THE NEWS HACK'S CREED:
I know more than you.
I make lots more money than you.
I'm smarter than you.
I'm sexier than you.
I appear on TV all the time.
I work ten minutes a day.
I rule the universe.
I'm going to live forever.
You are an idiot.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 2:
A lie isn't a lie when it tells THE TRUTH.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 3:
I've come to realize that the looseness of the journalistic life, the seeming laxity of the newsroom, is an illusion. Yes, there's informality and there's humor, but beneath the surface lies something deadly serious. It is a code. Sometimes the code is not even written down, but it is deeply believed in. And, when violated, it is enforced with tribal ferocity.
--JOHN "OMERTA" CARROLL.
THE NEWS HACK'S CREED, No. 4:
News isn't news when we don't report it.
PERMALINKS:
THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY
THE EUGENE DAVID GLOSSARY
AMERICA'S MOST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY WEB SITE!
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Latrell "Lateral" Sprewell pays for uttering a naughty word to a girl -- woman, I mean.
I was about to say more incidents like this and there'll be no endorsements, but we ALL know the DEPRAVITY of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.
I was about to say more incidents like this and there'll be no endorsements, but we ALL know the DEPRAVITY of THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF WILLFULLY IGNORANT ADVERTISERS.
Incidentally, today THE PAPER OF RE-CORD bemoaned the dearth of straight plays (good or otherwise, mostly otherwise) trodding the Main Stem.
Why can't this disease spread to "MUSICALS"?
When will our cultural mavens get the message -- EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL?
Why can't this disease spread to "MUSICALS"?
When will our cultural mavens get the message -- EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR DON'T DO IT AT ALL?
I don't know who "DJ Drummond" is, but I DO know he's a SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGER, and I also know that reading 1,012 words criticizing E. J. "Who? MOI?" Dionne, Andy S. and Nicholas "Advanced Stage" von Hoffman is, if not a total waste of time, certainly very close, as they all write self-parody, and self-parody is beneath contempt. But SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS must ALWAYS pile on the contempt, because THUS is the way to IMMORTAL STARDOM.
More ONWARD and UPWARD with the AHTS: A JOHN LENNON MUSICAL!!!!!!!!!!
With UNKNOWN SONGS!!!!! Right.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEAP CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With UNKNOWN SONGS!!!!! Right.
BROUGHT TO YOU BY CHEAP CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooh, someone LEAKED a "CLASSIFIED CABLE" (HARDY-HAR-HAR!!) from the CIA station chief in Baghdad saying THE WORLD MAY COME TO AN END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How often does HE listen to the Beeb?
How often does HE listen to the Beeb?
Jack, Jack, when it comes to words to describe a person's politics, all you need do is read THE NEWS HACKS' DICTIONARY:
MODERATE: A liberal.
CENTRIST: Same as MODERATE, but usually applied to someone who's just right of PROGRESSIVE.
PROGRESSIVE: An off-the-chart liberal who doesn't sound so bad.
CONSERVATIVE: A Nazi. Can be interchangeably used with Roman Catholics, Iranian mullahs, or Tom DeLay.
NAZI: An Israeli, or George W. Bush.
And keep in mind, "liberals" don't exist.
MODERATE: A liberal.
CENTRIST: Same as MODERATE, but usually applied to someone who's just right of PROGRESSIVE.
PROGRESSIVE: An off-the-chart liberal who doesn't sound so bad.
CONSERVATIVE: A Nazi. Can be interchangeably used with Roman Catholics, Iranian mullahs, or Tom DeLay.
NAZI: An Israeli, or George W. Bush.
And keep in mind, "liberals" don't exist.
The Great Stone Face of Annoying TV Commercials is -- AFRAID TO LIVE IN MALIBU!!!!!
Shut up, Face. You make more money from one of your shoots giving people the willies than I will make in my entire life.
P. S. NO ONE HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND FORCES YOU TO SAY TRICKY DICK WAS ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS.
Shut up, Face. You make more money from one of your shoots giving people the willies than I will make in my entire life.
P. S. NO ONE HOLDS A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND FORCES YOU TO SAY TRICKY DICK WAS ONE OF OUR GREATEST PRESIDENTS.
Why should Christian believers have to knuckle under the demands of a PC state?
Now just use a little common sense and try not to proclaim America a "Christian" (wink wink) Nation. Okay?
Now just use a little common sense and try not to proclaim America a "Christian" (wink wink) Nation. Okay?
Monday, December 06, 2004
I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Target banned the Salvation Army to be super-PC and suck up to the media types to whom it must give too much sustenance, AND as a form of demographically-inspired social snobbery; on the other hand, what the Army does IS soliciting -- and why must it do it with those @#$%&* BELLS?
Where's Sister Sarah when you need her?
Where's Sister Sarah when you need her?
ANOTHER SHINING CORNER MOMENT:
A QUESTION FOR ONE OF OUR LANGUAGE MAVENS [Rich Lowry]
E-mail:
“I once asked this of Mr. Buckley without success.
Why do we say 'millions', 'thousands', 'hundreds', and even 'scores', but 'dozens' rather than 'tens'?
Any light shed on this subject would be most welcome.”
Posted at 03:53 PM
I won't touch that with a dozen-foot pole.
A QUESTION FOR ONE OF OUR LANGUAGE MAVENS [Rich Lowry]
E-mail:
“I once asked this of Mr. Buckley without success.
Why do we say 'millions', 'thousands', 'hundreds', and even 'scores', but 'dozens' rather than 'tens'?
Any light shed on this subject would be most welcome.”
Posted at 03:53 PM
I won't touch that with a dozen-foot pole.
Ohio Certifies Bush as the Winner by Nearly 119,000 Votes
SHUT UP, HHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR.
P. S.
Has it been an embarassing year for sports? [Home-page SIC]
YOUR SPELLING'S NO GOOD EITHER.
SHUT UP, HHWWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR.
P. S.
Has it been an embarassing year for sports? [Home-page SIC]
YOUR SPELLING'S NO GOOD EITHER.
Current law calls for broadcasters to return the airwaves once 85 percent of U.S. households receive digital signals, or the year 2006, whichever comes later. Only about 2 percent of U.S. households have digital equipment to receive the signals, according to the Consumer Electronics Association.
I think we really ought to RUSH into DIGITAL TV, GENERAL JR.
I think we really ought to RUSH into DIGITAL TV, GENERAL JR.
The con-SER-va-tives at NEWSMAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, who don't know their cultural rear ends from a hole in the ground (and you can also remove the word "cultural"), and who frequently crib -- this time from Bloomy -- think it's good news that thanks to cost-cutting geeks we'll get "more Spider-Man 2 and The Incredibles, less Gigli and Surviving Christmas."
Whoopee. More cartoon movies, fewer cartoon-like movies. ONward and UPward with the AHTS!!!!!
Whoopee. More cartoon movies, fewer cartoon-like movies. ONward and UPward with the AHTS!!!!!
SYNERGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is DANNO palming off fake memos that much worse than EDDO palming off a VIACON BOOK?
Ed Bradley's questions...were not just toothless but gumless.
Actually the whole 60 MINUTES STAFF has worn DENTURES for DECADES -- which they only put in when interviewing CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS.
Is DANNO palming off fake memos that much worse than EDDO palming off a VIACON BOOK?
Ed Bradley's questions...were not just toothless but gumless.
Actually the whole 60 MINUTES STAFF has worn DENTURES for DECADES -- which they only put in when interviewing CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICANS.
The man who boasted he won a WaPost.com junk popularity poll (with some ballot-box stuff...er, PLEAS FOR VOTES) is mad because DAILY KOS is rigging one of HIS.
little and DAILY KOS. Two more IDIOTS made for each other.
little and DAILY KOS. Two more IDIOTS made for each other.
MR. PATRIOTIC GORE and STERNO learned a motto you could only get at the latter's once place of worship, amidst the preying TWXSTERS, but which equally applies to the dens of iniquity on the Potomac: Lie down with dogs, get up with MILLIONS.
AND THE PUBLIC CAN NEVER STOP SCRATCHING.
AND THE PUBLIC CAN NEVER STOP SCRATCHING.
It has been my privilege to write this column for the Union-Tribune for 13 tumultuous years. These last few years have been unique, marked by an unjust impeachment, a tainted election and an unjust war. It was a good time to be a columnist.
But this is to be it here. A week ago, a column of mine, without discussion, was killed, and I gave my notice.
Sounds like YOU won't be missed.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I forgot. There's always THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Good luck! (Pffh-hh-hh)
But this is to be it here. A week ago, a column of mine, without discussion, was killed, and I gave my notice.
Sounds like YOU won't be missed.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I forgot. There's always THE PAPER OF RE-CORD. Good luck! (Pffh-hh-hh)
And if, as THE ONE MAN CRUSADE AGAINST THE CULTURAL JIHADISTS is forever telling us, Nick Dorken is THE GREATEST BLOGGER OF THEM ALL, why has he last updated nineteen days ago?
FIGURES he would write this way:
We just learned that some 40 percent of Americans are on some kind of constant medication - many designed to ease the ups and downs of mild depression, or heartburn, or obesity, and so on. We have drugs for hard-ons....
What the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS forget is that people can STOP reading them just as fast as they start -- FASTER, because they don't have the heft of a media institution behind them, and even the most FAMOUS of bloggers is an electronic PEA-SHOOTER. So when Andy S. WAILS about gay marriage, and STERNO WAILS about prudes, and little WAILS about the people who DON'T LIKE HIM, they are tempting -- PLEADING to the surfers to GO AWAY. And GO AWAY THEY WILL, and the more they insist of being SINGLE-ISSUE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANGS, the better the chance of it.
We just learned that some 40 percent of Americans are on some kind of constant medication - many designed to ease the ups and downs of mild depression, or heartburn, or obesity, and so on. We have drugs for hard-ons....
What the SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS forget is that people can STOP reading them just as fast as they start -- FASTER, because they don't have the heft of a media institution behind them, and even the most FAMOUS of bloggers is an electronic PEA-SHOOTER. So when Andy S. WAILS about gay marriage, and STERNO WAILS about prudes, and little WAILS about the people who DON'T LIKE HIM, they are tempting -- PLEADING to the surfers to GO AWAY. And GO AWAY THEY WILL, and the more they insist of being SINGLE-ISSUE TERRIBLE-TEMPERED MR. BANGS, the better the chance of it.
RUPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'S PROVIDING NEWS!!!!! FOR CHEAP CHANNEL'S TALK RADIO!!!!!!!!!!
Now instead of being bad, talk radio can be BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now instead of being bad, talk radio can be BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
An interesting result in another study of press bias:
One surprise is that the Wall Street Journal's news pages have the most liberal rating of all, 85, about the same as the typical Democrat in Congress.
SURPRISE?!?!?
One surprise is that the Wall Street Journal's news pages have the most liberal rating of all, 85, about the same as the typical Democrat in Congress.
SURPRISE?!?!?
A Google News search of "Tillman" and "horror" yields 224 posts.
Yep, I think THE NEWS HACKS ARE SMILING AGAIN.
Caveat: it's three stories, but news hacks instinctively know how far three stories can go. THEY'RE SMILING AGAIN.
Yep, I think THE NEWS HACKS ARE SMILING AGAIN.
Caveat: it's three stories, but news hacks instinctively know how far three stories can go. THEY'RE SMILING AGAIN.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Sorry to Volokh, but I'm beginning to wonder if the iPod crowd doesn't have the right idea after all. The solace of record collecting is the hard copy, with its cover art and disc art and liner notes; but increasingly the record companies are skimping on liner notes (for licensed reissues they'll often just print the original and frequently skimpy notes), and cover art is unimpressive in a jewel box, and though the CD is infinitely superior to the LP (whatever the audio geeks think) you're still stuck (as I am) with hundreds of CDs cluttering up your living space, and the need for racks to store them. PLUS many albums you listen to once, and never again, no matter how good they are; you just don't have the time to listen to them -- or the inclination. (I haven't even started buying DVDs yet. That's NEXT.)
And then there's the problem of buying music sound unseen, of relying on reputations, or the blurbs of news hacks, or your own base instincts. I just got through listening to an album of Scarlatti from the UK's Hyperion label, a very VERY good label, and after a relentless twelve-minute harpsichord solo I wanted to tear my hair out. I wish I could remember the writer who likened Baroque music to background music; it frequently says the same thing over and over again, and too often it's nothing. (There are a number of great works from the era, though, such as Purcell's opera Dido and Aeneas.) It's not just Baroque; I often purchase from the all-too-similarly named Collectables and Collectors' Choice Music labels, and with them it's the second-tier big bands of the forties, bands that specialized in a very-heavy-baritone-sax-laden "sweet" music, bands that played exactly the same music the same way in 1947 as in 1939 (i.e., Dick Jurgens, or the unaccountably popular Orrin Tucker). Yet you must buy these albums, because you must buy records, because your intellectual curiosity demands it.
iPod fans keep theirs in a tiny box. Yes, I think they may have the right idea.
(Two recent listens I can recommend without reservation: the magnificent soundtrack of The Magnificent Seven, and this double-bill with Judy Garland.)
And then there's the problem of buying music sound unseen, of relying on reputations, or the blurbs of news hacks, or your own base instincts. I just got through listening to an album of Scarlatti from the UK's Hyperion label, a very VERY good label, and after a relentless twelve-minute harpsichord solo I wanted to tear my hair out. I wish I could remember the writer who likened Baroque music to background music; it frequently says the same thing over and over again, and too often it's nothing. (There are a number of great works from the era, though, such as Purcell's opera Dido and Aeneas.) It's not just Baroque; I often purchase from the all-too-similarly named Collectables and Collectors' Choice Music labels, and with them it's the second-tier big bands of the forties, bands that specialized in a very-heavy-baritone-sax-laden "sweet" music, bands that played exactly the same music the same way in 1947 as in 1939 (i.e., Dick Jurgens, or the unaccountably popular Orrin Tucker). Yet you must buy these albums, because you must buy records, because your intellectual curiosity demands it.
iPod fans keep theirs in a tiny box. Yes, I think they may have the right idea.
(Two recent listens I can recommend without reservation: the magnificent soundtrack of The Magnificent Seven, and this double-bill with Judy Garland.)
SHUCKS, I am SO DISAPPOINTED that the Republican lobbyist and would-be successor to the late JACK, BILLY "SLEAZEBALL" TAUZIN, could not preserve his HEREDITARY RIGHT to PASS HIS HOUSE SEAT ON TO HIS SON.
BYE BILLY! Watch the door on the way out.
BYE BILLY! Watch the door on the way out.
THE 231-AWARD-WINNING MR. MARK SPEAKS (no, he's not on the cover):
Sighhhhhhhhhhhh, well, I guess it is Christmas, and all these Bible-thumping holy rollers out there (not that they read our magazine -- not that they CAN read) have to be placated -- well, that's the solace, they came out to see Mel, and that's show-biz, and if it's show-biz it's good for the magazine...and one thing I know, whether it's a cover story or a teaser, we're gonna put show biz out front every damned week, and we'll win the awards by shafting the military or Dubya. Kill every last one of our brainless readers with TWO stones! And we can forever hoodwink the trade with all the plugs by performing a public service.
GOD I hate to be reminded of when I'm not king of the universe. Well, there's one solace: Jesus didn't edit a newsmagazine, hahaha.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Wal-Mart Still Sees Sales Up 1-3 Pct.
COMMIES DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe overcrowded stores full of CHEAP CHINESE MERCHANDISE did it.
COMMIES DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe overcrowded stores full of CHEAP CHINESE MERCHANDISE did it.
And speaking of Mighty Mouse: THE KING OF NEW MEDIA devotes 1,289 WORDS to DEEP ANALYSIS about how BLOGGERS LIKE HE can MAKE BIG MONEY.
That guy can just approach a computer and be a headache.
That guy can just approach a computer and be a headache.
Friday, December 03, 2004
A number of bloggers and pundits are suggesting the COZ for the NAACP's next chief. Here's a list of reasons that won't happen, all in this article: Cholly "The Black Ralph Kramden" Rangel, Rev. Elijah Cummings, Carol "Prez" Moseley Braun, Mary Frances Berry, JULIAN BONNNNNNNNNND!!!!! -- and Kweisi Mfume.
A covert contradiction in terms:
C I Host to Reward 'Squeaky Clean' Professional Athlete: Guerilla Stunt to Pay $10,000 to First Steroid-Free Tattoo Recipient
C I Host to Reward 'Squeaky Clean' Professional Athlete: Guerilla Stunt to Pay $10,000 to First Steroid-Free Tattoo Recipient
MORE LAUGHS FROM AN AHHHTISTICALLY RESURGENT THEA-TAH: Guess who's co-starring in that up-and-coming (in several senses) ELVIS revue! SHAKESPEARE!!!!!
Time to do Ophelia's mad scene.
Time to do Ophelia's mad scene.
What bothers this hack at Toenail.com isn't the corruption, it's the beliefs. Had Toenail.com existed in the "70s and 80s" it surely would not have spoken a blessed syllable about Democratic malfeasance; one reason the Newt "Dennis the Menace" Gingrich and his fellow GOP House leaders (like SNIDELY WHIPLASH) made asses of themselves in the minority is that NEWS HACKS wouldn't report all the shady dealing. (Indeed they screamed CORRUPTION!!!!!!!! much the same way this hack has.) We can be sure Toenail.com kept pretty circumspect about Slick too. What is more, this kind of typing is counterproductive as there are strong corrupt undercurrents in the GOP -- how could there not be in the party of Credit Mobilier, Teapot Dome and Watergate? No, if you object to someone's core beliefs, argue on the beliefs, not in the vain hope that you can taint the beliefs by screaming CORRUPTION!!!!!!!!
IBM's probably selling its PC biz to a CHINESE firm.
We all know about the PC being "a commodity" and "slim margins" and blahblahblah, so why do stories like this still rankle? Since when has the U. S. Capitol relocated to Bentonville, Arkansas?
We all know about the PC being "a commodity" and "slim margins" and blahblahblah, so why do stories like this still rankle? Since when has the U. S. Capitol relocated to Bentonville, Arkansas?
WELL, I guess the newly rejuvenated game of $ELIGBALL has a little PROBLEM.
Amazing too how we'd rather NOT win a championship when the news goes sour.
Oooh, what a noble battle: a locally powerful party hack against a nationally powerful party hack.
May the worse man win, and he probably will. (I'm guessing SNIDELY WHIPLASH, if only because he has MORE POWER.)
May the worse man win, and he probably will. (I'm guessing SNIDELY WHIPLASH, if only because he has MORE POWER.)
The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency knew dissident military officers were planning a coup in 2002 against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, according to purported U.S. intelligence documents posted on the Internet.
Well at least this time it knew of SOMETHING.
Well at least this time it knew of SOMETHING.
LONDON (Reuters) - Dow Chemical Co, in a major policy reversal, is accepting full responsibility for the 1984 Bhopal disaster in India, a company spokesman said on Friday.
Through a story the Beeb says is a HOAX.
MORE GREATNESS in the news biz.
Through a story the Beeb says is a HOAX.
MORE GREATNESS in the news biz.
A photograph of President Bush planting a kiss on the cheek of National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice after tapping her for secretary of state raises the question: How do we view kissing between colleagues? [Home-page hed]
OH, SHUT UP.
OH, SHUT UP.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
DAMMIT, the goons and their bosses are planning to talk!
I was hoping they'd go ahead and cancel the season. I think we can get along quite well with one fewer sport.
I was hoping they'd go ahead and cancel the season. I think we can get along quite well with one fewer sport.
Why shouldn't the dreadful decline of Iris Murdoch serve as an allegory for our larger culture? Just as a writer had to use simpler words and sentences in the face of an awful disease, so our culture is dumbing itself down -- for no better reason than to further admire itself in an increasingly distorted funhouse mirror.
The mark of MORE hack Toenail.com filler:
What makes a great network anchorman?
Let's change one word in that sentence:
What makes a great local anchorman?
Just changing the word brings the inanity of the sentence into bold relief. We cannot expect "GREATNESS" (whatever that is) from the likes of some do as s/he rips and reads his/her way through If It Bleeds, It Leads; so how can we expect "GREATNESS" from the glorified mannequins who rip-and-read their way to $7 million salaries on the NETWORKS' NIGHTLY NEWS? But Toenail.com needs its filler.
What makes a great network anchorman?
Let's change one word in that sentence:
What makes a great local anchorman?
Just changing the word brings the inanity of the sentence into bold relief. We cannot expect "GREATNESS" (whatever that is) from the likes of some do as s/he rips and reads his/her way through If It Bleeds, It Leads; so how can we expect "GREATNESS" from the glorified mannequins who rip-and-read their way to $7 million salaries on the NETWORKS' NIGHTLY NEWS? But Toenail.com needs its filler.
George Clooney's CONSERVATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
?
Think we could go back to the days when AC-TORS were DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE?
?
Think we could go back to the days when AC-TORS were DENIED THE RIGHT TO VOTE?
Dolphins star Ricky Williams sez he's outta the game
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this dope loves his dope too much, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I got social-anxiety disorder -- I don't like touching a football before 70,000 screaming maniacs without my DOPE, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, this dope loves his dope too much, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
P. S.
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I got social-anxiety disorder -- I don't like touching a football before 70,000 screaming maniacs without my DOPE, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Am I the only one who's noticed that HHWWALTER CRRRONKITE JR. has a BIG HEAD on MESS.COM's home page?
How apt for his pea brain.
Jump to his "blog" and his head is slightly smaller. Slightly.
TYCO INTL. LAUNCHES AD CAMPAIGN TO REBUILD IMAGE
Well for starters you could say you make some neat toy trains! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Well for starters you could say you make some neat toy trains! (PFFH-HH-HH!)
Ten posts (counting this one), zero hits.
AAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THEEEEEERE?????
AAAAAAAAAAANYBODY OUT THEEEEEERE?????
Star WAPOST reporter HENRY WAXMAN runs a FRONT-PAGE PRESS RELEASE saying ABSTINENCE EDUCATION is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL because it MISLEADS!!!!!
I could say something about MISLEADING DEMOCRATS but I don't think it would make it in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD BELTWAY EDITION.
Hey DEMS! Why not move your offices from Congress to the WAPOST luxury news suite? Forget it, you've been there for years.
I could say something about MISLEADING DEMOCRATS but I don't think it would make it in THE PAPER OF RE-CORD BELTWAY EDITION.
Hey DEMS! Why not move your offices from Congress to the WAPOST luxury news suite? Forget it, you've been there for years.
On the day The Paper of Re-CORD Company announces higher costs and a sizable charge to expense options, the FLAGSHIP PAPER wastes precious pulp wondering how many comebacks John Travolta has had.
PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBLIC EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBLIC EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDITORRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Well, THE GLIBERAL's found a new way of getting his face beet red and his head swelling to three times normal: all someone has to say to him is, NASCAR. Never mind the guy probably didn't know what it was until somebody mentioned it in a NEWSPAPER COLUMN, in association with the EEEEEEEEEEEEVIL RED COUNTRY. Given a choice of a stock car, an Indy car, a Formula One car, a funny car or a Soap Box Derby car, he couldn't tell.
When Will Rogers said, "All I know is what I read in the papers," he had THE GLIBERAL in mind.
When Will Rogers said, "All I know is what I read in the papers," he had THE GLIBERAL in mind.
They also serve who only stand and wait
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' MOTTO: They also serve who only sit and scream.
SUPERDUPERMEGAGIGABLOGGERS' MOTTO: They also serve who only sit and scream.
I wonder if this was worth it:
Judge signs Jiffy Lube settlement
Millions of plaintiffs sued over small fees the company charged on its oil changes. They will each receive a $5 coupon. (AP) [Home-page hed]
Judge signs Jiffy Lube settlement
Millions of plaintiffs sued over small fees the company charged on its oil changes. They will each receive a $5 coupon. (AP) [Home-page hed]
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL:
[John] Tierney [would-be Bill Safire replacement] has a tendency to support his point of view using sources with a clear ideological or special interest agenda, without properly identifying them. In a 2000 column Tierney attacked CBS for an old report in which it had suggested that apples treated with the pesticide Alar carried a cancer risk. He wrote that the American Council on Science and Health, which he identified as "a consumer education group in New York," had demanded a correction and an apology from CBS. But Tierney left out the fact that ACSH is funded by major corporations -- including McDonalds, Pfizer, Kraft Foods, ExxonMobil, and Anheuser Busch -- all with stakes in the issues it focuses on. And one of those corporate funders, Uniroyal Chemical Company, is the manufacturer of Alar.
So it's okay when PINCH'S SAINTS cite a LIBERAL SPECIAL-INTEREST GROUP without calling it LIBERAL. We always liked your GOOSE-STEP THINKING, COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW.
P. S. The guy's a GLIBERTARIAN. Doesn't THAT smell enough?
[John] Tierney [would-be Bill Safire replacement] has a tendency to support his point of view using sources with a clear ideological or special interest agenda, without properly identifying them. In a 2000 column Tierney attacked CBS for an old report in which it had suggested that apples treated with the pesticide Alar carried a cancer risk. He wrote that the American Council on Science and Health, which he identified as "a consumer education group in New York," had demanded a correction and an apology from CBS. But Tierney left out the fact that ACSH is funded by major corporations -- including McDonalds, Pfizer, Kraft Foods, ExxonMobil, and Anheuser Busch -- all with stakes in the issues it focuses on. And one of those corporate funders, Uniroyal Chemical Company, is the manufacturer of Alar.
So it's okay when PINCH'S SAINTS cite a LIBERAL SPECIAL-INTEREST GROUP without calling it LIBERAL. We always liked your GOOSE-STEP THINKING, COLUMBIA JERNALISM REVIEW.
P. S. The guy's a GLIBERTARIAN. Doesn't THAT smell enough?
It has come to this: USAOKAY!!!!! devotes 1,899 WORDS to why so many people come dressed to work as slobs.
Again, as always, one lousy graf will do:
"Please. What's the big deal about putting on a tie? Or having only one piercing in each ear?" Gail Madison demands. "You can't go to London or Paris for business with orange hair."
Again, as always, one lousy graf will do:
"Please. What's the big deal about putting on a tie? Or having only one piercing in each ear?" Gail Madison demands. "You can't go to London or Paris for business with orange hair."
Toenail.com has long specialized in filler, and this typing may qualify as one of its all-time top fillers. Really, why should we care if Jerry Dreckheimer has gone "soft" (you wonder why this clown didn't make more of the obvious POLITICAL angle here; JAKE would have been pleased) when all we know is most of his movies will die before he does; or if they have any life it will be for home-theater demos. The Dreckmaster is surely one reason Olly complained about the loss of "movie-movies." Only at Toenail.com is a vice considered a virtue, and only then for the purpose of creating idlest FILLER.
We don't have "movie-movies" anymore; we have big-screen TV -- and big-screen TV for big-screen TVs.
The perfesser of navel staring Marvin is MAD AS HELL! because jernalism is TILTING RIGHTWARD!!!!!
Ah for the golden days when we could TELL IT TO HENRY THE K!! About what a GOD he was.
Ah for the golden days when we could TELL IT TO HENRY THE K!! About what a GOD he was.
Speaking of Mr. MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS, he's suggesting the Wiz of Oz move to Treasury.
What would happen to the stock market?
What would happen to the stock market?
As might have been expected, D. C.'s city council didn't have the guts to prevent the fleecing of its taxpayers in the name of -- ZELIG SELIG.
GEORGE WILL should be happy.
P. S. This story does seem to have a second act, though.
GEORGE WILL should be happy.
P. S. This story does seem to have a second act, though.
Here's a chart I'd like to see, one comparing DVD players and big-studio prerecorded DVD discs. The former: going way down. The latter: a straight line, trending slightly up.
HD DVD is another excuse to trend the latter line up.
HD DVD is another excuse to trend the latter line up.