THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Tuesday, March 07, 2006
If our age has a word, it's asinine. We just got through an epochal debate over which of five mediocrities would win a pile of base metal at a spectacle where would-be sex objects wore designer beanbags, and an equally epochal debate over how many would watch it. We just had riots over cartoons. The president of Iran is auditioning for a revival of The Gong Show. The president of Venezuela is auditioning as a sidekick for a certain drunk morning talk-show host. A certain drunk morning talk-show host caused a constitutional crisis among NEWS HACKS when a certain megalomaniacal news reciter went on his air "drunk." All of these are asinine, and more. We have asinine Democratic "leaders" uttering stupidities at the top of their lungs and basking in the face time. Most pundits and bloggers are asinine. The regulars at The Corner DEFINE asinine. The whole age is asinine.
Happily, not everyone wishes to be asinine. Take our president. He is not asinine. What he is, however, is something else. He is our president. So was Washington. So was Lincoln. So was FDR. He could not stand in a room with any of them without having to rush out, his tail between his legs. Midst the Founding Fathers he'd be honored to be a bootblack. "LACKEY!" the impatient Founders would yell at him, as he messed up their papers. Con-SER-va-tives will scream, "He's an MBA from Harvard!!" To which one could note, 1. Since when has learning buzzwords been a virtue? and 2. What did Bill "Mr. Bach B-Minor Mass" Buckley say about that skool? No, in an asinine age, he is beyond asinine. And in that we have the leader we deserve.
Happily, not everyone wishes to be asinine. Take our president. He is not asinine. What he is, however, is something else. He is our president. So was Washington. So was Lincoln. So was FDR. He could not stand in a room with any of them without having to rush out, his tail between his legs. Midst the Founding Fathers he'd be honored to be a bootblack. "LACKEY!" the impatient Founders would yell at him, as he messed up their papers. Con-SER-va-tives will scream, "He's an MBA from Harvard!!" To which one could note, 1. Since when has learning buzzwords been a virtue? and 2. What did Bill "Mr. Bach B-Minor Mass" Buckley say about that skool? No, in an asinine age, he is beyond asinine. And in that we have the leader we deserve.
Meanwhile, did you know that a 30-second commercial on the Academy Awards reportedly cost $1.7 million while a commercial on "Idol" this season, according to news reports, has been put in the $650,000-$700,000 range?
Shhhhhhh! If you tell that to THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS, they'll KNOW SOMETHING!
Shhhhhhh! If you tell that to THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS, they'll KNOW SOMETHING!
SIX OF ONE: Yes, I've noticed too how NEWS HACKS are painting Tom Monaghan's planned city as EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL, so how does Dow 36,000 come to the rescue? By saying it promotes SPRAWL -- and SPRAWL is GOOD.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!
Bill Thomas, "the powerful chairman of the Ways and Means Committee" and a neat Paul Lynde impersonator without a sense of humor, is quitting the House -- and the WaPost writes his epitaph:
Thomas is likely to retire without one marquee law that is seen as his masterwork.
Shucks, all that bullying and tantrum throwing and he can't point to a landmark law? Well, everyone's saying what a brilliant legislator he was, meaning with any justice he, too, will be forgotten with the rest, though given the Medicare Drug Boondoggle Act that may take a while.
Thomas is likely to retire without one marquee law that is seen as his masterwork.
Shucks, all that bullying and tantrum throwing and he can't point to a landmark law? Well, everyone's saying what a brilliant legislator he was, meaning with any justice he, too, will be forgotten with the rest, though given the Medicare Drug Boondoggle Act that may take a while.
Monday, March 06, 2006
A BRILLIANT suggestion from AmSpec: Jack Nicklaus for the Senate. Please! Don't we have enough Potemkin leaders?
Oscar® ratings down TEN PERCENT from last year!
Not the lowest, but we're getting there!
ESPNCORP SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:
[ESPNCORP NETWORK] noted that the Jon Stewart-hosted show had improved its 18-34 demo performance by 5% over last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever ESPNCORP does a big TV show its 20,000-strong PR department is out within minutes the event ends to tell us 10 billion people watched it. If our government had cleaned up after Katrina as fast as ESPNCORP spins the ratings Nawlans would have a population of 3 million.
Not the lowest, but we're getting there!
ESPNCORP SPINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN:
[ESPNCORP NETWORK] noted that the Jon Stewart-hosted show had improved its 18-34 demo performance by 5% over last year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whenever ESPNCORP does a big TV show its 20,000-strong PR department is out within minutes the event ends to tell us 10 billion people watched it. If our government had cleaned up after Katrina as fast as ESPNCORP spins the ratings Nawlans would have a population of 3 million.
OH oh, MORE reaction from the NEW NINE FINGERS: The Solomon Amendment is CONSTITUTIONAL.
UNANIMOUSLY.
UNANIMOUSLY.
We suspected ED MURROW would bomb, but here we have some sympathy for him as he did so before the world's most DENSE audience.
Where would Gil of the thankless task find a new emcee? Although he could do worse than to field this suggestion: that the Os-CARS® stop going in for jokes and just present themselves STRAIGHT.
Then again maybe he wasn't that good to begin with. "Smug humorlessness"!
Where would Gil of the thankless task find a new emcee? Although he could do worse than to field this suggestion: that the Os-CARS® stop going in for jokes and just present themselves STRAIGHT.
Then again maybe he wasn't that good to begin with. "Smug humorlessness"!
A loaded hed:
Enron's infamous ex-CFO set to testify
We might agree that he is at least notorious; but we say a "news" organization founded by the Mouth and that can say "CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself" should probably not be using words like infamous.
Enron's infamous ex-CFO set to testify
We might agree that he is at least notorious; but we say a "news" organization founded by the Mouth and that can say "CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself" should probably not be using words like infamous.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
I guess the Academy® didn't want to swallow that hard.
This year's august ceremony must have been an all-time dud.
This year's august ceremony must have been an all-time dud.
I'd never thought anyone would make Moronna Dargis look good, but here's The Mogul's Friend, who seems to have taken Robert "Over the" Hilburn's place as the LALATimes's most fatuous writer, flailing madly that the reason the beloved Os-CARS® and other big events are dying is because of Maj. Bowes and hypersexed on-line teens. (Or, to translate, RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
In fact the public has abandoned BIGMEDIA's ship for several decades; but by making it appear it's only been the last several years The Mogul's Friend can take the heat off the people who are largely to blame for all those viewers swimming away from that sinking ship -- his industry buddies. Even Moronna had to swallow hard and admit, in the end, the public is not THAT stupid. But some know-it-all colyumnists may be.
In fact the public has abandoned BIGMEDIA's ship for several decades; but by making it appear it's only been the last several years The Mogul's Friend can take the heat off the people who are largely to blame for all those viewers swimming away from that sinking ship -- his industry buddies. Even Moronna had to swallow hard and admit, in the end, the public is not THAT stupid. But some know-it-all colyumnists may be.
The last thing I want to do as a critic is become part of Hollywood's publicity machine, but once I've discovered a movie I care about, I'm glad to be able to support it.
That sense of discovery can be thrilling. The first time I experienced it as a critic -- as a very young and inexperienced second-string critic for the New York Herald Tribune in the early 1960s....
So let's see: Joe started reviewing when he was in his early twenties, straight from the usual Ivy League thinkatorium, no doubt. That means he was born circa 1940, or possibly earlier, and has been reviewing for about forty-five years. And the paper he started with went out of business in 1967.
When an ad-blurbist has been copywriting for forty-five years we wonder how he can have any sense period. And this guy admits getting a little giddy seeing his name above the title. Movie ad-blurbists are a big reason movies stink, and a big reason ad-blurbists stink is that many of them have written for forty-five years.
That sense of discovery can be thrilling. The first time I experienced it as a critic -- as a very young and inexperienced second-string critic for the New York Herald Tribune in the early 1960s....
So let's see: Joe started reviewing when he was in his early twenties, straight from the usual Ivy League thinkatorium, no doubt. That means he was born circa 1940, or possibly earlier, and has been reviewing for about forty-five years. And the paper he started with went out of business in 1967.
When an ad-blurbist has been copywriting for forty-five years we wonder how he can have any sense period. And this guy admits getting a little giddy seeing his name above the title. Movie ad-blurbists are a big reason movies stink, and a big reason ad-blurbists stink is that many of them have written for forty-five years.
Cruise and Holmes named "most tiresome"
They'll have competition tonight.
P. S. Hey Jerry "Sieg Heil" Yang and Terry "Mr. Show Biz" Semel! Why are you pulling this hard-on-the-eyes white-on-black routine? Even Andy S. abandoned it.
They'll have competition tonight.
P. S. Hey Jerry "Sieg Heil" Yang and Terry "Mr. Show Biz" Semel! Why are you pulling this hard-on-the-eyes white-on-black routine? Even Andy S. abandoned it.
The grand royal head of the British Vicarage and Tea-Time Club brews it up extra-strong:
Williams said he had "no time for terrorism" and "no brief for Muslim extremism."
BUT....
Williams said he had "no time for terrorism" and "no brief for Muslim extremism."
BUT....
When we say someone in SHOW-BIZ is "personally adored and professionally admired", we're saying, "YOU GOT A JOB?"
And here's how it ran in DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Personally adored and professionally admired, Snider's departure....
It figures we'd try to toady to somebody with a grammatical non-sequitur.
This is the ENTERTAINMENT MAFIA, not CLARA BARTON.
And here's how it ran in DA POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Personally adored and professionally admired, Snider's departure....
It figures we'd try to toady to somebody with a grammatical non-sequitur.
This is the ENTERTAINMENT MAFIA, not CLARA BARTON.
White House Trains Efforts on Media Leaks
GASP! Who will tell THE TRUTH now?
We think you guys will find the usual morale-sapping way.
GASP! Who will tell THE TRUTH now?
We think you guys will find the usual morale-sapping way.
CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.
That evil old cartoon's back in the news.
Yesterday we were musing, the fifth anniversary of 9/11 comes up in six months. How will the hacks report it? Will they make it as inoffensive as possible? Will they turn it into an accident, or a natural disaster? Will we see miles of yellow ribbons and flowers popping up all over, and not even one flag? Given how these cretinous cowards hid under their desks lately, and there's precious little sign they've come out, we think we know the answer.
P. S. The disclaimer's gone, but its insidious influence lives on.
That evil old cartoon's back in the news.
Yesterday we were musing, the fifth anniversary of 9/11 comes up in six months. How will the hacks report it? Will they make it as inoffensive as possible? Will they turn it into an accident, or a natural disaster? Will we see miles of yellow ribbons and flowers popping up all over, and not even one flag? Given how these cretinous cowards hid under their desks lately, and there's precious little sign they've come out, we think we know the answer.
P. S. The disclaimer's gone, but its insidious influence lives on.
Another exzzzzzzciting week for the newsrags: nutrition and "Early Man in America."
The rags can see the writing on the wall, or rather the sales at the newsstands (or lack thereof). It is hard to believe these masterworks of condescension would ever pay heed to their readers; they've never done that, so why start now? But possibly even they've come to the point (if they'll never admit it, or change their MO) that they can sense their readers may FINALLY be tired of the usual spins and plugs, and they'd like something more respectful of their intelligence. The problem is their circulation blues won't be solved with service features or history. The newsrags, at their best, have had excellent reporting and writing. It's been a long time since they've been at their best.
The rags can see the writing on the wall, or rather the sales at the newsstands (or lack thereof). It is hard to believe these masterworks of condescension would ever pay heed to their readers; they've never done that, so why start now? But possibly even they've come to the point (if they'll never admit it, or change their MO) that they can sense their readers may FINALLY be tired of the usual spins and plugs, and they'd like something more respectful of their intelligence. The problem is their circulation blues won't be solved with service features or history. The newsrags, at their best, have had excellent reporting and writing. It's been a long time since they've been at their best.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
We will not estimate how many words Moronna Dargis has expelled over a long and illustrious career in putting her name above the title, but we will say it takes a very dense person 1,480 very condescending words to write what she accidentally sums up in a quote of five:
"Quality is now a genre."
"Quality is now a genre."
Everyone knows of all the wonderful bargains eBay offers on scams. One of my favorites (though it isn't a scam) is the Beatles record player. Some company made these plywood boxes back in '64 for $2 that now go for $500,000 in any condition because of terms in wide use since then, like anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive and GET A LIFE!
As you can see from the photo, these things should be easy to scam. This reader of a very relaxing magazine called Model Railroader knows it's easy to work up the necessary skills to craft a fake, like woodworking, electronics and art. Probably the hardest part would be the covering, but I suspect one can track down reasonable facsimilies, and as any experienced model railroader knows the easiest way to verisimilitude is weathering. The knobs aren't tough; you can mold them. As for the platter, the tone arm, the motor and speed selector and the latches, you can get them from a kiddie player at a Goodwill store for a dollar. I suspect even the handle's not a difficult acquisition. And who's going to look inside? It's a wonder we haven't had fakes on eBay. Yes, it would be easy -- and hugely profitable.
I mention this because the last few months someone has sold several of what I suspect are faked antique clocks on eBay. (No links for obvious reasons.) They advertise antique phonographs, and the first one featured dial art that was clearly fake, with ultramodern fonts straight off a computer, and a manufacturer's ID in what looked like Rosie's Nephew's favorite anachronistic font, Helvetica. With both clocks the seller took suspicious pains to highlight the crazing on the dial -- which, when I think of it, looked identical-- and an equally suspicious brown tinge around the keyhole. (The cases and works may be genuine.) They both got bid in the four figures. If somebody took such pains to fake two advertising clocks, why not fake a Beatles record player! Heck they fake watches and Tiffany jewelry on eBay, don't they?
And yes, fake antique clocks and watches are quite common on eBay. And many of the fakes have the exact same dial design as these two phonograph clocks.
P. S. I'm not accusing model railroaders of doing this, or even wanting to do it; they're a gentle folk. It's just that this begs for scamming.
P. P. S. Beatles record players came with serial numbers, but as most have fallen off over the years -- voila! Another excuse!
Another EHDYUKAYSHUNULL innovation: So as to not hurt their feelings (and we presume with the tacit approval of DUBYA) high schools don't rank their students -- which leaves the colleges to figure out how well they did.
MOR EKKSULLENTS IN EHDYUKAYSHUN!
MOR EKKSULLENTS IN EHDYUKAYSHUN!
Gil Cates whispers, "CONSERRRRRRRRRRRRRVATIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVES!!!!!!!!!!!"
K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
K-LO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rolling Stone magazine hits the streets in China
A match made in heaven: JANN is the MASTER of SELF-CENSORSHIP.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better look over your shoulder.
A match made in heaven: JANN is the MASTER of SELF-CENSORSHIP.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better look over your shoulder.
Speaking of sponsors, yesterday we said they were doing a nice mea culpa job at the American Society of Willfully Ignorant Advertisers' conference. Seems the self-flagellation was better than we'd have thought:
Universal McCann's Jean Pool, who chairs the Amercian Association of Advertising Agencies' Media Policy Committee, said media owners, particularly the television networks, have become "addicted to the ring of the cash register" by allowing an ever growing amount of commercial clutter in their telecasts.
"It is the saddest and stupidest thing we have done to our industry," she told an opening day audience of 1,500 at the annual AAAA Media Conference and Trade Show in Orlando. "Clutter in every conceivable nook and cranny. Just why are we hell bent on irritating the very people that we are trying to sell our products and services to? We're killing the golden goose." [Actually, the goose that laid the golden egg; the golden goose is another story. We wouldn't expect ad-agency types to know. They know nothing as it is. --ED]
While stressing that she was not singling out ABC, Pool said, "How annoying is it to be interrupted every six or seven minutes when you're watching Desperate Housewives. A recent show had 24 minutes of non-program content. I'm not picking on ABC. The big [programming] successes are chock full of non-program time."
And Pool said TV is not alone in its penchant for commercial clutter. She said in one hour of the Howard Stern radio show, 38 commercial units ran. "Geez, that barely gives Howard time to get in his favorite word," Pool quipped.
Pool warned that if the media doesn't do something about clutter, they may find that the media agencies on behalf of their advertiser clients start shunning the more expensive, higher-rated programs, for lower-rated programs and dayparts, where clutter is less. "Maybe somebody would actually remember the commercial in a less loaded environment," she said.
EVERY LAST WORD IS SHEER UNMITIGATED MALARKEY. We repeat: NOTHING will change, because advertisers live in the throes of a PSYCHOSIS, a psychosis of throwing OUR money down the toilet; they have fiefdoms to protect, and names to drop, and BIG-TICKET-EVENT SEATS to fill, and as long as this holds, AMERICA'S ADVERTISERS WILL SPONSOR INDISCRIMINATELY, INDISCRIMINATELY.
Universal McCann's Jean Pool, who chairs the Amercian Association of Advertising Agencies' Media Policy Committee, said media owners, particularly the television networks, have become "addicted to the ring of the cash register" by allowing an ever growing amount of commercial clutter in their telecasts.
"It is the saddest and stupidest thing we have done to our industry," she told an opening day audience of 1,500 at the annual AAAA Media Conference and Trade Show in Orlando. "Clutter in every conceivable nook and cranny. Just why are we hell bent on irritating the very people that we are trying to sell our products and services to? We're killing the golden goose." [Actually, the goose that laid the golden egg; the golden goose is another story. We wouldn't expect ad-agency types to know. They know nothing as it is. --ED]
While stressing that she was not singling out ABC, Pool said, "How annoying is it to be interrupted every six or seven minutes when you're watching Desperate Housewives. A recent show had 24 minutes of non-program content. I'm not picking on ABC. The big [programming] successes are chock full of non-program time."
And Pool said TV is not alone in its penchant for commercial clutter. She said in one hour of the Howard Stern radio show, 38 commercial units ran. "Geez, that barely gives Howard time to get in his favorite word," Pool quipped.
Pool warned that if the media doesn't do something about clutter, they may find that the media agencies on behalf of their advertiser clients start shunning the more expensive, higher-rated programs, for lower-rated programs and dayparts, where clutter is less. "Maybe somebody would actually remember the commercial in a less loaded environment," she said.
EVERY LAST WORD IS SHEER UNMITIGATED MALARKEY. We repeat: NOTHING will change, because advertisers live in the throes of a PSYCHOSIS, a psychosis of throwing OUR money down the toilet; they have fiefdoms to protect, and names to drop, and BIG-TICKET-EVENT SEATS to fill, and as long as this holds, AMERICA'S ADVERTISERS WILL SPONSOR INDISCRIMINATELY, INDISCRIMINATELY.
Anti-Gregory Petition Has Nearly 1,000 Signatures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK has nearly a MILLION SPONSORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via -- who else? -- The Freep)
GE BANCORP AND REALTY NETWORK has nearly a MILLION SPONSORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Via -- who else? -- The Freep)
Here I was, all ready to gush madly about how Jimson Dickey pinched himself because we're in the sixties again, and the courageous Rosie's Nephew is making movies about them, exposing the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL of Kenne -- DUBYA (he was president in the sixties?), when the WaPo folks link to another blogger who loves Jimson's, er, commentary -- and who in turn links to some hard working, decent man running for Senate from Utah, with bold statements like this:
The United States of America has historically been an economic superpower and an innovator of technology. We harnessed electricity, invented the light-bulb and the television, but what have we produced lately?
The United States is in dire danger as we are being surpassed by other countries on the industrial front. We developed the first railroad system, but China, Germany, and Japan are developing trains that float with no moving parts. We industrialized around the steam and internal combustion engines, but remain stuck in high gear on fossil fuels. Meanwhile the international community is closing in on energy production through fusion, and guess where the first operating plant is being built -- not in the U.S.A. The Chinese are gearing up to clean our clock economically with no oil dependence at all.
Other countries are now surpassing the United States with innovation. We need to have the courage to reverse this trend.
We wish you luck, Pete -- but I'm afraid running against ORRIN you may need more than luck.
The United States of America has historically been an economic superpower and an innovator of technology. We harnessed electricity, invented the light-bulb and the television, but what have we produced lately?
The United States is in dire danger as we are being surpassed by other countries on the industrial front. We developed the first railroad system, but China, Germany, and Japan are developing trains that float with no moving parts. We industrialized around the steam and internal combustion engines, but remain stuck in high gear on fossil fuels. Meanwhile the international community is closing in on energy production through fusion, and guess where the first operating plant is being built -- not in the U.S.A. The Chinese are gearing up to clean our clock economically with no oil dependence at all.
Other countries are now surpassing the United States with innovation. We need to have the courage to reverse this trend.
We wish you luck, Pete -- but I'm afraid running against ORRIN you may need more than luck.
And if I'm to judge from the preliminary numbers from ShowBizData.com, The CONSPIRACY may be heading into another long SLUMP!
P. S. And the won't have WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! THE JESUS SLASHER MOVIE to kick around this year.
P. S. And the won't have WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!! THE JESUS SLASHER MOVIE to kick around this year.
We wonder if the CW that the Os-CARS® will get a record low rating is wrong. After all, when five thousand NEWS HACKS say it it must be wrong. On the other hand we expected THE GAMES to do well, but even after all those cover stories for B0DE ("B0DE"? "B0DE" who?) viewers remained (in NEWS HACK parlance) "disinterested." We hope the same viewer "disinterest" obtains here, but whom the Gods of Media be for....
As the WIZARD OF OZ reaches the memoir-dictating and book-peddling stratosphere, one of RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S hacks tries to justify it:
The all-time record for a non-fiction advance is held by President Bill Clinton, who is believed to have snagged $12 million from the Knopf imprint of Random House Inc. (Random House never disclosed the exact amount, saying only that it had paid "over $10 million" - but it has been widely estimated that the world rights deal was $12 million).
His autobiography, "My Life" eventually earned the publisher more than $6 million in overseas rights sales and had surprisingly strong audio book sales.
The hardcover edition was a runaway bestseller and earned back far more than Clinton's advance.
Really? We thought people merely ran away from it.
P. S. We can be sure getting accurate sales figures for books like this is impossible, especially as the aliterature biz has more truthfulness than even the BIG-SCREEN-VIDEOGAME biz.
The all-time record for a non-fiction advance is held by President Bill Clinton, who is believed to have snagged $12 million from the Knopf imprint of Random House Inc. (Random House never disclosed the exact amount, saying only that it had paid "over $10 million" - but it has been widely estimated that the world rights deal was $12 million).
His autobiography, "My Life" eventually earned the publisher more than $6 million in overseas rights sales and had surprisingly strong audio book sales.
The hardcover edition was a runaway bestseller and earned back far more than Clinton's advance.
Really? We thought people merely ran away from it.
P. S. We can be sure getting accurate sales figures for books like this is impossible, especially as the aliterature biz has more truthfulness than even the BIG-SCREEN-VIDEOGAME biz.
One of America's most PC states is losing population, no small thanks to the fact it's impossible to build a house there.
Hey Vermont! Why not merge with Massachusetts or New York?
Hey Vermont! Why not merge with Massachusetts or New York?
Friday, March 03, 2006
We cannot know how accurate Nielsen's latest audience-size-guesser is, but if these results from Washington have any truth VuhNU's number crunchers have been overguessing their numbers for some time. We would further not wish to wager why not-so-many people are watching television; but we would LIKE to believe enough have been fed up by BIGMEDIA's shenanigans as to have abandoned large chunks of the schedule, and possibly the medium altogether.
One thing is certain: MADAVE's idiots will keep funding the raw sewage out of sheer tradition, inertia, and contempt for the public.
(Via ArtsJournal.com)
One thing is certain: MADAVE's idiots will keep funding the raw sewage out of sheer tradition, inertia, and contempt for the public.
(Via ArtsJournal.com)
CNN is not showing the negative caricatures of the likeness of the Prophet Mohammed because the network believes its role is to cover the events surrounding the publication of the cartoons while not unnecessarily adding fuel to the controversy itself.
We will presume that, in light of the NEWS HACKS' compassionate treatment of the cartoon story, they will play down this one, in the name of religious tolerance and the brotherhood of man.
These jackinapes have provided us another reason not to trust ONE WORD of their reporting.
We will presume that, in light of the NEWS HACKS' compassionate treatment of the cartoon story, they will play down this one, in the name of religious tolerance and the brotherhood of man.
These jackinapes have provided us another reason not to trust ONE WORD of their reporting.
Eight-years-plus seems pretty fair, given Duke's contempt for the people.
And CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES can't forget WHO did this:
A special election to fill Cunningham's seat is set for April 11. The district is heavily Republican but Democrats hope to capture it; their candidate Francine Busby is to deliver the party's weekly radio address on Saturday.
This news story brought to you by THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY! (RAH! RAH!)
And CURLEY's (Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!) STOOGES can't forget WHO did this:
A special election to fill Cunningham's seat is set for April 11. The district is heavily Republican but Democrats hope to capture it; their candidate Francine Busby is to deliver the party's weekly radio address on Saturday.
This news story brought to you by THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY! (RAH! RAH!)
"Quite obviously, something went very wrong at the Los Angeles Police Department in the mid-1990s," said the chief.
Let me guess.
Whatever it was NEWS HACKS approved of it.
Let me guess.
Whatever it was NEWS HACKS approved of it.
Dixit is on a monthlong vacation in India visiting her parents. She drew cheers from fans and Bollywood colleagues last week at a film awards function in Bombay where she performed a dance sequence to hit songs from her old movies.
But Dixit says although she misses acting, she will make a comeback only if it's a "substantial" film that is shot in the United States. Bollywood movies are increasingly being shot in locations abroad, particularly the United States, Canada, Britain and Australia.
She said motherhood was the best thing that had happened to her and she enjoyed changing diapers and pushing a stroller around in the streets without attracting any attention.
"I think I am enjoying myself more in the U.S. because people don't recognize me and I am not mobbed," Dixit said.
And we might consider there are vast swaths of the world that likewise don't give a damn who wins, and whose movie output the world leader in junk reciprocates with near-total indifference.
But Dixit says although she misses acting, she will make a comeback only if it's a "substantial" film that is shot in the United States. Bollywood movies are increasingly being shot in locations abroad, particularly the United States, Canada, Britain and Australia.
She said motherhood was the best thing that had happened to her and she enjoyed changing diapers and pushing a stroller around in the streets without attracting any attention.
"I think I am enjoying myself more in the U.S. because people don't recognize me and I am not mobbed," Dixit said.
And we might consider there are vast swaths of the world that likewise don't give a damn who wins, and whose movie output the world leader in junk reciprocates with near-total indifference.
"Yasser Arafat sat at negotiations with Israel for 10 years. The result is that Israel killed Yasser Arafat."
I guess it's time to pull that ol' PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF ZION routine again.
I guess it's time to pull that ol' PROTOCOLS OF THE ELDERS OF ZION routine again.
ANOTHER GOLDEN MOMENT IN LI-TE-RAH-TEEYURE:
Uzodinma Iweala (Beasts of No Nation) and Nathaniel Fick (One Bullet Away) were given the Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers Award for fiction and nonfiction, respectively, in a ceremony yesterday in New York.
Judges for the award were James Frey....
Uzodinma Iweala (Beasts of No Nation) and Nathaniel Fick (One Bullet Away) were given the Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers Award for fiction and nonfiction, respectively, in a ceremony yesterday in New York.
Judges for the award were James Frey....
Now THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY takes his repertoire one step further: he impersonates James A. Garfield.
Is this an omen?
Is this an omen?
Advertisers do a neat imitation of NEWSPAPER EDITORS:
Along with this accountability issue, she identified media fragmentation and clutter as two other big problems that threaten the future of broadcast media. In support, she released a joint study from Harris Interactive and the 4As that found that about one-third of consumers think there are too many ads in their programming.
That clutter, she said, “is one of the saddest and stupidest things we’ve done to our industry. There are too many products vying for too little inventory.”
Which raises two points: two-thirds of those surveyed think there AREN'T too many ads in their programming; and more important, THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS thinks there aren't too many ads in its programming.
Along with this accountability issue, she identified media fragmentation and clutter as two other big problems that threaten the future of broadcast media. In support, she released a joint study from Harris Interactive and the 4As that found that about one-third of consumers think there are too many ads in their programming.
That clutter, she said, “is one of the saddest and stupidest things we’ve done to our industry. There are too many products vying for too little inventory.”
Which raises two points: two-thirds of those surveyed think there AREN'T too many ads in their programming; and more important, THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS thinks there aren't too many ads in its programming.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
We would feel sorry for THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY if he didn't make so much money and hadn't earned the unanimous and uncritical devotion of NEWS HACKS. It's the biggest night of his career and he is almost certain to bomb. To be sure this year's Os-CARS® is a veritable gold mine of satirical possibilities, from the preposterous pretensions of the best-picture nominees to the brilliant head-banging of Joaquin and the virtual acting of that schlep who impersonated Truman. Imagine what a gifted comic could do just with the three best-song nominees! Instead the audience is certain to get his enervated, ultrawonkish, dessicated, self-serious attempts at jokes, forced humorous banter from an elitist among elitists. We are certain too, however, that for him the night will be redeemed by idiots like ALESSANDRA gushing with praise, for the sole reason THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY is ONE of THEM.
The always contemptible Whitney Biennial has come at an apt time, and it and its partner in risible pomposity the Os-CARS® show us how psychotically detached from life AHT has become. Perhaps all this flatulence in oils and videos does symbolize our general ennui, but I prefer to think it reflects the brain-deadness of a self-appointed elite that stopped learning and thinking and growing decades ago, and is reduced by its ignorance into regurgitating regurgitations. But the truly depressing thing is there's no grand new cultural broom to sweep these bozos clean from the landscape; they replicate like amoeba, or rather like gray goo, and leave our consciences smothered with their nothingness. And in that sense, they damningly reflect the public's impotence.
Romy is upset:
Panel says NYT is "a newspaper at risk" on diversity matters
New York Observer
The Times' Diversity Council says the paper's newsroom is currently 82.5% white, slightly less than the industry average of 86.5%. Only 14% of newsroom managers are minorities. The panel's report notes: "Many in the newsroom said they believed the [Jayson] Blair case had a lasting, deleterious effect on the way minority reporters and editors were viewed, both inside and outside the newsroom."
Happily we're lily-white where it really counts, and we can be George Wallace or Lester Maddox for as long as we please.
Panel says NYT is "a newspaper at risk" on diversity matters
New York Observer
The Times' Diversity Council says the paper's newsroom is currently 82.5% white, slightly less than the industry average of 86.5%. Only 14% of newsroom managers are minorities. The panel's report notes: "Many in the newsroom said they believed the [Jayson] Blair case had a lasting, deleterious effect on the way minority reporters and editors were viewed, both inside and outside the newsroom."
Happily we're lily-white where it really counts, and we can be George Wallace or Lester Maddox for as long as we please.
And TCS Daily doesn't disappoint: it does some statistical spi -- interpretation showing poorer people have made VAST improvements under Dubya!
We suspect the favorite mode of transportation among Dow 36,000 and his friends is a limousine.
We suspect the favorite mode of transportation among Dow 36,000 and his friends is a limousine.
Of course, it is possible that some Wal-Mart workers may be in the process of getting off the public dole; of course, it it possible too that Wal-Mart may be having the taxpayer pay for part of its PROFIT MARGINS.
That can only mean one thing -- time to check out TCS Daily.
That can only mean one thing -- time to check out TCS Daily.
Correspondence to a GREAT departing newsman:
It has been fascinating, during my 5 1/2 years as public editor, to observe changes in the types of spam that arrive in my e-mailboxes each day.
When I first came to this job in 2000, most of the spam was pornographic.
At some point, the porn all but disappeared--it must have fallen victim to spam filters. It has been replaced by two other phenomena: letters, always from a relative of some deposed dictator, asking help in recovering an unfathomably large sum of money and, most recently, long tracts in Cyrillic script, apparently from Russia but about ... well, I don't know.
Since these communications keep coming, I assume their authors find them lucrative. For this recipient, however, something gets lost in the translations.
And DO keep those cards and E-MAILS coming!
It has been fascinating, during my 5 1/2 years as public editor, to observe changes in the types of spam that arrive in my e-mailboxes each day.
When I first came to this job in 2000, most of the spam was pornographic.
At some point, the porn all but disappeared--it must have fallen victim to spam filters. It has been replaced by two other phenomena: letters, always from a relative of some deposed dictator, asking help in recovering an unfathomably large sum of money and, most recently, long tracts in Cyrillic script, apparently from Russia but about ... well, I don't know.
Since these communications keep coming, I assume their authors find them lucrative. For this recipient, however, something gets lost in the translations.
And DO keep those cards and E-MAILS coming!
Brilliant idea, Gov...Mayor Bow-Tie: let's call your successor, and his/her/its successors, governors!
And to that end I say, re-elect Marion Barry!
Mr. Williams said he will continue working on the change after he leaves office in January. He thinks the next mayor should have an official residence.
Hmm, I smell some nice expensive hocus-pocus coming on!
And to that end I say, re-elect Marion Barry!
Mr. Williams said he will continue working on the change after he leaves office in January. He thinks the next mayor should have an official residence.
Hmm, I smell some nice expensive hocus-pocus coming on!
So that's why GE BANCORP and REALTY spent all that money:
NBC is already set to become the first network since the advent of people meters in 1987 to carry the Olympics during the February sweeps and not win the ratings period.
NBC is already set to become the first network since the advent of people meters in 1987 to carry the Olympics during the February sweeps and not win the ratings period.
JUSTICE SCALITO SENT A THANK-YOU NOTE TO "DR." DOBSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMPEACH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IMPEACH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The entertainment mafia is in a tizz because one of the three great nominees for the best-song Os-CAR®, the immortal "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp", was "rumored" to be "declared ineligible."
Wouldn't it be better just to stop handing out best-song Os-CARS® period?
P. S. AN EARTH-SHATTERING UPDATE: Somebody's performing -- well, we don't want to call this tizz producer a song, so we'll just call it slant-rhymed invective; and throws the Academy® into a well, into a non-tizz, as Gil Cates prepares for the executioner:
Aaron Rosenberg, lawyer for Three 6 Mafia, said it was a milestone for the Academy to recognize hip-hop's influence on American culture and [i.e., BUT; with ONE WORD this flack named SUE shows such a gift for toxic writing she ought to work for CURLEY] the group is extremely sensitive to decency concerns after the baring of Janet Jackson's breast during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
Here is reason no. 271,568 we HATE NEWS HACKS: we are convinced many of the entertainment stenographers, toadies and job-seekers covering this non-event could be convinced without a bribe to call this "GENIUS." It would never occur to such COMPLETE IMBECILES that it spits on the graves of Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields (among others) to call this a "SONG", let alone to give it one of those britannium-copper-nickel-silver-and-goldplated statuettes. And we say this though we KNOW this slant-rhymed invective will follow the last twenty years of Academy-Award®-winning hack work into oblivion, while people will listen to "The Way You Look Tonight" forever.
Wouldn't it be better just to stop handing out best-song Os-CARS® period?
P. S. AN EARTH-SHATTERING UPDATE: Somebody's performing -- well, we don't want to call this tizz producer a song, so we'll just call it slant-rhymed invective; and throws the Academy® into a well, into a non-tizz, as Gil Cates prepares for the executioner:
Aaron Rosenberg, lawyer for Three 6 Mafia, said it was a milestone for the Academy to recognize hip-hop's influence on American culture and [i.e., BUT; with ONE WORD this flack named SUE shows such a gift for toxic writing she ought to work for CURLEY] the group is extremely sensitive to decency concerns after the baring of Janet Jackson's breast during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.
Here is reason no. 271,568 we HATE NEWS HACKS: we are convinced many of the entertainment stenographers, toadies and job-seekers covering this non-event could be convinced without a bribe to call this "GENIUS." It would never occur to such COMPLETE IMBECILES that it spits on the graves of Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields (among others) to call this a "SONG", let alone to give it one of those britannium-copper-nickel-silver-and-goldplated statuettes. And we say this though we KNOW this slant-rhymed invective will follow the last twenty years of Academy-Award®-winning hack work into oblivion, while people will listen to "The Way You Look Tonight" forever.
Hard-core con-SER-va-tives are SPINNNNNNNNNNNING that Slick and his gang helped engineer the DP World deal!
We know all about their deviousness -- but let us not forget Slick left office over FIVE YEARS AGO.
And AmSpec's blog posted the news at "9:13:22 AM." They should rename their blog ESP News!
P. S. Joe Lockhart would have made the PERFECT spokesman. (Sorry for the HUMAN EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (Also via ESP News)
We know all about their deviousness -- but let us not forget Slick left office over FIVE YEARS AGO.
And AmSpec's blog posted the news at "9:13:22 AM." They should rename their blog ESP News!
P. S. Joe Lockhart would have made the PERFECT spokesman. (Sorry for the HUMAN EVENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) (Also via ESP News)
We don't know enough about something like Dubya's nuke deal to make an informed judgment (when did you last read a blogger make that statement?), but knowing Dubya we'd bet it was like the DP World deal, a sorta-kinda favor for somebody (remember how much of sainted Corporate America outsources), and we figure the Indians and the Pakistanis can find some sort of excuse to nuke each over that @#$%&* pile of Kashmiri rocks, with or without our help.
Little Howie Hairshirt "carps" about "the abandonment of the Ted Koppel tradition."
Look Howie, St. Edward of Murrow died in 1965. Can't we get over that by now? Besides, you guys need no help doing bad things -- especially when you can paint them as good.
(Via Mediabistro)
Look Howie, St. Edward of Murrow died in 1965. Can't we get over that by now? Besides, you guys need no help doing bad things -- especially when you can paint them as good.
(Via Mediabistro)
• Terror Watch: What Bush knew about Katrina
Bush didn't just know -- he PLANNED it. Or rather PRESIDENT ROVE and his EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SIDEKICK DICK planned it -- they sent a secret Air Force mission to the eastern Atlantic to SEED STORM CLOUDS, then they sent a secret CIA mission to the Gulf to DIRECT STORMS to NEW ORLEANS, then they sent a secret MARINE AMPHIBIOUS mission in to BLOW UP THE LEVEES, all so it would have the most impact on the POOR, the BLACK, and the...oh never mind.
Bush didn't just know -- he PLANNED it. Or rather PRESIDENT ROVE and his EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL SIDEKICK DICK planned it -- they sent a secret Air Force mission to the eastern Atlantic to SEED STORM CLOUDS, then they sent a secret CIA mission to the Gulf to DIRECT STORMS to NEW ORLEANS, then they sent a secret MARINE AMPHIBIOUS mission in to BLOW UP THE LEVEES, all so it would have the most impact on the POOR, the BLACK, and the...oh never mind.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
GENIUS on the recorded...SOUND front:
CD sales were perilously low last week. According to hitsdailydouble.com, the total for the top 10 was less than 750,000. The No. 1 album was a piece of fluff called "High School Musical," a soundtrack to a Disney TV show.
Warner Music Group's debut R&B album from Jaheim fell from No. 1 to No. 10, off 63 percent with 53,000 copies sold. Ouch!
Even the recorded...SOUND S&M phreaks must be realizing two things: 1. What they're buying isn't music; and 2. The recorded...SOUND Mafia continues to vastly overcharge for its product, so much so that DVDs are much cheaper even though they hold roughly six times the data. This biz deserves its comeuppance.
But public records show that newish owner Edgar Bronfman believes in his product. On Dec. 5, 2005, he bought an underwhelming 1,000 shares of his own company for a total price of $18,340. He wanted to show a dramatic commitment to the enterprise....
Hmmm, do you suppose even the CLUELESS JUNIOR knows?
CD sales were perilously low last week. According to hitsdailydouble.com, the total for the top 10 was less than 750,000. The No. 1 album was a piece of fluff called "High School Musical," a soundtrack to a Disney TV show.
Warner Music Group's debut R&B album from Jaheim fell from No. 1 to No. 10, off 63 percent with 53,000 copies sold. Ouch!
Even the recorded...SOUND S&M phreaks must be realizing two things: 1. What they're buying isn't music; and 2. The recorded...SOUND Mafia continues to vastly overcharge for its product, so much so that DVDs are much cheaper even though they hold roughly six times the data. This biz deserves its comeuppance.
But public records show that newish owner Edgar Bronfman believes in his product. On Dec. 5, 2005, he bought an underwhelming 1,000 shares of his own company for a total price of $18,340. He wanted to show a dramatic commitment to the enterprise....
Hmmm, do you suppose even the CLUELESS JUNIOR knows?
An all-time masterpiece in the world of naming rights: Indianapolis's new partially-taxpayer-financed NFL pleasure palace will be named LUCAS OIL STADIUM!
Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
"They're in the big leagues now," said Howard, the sports marketing professor.
So was ENRON.
(Via Brandweek)
Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
"They're in the big leagues now," said Howard, the sports marketing professor.
So was ENRON.
(Via Brandweek)
Boston Globe in talks to print and deliver New York Post
THE LORD GOD PINCH would assist -- THE force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!!!!!!?
When EVIL pays.
THE LORD GOD PINCH would assist -- THE force of EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!!!!!!?
When EVIL pays.
If this is such a wondrous publicity stunt why is ZONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN's stock tanking?
Now that it's after the fact, CW JON and his friends ALL agree it was a DUMB thing to put B0DE on the covers of two newrags.
Let's see them do something like that again.
Over at Time, Managing Editor Jim Kelly shrugged off the miscalculation with his characteristic self-effacing wit.
Looking for a job?
Let's see them do something like that again.
Over at Time, Managing Editor Jim Kelly shrugged off the miscalculation with his characteristic self-effacing wit.
Looking for a job?
Study: More know 'The Simpsons' than First Amendment rights
Good news for The Corner; the Simpsons are CONSERVATIVE.
Good news for The Corner; the Simpsons are CONSERVATIVE.