Eugene David
...The One-Minute Pundit

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THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.

THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.

PERMALINKS:

THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

Posted 5:10 PM by Gene

We would feel sorry for THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY if he didn't make so much money and hadn't earned the unanimous and uncritical devotion of NEWS HACKS. It's the biggest night of his career and he is almost certain to bomb. To be sure this year's Os-CARS® is a veritable gold mine of satirical possibilities, from the preposterous pretensions of the best-picture nominees to the brilliant head-banging of Joaquin and the virtual acting of that schlep who impersonated Truman. Imagine what a gifted comic could do just with the three best-song nominees! Instead the audience is certain to get his enervated, ultrawonkish, dessicated, self-serious attempts at jokes, forced humorous banter from an elitist among elitists. We are certain too, however, that for him the night will be redeemed by idiots like ALESSANDRA gushing with praise, for the sole reason THE EDWARD R. MURROW OF COMEDY is ONE of THEM.

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