is mirth-provoking PR. We'll start (and end) with these: "[W]e abhor inaccuracies, carelessness, bias or distortions." Just this sentence we can dissect to nothingness. Inaccuracies and carelessness must be the norm for any outfit that disgorges OVER 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY, and though MOST of the inaccuracies are unintentional, not all are, they being the inevitable result of spin. And in processing OVER 20 MILLION WORDS A DAY how can any "news" organization possibly protect its readers from them? It can't. As for bias, well, we just saw the GREAT CONCERTED CAMPAIGNS of the 1,000 and the 2,000, campaigns impossible without thousands of hacks uniting in mindless conformity, threaded together by the connective tissue of their PRO-FES-SION, and the likes of Curley's apparatus. Distortions are the best of two worlds: they can result from spin and from bias, and therefore allow us to at least double our mischief. Any news organization that can claim it will control "inaccuracies, carelessness, bias or distortions" is engaged in hubris, or is lying. We will not say the latter; Curley's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) Stooges, though united in their contempt for the public, at least mean well by it, and given they're very self-centered people we know they must at least TRY. So we'll just say hubris, which will come when you're among the anointed.
Perhaps Curley and his gang really do strive to be the best typists they can; but in modern America the line between striving and self-serving platitude is a fine one, and as noble institutions like Corporate America and the Insane Asylum on Capitol Hill prove, the line often does not exist.
Perhaps Curley and his gang really do strive to be the best typists they can; but in modern America the line between striving and self-serving platitude is a fine one, and as noble institutions like Corporate America and the Insane Asylum on Capitol Hill prove, the line often does not exist.
Another holy cockroach is exploded to perdition.
How do YOUR 72 virgins taste?
We did it, which I guess means a week of bad PR.
How do YOUR 72 virgins taste?
We did it, which I guess means a week of bad PR.
Friday, December 02, 2005
REACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
An advertising company that gives most of its political donations to Republicans blocked the Democratic National Committee from putting up billboards criticizing GOP Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio.
Pinch chuckles from the serenity of His Heaven. He can do it BETTER.
An advertising company that gives most of its political donations to Republicans blocked the Democratic National Committee from putting up billboards criticizing GOP Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio.
Pinch chuckles from the serenity of His Heaven. He can do it BETTER.
Speaking of Mr. Teachout:
Television can make you famous, but it can’t keep you famous. It’s more like an opiate—as soon as you stop taking your daily fix, you get all pale and clammy, and before long you vanish in a puff of near-transparent smoke. So far as I know, there’s never been a TV star, no matter how big, who stayed famous for very long once he or she went off the air. (Remember Daniel J. Travanti? I sure hope he had a good financial adviser.) If you’re in it for the long haul, you’ve got to make films or records. Otherwise, you’ll end your days as the answer to a trivia question, remembered only by a soft core of fast-graying fans who knew you when.
Terry has just consigned several generations to oblivion -- and justly so. (And he writes of Harry Reasoner, the once-celebrated commentator.)
Television can make you famous, but it can’t keep you famous. It’s more like an opiate—as soon as you stop taking your daily fix, you get all pale and clammy, and before long you vanish in a puff of near-transparent smoke. So far as I know, there’s never been a TV star, no matter how big, who stayed famous for very long once he or she went off the air. (Remember Daniel J. Travanti? I sure hope he had a good financial adviser.) If you’re in it for the long haul, you’ve got to make films or records. Otherwise, you’ll end your days as the answer to a trivia question, remembered only by a soft core of fast-graying fans who knew you when.
Terry has just consigned several generations to oblivion -- and justly so. (And he writes of Harry Reasoner, the once-celebrated commentator.)
Rog gets EXCITED over the UNIVERSAL PREMIERE of THE NEW OPRAH SHOW:
Besides Oprah (no Steadman as far as we could tell), her pal Gayle King, Quincy Jones, Cathie Black and Ellen Levine — the big shots from Hearst Publishing, purveyors of O Magazine — we had no less than New York Sen. Chuck Schumer, Stevie Wonder, Anita Baker, Sidney Poitier, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Isaac Hayes, Bebe Winans, Jamie Foxx, Donald and Melania Trump, Katey Sagal, Phylicia Allen and Debbie Allen, Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens, Spike Lee and wife Tonya, Anna Deveare Smith, Al Sharpton, Ashanti and her mom Tina, Lynn Whitfield, Nick Ashford & Valerie Simpson, Naomi Campbell, Suzanne dePasse, Grace Hightower DeNiro, Mike Nichols and so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on.
Any party with the DONALD and Sen. Red Light is one we'd rather avoid. (Not to mention Pee-Wee, Spike, Rev, a vocalist whose singing technique reminds one of Deep Throat [we won't say who], the greatest stage and film direc-TOR of all TIME and a former publisher of USAOKAY!!!!!) Ditto with LEGENDARY DAVIS, still patting Himself on the back after His company's ROOTKIT TRIUMPH. (Oh wait. He works for BERTELSMANN!!!!!)
P. S.
I can't say enough nasty things about the music, which consists of generic gospel, scrubbed-up blues and fake-fur jazz, all somewhat less memorable than the score to a made-for-TV movie. The lyrics are cloyingly faux-naïf, though I'll be kind and cite only this stanza from the finale: "It take a grain of love/To make a mighty tree/Even the smallest voice/Can make a harmony." Why does it not surprise me that one of the show's songwriters is best known for having penned the theme to "Friends"?
Sounds like something Rog and his party pals WOULD like, doesn't it.
Besides Oprah (no Steadman as far as we could tell), her pal Gayle King, Quincy Jones, Cathie Black and Ellen Levine — the big shots from Hearst Publishing, purveyors of O Magazine — we had no less than New York Sen. Chuck Schumer, Stevie Wonder, Anita Baker, Sidney Poitier, Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Isaac Hayes, Bebe Winans, Jamie Foxx, Donald and Melania Trump, Katey Sagal, Phylicia Allen and Debbie Allen, Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens, Spike Lee and wife Tonya, Anna Deveare Smith, Al Sharpton, Ashanti and her mom Tina, Lynn Whitfield, Nick Ashford & Valerie Simpson, Naomi Campbell, Suzanne dePasse, Grace Hightower DeNiro, Mike Nichols and so on. And so on and so on. And so on and so on and so on.
Any party with the DONALD and Sen. Red Light is one we'd rather avoid. (Not to mention Pee-Wee, Spike, Rev, a vocalist whose singing technique reminds one of Deep Throat [we won't say who], the greatest stage and film direc-TOR of all TIME and a former publisher of USAOKAY!!!!!) Ditto with LEGENDARY DAVIS, still patting Himself on the back after His company's ROOTKIT TRIUMPH. (Oh wait. He works for BERTELSMANN!!!!!)
P. S.
I can't say enough nasty things about the music, which consists of generic gospel, scrubbed-up blues and fake-fur jazz, all somewhat less memorable than the score to a made-for-TV movie. The lyrics are cloyingly faux-naïf, though I'll be kind and cite only this stanza from the finale: "It take a grain of love/To make a mighty tree/Even the smallest voice/Can make a harmony." Why does it not surprise me that one of the show's songwriters is best known for having penned the theme to "Friends"?
Sounds like something Rog and his party pals WOULD like, doesn't it.
"NO RED STATES HERE!!!!!"
Nor ANYWHERE in the hermetically-sealed world of some liberals.
"I hold sacred my oath to decide every case fairly and impartially and according to law."
When RED STATES!!!!! are looking.
Nor ANYWHERE in the hermetically-sealed world of some liberals.
"I hold sacred my oath to decide every case fairly and impartially and according to law."
When RED STATES!!!!! are looking.
News hacks have learned to be sanctimonious in one word. I think that's why that 1,000 business rankled me, and especially coming on the heels of the 2,000 business; these same infernal scribblers stand foursquare for unlimited abortions. We have reason enough, however, not to trust hacks with numbers -- especially in any topic that may contain the acronym ABC.
Compromising national security? Slick did it with Uncle Bernie Schwartz, the Duke did it with his favorite home buyer. Isn't that what BRIBES are all about?
I see the writers at USA OKAY!!!!! are spelling it "anti-ques" too.
I see the writers at USA OKAY!!!!! are spelling it "anti-ques" too.
BRIAN ROBBERBARON MADE $33.5 MILLION IN 2004!
I've got an idea, Concast subscribers: withhold his salary!
I've got an idea, Concast subscribers: withhold his salary!
We wonder if this business of THE CONSPIRACY chasing down CHRISSSSSTIANS wasn't based on a fluke. It was one thing when His Holiness Mel issued His SLASHER MOVIE -- it was NEW! and DIFFERENT! and ARAMAIC! People WANTED to be BLUDGEONED -- but only for a SECOND. Nearly every Jesus shtick since has fallen flat on its shekels; we suspect the CGI LEWIS story won't be an overflowing bank vault for ESPNCORP for the same reason. But show-biz is right to feel guilty; it flourished in no small measure as a refuge from religious persecution -- and it's been trashing religious sensibilities for decades. Perhaps the believing audience is just returning the favor.
By the way, we like that new name for an old pope: John Pail II. That bucket's got a hole in it.
By the way, we like that new name for an old pope: John Pail II. That bucket's got a hole in it.
Happily John Luik, who is apparently the John Lott of videogames, falls into the same trap as the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL Sens. Rodham and Lieberman: he attempts to quantify something that can't be quantified. Indeed we are surprised that in typical glibertarian fashion he doesn't credit videogames for the reduction in crime. Those who object to videogames could more profitably do so on moral and aesthetic grounds, pointing to our cultural past. Instead they resort to number inventions, creating an enormous bright Day-Glo target for equal and opposite preeners and demagogues.
The Jack Benny-Fred Allen feud had one advantage over the Derb-Andy S. feud: it was funny.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL: Noo Yawk's police commissioner is cracking down on FIRST-AMENDMENT DEFENDERS -- er, beggars at the hell hole called Pennsylvania Station, and the response is IMMEDIATE:
"I don't know what's going on this week," said Darryl Haynes, 40, who is homeless. "It's like President Bush is in town."
The FOURTH REICH is ON! SIEG HEIL!
"I don't know what's going on this week," said Darryl Haynes, 40, who is homeless. "It's like President Bush is in town."
The FOURTH REICH is ON! SIEG HEIL!
Eulogy to a DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WOP! man:
Later that year, I went to my first Costello concert. Midway through the show, Costello sat down at an electric piano and began playing a series of cheesy cocktail-jazz chords. "I'd like to sing a Billy Joel song for you now," he said dryly, as laughter rippled through the audience. "It's called 'Just the Way You Are.' " When I returned home that night, all the Joel albums got stuck away in the back of a closet.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!
Later that year, I went to my first Costello concert. Midway through the show, Costello sat down at an electric piano and began playing a series of cheesy cocktail-jazz chords. "I'd like to sing a Billy Joel song for you now," he said dryly, as laughter rippled through the audience. "It's called 'Just the Way You Are.' " When I returned home that night, all the Joel albums got stuck away in the back of a closet.
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh-WAH!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
ROMY (sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) finds THE TRUTH AGAIN:
Christmas Sends Washington Times On a Search For That Slippery PC Crowd
We agree it was a complete waste of time. All they had to do was turn north up I-95 to COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY.
Christmas Sends Washington Times On a Search For That Slippery PC Crowd
We agree it was a complete waste of time. All they had to do was turn north up I-95 to COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY.
When Dubya first ran for president some of us dreaded him fearing he'd be a marshmallow president, softened to nothing by social issues. Now, with Iraq up in the air, we may get a marshmallow president anyway, and when we can least afford it.
Yes, occasionally even the forces of DOW 36,000 can be right.
Yes, occasionally even the forces of DOW 36,000 can be right.
And elsewhere in ADAGE:
“When the captain runs past you screaming ‘The ship’s not sinking, the ship’s not sinking,’ you know it’s time to find a lifeboat.”
And it's especially bad when the water's draining from the tub.
“When the captain runs past you screaming ‘The ship’s not sinking, the ship’s not sinking,’ you know it’s time to find a lifeboat.”
And it's especially bad when the water's draining from the tub.
We wonder if the news biz is destined to be stupider no matter how many staffers papers have. This is hardly a time for high literature, regardless of how many writers win awards these days. Still the truth tellers did not help their own cause by insisting they run the biz THEIR WAY -- to the total exclusion of the public for which they nominally worked. They sowed the wind and reaped a whirlwind.
FREE REPUBLIC comes to POYNTER.ORG: ROMY finds five men "responsible for the IRAQ DEBACLE", and one of them is..."Kingsley Guy, Sun-Sentinel editorial page gatekeeper"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rom, don't you think you read too many ALTERNARAG.COMS?
Rom, don't you think you read too many ALTERNARAG.COMS?
"They don't want to see the film treated in such a manner that it'd be inappropriately pigeonholed," said Stanley Mattson, president of the C.S. Lewis Foundation in Redlands, Calif.
"There are powerful themes that resonate with the whole Judeo-Christian tradition, but it's a book with universal appeal," Mr. Mattson said.
Cultural elites attach disgrace to anything judged "Christian," he said.
"It's synonymous to 'reactionary,' 'knee-jerk' and 'fundamentalist,'?" Mr. Mattson said. "The problem now is that when Christians do great work, they hide their Christianity out of a sense of embarrassment to avoid the inappropriate stereotype."
Hmmm, this wouldn't be this year's pseudo-religious version of AUDREY'S MONSTER, d'ya think?
"There are powerful themes that resonate with the whole Judeo-Christian tradition, but it's a book with universal appeal," Mr. Mattson said.
Cultural elites attach disgrace to anything judged "Christian," he said.
"It's synonymous to 'reactionary,' 'knee-jerk' and 'fundamentalist,'?" Mr. Mattson said. "The problem now is that when Christians do great work, they hide their Christianity out of a sense of embarrassment to avoid the inappropriate stereotype."
Hmmm, this wouldn't be this year's pseudo-religious version of AUDREY'S MONSTER, d'ya think?
Disgraced Congressman Keeps Pension
Why can't we all join the club?
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Why can't we all join the club?
(Sorry for the NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
RESPECTED MURTHA says the ARMY'S FIGHT SONG is "BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?"!!!!!
Let's see SPEAKER PELOSI gives 'em more money.
Let's see SPEAKER PELOSI gives 'em more money.
OOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooh, the EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL PENTAGON is paying MILLIONS to PLANT STORIES in IRAQ'S NEWSPAPERS -- DECEPTIVELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So what? PAT KINGSLEY writes AMERICA'S ENTERTAINMENT PAGES, and nobody accepts payment -- until LATER. The only difference is OUR GUYS WILL NEVER GET CAUGHT.
So what? PAT KINGSLEY writes AMERICA'S ENTERTAINMENT PAGES, and nobody accepts payment -- until LATER. The only difference is OUR GUYS WILL NEVER GET CAUGHT.
I believe that a precipitous withdrawal of American forces in Iraq could lead to disaster, spawning a civil war, fostering a haven for terrorists and damaging our nation's security and credibility.
A DEMOCRAT said that????? Heaven forfend!!!!!!!!!!
A DEMOCRAT said that????? Heaven forfend!!!!!!!!!!
If we ever get the guts to launch our site honoring Neuharthism-Award winners one feature we will inaugurate is a contest for Ad-Blurbist of the Year. We suspect half the finalists would be alumni of Stale.com. David "Logorrhea" Edelstein would be one solely on the strength of the WILD praise of his new boss Adam, and so would somebody named Siegel, who writes TV blurbs for TNR Online, who thinks he's tickling words into giggles of pleasure but instead tortures them into annoying howls of pain. Trib and USAOKAY!!!!! would fill out the balance. But given how so many periodicals and Web sites look at the space among the ads as merely something to fill every last one would have a finalist.
On a page that inflicted us with an annoying audio ad an auditoner for Robert "Over the" Hilburn's throne insists lots of "contemporary" tunes are eligible as "standards", which as the careers of Barry Manilow and Rod Stewart attest means today's Johnny- and Janey-One-Notes can't sing the old ones.
Now we know why MICKEYMOUSE NIXON wrote that tribute to some inferior he worked with; he wants to terrorize people again.
And he needn't worry for subordinates; he'll find enough among the many show-biz writers at Trib who are getting buyouts.
And he needn't worry for subordinates; he'll find enough among the many show-biz writers at Trib who are getting buyouts.