Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Posted
5:31 PM
by Gene
What do AD-AGENCY EXECS and NEWS HACKS have in common?
You'll never guess.
Posted
5:21 PM
by Gene
I don't know who "DJ Drummond" is, but I DO know he's a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER, and I also know that reading 1,012 words criticizing E. J. "Who? MOI?" Dionne, Andy S. and Nicholas "Advanced Stage" von Hoffman is, if not a total waste of time, certainly very close, as they all write self-parody, and self-parody is beneath contempt. But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS must ALWAYS pile on the contempt, because THUS is the way to IMMORTAL STARDOM.
Posted
10:51 AM
by Gene
Jack, Jack, when it comes to words to describe a person's politics, all you need do is read THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY:
MODERATE: A liberal.
CENTRIST: Same as MODERATE, but usually applied to someone who's just right of PROGRESSIVE.
PROGRESSIVE: An off-the-chart liberal who doesn't sound so bad.
CONSERVATIVE: A Nazi. Can be interchangeably used with Roman Catholics, Iranian mullahs, or Tom DeLay.
NAZI: An Israeli, or George W. Bush.
And keep in mind, "liberals" don't exist.
Posted
9:12 AM
by Gene
The Great Stone Face of Annoying TV Commercials is -- AFRAID TO LIVE IN MALIBU!!!!!
Shut up, Face. You make more money from one of your shoots giving people the willies than I will make in my entire life.
P. S. NO ONE HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND FORCES YOU TO SAY TRICKY DICK WAS ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS.
Posted
6:35 AM
by Gene
Why should Christian believers have to knuckle under the demands of a PC state?
Now just use a little common sense and try not to proclaim America a "Christian" (wink wink) Nation. Okay?
Monday, December 06, 2004
Posted
7:48 PM
by Gene
Golden Era of U.S. Women's Soccer Ending
No more spontaneous displays of sports bras?
Posted
6:12 PM
by Gene
ANOTHER SHINING CORNER MOMENT:
A QUESTION FOR ONE OF OUR LANGUAGE MAVENS [Rich Lowry]
E-mail:
“I once asked this of Mr. Buckley without success.
Why do we say 'millions', 'thousands', 'hundreds', and even 'scores', but 'dozens' rather than 'tens'?
Any light shed on this subject would be most welcome.”
Posted at 03:53 PM
I won't touch that with a dozen-foot pole.
Posted
5:14 PM
by Gene
The con-SER-va-tives at NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, who don't know their cultural rear ends from a hole in the ground (and you can also remove the word "cultural"), and who frequently crib -- this time from Bloomy -- think it's good news that thanks to cost-cutting geeks we'll get "more Spider-Man 2 and The Incredibles, less Gigli and Surviving Christmas."
Whoopee. More cartoon movies, fewer cartoon-like movies. ONward and UPward with the AHTS!!!!!
Posted
5:08 PM
by Gene
SYNERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is DANNO palming off fake memos that much worse than EDDO palming off a VIACON BOOK?
Ed Bradley's questions...were not just toothless but gumless.
Actually the whole 60 MINUTES STAFF has worn DENTURES for DECADES -- which they only put in when interviewing CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS.
Posted
1:10 PM
by Gene
MR. PATRIOTIC GORE and STERNO learned a motto you could only get at the latter's once place of worship, amidst the preying TWXSTERS, but which equally applies to the dens of iniquity on the Potomac: Lie down with dogs, get up with MILLIONS.
AND THE PUBLIC CAN NEVER STOP SCRATCHING.
Posted
11:42 AM
by Gene
And if, as THE ONE MAN CRUSADE AGAINST THE CULTURAL JIHADISTS is forever telling us, Nick Dorken is THE GREATEST BLOGGER OF THEM ALL, why has he last updated nineteen days ago?
Posted
11:29 AM
by Gene
FIGURES he would write this way:
We just learned that some 40 percent of Americans are on some kind of constant medication - many designed to ease the ups and downs of mild depression, or heartburn, or obesity, and so on. We have drugs for hard-ons....
What the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS forget is that people can STOP reading them just as fast as they start -- FASTER, because they don't have the heft of a media institution behind them, and even the most FAMOUS of bloggers is an electronic PEA-SHOOTER. So when Andy S. WAILS about gay marriage, and STERNO WAILS about prudes, and little WAILS about the people who DON'T LIKE HIM, they are tempting -- PLEADING to the surfers to GO AWAY. And GO AWAY THEY WILL, and the more they insist of being SINGLE-ISSUE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANGS, the better the chance of it.
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
An interesting result in another study of press bias:
One surprise is that the Wall Street Journal 's news pages have the most liberal rating of all, 85, about the same as the typical Democrat in Congress.
SURPRISE?!?!?
Posted
6:22 AM
by Gene
A Google News search of "Tillman" and "horror" yields 224 posts.
Yep, I think THE NEWS HACKS ARE SMILING AGAIN.
Caveat: it's three stories, but news hacks instinctively know how far three stories can go. THEY'RE SMILING AGAIN.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Posted
10:41 AM
by Gene
Sorry to Volokh, but I'm beginning to wonder if the iPod crowd doesn't have the right idea after all. The solace of record collecting is the hard copy, with its cover art and disc art and liner notes; but increasingly the record companies are skimping on liner notes (for licensed reissues they'll often just print the original and frequently skimpy notes), and cover art is unimpressive in a jewel box, and though the CD is infinitely superior to the LP ( whatever the audio geeks think) you're still stuck (as I am) with hundreds of CDs cluttering up your living space, and the need for racks to store them. PLUS many albums you listen to once, and never again, no matter how good they are; you just don't have the time to listen to them -- or the inclination. (I haven't even started buying DVDs yet. That's NEXT.) And then there's the problem of buying music sound unseen, of relying on reputations, or the blurbs of news hacks, or your own base instincts. I just got through listening to an album of Scarlatti from the UK's Hyperion label, a very VERY good label, and after a relentless twelve-minute harpsichord solo I wanted to tear my hair out. I wish I could remember the writer who likened Baroque music to background music; it frequently says the same thing over and over again, and too often it's nothing. (There are a number of great works from the era, though, such as Purcell's opera Dido and Aeneas.) It's not just Baroque; I often purchase from the all-too-similarly named Collectables and Collectors' Choice Music labels, and with them it's the second-tier big bands of the forties, bands that specialized in a very-heavy-baritone-sax-laden "sweet" music, bands that played exactly the same music the same way in 1947 as in 1939 (i.e., Dick Jurgens, or the unaccountably popular Orrin Tucker). Yet you must buy these albums, because you must buy records, because your intellectual curiosity demands it. iPod fans keep theirs in a tiny box. Yes, I think they may have the right idea. (Two recent listens I can recommend without reservation: the magnificent soundtrack of The Magnificent Seven, and this double-bill with Judy Garland.)
Posted
8:41 AM
by Gene
THE 231-AWARD-WINNING MR. MARK SPEAKS (no, he's not on the cover):
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, well, I guess it is Christmas, and all these Bible-thumping holy rollers out there (not that they read our magazine -- not that they CAN read) have to be placated -- well, that's the solace, they came out to see Mel, and that's show-biz, and if it's show-biz it's good for the magazine...and one thing I know, whether it's a cover story or a teaser, we're gonna put show biz out front every damned week, and we'll win the awards by shafting the military or Dubya. Kill every last one of our brainless readers with TWO stones! And we can forever hoodwink the trade with all the plugs by performing a public service.
GOD I hate to be reminded of when I'm not king of the universe. Well, there's one solace: Jesus didn't edit a newsmagazine, hahaha.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Posted
9:50 AM
by Gene
Wal-Mart Still Sees Sales Up 1-3 Pct.
COMMIES DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe overcrowded stores full of CHEAP CHINESE MERCHANDISE did it.
Friday, December 03, 2004
Posted
5:47 PM
by Gene
A number of bloggers and pundits are suggesting the COZ for the NAACP's next chief. Here's a list of reasons that won't happen, all in this article: Cholly "The Black Ralph Kramden" Rangel, Rev. Elijah Cummings, Carol "Prez" Moseley Braun, Mary Frances Berry, JULIAN BONNNNNNNNNND!!!!! -- and Kweisi Mfume.
Posted
4:51 PM
by Gene
What bothers this hack at Toenail.com isn't the corruption, it's the beliefs. Had Toenail.com existed in the "70s and 80s" it surely would not have spoken a blessed syllable about Democratic malfeasance; one reason the Newt "Dennis the Menace" Gingrich and his fellow GOP House leaders (like SNIDELY WHIPLASH) made asses of themselves in the minority is that NEWS HACKS wouldn't report all the shady dealing. (Indeed they screamed CORRUPTION!!!!!!!! much the same way this hack has.) We can be sure Toenail.com kept pretty circumspect about Slick too. What is more, this kind of typing is counterproductive as there are strong corrupt undercurrents in the GOP -- how could there not be in the party of Credit Mobilier, Teapot Dome and Watergate? No, if you object to someone's core beliefs, argue on the beliefs, not in the vain hope that you can taint the beliefs by screaming CORRUPTION!!!!!!!!
Posted
8:36 AM
by Gene
IBM's probably selling its PC biz to a CHINESE firm.
We all know about the PC being "a commodity" and "slim margins" and blahblahblah, so why do stories like this still rankle? Since when has the U. S. Capitol relocated to Bentonville, Arkansas?
Posted
6:46 AM
by Gene
Oooh, what a noble battle: a locally powerful party hack against a nationally powerful party hack.
May the worse man win, and he probably will. (I'm guessing SNIDELY WHIPLASH, if only because he has MORE POWER.)
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Posted
5:25 PM
by Gene
DAMMIT, the goons and their bosses are planning to talk!
I was hoping they'd go ahead and cancel the season. I think we can get along quite well with one fewer sport.
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
Why shouldn't the dreadful decline of Iris Murdoch serve as an allegory for our larger culture? Just as a writer had to use simpler words and sentences in the face of an awful disease, so our culture is dumbing itself down -- for no better reason than to further admire itself in an increasingly distorted funhouse mirror.
Posted
4:54 PM
by Gene
The mark of MORE hack Toenail.com filler:
What makes a great network anchorman?
Let's change one word in that sentence:
What makes a great local anchorman?
Just changing the word brings the inanity of the sentence into bold relief. We cannot expect "GREATNESS" (whatever that is) from the likes of some do as s/he rips and reads his/her way through If It Bleeds, It Leads; so how can we expect "GREATNESS" from the glorified mannequins who rip-and-read their way to $7 million salaries on the NETWORKS' NIGHTLY NEWS? But Toenail.com needs its filler.
Posted
1:48 PM
by Gene
George Clooney's CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
?
Think we could go back to the days when AC-TORS were DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE?
Posted
1:28 PM
by Gene
Dolphins star Ricky Williams sez he's outta the game
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this dope loves his dope too much, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I got social-anxiety disorder -- I don't like touching a football before 70,000 screaming maniacs without my DOPE, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Posted
10:40 AM
by Gene
Am I the only one who's noticed that HHWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. has a BIG HEAD on MESS.COM's home page?
How apt for his pea brain.
Jump to his "blog" and his head is slightly smaller. Slightly.
Posted
9:28 AM
by Gene
TYCO INTL. LAUNCHES AD CAMPAIGN TO REBUILD IMAGE
Well for starters you could say you make some neat toy trains! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Posted
9:27 AM
by Gene
Ten posts (counting this one), zero hits.
AAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THEEEEEERE?????
Posted
9:23 AM
by Gene
Star WAPOST reporter HENRY WAXMAN runs a FRONT-PAGE PRESS RELEASE saying ABSTINENCE EDUCATION is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL because it MISLEADS!!!!!
I could say something about MISLEADING DEMOCRATS but I don't think it would make it in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD BELTWAY EDITION.
Hey DEMS! Why not move your offices from Congress to the WAPOST luxury news suite? Forget it, you've been there for years.
Posted
8:19 AM
by Gene
Well, THE GLIBERAL's found a new way of getting his face beet red and his head swelling to three times normal: all someone has to say to him is, NASCAR. Never mind the guy probably didn't know what it was until somebody mentioned it in a NEWSPAPER COLUMN, in association with the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL RED COUNTRY. Given a choice of a stock car, an Indy car, a Formula One car, a funny car or a Soap Box Derby car, he couldn't tell.
When Will Rogers said, "All I know is what I read in the papers," he had THE GLIBERAL in mind.
Posted
6:44 AM
by Gene
They also serve who only stand and wait
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' MOTTO: They also serve who only sit and scream.
Posted
6:19 AM
by Gene
I wonder if this was worth it:
Judge signs Jiffy Lube settlement
Millions of plaintiffs sued over small fees the company charged on its oil changes. They will each receive a $5 coupon. (AP) [Home-page hed]
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Posted
5:18 PM
by Gene
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL:
[John] Tierney [would-be Bill Safire replacement] has a tendency to support his point of view using sources with a clear ideological or special interest agenda, without properly identifying them. In a 2000 column Tierney attacked CBS for an old report in which it had suggested that apples treated with the pesticide Alar carried a cancer risk. He wrote that the American Council on Science and Health, which he identified as "a consumer education group in New York," had demanded a correction and an apology from CBS. But Tierney left out the fact that ACSH is funded by major corporations -- including McDonalds, Pfizer, Kraft Foods, ExxonMobil, and Anheuser Busch -- all with stakes in the issues it focuses on. And one of those corporate funders, Uniroyal Chemical Company, is the manufacturer of Alar.
So it's okay when PINCH'S SAINTS cite a LIBERAL SPECIAL-INTEREST GROUP without calling it LIBERAL. We always liked your GOOSE-STEP THINKING, COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW.
P. S. The guy's a GLIBERTARIAN. Doesn't THAT smell enough?
Posted
5:11 PM
by Gene
How may online-dating denizens look like THIS?
How many would want to?
Posted
5:10 PM
by Gene
It has come to this: USAOKAY!!!!! devotes 1,899 WORDS to why so many people come dressed to work as slobs.
Again, as always, one lousy graf will do:
"Please. What's the big deal about putting on a tie? Or having only one piercing in each ear?" Gail Madison demands. "You can't go to London or Paris for business with orange hair."
Posted
5:02 PM
by Gene
Toenail.com has long specialized in filler, and this typing may qualify as one of its all-time top fillers. Really, why should we care if Jerry Dreckheimer has gone "soft" (you wonder why this clown didn't make more of the obvious POLITICAL angle here; JAKE would have been pleased) when all we know is most of his movies will die before he does; or if they have any life it will be for home-theater demos. The Dreckmaster is surely one reason Olly complained about the loss of "movie-movies." Only at Toenail.com is a vice considered a virtue, and only then for the purpose of creating idlest FILLER.
Posted
6:30 AM
by Gene
Here's a chart I'd like to see, one comparing DVD players and big-studio prerecorded DVD discs. The former: going way down. The latter: a straight line, trending slightly up.
HD DVD is another excuse to trend the latter line up.
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