Posted 5:28 PM by Gene

Everyone knows of all the wonderful bargains eBay offers on scams. One of my favorites (though it isn't a scam) is the Beatles record player. Some company made these plywood boxes back in '64 for $2 that now go for $500,000 in any condition because of terms in wide use since then, like anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive and GET A LIFE!

As you can see from the photo, these things should be easy to scam. This reader of a very relaxing magazine called Model Railroader knows it's easy to work up the necessary skills to craft a fake, like woodworking, electronics and art. Probably the hardest part would be the covering, but I suspect one can track down reasonable facsimilies, and as any experienced model railroader knows the easiest way to verisimilitude is weathering. The knobs aren't tough; you can mold them. As for the platter, the tone arm, the motor and speed selector and the latches, you can get them from a kiddie player at a Goodwill store for a dollar. I suspect even the handle's not a difficult acquisition. And who's going to look inside? It's a wonder we haven't had fakes on eBay. Yes, it would be easy -- and hugely profitable.

I mention this because the last few months someone has sold several of what I suspect are faked antique clocks on eBay. (No links for obvious reasons.) They advertise antique phonographs, and the first one featured dial art that was clearly fake, with ultramodern fonts straight off a computer, and a manufacturer's ID in what looked like Rosie's Nephew's favorite anachronistic font, Helvetica. With both clocks the seller took suspicious pains to highlight the crazing on the dial -- which, when I think of it, looked identical-- and an equally suspicious brown tinge around the keyhole. (The cases and works may be genuine.) They both got bid in the four figures. If somebody took such pains to fake two advertising clocks, why not fake a Beatles record player! Heck they fake watches and Tiffany jewelry on eBay, don't they?

And yes, fake antique clocks and watches are quite common on eBay. And many of the fakes have the exact same dial design as these two phonograph clocks.

P. S. I'm not accusing model railroaders of doing this, or even wanting to do it; they're a gentle folk. It's just that this begs for scamming.

P. P. S. Beatles record players came with serial numbers, but as most have fallen off over the years -- voila! Another excuse!